Depression

Depression (Full Version)

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liloneshade -> Depression (2/10/2008 11:18:53 AM)
Have any of you had a submissive or slave with depression issues? How do you deal with them when they are at a bad low? How do you help them?

Level -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:23:35 AM)
If it's clinical depression, professional help may be warranted. If it's just the blues, talk to them, make them comfortable, and listen to what they have to say, no matter what it is. People tend to get down when they feel stuck, or trapped.

liloneshade -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:30:43 AM)
Does it change how you live your S&M life? Or do you just slightly adjust? Or put it aside until the depression passes?

girlygurl -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:32:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level People tend to get down when they feel stuck, or trapped Amen! edited to add: My Sir has nothing to do with me being "stuck" He is the first one I go to for support. With talk and reinforcement He'll eventually get me out of my "stuck" mode. [:)] girly (aka stuck girly)

Level -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:33:41 AM)
All that depends on how severe the depression is, and how one feels about their partner. Severe depression can make a person oblivious to much of what is going on in their life.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:37:36 AM)
I suffer from clinical depression, but have found ways to cope without drugs. Any Dominant who wishes to be involved with me is informed that it's not 'the blues' I'm not being emo and I must deal with it in the ways I've discovered. They can be part of it, or not, chances are if they don't want to be part of it, I don't want them. Get the depression diagnosed first different forms of depression need different treatments. If it is directly linked to event in the past, therapy may be needed, if it is a chemical imbalance or psychological condition, such as bipolar, drugs may be needed. I would never reccomend trying to 'control' a depression through D/s power exchange, it's a lose-lose situation most times. I also wouldn't ignore it and 'hope it goes away'. Usually if one suffers from a serious depression, it needs to be dealt with by the person and their significant other. If the significant other can't help or cope with it along side the patient, then find someone who can help. Depression often leads to isolation and distancing, which is counter productive. The one who suffers from depression will be more readily able to recover and learn to deal with the condition if they have someone who can support them without enabling emotional dependancy. Long and short of it, if it's more than just the occasional blah's seek professional help. Talking to your GP about it is the first step.

Kindandcruel -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:39:46 AM)
My first degree was in psychology and I can say that the majority of so called professionals are not worth anything... beyond taking your money and projecting their own itinerary onto you. Yes, I have remained in the field for research and I have worked as a crisis councilor (sp?) proving to me that the majority of psychologist cause more harm than they resolve. The first thing you might do is to listen; what is the issue that is beneath the choice of depression. If possible give them a different choice that they can take outside of choosing to be depressed. Avoid medication if at all possible because that only helps (sometimes) the symptoms and does nothing to resolve the issue... in fact with medication the issue is usually pushed back and forgotten until after you get off the medication and it comes back after time. About a year or two ago I was reading a Russian study on depression and they had found that if a person was given regular whippings, spankings, or canings... that would cause the body to secrete the hormones needed to elevate the chemical that can cause depression (as you see on tv). The problem is that the chemical (I'm sorry that I forget the actual name), is reduced after we select depression as a solution... in other words, it is the depression that creates the lack of chemical rather than the lack causing the depression. Usually, depression is a choice we make when we believe we have no other choice to make... it is usually an internal and subconscious decision. That is why I suggest using a regiment of spankings or canings to elevate the chemical and then to look at the issues in a more clear way in order to resolve the key problem. Or at least to show that there is a different path to select other than depression.

atursvcMaam -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:41:37 AM)
There is no one-liner answer to this question. for the most part depression has to be self acknowleged to be worked with. to agree with Level professional help may be required to aide in finding that acknowlegement. With each depressed person there may be a different key to that depression and acknowlegement, and poking to find it can open new doors or areas of depression. Telling them to "get the hell over it" will sometimes work and sometimes drive them further away. A perfect solution in one case can create a lot of difficulty in another. Clinical or day to day depression is too tricky and individualized for a fast answer.

