Isn't there Just one Left? (Full Version)

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RainGod -> Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 4:34:41 PM)

I am surely on a lost quest. I did not think My criteria were too stringent, nor were they unattainable. I simply wanted to find a girl who could focus on getting to know Me and while she did, have the respect and decency to cease talking with all other Doms. I would surely only talk to one submissive at a time if I were truly interested in getting to know her. If I wasn't I wouldn't talk to her at all.
Isn't there just one slightly masochistic, sexy-in-a-simple-way, honest girl left out there who wants an honest, faithful, slightly sadistic Dom like Me? Am I finally out to pasture here?



ehlovindom -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 4:40:06 PM)

If so, then I am grazing in the pasture next to you. But that may be the problem. Too much BS abounds but the field is only half grazed and not half empty! There are plenty of "one's" left, they are just harder to find.



darkinshadows -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 4:50:49 PM)

I am a little confused.

If you are speaking with a submissive, she is not allowed to speak to other dominant men or women? Whynot?
You do not speak to other submissives? Whynot?

I think you may be restricting yourself. At least until you are offically 'dating' or 'commitment intended' - or whatever description you use - why limit your reach and close yourself off?

I am hoping that is what you mean, and not that you wish for a submissive not to have any contact at all with other dominants, because that is just strikingly unhealthy.

Hoping you will consider answering my questions.

Peace and Love



RainGod -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:11:11 PM)

If you will read what I posted, I do not believe I said she would not be allowed to talk with others. I simply meant I think it would be nice if she not be talking with six or eight other Doms like we are all the only one. I think its rude, deceitful, and all-around distateful.
Why do I not talk with more than one at a time? How can I truly focus on getting to really know her, when I am talking with so many others? If I am interested in her, I am only talking to her because I am wanting to know more about her... not little suzy rottencrotch down the road over there, or bessie sue sweatsocks next door, lol. I am not a player, so I don't play with people's hearts. I would like simply to meet ONE girl who wants ONE guy. Is this a lost concept?
Hope that clarifies I am not "forcing" anyone to break off contact. I am simply not like that.



OsideGirl -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:12:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

I simply wanted to find a girl who could focus on getting to know Me and while she did, have the respect and decency to cease talking with all other Doms.


What does this have to do with respect and decency?

Quite frankly, any Dominant that thinks a sub should stop talking to others Doms the moment there's any interaction puts up red flags for me, for a number of reasons. It would give me the impression that you're threatened by other Dominants. Which is trait that I would find undesirable in a Dominant. It would give me the impression that you're trying to mark and control your territory before you have that power. And removing contact with outisde people is a tool that abusers use.



RainGod -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:20:44 PM)

I believe, bobbi, you are misreading what I said, and also interjecting assumations into what I wrote.
I never meant she would stop talking to other the MINUTE we began talking. I am speaking of after we have been talking for a few weeks and there is serious talk developing between us.
As for My being "threatened" by other Doms, you are again sorrowfully misled. Let's put this shoe on your foot... Would you like the Dom you are seeing to be carrying on online relationships with five other subbies? Of course not... don't lie. Please understand I am not some monster trying to "remove contact". Why not read carefully before accusing someone of being abusive, bobbi. It makes you sound like a drama queen. Oh yeah, and incidentally, I find THAT very unattractive in a subbie. Wink



darkinshadows -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:28:14 PM)

If you read what you posted, you did not specify, which is why I asked the questions I did.

That said, yes there will always be people who ask around and talk around. There are also those who assume some kind of 'closeness' with one submissive, and latch, even when not provoked, then get upset when they find the submissive has been speaking to other dominants.

It could just be personal interpretations - or it could be miscommunications.

I think it depends upon your time frame. Some people take many months to make a decision - for some it might take a week of back and forth emails. Do you have a set timeframe in mind, or do you just go with the flow? It could be you may need to communicate better. If you find a submissive whom sparks your interest, you could enquire if they feel the same about yourself and ifso, ask her/him to refrain from considering another dominant. If the answer comes back as a no - then you know where you stand.

But I would say, if you have only been conversing for a short time, then there is no harm in speaking to anyone and keeping options open. Otherwise you just might miss something special happening. Its true at times - that which you look for cannot be seen when under your nose, but that which do not look for is within arms reach.

