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Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 3:50:59 PM

subnstudent

Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
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I'm a sub going to my first play party in Eugene* in a couple weeks and I'm not really sure what to expect. I know general common sense and etiquitte, from reading around a bit, but I'm not sure what sort of signs and behavior turn people off aside from that.

One issue I've heard about is that people assume you're owned or taken if you're wearing a collar. I'm sure I'm opening yet another can of worms with that one, but I'd like to know people's opinions so that when I approach people, they don't immediately write me off.

Does the same go for cuffs, and other toys?

Thanks,
~Nicholas

*I'm in Portland and was wondering if anyone on here knows the party I'm talking about? With any luck I'm hoping to also find a carpool, and I'm not sure what resources there are towards that end.

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Post #: 1

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 4:47:16 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

why assume anything why have any expectations or agenda , go in with a clear open mind and be an observer soak it all in and enjoy .Others can assume all they want if they do not come and ask and are told first hand then assumptions most likely shall be wrong anyway . Be yourself , let people see you , be open and honest , your actions speak volumes .Be polite and respectful . Conduct yourself with honor and your way ahead . most of all sneak in some fun

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Post #: 2

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 4:55:00 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

My guess is you are going "alone" even if you get a ride with someone. If you are going with a Lady, my advice is different.

Expect several single (or unhappily married) not-very-good-looking men who are do-me sensation-seekers. There will be couples and nice people too, but if you're a single guy, a lot of people will consider you as part of the "bullpen." I suggest that your primary objective be to make friends. Speak to women calmly. Get to know who they are when they aren't wearing the fetish costume. Interact more or less vanilla, while observing whatever F/m protocols are in place. If you are not driven by the need to get your rocks off, you will stand out as a young man mature beyond his years.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 3

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 5:00:08 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

If you're at all nervous, i'd recommend calling or emailing ahead and asking the person running the show (they tend to be level headed and good judges of people, usually with a good amount of experience) if they could recommend someone trustworthy who might be willing to take you under their wing on your first visit.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 4

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 5:21:29 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent
I'm a sub going to my first play party in Eugene* in a couple weeks and I'm not really sure what to expect. I know general common sense and etiquitte, from reading around a bit, but I'm not sure what sort of signs and behavior turn people off aside from that.

Really there isn't any beyond that. Just like at a vanilla party, most people are there just to hang out, make friends and try not to be perceived as utterly dorky by everyone else.

A few yucky ones will look for problems.

quote:

One issue I've heard about is that people assume you're owned or taken if you're wearing a collar. I'm sure I'm opening yet another can of worms with that one, but I'd like to know people's opinions so that when I approach people, they don't immediately write me off.

Does the same go for cuffs, and other toys?

Thanks,
~Nicholas

*I'm in Portland and was wondering if anyone on here knows the party I'm talking about? With any luck I'm hoping to also find a carpool, and I'm not sure what resources there are towards that end.

A collar GENERALLY does mean that someone is in some sort of relationship as a sub. With these caveats:
1) Not always, it could just be a fashion deal
2) That doesn't mean they aren't also a master
3) It is meaningless in terms of any social interaction with anyone else.

If they have some special protocol, it's up to THEM to communicate that. It's not YOUR responsibility to mind read.

Really, just relax, be a mature person and you'll be fine.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1193237/mpage_1/key_first/tm.htm#1193413
party etiquette

http://www.collarchat.com/m_576521/mpage_1/key_party/tm.htm#576524
first time party?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_323269/mpage_1/key_first/tm.htm#323597
First Lifestyle Meeting

http://www.collarchat.com/m_311113/mpage_1/key_first%252Cparty/tm.htm#311125
Your First Experience

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291346/mpage_1/key_first%252Ctime%252Cclub%252Cplay/tm.htm#291346
1st Time at the Wet Spot

http://www.collarchat.com/m_195507/mpage_1/key_first%252Ctime%252Cclub%252Cplay/tm.htm#195507
Behaviors and Reactions During Play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_78610/mpage_1/key_first%252Ctime%252Cclub%252Cplay/tm.htm#78610
Question about First Time Scenes

http://www.collarchat.com/m_249091/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#249091
My first real scene!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_221923/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#221923
First Play party

http://www.collarchat.com/m_202913/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#202913
Novice Reactions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_95381/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#95381
"playing" on the first meet?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subnstudent)

Post #: 5

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 6:05:13 PM

subnstudent

Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice so far.

darchChylde, what do you mean by calling ahead? Something like, "Hey, can you introduce me to someone who could show me a few things around the party?"

