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What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 9:45:17 AM   
CrimsonMoan


Posts: 2652
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
Status: offline
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN

  • "I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
  • "Let's take your car." Really means.... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
  • "Woman driver." Really means.... "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
  • "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means.... "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
  • "It's a guy thing." Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
  • "Can I help with dinner?" Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
  • "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean.... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
  • "Good idea." Really means.... "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
    ยท "Have you lost weight?" Really means.... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
  • "My wife doesn't understand me." Really means.... "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
  • "It would take too long to explain." Really means.... "I have no idea how it works."
  • "I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means.... "The batteries in the remote are dead."
  • "I got a lot done." Really means.... "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
  • "We're going to be late." Really means.... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
  • "Hey, I've read all the classics." Really means.... "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
  • "You cook just like my mother used to." Really means.... "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
  • "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really means.... "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
  • "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
  • "That's interesting, dear." Really means.... "Are you still talking?"
  • "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means.... "I forgot our anniversary again."
  • "You expect too much of me." Really means.... "You want me to stay awake."
  • "It's a really good movie." Really means.... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
  • "That's women's work." Really means.... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
  • "Will you marry me?" Really means.... "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
  • "Go ask your mother." Really means.... "I am incapable of making a decision."
  • "You know how bad my memory is." Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
  • "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
  • "Football is a man's game." Really means.... "Women are generally too smart to play it."
  • "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
  • "I do help around the house." Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
  • "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
  • "I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
  • "What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
  • "What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means.... "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
  • "She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means.... "She refused to make my coffee."
  • "But I hate to go shopping." Really means.... "Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."
  • "No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means.... "You may actually get it to start."
  • "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means.... "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
  • "I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
  • "You know I could never love anyone else." Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
  • "You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
  • "I brought you a present." Really means.... "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
  • "I missed you." Really means.... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
  • "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
  • "We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
  • "This relationship is getting too serious." Really means.... "I like you more than my truck."
  • "I recycle." Really means.... "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
  • "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means.... "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"

  • "It sure snowed last night." Really means.... "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
  • "It's good beer." Really means.... "It was on sale."
  • "I don't need to read the instructions." Really means.... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
  • "I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means.... "If I wait long enough you'll get frustated and buy a new one."
  • "I broke up with her." Really means.... "She dumped me."
  • "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means.... "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window."

    _____________________________

    "Sometimes I'm sorry doesn't cover it," Acheron

    "Its not the size of your fwoosh, Its how you use it", Richard

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    • Profile   Post #: 1
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 10:40:01 AM   
    servantheart


    Posts: 960
    Joined: 10/26/2006
    From: Houston, TX
    Status: offline     		How funny....and true!  Thanks for sharing
     


    _____________________________

    When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
    ~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

    (in reply to CrimsonMoan)
    Profile   Post #: 2
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 11:25:02 AM   
    sweetwenchie


    Posts: 1993
    Joined: 4/19/2006
    From: Sacramento, California
    Status: offline

    "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

    Thank you Crimson, those were great!  i especially like that one up there  LOL 

    _____________________________

    "To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

    "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

    (in reply to servantheart)
    Profile   Post #: 3
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 11:26:42 AM   
    GreedyTop


    Posts: 52100
    Joined: 5/2/2007
    From: Savannah, GA
    Status: offline     		LOLOL

    _____________________________

    polysnortatious
    Supreme Goddess of Snark
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    Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

    (in reply to servantheart)
    Profile   Post #: 4
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 11:41:36 AM   
    ta2dqt


    Posts: 375
    Joined: 3/3/2006
    Status: offline     		Love it!!!! 


    _____________________________

    "Ask not that your Dom can do for you, but what you can do for your Dom."

    "People are like fine wine, they get better with age!"

    "Everything happens for a reason."



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    (in reply to GreedyTop)
    Profile   Post #: 5
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 12:27:36 PM   
    CrimsonMoan


    Posts: 2652
    Joined: 10/31/2006
    From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
    Status: offline     		I figured all you ladies would get a kick out of this

    _____________________________

    "Sometimes I'm sorry doesn't cover it," Acheron

    "Its not the size of your fwoosh, Its how you use it", Richard

    http://kinkyqueer.net/forum/index.php

    (in reply to ta2dqt)
    Profile   Post #: 6
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/10/2008 12:52:26 PM   
    rubberpet


    Posts: 1743
    Joined: 4/6/2006
    From: The Land of Voodoo
    Status: offline     		You think you have us guys all figured out, don't you? 

    _____________________________

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    Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


    (in reply to CrimsonMoan)
    Profile   Post #: 7
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/26/2008 2:58:13 PM   
    Mezrem


    Posts: 311
    Joined: 11/12/2007
    Status: offline     		Ok I will be a man and admit...it some of that might really be running through my head when I say something like that.

    For example... "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

    Thanks for the Laugh!
    James

    (in reply to rubberpet)
    Profile   Post #: 8
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/26/2008 4:29:23 PM   
    Saratov


    Posts: 1716
    Joined: 10/22/2005
    Status: offline     		Isn't that one reason to wear a belt, emergency touriquet?

    (in reply to Mezrem)
    Profile   Post #: 9
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/26/2008 5:58:51 PM   
    HypnoticDan


    Posts: 463
    Joined: 5/23/2007
    Status: offline     		No wonder you girls are always complaining about shitty boyfriends.  You'd actually date people who talked like that?  Stop!  Breed them out of the species.  For the good of all humankind.

    What a great argument against monogamy - it's actually worse for women than it is for men!  Women end up doing all that shitty work while the men go on being assholes.  Bewteen vibrators, lesbians, and polyamory, there's no reason for women to waste time on shitty men at all.

    (in reply to Saratov)
    Profile   Post #: 10
    RE: What Men Really Mean - 2/26/2008 9:35:56 PM   
    WhisperedSins


    Posts: 25
    Joined: 1/18/2008
    Status: offline     		loved the severed limb one.

    (in reply to HypnoticDan)
    Profile   Post #: 11
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