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What is domination? - 2/9/2008 6:23:39 AM

OmegaG

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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m'Lord and I were talking last night about something he did the last time we were together. When he told me he was going to do it, I begged him not to, while it was being done I hated it, when it was done I was glad, but later I missed it. He suggested that what I was missing was the feeling of being dominated.

I'll admit that I'd never thought about the individual acts in a bigger picture like that and so it's still bouncing around my head.

And I'm also wondering about a comment made on the thread "set up to fail" where it is said that the loving master/mistress doesn't play such games (whcih I enjoy). So I'm wondering what others think domination is, is it something small like being the one in control, making the decisions, is it more action oriented for you, does it take humiliation or being pushed out of your comfort zone.

Is it too early to ponder? Am I making sense?

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

Post #: 1

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 6:47:55 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

To sum it up as briefly as possible:
To me, the art of Domination is the ability to take someone by the hand, remove their inhibitions, fears, and self-will in so much as to embarq them on an incredible journey of exploration and life which you map out, for the two of you. Being the Journeyman. The Tour-Guide, if you will.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 2

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 6:53:17 AM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I'll admit that I'd never thought about the individual acts in a bigger picture like that and so it's still bouncing around my head.

And I'm also wondering about a comment made on the thread "set up to fail" where it is said that the loving master/mistress doesn't play such games (whcih I enjoy). So I'm wondering what others think domination is, is it something small like being the one in control, making the decisions, is it more action oriented for you, does it take humiliation or being pushed out of your comfort zone.

Regarding being set up to fail - it seems to me there are two perspectives from which this can be done. One is being set up to fail, where the result is punishment which results in fun - that's more of a scene-thing to me than anything else. That can be fun; if I push a sub to his limits and then command something that I expect him to fail specifically so that I can have a "real" reason to punish, then there's no real disappointment on my side or eventually on his. My subs are pretty smart - they'll figure it out pretty quickly if it's a punishment scenario that I've orchestrated.

On the other hand, if I give a command that pushes someone's boundaries, or takes them beyond what they think their limit is, even though we both know that it isn't - then failing that is based in a lack of trust, and results in true disappointment. I personally won't give an order setting them up to fail in a way that would disappoint me. I'm not really a masochist, and they get too upset when they really disappoint me.

As for what domination is to me? It's taking the lead - making the decisions, pushing my subs to be better, organizing and planning things and keeping control. Making sure everyone knows who's in control, and it doesn't take a whip or a flogger or any specific tool to do it - just my own attitudes and actions. Keeping that bigger picture in focus through a myriad of little actions.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 3

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 7:33:08 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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To me it's an act of control over another; nothing more and nothing less.

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(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 4

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 8:13:14 AM

justdavid

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/19/2005
From: Saint Joseph, MO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

To me it's an act of control over another; nothing more and nothing less.

This sums it up perfectly in my opinion.

It is an act of control. It can be direct or indirect and in can be something a submissive might enjoy or not but the main thing it is something active by the dominant that forces their will and desires on their submissive.

Being in a power exchange relationship is like normal relationships where each person can have many roles. So when people talk about guiding or teaching a submissive this might be a part of the dynamic but it is not part of the domination aspect of the relationship.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 5

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 8:21:52 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominate

quote:

The word is derived from the Latin dominus, meaning lord or master, as an owner versus his slave

for most people..it is different from Person to person

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/9/2008 8:22:32 AM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to justdavid)

Post #: 6

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 8:25:52 AM

Chaze

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/31/2008
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Defining dominance as an art form is a stretch beyond the wildest imagination; there are refinements skills and expertises few ever venture into and I strongly suspect even fewer have even read or heard about but that is not the issue at hand and contrary to the belief of many dominance is not the byproduct of a so-called sub-cultures social indoctrination.

(in reply to Dari)

Post #: 7

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 8:41:39 AM

TracyTaken

Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
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quote:

Defining dominance as an art form is a stretch beyond the wildest imagination;

Maybe some of us have wilder imaginations than you can imagine.

Can love-making be an art form?

quote:

there are refinements skills and expertises few ever venture into and I strongly suspect even fewer have even read or heard about but that is not the issue at hand

Oh poop! I was hoping you would enlighten everyone about your rare and refined skills and expertises. I would really love to see you expound for those wannabe Doms who lack your rare refinement and expertise. Seriously, I'd love to see that.

quote:

and contrary to the belief of many dominance is not the byproduct of a so-called sub-cultures social indoctrination.

"Dominance" is probably the by-product of being pack animals to start with. What do you mean by "so-called sub-cultures social indoctrination." That's as clear as mud, and you seemed to use many words to say not much at all.