Peace and Love



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:32:06 PM)

This sort of thing generally only works if the people involved are primarily online, or contact others in the scene primarily online or are in a very specialized high protocol community.

Otherwise it's just not practical and no one cares who is sub and who isn't, we just talk like people.



ManOwner -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:35:01 PM)

quote:

I never meant she would stop talking to other the MINUTE we began talking. I am speaking of after we have been talking for a few weeks and there is serious talk developing between us.


I'm chuckling. I'm chuckling so very, very much. Why on Earth would someone get into an exclusive relationship with someone they only know online? Oh, right - because they're 'deet de dee'!



Sunshine119 -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:36:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ehlovindom

If so, then I am grazing in the pasture next to you. But that may be the problem. Too much BS abounds but the field is only half grazed and not half empty! There are plenty of "one's" left, they are just harder to find.



Interestingly enough, I met my Dom on a "vanilla" site. He had posted on BDSM and Adult sites with little positive results. I would never have imagined in a million years that I would find BDSM so seductive. I did know myself enough to know that I needed and craved a strong man. Didn't understand what that meant, even after the failure of a 20 year marriage.

When I met this man, he slowly asked me to look at some pictures and carefully selected sites with him. They were clearly exciting. No BS. No On-Line "He beats her until the blood is running down her legs" sort of crap. There is indeed so much BS abounding all over the internet about this lifestyle that just a precursory search on my own nearly scared me off. He has led me on this incredible discovery for the last 8 months.....real life D/s, mind and body.

When I found this message board, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Real-life people, real life relationships. Recognition that in many ways, most of our needs and desires are the same as the vanilla population. However, by the time one gets here, many of those looking have already have been on all the on-line sites and are expecting something much different.

You might give the vanilla site route a try and then gently coach a woman who appears receptive and submissive to you....and your lifestyle. And who knows, there may be some submissive women reading your post right now who know they have finally found what they are looking for. Good luck.

JMHO



darkinshadows -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:38:25 PM)

quote:

Otherwise it's just not practical and no one cares who is sub and who isn't, we just talk like people.


Yes - totally agree Em. I guess it is my assumption that the person is talking specifically about online(just what I picked up from the post). So I could be wrong. I am sure the OP would enlighten us to aid the question they posed.

I am amazed at times how many people assume that BDSM relationships either are or must be different from vanilla ones.

You meet someone, you date or go out(whatever you want to call it)... you do stuff together. Doesnt mean you don't do other stuff with other people. At least not until it gets 'serious' and mutually agreed.

Why does BDSM have to be different to other relationships?

Peace and Love



cellogrrlMK -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:38:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

As for My being "threatened" by other Doms, you are again sorrowfully misled. Let's put this shoe on your foot... Would you like the Dom you are seeing to be carrying on online relationships with five other subbies? Of course not... don't lie. Please understand I am not some monster trying to "remove contact". Why not read carefully before accusing someone of being abusive, bobbi. It makes you sound like a drama queen. Oh yeah, and incidentally, I find THAT very unattractive in a subbie. Wink


Anyone who sees me as a "subbie" isn't worth the time invested talking to him/her. LOL

cello, who really hates that term [:D]



JohnWarren -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 5:59:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: cellogrrlMK


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

As for My being "threatened" by other Doms, you are again sorrowfully misled. Let's put this shoe on your foot... Would you like the Dom you are seeing to be carrying on online relationships with five other subbies? Of course not... don't lie. Please understand I am not some monster trying to "remove contact". Why not read carefully before accusing someone of being abusive, bobbi. It makes you sound like a drama queen. Oh yeah, and incidentally, I find THAT very unattractive in a subbie. Wink


Anyone who sees me as a "subbie" isn't worth the time invested talking to him/her. LOL

cello, who really hates that term [:D]



I'm beginning to see a pattern here. We have a person who can't see any other relationship BUT play between dominants and submissives. I suspect it's been caused by an online only environment. Let's just think of a "collared" (and I do dislike that word) submissive being part of TES or Black Rose and being forbidden to speak with dominants. It would make it pretty hard for him or her to be a member of the finance committee or even to be asked to help out folding the seats after the meeting is over.

The reaction to requests for clarification (and I read the original post the same way you did) is derogatory comments. By the way, one of the classic clues to a potential abusive situation IS "cutting the submissive off from other inputs."

