Making Amends (Full Version)

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Araven -> Making Amends (2/9/2008 3:13:03 PM)

So I've been having lots of trouble lately with control issues and giving up control, and doing things on my Mistresses schedule and not my own. I honestly believe i have a genuiene desire to please her and see her nothing but happy, but there are times when I am human and goof up.

So a question to the other submissives, and perhaps things that help them:

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?




breatheasone -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 3:18:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

So I've been having lots of trouble lately with control issues and giving up control, and doing things on my Mistresses schedule and not my own. I honestly believe i have a genuiene desire to please her and see her nothing but happy, but there are times when I am human and goof up.

So a question to the other submissives, and perhaps things that help them:

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?



I'm not exactly sure what you are asking...but I'll take a stab at it.....My answer is I submit to Him.....



DesFIP -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 3:21:16 PM)

Figure out why you're doing this and what you need to submit. Amends are only good if you really have changed the offensive behavior.



Focus50 -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 3:54:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

So I've been having lots of trouble lately with control issues and giving up control, and doing things on my Mistresses schedule and not my own. I honestly believe i have a genuiene desire to please her and see her nothing but happy, but there are times when I am human and goof up.

So a question to the other submissives, and perhaps things that help them:

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?

I don't really get the question either...!
 
Instill a sense of control in your Dominant?  I'm a Dominant; I assert control over mine....  All she need do to "instill it" is to do as she's told or as she was otherwise taught.
 
Yet I can relate to your opening statements.  Sounds like you are human.... lol  Your question sounds like you're asking how to "fix" (or help) Mistress when it's you're changed circumstances (having to adapt to her schedule) that's giving you grief.  So what I said, get used to doing what you're told - that's why you have/want a Mistress, right?
 
Focus.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 4:11:30 PM)

If you have to instill control, wouldn't that imply that the control was actually yours???  If so, the balance of your power exchange is a bit off...



Araven -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 5:10:35 PM)

I'm sorry, I should have clarified.

Of course my dominant is in control, and I submit to her, but from time to time, I slip up, and its difficult to submit to certain things. I suppose what I am asking is,

When you slip up a, what do you do to make up for those things that you have failed or let your dominant down at?

Aside from changing the behavior(which im working on), becoming a better submissive(another thing i am working on), Is there anything else that you do that is special or unique to your relationship? Any special signs of affection, or self imposed tasks / chores?




breatheasone -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 5:15:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

I'm sorry, I should have clarified.

Of course my dominant is in control, and I submit to her, but from time to time, I slip up, and its difficult to submit to certain things. I suppose what I am asking is,

When you slip up a, what do you do to make up for those things that you have failed or let your dominant down at?

Ahhh ok...well my answer is whatever your "D" type TELLS you to do..... whether your dynamic is punishment...discipline.....talking it over..... When I mess up I of course apologize and seek forgiveness. Then I try VERY hard to not repeat the behavior



RedMagic1 -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 5:16:31 PM)

Not enough information to answer.  It depends on the category of thing you're not doing.  Not putting the toilet seat down? .... or Not quitting smoking?  You also did not deal with DesFIP's point.  Why is it difficult?  When?  What are the obstacles that get in the way?  The first step to self-improvement is self-understanding.



TracyTaken -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 5:17:36 PM)

quote:

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?


I do what he wants as best I can and even try to anticipate what he will want.  I also ask for help when I'm screwing up bigtime (and, just for clarity, that is not the same thing as asking for punishment).



lronitulstahp -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 5:24:57 PM)

quote:

  Is there anything else that you do that is special or unique to your relationship? Any special signs of affection, or self imposed tasks / chores? 
It should be about what YOUR Mistress likes and wants, not what works in other relationships.  Imagine giving a used greeting card, crossing out the previous sender and recipient's names, and presenting it's contents as an original thought...not bloody likely.  You ask for "special or unique" that is probably not going to be helpful to YOUR special and unique relationship.




Cntrolmeplease -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 7:28:20 PM)

I give my Master control over my life.



DesFIP -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 9:09:59 PM)

We're boring. We sit down and discuss what the problem is. And sometimes the only solution is to ignore this area for a while and go do something that isn't such an emotionally charged issue. Then come back to it in six months.



juliaoceania -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 9:28:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

  Is there anything else that you do that is special or unique to your relationship? Any special signs of affection, or self imposed tasks / chores? 
It should be about what YOUR Mistress likes and wants, not what works in other relationships.  Imagine giving a used greeting card, crossing out the previous sender and recipient's names, and presenting it's contents as an original thought...not bloody likely.  You ask for "special or unique" that is probably not going to be helpful to YOUR special and unique relationship.




Many times it helps me to understand my own relationship to see how it varies from other people's relationships. It is not necessarily "helping" that we are looking for when we post our ideas here, it is often just conversation with others that are like us. Not every thread is about getting advice, I saw this thread as sharing with other submissives, but perhaps I am mistaken...

as far as this line in the opening post
quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?


I know the OP did not mean exactly what this phrase meant, but because of the adverse reaction to this phrase I am going to answer this it just for shits and giggles.... and to be shocking...