julietsierra -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 11:41:37 AM)
The thing to remember is that feeling stuck or trapped may have absolutely nothing to do with what our Masters are doing. I know I'm feeling a bit trapped these days - it's not my Master. It's me shedding more of the vanilla trappings of my life and being scared about it all. I'm in an "omg, I just can't do this! But OMG, I can't NOT do this!" place. He's the same as he's always been...very consistent. This is my fear, my pain and I get to deal with it. In another thread not at all connected to this one, someone who lives life as a slave admitted that there have been times she's felt like running but it always came back to the reality that she's his slave and his slave is what and who she'll continue to be. Sometimes, it's just darn terrifying to notice how far from mainstream you've come, how much further you're willing to go, and at least for me, I sometimes wonder if I can do it. Thank goodness I've given myself no choice...I think it'd be 100 times harder if I felt I could simply choose not to take this road. While I share my feelings with him and yes, admit that right now, I feel trapped, I also know it's not really HIM that's making me feel trapped. It's me. He's the best man I've ever met and if it's up to me, I'll never leave. But sometimes, knowing that doesn't make the staying any easier. And that trapped by my own desires feeling can sure make me sad sometimes. I guess it's manifesting itself as depression. Time will tell though. In the meantime... I just do nice things for myself and work on acceptance, once more, of this side of me. juliet

DesFIP -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 12:27:07 PM)
Assuming that the depressive is already getting treatment, medical and phychological, other ways he has helped: take stresses out of my hands - literally said you aren't in shape to do this, I'll do it for you; checked up on what and when I've eaten and slept - because sometimes just taking a nap helps; drag me out for a walk; and frequently just pull me into his arms and hold me until the skin to skin contact helps me relax.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 12:39:09 PM)
I have suffered from mild depression to severe depression and everything in between. As one who needs to work and needs to be pushed, my Master has not let me off the hook when depression struck. He has adjusted, in that his requirements of me were not quite as hard, but he refuses to allow me to wallow in my self pity when depression comes up. I am required to recognize it, address it, and deal with it. Sometimes he lightens my load, sometimes he does not. In any case, I am always to inform him of my thoughts and feelings, so he knows where my head is at all times. He approved my going to therapy, and when I had my melt down last year, he approved my getting medicated, when my doctor convinced me it was necessary and I was beyond what any alternative care could do for me. I reported to him after all my therapy appointments, all that was said and concluded in each session, to keep him informed. When my therapist told me I had "graduated" and didn't need to go anymore, Master was pleased at my progress, and said I had recovered nicely from all that had occurred. When depression was mild, he did not let me off the hook. When it was severe enough to cause a melt down, he removed much of my load and kept a close watch on me, while still guiding daily activities, and still requiring effort from me. It really depends on the individual. You don't want to enable wallowing, but you don't want to overburden the person, either.

justdavid -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:00:02 PM)
I was with a woman who was manic depressive for eight months. The biggest problem was she refused to admit that she had it or when she was in a peak or valley even though I knew from both her sisters that she had sought treatment several times. For her particular denial and how she was it was impossible to maintain any sense of normalcy in the relationship and it was also the cause of us breaking up. I could have stayed with her forever if she would have admitted to the disease and managed it a little but it was the opposite. It very much turned out that the S&M and other aspects of the life was her trying to self medicate and in the end I realized I was not being treated as a human being she cared for but just another toy in a long line of her chasing the manic state. Like most diseases in the mental area there really is nothing you can do but hope they seek treatment and manage the disease for themselves. There is a level of supervision you can perform but in the end they will either help themselves or not.

chamberqueen -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:05:39 PM)
Seratonin. (I have dealt with my own depression for over 20 years, taken a variety of drugs, and find that having tasks actually helps. You are no longer just stuck in your own well but are actively looking out for someone else's pleasure. For me the biggest cure was simply knowing that I "belonged" to someone.)

