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RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/10/2008 8:22:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj
How do you ask for control you are not yet sure you can respect? Is the only way to know for sure to actually dive in with it and see if it works? I have so many questions and no one in my life that understands this at all.

Time.

You don't make the commitment until you've done the groundwork.

My advice to newbies is to wait at least 6 months before making a commitment to anyone. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to awakenednj)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 1:35:22 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InkedMaster

quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

Masters- what are the best ways you have ever been approached? Please help.... Thank you

"NICE HARLEY !!! can i suck your cock?"


Let me also add to good advice others have given to try not to be in such a frenzy that you blurt out something like "Nice cock but your Harley sucks".  Guaranteed to get you the cold shoulder.   

Approaching someone you are interested in with a sincere comment about what attracted you is often a good place to start. 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to InkedMaster)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 3:57:23 AM   
awakenednj


Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline 		InkedMaster- Too funny!

All- Thank you so much for your advice! I just wanted to say that I am reading it all and it seems like solid advice and that hearing what you all have had to say so far is calming... I needed to hear a little sense :) It's also good to know there are others out there. If anyone has further advice for me as a newbie I will be listening, but I wanted to say thanks...

Sub-fever... too true.

(in reply to InkedMaster)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 5:27:13 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Have lunch or dinner with him, in the flesh, talk, get to know him vanilla, in public. It works for me with subs, which I tend to want to meet socially, to begin with. To me, that one meeting is worth three months of emails.

(in reply to awakenednj)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 11:28:33 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"NICE HARLEY !!! can i suck your cock?"


Roars with laughter! Direct and to the point always gets results.

CP

(in reply to InkedMaster)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 11:56:32 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

"NICE HARLEY !!! can i suck your cock?"


Roars with laughter! Direct and to the point always gets results.

CP


Well...... I don't own a Harley.......... but I endorse the rest!!

Jeff

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 11:58:40 AM   
nohalo


Posts: 437
Status: offline 		How about "Nice guitar, Jeffff?"

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 12:06:30 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		What?.......no cock sucking?...............

Disgruntled
Dom

(in reply to nohalo)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 12:44:12 PM   
nohalo


Posts: 437
Status: offline 		I was thinking more along the lines of...

"Nice guitar, Jeff!  Can I see your pick?"

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 12:51:41 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		lol..... women....pffffffffffff


(in reply to nohalo)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 2:51:06 PM   
whenstarscollide


Posts: 90
Joined: 11/24/2007
Status: offline 		what? you can't just talk to them like a normal person? *rolls eyes and giggles*



_____________________________




(in reply to InkedMaster)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 3:19:37 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		It's impossible for me to be able to judge who's a Domme and who's a submissive in general conversation.  Some women who are quite assertive in the 'real' world can be quite submissive in the kink world, and vice versa.

To be honest, I have to hunt for the occasional submissive woman.  I've met a few (precious few) here, a few at munches.  I have met two inadvertently in vanilla settings.  They have revealed submissive tendencies in regular conversations, bringing up what has happened to them in the past, and what attracts them to certain men.

Honesty and forthrightness are best, in my opinion.

(in reply to awakenednj)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 4:06:24 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The ways that any good mature adult would- that they recognize their being a dominant is meaningless to me at that point and has no relevance on our discussion.

If you're looking to be swept off your feet, you'll end up cracking your head on the concrete.


What she said...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 6:38:13 PM   
BikerDomRealTime


Posts: 86
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: awakenednj

I am new to this. I am hungry for it. But.. how do you find out if a man can handle you while maintaining respectfullness. Masters- what are the best ways you have ever been approached? Please help.... Thank you


The slave that I am developing a relationship with now asked Me if I enjoyed pulling hair....

(in reply to awakenednj)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 7:15:27 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		lol..I met a really nice sub off a tennessee chatroom on msn.  we never discussed BDSM  or D/s for months..till one time after some ruff sex..I told her to kneel in front of the tv..and she did saying in a low voice..Yes,Master...never even knew she did it..till I brought it up the next day...lol

(in reply to InkedMaster)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 10:31:37 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Well, this might be confusing as my poenkitten has already replied to this post and for the most part I agree with her take with one exception.

Courtesy, and being polite is not respect.