RedMagic, I am going alone. I'm also gay, so the 'men' part isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's more being an accessory to deception that I don't really like, but that's a whole other ball game. I understand people don't like getting treat like NPC's, but it's an important thing to keep in mind.

LA, you're absolutely right. What I'm worried about, I guess, is *everybody* thinking that way. The only way for me to find out, though, is to just go. And congrats on getting past the 14999 mark.. I've been wanting to see what icon people get. ^_^

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Post #: 6

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 6:42:04 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent

Thanks for the advice so far.

darchChylde, what do you mean by calling ahead? Something like, "Hey, can you introduce me to someone who could show me a few things around the party?"

Not exactly, more along the lines of "Can you or anyone else show me who i might want to look out for?"

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to subnstudent)

Post #: 7

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 6:59:00 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

wow .. got dissed and left out on this one - oooh well . hope you picked the advice you like the best and enjoy ..

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 8

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 7:02:08 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Well, I think your advice was good, AZ.

Student, do you see a common theme here? It really isn't that different from being yourself in a vanilla situation. Don't make it a BIGFUCKINGDEAL. Do your best to make friends and hang loose.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 9

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 7:04:49 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

why thanks alot Red Magic , maybe i had too much nyquil and i am a bit sensitive

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Post #: 10

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 7:08:44 PM

subnstudent

Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

wow .. got dissed and left out on this one - oooh well . hope you picked the advice you like the best and enjoy ..

Nothing against *you* azropedntied, just there's not always comments and questions. Of course, if you look at it, you're making an assumption right there; that I was ignoring you. And isn't that your loss?

_____________________________

*dons obligatory +2 Sign of Opinions and Fire Resistance*

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Post #: 11

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 7:23:30 PM

Shadowrun

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

So far most of the advice I see is pretty good. The best advice in my mind, whether you going to a play party or a larger event is to go with the attitude, "I'm going to have fun." However, don't try to define what "fun" is. If you go with the attitude, "I will have fun if X happens." Now even if you are at a fun party and X doesn't happen, then you are going to feel like you didn't have a good time because of different expectations.

Now in terms of party etiquette your best bet is initially just watch what's going on and it's something confuses you ask someone. Most people are not complete etiquette Nazis and they are not going to come down on you for a minor faux pas, if you are being respectful.

And then what someone else said here if you could talk to or e-mail some of the organizers of the party, they can give you a better opinion as to what to expect.

In terms of collars, you weren't clear as to whether or not you wear a collar for some specific purpose. Again, etiquette over collars can vary widely depending on the group. In Central Ohio, we tend to be fairly relaxed over collars. In my mind pretty much universally it means you belong to someone. Normally it's not an issue to talk to someone with a collar although generally would be good etiquette to initially in the conversation say something like, "I see you're wearing a collar. Are there some specific rules I should be aware?"

Hopefully this gives you some ideas. So just go to the party and have fun.

(in reply to subnstudent)

Post #: 12

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 7:32:36 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subnstudent
if you look at it, you're making an assumption right there; that I was ignoring you. And isn't that your loss?

Not a winning attitude for a play party. People like being acknowledged, not dissed twice on the same thread.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to subnstudent)

Post #: 13

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 8:26:19 PM

subnstudent

Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Not a winning attitude for a play party. People like being acknowledged, not dissed twice on the same thread.

Yeah... I know.

Not really trying to diss you, azropedntied, but I guess that 'making a point' sorta does so anyway. Sorry about that.

I normally wear a collar because the act of wearing it means something special to me. As far as the play party, I have a different set of collar, wrist cuffs, and ankle cuffs that I'd bring with me for playing with. But what most of you guys here are saying is that I really shouldn't worry about the "secret handshake" and if I notice it being a problem, just find someone and ask them. I should just go and have fun, and if it happens to involve something I wanted to try, then great.