Of course there are things I could do to help instilll a sense of control in my Daddy's life... oh wow, shocking I know that a submissive would say such sacrilege! I can be a stablizing consistant presense. I can be patient. I can stifle the chaos, and yes this helps instill a sense of control that my Daddy may not have felt otherwise. In essense I can be a soft place to land, that safe harbor. Isn't that what all people desire from their partner no matter what role they take in a relationship? Conversely I can also be disobedient, lax in my approach to the things he tells me to do, I can create discord. In theory I could be unaccepting of him, and uncaring of his difficulties. I doubt he would put up with that approach for long and I would find myself domless if I acted that way for long enough, but nonetheless I do have the choice as to what sort of submissive I want to be.

For me it is a power exchange, I give control, energy, power (whatever one wants to call it), and he reflects that back to me. It is not a one sided thing. I have made mistakes in my submission, but he has made mistakes in his dominance too. What do I do to make amends for my mistakes? I do not repeat them. If I do repeat the mistakes, I endeavor again not to repeat them. I keep trying to do the things he wants me to do, and I get better and better at it.






batshalom -> RE: Making Amends (2/9/2008 9:41:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?


Remember that I'm the sub in the dyanamic, and if I don't want to be a sub any more then all I have to do is to stop obeying.

Of course, this is extreme. I don't obey 100% of the time but then again, I obey pretty much all the time, because (when I'm in a relationship) that's why I'm in the relationship. You need to figure out if this is right for you. If it is, then you need to figure out why you're being difficult.



justdavid -> RE: Making Amends (2/10/2008 6:00:12 AM)

I think you have been given excellent advice.

My own opinion is that you need to do some self reflection and see why you sometimes do and sometimes don’t to try to find the reason and then have a nice discussion with your Mistress to see if these problems can be solved together.

It maybe you might always struggle, it maybe you not putting in enough effort or it maybe the power exchange aspect if off in your relationship and your Mistress needs to put in more effort. It could all be a combination of a number of things but first you have to look within yourself.

Find the reason before finding a solution



StormsSlave -> RE: Making Amends (2/10/2008 6:37:59 AM)

I agree that we don't have enough information.  Did you fede rebellion toward your mistress, or did you take action against her?

If you only feel rebellion, hell, every sub feels that, I think.  The, "Hell, no, I'm not doing that, and you can't make me!" moment.  Sometimes we're right, and it's a line we won't cross (a hard limit?), sometimes we are only rebelling against our own inner selves, anyway.  For me, I find a lot of the time when I ask myself why I won't submit, it's usually my own fears/conceptions I'm not submitting to, and I'd rather give in to myself then to disappoint him.  There have only been a couple of times when it was really a behavior he was requesting which caused me to balk, and we talked through it and got past it.

If it was an action, well, you know it was wrong, hopefully have sought forgiveness, and the rest will depend upon the heart and disposition of your mistress.



LadyHathor -> RE: Making Amends (2/10/2008 6:42:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

So I've been having lots of trouble lately with control issues and giving up control, and doing things on my Mistresses schedule and not my own. I honestly believe i have a genuiene desire to please her and see her nothing but happy, but there are times when I am human and goof up.

So a question to the other submissives, and perhaps things that help them:

What sort of things do you do to help instill a sense of control in your dominants life?





Not quite sure what you mean by that question--unless you mean what can YOU do to make your Dominant feel that you want and can submit---
 
So here is My take:
 
I see submission as something you really want to do--it isn't a "veil" that you put on an take off when you see fit,however, it is something that needs to be at the forefront of one's mind until it the natural fit is found and it becomes second nature.
 
I find that men have it harder as they have to wrestle with what society says a "manly man should be"--so the psyche  plays ugly games at times and that hmmm fear of ridicule rears its ugly head.  What I try to teach boys is this:
 
 Life is all one has and they deserve the right to be happy---happiness is a subjective term with a trillion definitions. If you have thought long and hard about this--that this is what you believe will bring you the happiness you seek---then embrace it, it does not strip your manhood, it does not demean you, nor make you weak, --it DOES say, I choose a different path---and how much stronger does one get but when they say, no this is my path.
 
When you do not submit, you give your Dominant no place to go--no framework to work within, no sense of direction--it can't come from them, just as their Dominance cannot come from you---yet it is the behavior of the T/two that creates the dynamic and the emotional fulfillment--so a deep soul searching, is this a veil you take off and put on as it suits you? Is this a means you are using to a fantasy end? Is it just the easy things you choose to give up?  Apparently, the disappointment of failing at some things is disturbing, analyze why-yet analyze your submission--what it means now, what you thought it was going to mean, are tou receeiving the fulfillment you expected--were those expectations real?
 
If you start there--you maye find the keys to help you and your Dominant succeed---
 
Remember: Once you are in My control, you do not have the right to choose, but you always have the right to choose to be under My control.
 
Good Luck.



pinces -> RE: Making Amends (2/10/2008 7:51:13 AM)

good pic



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