Courtesy and manners are the lubrication that keeps our society running smoothly and most often is necessary to get business done. One expects courtesy and manners from others and if you expect smooth continued relations then the practice is essential. That being said you can hate someones guts but still have to work with them, courtesy and manners makes this possible.

Respect on the other hand has to be earned. Often you can earn a small portion of it through sinceare use of courtesy and manners but most often it is earned by nobel and selfless deeds. Good exsamples are putting youself on the line for others, Ignoring your needs to help or assist them, or just being there when they need you.

You can not demand respect. To demand something you have not earned is uncourteous and for many dominants a cardinal BDSM sin (atempting to dominate someone with out consent). You can demand courtesy and manners as they are to be expected. While this is still a sin it is more acceptable because it helps make the sub-culture possible. But without earning the respect first, it is nothing more then lipservice to keep the harmony of the group whole.

You can not give respect, you can only treat them people with courtesy, manners, and understanding. If thier actions result in genuine feelings of admiration, acceptance and trust of them, then they have earned your respect.

The earning of respect is a result of our actions and loss of respect is also a result of our actions.

True respect can not be gained through fear and intimidation only disgenuine manners and courtesy will result. Furthermore, when you no longer have leverage or you are weakened you can expect the full measure of your actions to be returned up you.

But, hey that is just my take on it.

Master of poenkitten
BlackPhx

"I am not kissing your ass. I am just dominating it with forceful blows of my lips."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/11/2008 10:48:02 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		I talk to my Sir with respect of course... and besides that, I'm just me... Silly, goofy, sexy, slutty, a tease (big one), intellectual... blah blah blah I mean really, other than the slutty and the tease part, I'm pretty much like that all the time so it's not much different....

OK, OK, I'll fess up to flirting with a few Domly persons here at CM. I love to flirt with them! (both male and female). I must do it, cause they're just too damn sexy! And yes, my Sir knows of course.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/12/2008 4:38:44 AM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Respectfully I must disagree beloved Master. Everyone, even a child must be accorded a small amount of respect upon first meeting. at least for me. Where it goes from there, up or down, depends on them. Yes it is courtesy and manners (something few people exhibit these days) that help to build on that initial respect on both sides, but please consider:
  1. We respect the personal space of another upon meeting. We don't grab, hug, kiss, pinch, grope or toss them to the floor and beat them there upon first meeting them, until they have indicated by body language that it is acceptible.
  2. We respect their right and turn to speak without interruption or rude and snide comments. One could place this under courtesy but it is also respect. We may offer the courtesy of our consideration regarding what they have to say, but we respect their right to say it.
  3. You respect my right to have an opinion and you always have from the very moment we met (or at least it seemed that way), but you accord me the courtesy and leeway to speak that opinion even if it does not match your own.
  4. A person respects your property line and your property rights (well save for those who try to rob you) and shows you the courtesy of not crossing them without showing the manners of asking to do so.

Courtesy and Manners are important, but you will never get to display them unless you offer that person a modicum of Respect just for being a person. Otherwise, far too many of those who "self-style" themselves as Dominants at clubs would just reach out and grab what is yours as if by right. Instead they respect your property and ownership by at least asking first. Those who don't are shown the error of their ways. I have met some very rude and disrespectful persons in my time, some at clubs which I attended even as a single person, they were shown the error of their ways very quickly, not only by myself, but by others who respected the rights of persons within the club to enjoy it peacefully and safely without being accosted.

poenkitten

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/12/2008 5:05:28 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I love to engage in conversation however it comes to me.  Just talk and say what's on your mind.  First and foremost I'm a human being. 

(in reply to awakenednj)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to talk to a Dom - 2/12/2008 6:05:37 AM   
BadGodLJE


Posts: 21
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline 		Just be yourself.  If you are true to yourself then it isn't going to matter how the other side reacts because if they react badly then they most likely aren't interested in who you are as a person.  Most relaionships are still based on a good many other things besides kink, although it IS a big part of most of our lives so try to get that connection first.  Only you can judge how comfortable you are with someone and when you are ready to take the next step from just exchanging views and information to the exploration of your personal roles to each other so take it easy and move with the flow instead of against it.

Levi

(in reply to awakenednj)
Profile   Post #: 40
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