Thanks.

< Message edited by subnstudent -- 2/10/2008 9:04:55 PM >

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Post #: 14

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/10/2008 9:09:08 PM

greyangelus

Posts: 192
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

When you first get there, take a few minutes to breath and just watch unobtrusively for a bit. I don't know how wild or mild it'll be, but the first times always a bit of shock to the system. Remember, you've never gone before, and the reality of something like this will be different from what you think, no matter how prepared you are beforehand. Take a couple seconds to get used to the lighting, the sounds, the smells, if you can, pick out whatever emotional energy is in the air.

And after that, get off the damn wall and go say 'Hi' to someone.

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Post #: 15

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/11/2008 11:31:55 PM

subnstudent

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Joined: 9/18/2006
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GreyAngelus, that's pretty much what I had in mind. Thanks! ^_^

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Post #: 16

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/12/2008 3:50:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

For the sake of adding a different view, I wanted to say something about the post.

Some people will see your collar as a sign of ownership, and therefore may not approach you. They aren't trying to be rude by not saying hello first. In fact, if they are observing a high protocol, it's the exact opposite. If they think you are a collared sub, they are showing courtesy and respect to any potential D who's collar that might be. That applies even if you show up to the party on your own.

I'm not saying don't wear your collar to the party. In fact, it will be a good time for you to do so. I'm just saying be aware that some might see the collar differently than you do and don't want to offend by not coming up to you first.

Have fun. Everyone remembers their first play party. Good luck.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 17

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/12/2008 5:43:47 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I just wanted to address the collar part of your post...I've never been to any of the festivities in Eugene, but people in the PacNW seem to be pretty relaxed about collars, depending on what it looks like. If it looks like something that you can take on and off easily, the people that I've met tend to assume it's a fashion accessory and just come out and ask.

I've definitely been to places where the protocol was much more stringent about who wears a collar and what is appropriate dialogue for one wearing a collar...so don't sweat it.

Anyway, good luck and have a great time!

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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Post #: 18

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/12/2008 11:29:16 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i don't know if this is what you are looking for...but here is my advice...unless you are going there to meet someone with the intention of playing, do not expect to play...that was my biggest dissapointment at the first play parties i attended by myself...because i had been attending play parties for a few years with my signifigant others, i didn't know what it was like, even as a single bisexual female submissive, to not have someone to play with...and most people -from both sides- have their dance cards full before the night begins, at least in my experience...

usually the person(s) at the door will ask you if you have ever been to that event/party before...take this opportunity to say "no, in fact this is my first ever play party, is there someone that can show me the ropes, no pun intended" or something like that...

as for the collar...lots of people have addressed that...if you run into problems getting people to talk to you because of the assumed "taken" because of the collar...engage in conversation with another submissive/slave that seems to know the people in the group, explain what is going on and what you think is going on and ask them to make introductions...or maybe this will be the person that is "showing you the ropes"...still no pun intended....

as for other general advice...walk in wearing descrete clothes...every place i have ever been to has a place where you can change, or take off clothes to reveal a harness or whatever underneath....but it is typically bad publicity to walk up to a play party place in fetish gear...i don't know for sure about the specific party you are going to...but thats just usually how it goes...(i have been to play parties held in the seperate party building of a family restraunt and another place is right next to a cheerleader clinic place...that scared the crap out of me when they had a lock-in)

anywho...just my food for thought...most of all...relax, don't expect any specific thing, meet some new people, and you can have some fun...
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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Post #: 19

RE: Play party Newb-- what to expect? - 2/13/2008 12:48:14 PM

subnstudent

Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

Thanks. The party I'm going to specifically says "come to the party in vanilla clothes; there's a place to change inside." The DM seems pretty nice so I'm sure I can ask him about the goings-on. For the collar, people *might* not approach me, but from what you guys have said, I won't be ostracized for going up and saying hi to someone myself, which is good to know. As for the "dance cards" thing.. I am going hoping to get to play myself, but if nothing else I'll meet people who have the interest in common. Networking is good, too.

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Post #: 20

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