MasterHyde -> RE: Wondering subs wish to know (9/10/2005 10:23:39 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: perverseangelic quote:
ORIGINAL: WickedKev I'd let her ravish me then I would punish her for being agressive. Best of both worlds >:) Huh. From the other side of things, this would totally fuck with me. I'd have been allowed to do soemthing--meaning my partner doesn't mind it and doesnt' find it inappropriate. Then be punished for the thing I was allowed to do. It'd send really mixed signals and make me pretty insecure for a while. Unless, of course, he was clear that it wasn't punishment so much as "I want to beat you" I have to support perverseangelic in this thought. Too many "Dominants" treat punishment as if it were a toy, something to play with, having no regard for how it effects the one being punished. Roleplay is fine, as long as everyone knows it's just play. But how many times does one stop to say "I'm not really punishing you, this is just a game?" Not many, I think. Most prefer to keep the illusion that it's something real, because this enhances their own enjoyment of the fantasy. But punishment has the effect of making one feel ashamed, or humbled. Applied incorrectly, it can be devastating to one's self esteem. When I punish or correct someone, I'm sending a signal that her behavior was unacceptable. For some with fragile egoes, they might even receive that message to mean they themselves are unacceptable. Even if that isn't the case, anyone who's allowed herself to be in a position to be punished by me is probably driven at least in some part by a desire to please. Being punished tells her she was NOT pleasing. This may motivate her to want to change her behavior, which is why most people use punishment in the first place. But, if punishment is given for random things, with no reason, or for things that should be encouraged, it can confuse and bewilder the one being punished. If I enourage a certain behavior one day, and punish my slave for it the next day, what kind of message does that send? I see this as a dangerous way to play with someone's head. And it's counterproductive as well. Punishment, correction, or discipline should have the effect of teaching. They should help to make it clear in her mind what behaviors are accepted, and which ones are not. If she does something that is pleasing to me, she should be rewarded, not punished. I believe it's very important for me to be consistent in this way to help her grow and learn how to be more pleasing. More importantly, I think I need to do this because it nurtures here and enourages good emotional health.
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