(in reply to Chaze)

Post #: 8

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 9:06:59 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

Domination is different things to different people. Yes, it is control the dom has over the sub. For me it is different depending on the relationship. If it's a play relationship, then he will have control over me in that realm. If he's my lover then the domination will expand into other areas of my life. If he's my everything, then he will have complete domination over me and my life. I think that makes sense.

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 9

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 9:13:05 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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To me it is simply having the authority in a relationship. In Ds terms, it means an intimate personal relationship based on one party having authority and the other following that authority.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 10

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 9:13:52 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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Tracy, can I take some time out to say -- you are totally frikkin hilarious!!!! I am really glad you're posting.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 11

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 9:27:06 AM

mefisto69

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
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what TT, kallisto and LA said. meh..... i've been a mere Journeyman for 30 odd years. I'll be damned if I ever stop learning and double damned if i ever reach Uber Masterhood.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 12

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 10:13:06 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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LuckyAlbatross has it in a nutshell for me. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship.
That's why it's so confusing. It can be a romantic relationship, a servant type relationship, a parental child type relationship or a combination.
Relationships develop over time. They are constantly moving and shaping.
The agreement that BDSM is a part of the D/s relationship can make it far more confusing. I was suprised when I heard of people who have no interest in anything other than D/s on a BDSM site. I was also suprised when I found out that people play with the concepts of BDSM. However it is not my job to judge what others do just what is right for me.

(in reply to mefisto69)

Post #: 13

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 10:18:32 AM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mefisto69
i ever reach Uber Masterhood.

I have.

Loser.

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to mefisto69)

Post #: 14

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 11:07:12 AM

Chaze

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Joined: 1/31/2008
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Tracy, have you ever wondered why so much of the maturation process escaped you? Why you feel so compelled to continually reveal one after another the many your inadequacies plaguing you.?

(in reply to TracyTaken)

Post #: 15

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 11:15:29 AM

amadeus77

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

I'm new to D/s and I've thought a lot about the question: what is dominance? I was recounting to a new friend that, even before I had come to terms with my dominant nature, I was placed in positions of leadership. Or, if the role wasn't official, my peers looked to me for guidance and direction. I've come to think that dominance means leadership in the context of personal relationships.

There was an interesting thread in which confidence was noted as one mark of a dominant person -- a leader. That's certainly one kind of leader, but then we have the reluctant leader. For Lost fans, think of Jack. But reluctant or charging ahead, a leader can't seem to hide (at least for long) that quality of leadership. And people respond: leaders are followed, whether the leader likes it or not.

The conventional wisdom is that all people are equal and relationships with power imbalances are dysfunctional. But I see no evidence for such a belief, thoughI understand the wish that it were so. We have many examples of leaders who were not ethical. They led their followers into disaster. But they were leaders nonetheless. Attempting to establish a world by fiat in which all are equal (I'm speaking of the roles we play, not our personal worth) only leads to a muddle-headed mess.

Then (and, again, I speak as a newbie) there is the idea that some Doms have that their leadership exempts them from the responsibility to be ethical: "whatever I want is right, simply because I want it". I've seen several threads on "twue" Doms. A leader is a leader. A jerky Dom may well be dominant (a leader) but they can still be obnoxious and it seems clear that such obnoxiousness, if carried to an extreme, can undermine that leadership: given a choice between following two leaders, one a jerk and the other not, I believe most will eschew the jerk.

Amadeus77

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 11:21:22 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

For me, it is all of it. It has to do with the attitude of being in control of situations as much as it does acts I choose. Being Dominant is an everyday involvement in my boys lives, helping them deal with decisions and choices and making some of them for them. It is controlling those aspects that I desire to control, and knowing what I can trust them to do on their own. It is also act-based, initiating and leading playtime and activities we partake in there as well. It is setting things up properly, knowing just what to sat and how to say it, just where to touch and what to do to put the boys into their subspace place so they can fully enjoy our time together. Its also realizing when as much as you might want it, platime might not be appropriate, and making sure activities you enjoy as play do not have repercussions elsewhere that are far less favorable.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to amadeus77)

Post #: 17

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 11:37:46 AM

greyangelus

Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

To me it is simply having the authority in a relationship. In Ds terms, it means an intimate personal relationship based on one party having authority and the other following that authority.

To me this is extraordinarily close. There is one thing missing, desire. So to slightly re-word...

"To me it is simply having the authority in a relationship. In Ds terms, it means an intimate personal relationship based on one party with the desire for and having the authority and the other following that authority. "

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 11:44:46 AM

sweetwenchie

Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

Domination in and of itself is easy to define.

Control or power over another or others; The exercise of such control and power.

However how domination effects you personally, or what triggers it is what varies so widely from person to person.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 19

RE: What is domination? - 2/9/2008 12:07:07 PM

mefisto69

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
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Mad Rabbit = HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 20

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