Control....

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breatheasone -> Control.... (2/9/2008 4:31:03 PM)
IF you as a "D" type are madly in love with your "s" type.....You "need" them as much as they need you, does that fuck with your head?....Do you wonder or think..."OMG do I really have control here?" or do you think..."Cool, the feelings are mutual, this is awesome."

TotalState -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 4:37:27 PM)
The latter, for me. I don't overanalyze things, in general. Besides, the former smacks of a lack of confidence, and that would undermine my authority way more.

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 4:44:08 PM)
For me if I were to let it interfear I would consider myself weak. That is not going to happen. Mike

lronitulstahp -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 4:44:12 PM)
oooh...good question

Focus50 -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 4:44:17 PM)
The latter for me, too.... D/s isn't some kink I explore outside of a vanilla relationship but is the dynamic by which I live my intimate relationships. Egalitarian (vanilla) relationships are what yousta fuck with my head.... lol Focus.

breatheasone -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 4:51:39 PM)
quote: Egalitarian (vanilla) relationships are what yousta fuck with my head.... lol Focus. I HEARD THAT!!....lol [;)]

breatheasone -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 5:01:57 PM)
TotalState , Good point. Confidence is very important. SirMIkeSD would it really be a "weakness" or more of a fear? lronitulstahp Thank you! [;)]

celticlord2112 -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 5:17:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone IF you as a "D" type are madly in love with your "s" type.....You "need" them as much as they need you, does that fuck with your head?....Do you wonder or think..."OMG do I really have control here?" or do you think..."Cool, the feelings are mutual, this is awesome." I love my slave. I command my slave. I rule my slave. I do not control my slave. A subtle distinction, but when slavery rests on the shifting sands of consent, an important one.

breatheasone -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 5:20:52 PM)
celticlord2112 well said, and good POV.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Control.... (2/9/2008 11:36:02 PM)
Again, that's why it's not about control, it's about authority. For me, if you seriously have to ask yourself the question, then there's some insecurity which needs to be examined.

BlackPhx -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 12:14:14 AM)
All relationships are based on fulfilling of mutual needs. In a "perfect" relationship the needs are fulfilled in a reciprocal measure. In a D/s relationship the "D" needs the ritual subservience and deference of the "s" and the "s" needs the confidence and authority of the "D" for both to be happy. In such a relationship there is no need to control for either party. The desire for control only comes up when one party or the other is not being supplied with what they need in a measure they desire. Then they take actions to coerce, manipulate, intimidate, or force the other party into providing what they want. Too often there is no perfect relationship, so we either communincate our needs and work with our partners to fill them, or we form other relationships to fill the discrepencies. I tend to go way off topic so I have closed here without going into related issues of trust, honesty, and enduring appreciation all necessary elements for a long lasting relationship no matter how much I want to "beat the dead horse" as my poen puts it. BlackPhx

breatheasone -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 12:24:12 AM)
LA and BlackPhx, I see your point....When this question occurred to me, I was more of the mindset that the "D" type was wondering if they had "lost" selfcontrol because of the "need" they would have for the "s" type in their life. It made me wonder if that kind of intense need or desire for another would be unsettling for a "D" type or not. I have seen and read quite a few "D" types that shy away from emotional ties...and was curious if perhaps this might be why....Just me thinking out loud on the boards[;)]

Justme696 -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 2:08:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone IF you as a "D" type are madly in love with your "s" type.....You "need" them as much as they need you, does that fuck with your head?....Do you wonder or think..."OMG do I really have control here?" or do you think..."Cool, the feelings are mutual, this is awesome." the last one....I need the love part in the relation, as I see the Ms relation as any other relation. I even ask the girl I talk with what she expects...a serious relation or pure Ms. IF it is just Ms...then I move on. The nice extra of love is of course..people do much more...and so yes in the end there is that extra control.

Darkknight1369 -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 6:44:30 AM)
No I wouldn't start a D/s relationship in the first place if I didn't believe that it had the potential and possibility to head in that direction, for me Dominance isn't about being emotionally controlled and closed. Just makes it a bit more edgy if my vulnerability is at stake too ;-)

Leatherist -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 6:50:40 AM)
What fucks with my head ,is a fantasy world that can end on a woman's whim.

angelic -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 6:53:06 AM)
What fucks with my head is a fantasy that can end on a man's whim (simply because he calls himself Master).

TracyTaken -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 8:54:15 AM)
quote: When this question occurred to me, I was more of the mindset that the "D" type was wondering if they had "lost" self control because of the "need" they would have for the "s" type in their life. If I didn't feel needed, I'd be an unhappy "s" type.

Arrrchibald -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 9:02:07 AM)
You could ask the same question about anything that motivates people to do anything. Are you doing something because you choose to, or because the desire is controlling you? I think the difference is when a choice is beneficial, people will say it's of their own free will, and if it's detrimental, then it's an addiction.

breatheasone -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 11:09:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arrrchibald You could ask the same question about anything that motivates people to do anything. Are you doing something because you choose to, or because the desire is controlling you? I think the difference is when a choice is beneficial, people will say it's of their own free will, and if it's detrimental, then it's an addiction. Excellent observation.....I believe you may have something there.

DesFIP -> RE: Control.... (2/10/2008 11:14:19 AM)
I don't think he ever sits around and thinks "I wonder if I have control". He asks me to do it and I say yes, I can get that errand done tomorrow". Or no, "I'm already booked, if you need it immediately you'll have to get to it". But we're both old enough to have stayed in bad relationships to appreciate the value of a good one.

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