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MistressVnus -> RE: Disease engraves and life change (2/9/2008 3:42:55 AM)
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I am a cancer survivor. And let me tell you, it has taken a lot longer to heal from the psychological and emotional devastation than it did the physcial devastation. Often, not always, when one is facing a life threatening illness, many people actually run away from you and it can become VERY isolating. And it seems the ones closest to you are often the ones who run the fastest and hardest. The 3 closest people in my life at that time are the ones who ran the hardest and pretty much deserted me emotionally, and physically. And this is not unique to me. It happens quite often to cancer patients because people are afraid they can't handle being around you if you die.
In any event, I have been isolating a lot over the past few years just trying to heal from all the emotional and psychological trauma of the abandonment and lack of humanity I was counting on. Other than that it has made my spiritual views even stronger. They were pretty strong before and that is probably the only thing that got me through. One thing I learned that no matter how well planned you think you have your life, it can be all be wiped out like an unexpected smack across the face. Long term goals and planning for the future no longer have the same meaning to me.
Carpe diem.
When I thought I was not going to make it through, I said to myself...gee, all my passions in life have all been set aside in the past to raise my child, take care of my mother till her death, take care of my father till his death, going to school for degree, trying to move my career forward. And, when I asked my self how much time in my life I had really spent doing what I love, there was almost none. I love to paint, write, play/write music. I am now doing those things and have found a new sense of self that I haven't had in a loooooooooooong time.
And, I have finally come out of the woodwork to find a new slave. I have put that off for 5 years to heal myself.
But, I'm back. Look out. I'm still kicking and this ol' world hasn't shut me down yet!!!
My priorities and what I will sacrafice for the "future" have changed dramatically.
You have my full support, catia!! And if you EVER need someone to talk to that has been there and understands, please feel free to mail me on the other side.
*blowskiss* and may the light shine upon you!!
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