julietsierra -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chamberqueen Seratonin. (I have dealt with my own depression for over 20 years, taken a variety of drugs, and find that having tasks actually helps. You are no longer just stuck in your own well but are actively looking out for someone else's pleasure. For me the biggest cure was simply knowing that I "belonged" to someone.) Knowing that I "belong" helps... but sometimes, it's not enough. What has helped immensely is activity...specifically doing something for someone else. Was wallowing on Friday night...dropped the kids off...boo-hooed all the way home (I have NO idea why)...and since I watch my parents' home while they're snowbirding in FL, I went over to check on the house. I started shovelling the sidewalk and by the time I was done, had done the entire driveway and sidewalk. I also felt sooo much better. Came home, drew a hot bath, got a glass of wine and just blissfully relaxed until my fingers got all shrivelly...then put on cuddly pjs and crawled into bed. For the first time in months and months...slept until 5 (all night long!!! Usually, Ive been waking up at precisely 3:38 every morning) I stayed awake for about an hour and then, fell back asleep till nearly 11. When I woke up then, it was the first time in months that I felt good. Nearest thing I can put it down to is finally FINALLY being rested. At the same time, I need to clean my house... it gets done, but there's no sense of accomplishment/satisfaction to it. I get that from doing for others. Hmmm... it occurs to me that with all that's been on his plate recently, I've been predominantly in waiting mode.. and perhaps that's what's been eating at me to the point of not being able to sleep. I LOVE threads on this forum!!! Invariably, someone will say something - even if it seems small, and all the little pieces of the puzzle will just drop right into place. (I don't generally take my own advice well at all. Then, when it works itself out, I look at it and realize how blindingly simple it was all along) thanks chamberqueen. juliet

chamberqueen -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:29:33 PM)
Exercise is definitely helpful, and as you said it is often easier when it is done for someone else. I find that I get more blue when I have not had enough sleep. Keeping a depression journal can be helpful, giving it a score of 1 to 10, then putting down what helped to pull you out of it. Sometimes it is simply a help just to remember that you always did come out of it. When depressed I become an always/never person - something I don't allow myself to do when I am feeling good. Remember you aren't "always" depressed, and don't need to feel like you will "never" feel better. The light didn't just turn red because it saw you coming. : )

bamabbwsub -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:30:18 PM)
quote: The problem is that the chemical (I'm sorry that I forget the actual name), is reduced after we select depression as a solution... in other words, it is the depression that creates the lack of chemical rather than the lack causing the depression. Usually, depression is a choice we make when we believe we have no other choice to make... it is usually an internal and subconscious decision. That is why I suggest using a regiment of spankings or canings to elevate the chemical and then to look at the issues in a more clear way in order to resolve the key problem. Or at least to show that there is a different path to select other than depression. Kindandcruel, I heartily disagree with your assessment about depression. The paragraph quoted above indicates to me that you believe people choose to be depressed, when that is SO not true (at least with chemical depression). Clinical depression is caused by an imbalance in the levels of seratonin, just as diabetes is a chemical imbalance of insulin. Do you also advocate that diabetics choose to become diabetics (in regards to Level I Diabetes)? Despite your degree in psychology, your opinions and "treatment" seem to be a dangerous combination when it comes to someone else's life. I certainly would not wish to undergo your "cure," particularly when it is based on a (singular) Russian study.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:39:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liloneshade Does it change how you live your S&M life? Or do you just slightly adjust? Or put it aside until the depression passes? Everything changes how you live your life. That is the nature of living. You adapt. You adjust. You deal. You go on. What you should not do is nothing. Whether a person has a bad case of "blues" or an actual case of clinical depression, emotional support and empathy are helpful in helping them cope.

AquaticSub -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:43:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liloneshade Have any of you had a submissive or slave with depression issues? How do you deal with them when they are at a bad low? How do you help them? I'll point this thread out to Val when he gets home but I would like to say that, from my point of view, the best thing he does is that he listens and acts on what I tell him. I can tell him when I'm feeling a low coming on and he makes some extra time for me. We have created an enviroment where I feel safe coming to him and saying "I need you".

chamberqueen -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:44:53 PM)
Speaking as someone who has lived with depression, having someone still expect something from me is sometimes enough to shake me out of it more quickly. (Mine has been clinical depression, including suicide attempts.) My partner subconsciously sees a bout coming on because my self esteem starts to slide. If I say something like, "you've seen me, you know I'm not beautiful", he'll simply tell me to stop it. That is my little reality check, and helps me to stop the downhill slide. I remember that I am valued and valuable, something that often slips out of the mind of the depressed person.

AquaticSub -> RE: Depression (2/10/2008 1:46:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liloneshade Does it change how you live your S&M life? Or do you just slightly adjust? Or put it aside until the depression passes? Not for us. It's just a part of me and it would be too confusing for us to be switching from dom/sub to vanilla. Probably be a pain in the ass too.

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