Finally, characterizing other submissives as "little suzy rottencrotch down the road over there, or bessie sue sweatsocks next door" shows a most unpleasant side of his character.

Of course, it could just be labeled "truth in advertising."



OsideGirl -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 6:01:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGod

I believe, bobbi, you are misreading what I said, and also interjecting assumations into what I wrote.
I never meant she would stop talking to other the MINUTE we began talking. I am speaking of after we have been talking for a few weeks and there is serious talk developing between us.
As for My being "threatened" by other Doms, you are again sorrowfully misled. Let's put this shoe on your foot... Would you like the Dom you are seeing to be carrying on online relationships with five other subbies? Of course not... don't lie. Please understand I am not some monster trying to "remove contact". Why not read carefully before accusing someone of being abusive, bobbi. It makes you sound like a drama queen. Oh yeah, and incidentally, I find THAT very unattractive in a subbie. Wink


I believe you are misreading what I said.....I said it would give me the impression, I did not say that's how it is. I did not say that you were abusive, I said that it would make me cautious of someone because it is a tool that abusers use. Stating the impressions that it would cause within ME or my opinion, is not an accusation of you.

I guess the crux of the matter is until I've actually met someone face to face, it's just talking. When I was single I would cared less if the Dom I was talking to online was talking to other submissives online. For me online is just words on a screen in cyberspace and has very little impact on my real life.



ManOwner -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 6:09:13 PM)

Plus, if you read this guy's journal it appears he gained and lost the woman of his dreams in the space of two months. It is not clear whether they ever met in person, or just in his imagination.

He's been single less than a day, and he's already complaining that there are no good women to be found out there.



RainGod -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 6:15:58 PM)

not that it is really any of your business, but yes we did meet in person, and we happen to live in the same town.
I can see I came here to gain insight and got nothing more than a bunch of bullshit from some folks with too much self pride to care about anyone but themselves and their own agendas.
Peace out... besides, this is just online, you dont mean shit.



darkinshadows -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 6:21:58 PM)

It could be that He is burned out and hurting - its sometimes easier to help 'offload' onto a alien message board and ask the questions like 'why'... OK - so responses may not have come across great - but we shouldnt chastise or ridicule someone for their pain, IMO. And sometimes, online - without inflection, thats how it can come across.

Peace and Love



Mylee -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 6:22:48 PM)

I think the OP meant....why would a submisive lead one Dom on while leading others on at the same time...if they are truely interested in one Dom, why do they continue to court others...

...the answer..no idea! Why does anyone do anything they do, for some online, this is nothing but a game, for others its a way of life...for those who see it as a game, why would they care if you and every Dom, Dick and Harry are talking them up, they wont, they're doing it for the attention..Dom collecting so to speak..

all i can say is, there are those of us out there for whom this isnt a game, but you have to try the glass slipper on many a foot before you find your cinderella

~my'lee



ehlovindom -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 6:27:04 PM)

I know a few people who have posted on "vanilla" sites and creatively wrote their profiles with certain words that could be interpreted as if they were submissive. They got a few good responses among the usual HNG stuff which is expected on line. I think Sunshine, that you are one of the rare exceptions in that you were open to the lifestyle. While I believe that regardless of what site you might meet, if you can develop trust and a friendship, you can introduce the other to the lifestyle, there is no guarantee they will embrace it in any way. There are many posts of people lamenting that fact or questioning would they "settle" for that lifelong partner if he/she came without the kink. Thanks for the encouragement and best of luck to you.



DesertRat -> RE: Isn't there Just one Left? (9/10/2005 7:53:40 PM)

Reading your original post, Raingod, it clearly states you want her to "cease talking with all other Doms." I think that is totally unreasonable, but you subsequently clarified your position and stated it more moderately. I still think it's an unreasonable expectation. Playing games and leading someone on is one thing, but, in the absence of an explicit commitment, I assume the submissive women I talk to are continuing to check out other prospects. I, of course, am also checking out others. My ex-slave was talking earnestly with several men when we met, including one who was her ex-Master. Gradually, priorities shifted and I found myself in the position of being her "favorite Dom", and that felt pretty damn good. The same thing happened on my side of the fence...the others just slipped into the background. In neither case was it necessary for us to insist on exclusivity for its own sake.

Bob



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