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Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 4:42:23 AM

LadyHathor

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Inspired by thoughts on another thread--the original post is not relevant here as some of the resulting comments that I'd like to hear thoughts about:

To paraphrase: "if two people have been in an online/chatting/ phone relationship for a great deal of time ( lets say 6 months -2 years here for the sake of a stake in the ground) and have not met --chances are it isn't going to happen. Where there is a will there is a way..

Now, I tend to look at the other side of the coin--today in the US, gas is 3.00 a gallon, homes are in foreclosure, credit card debt is over the top, airline tickets are on the rise and train tickets now are almost as much---I believe that there are just people who don't have the money or the opportunity to do it, no matter what the will wants.

Thoughts?

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 4:54:28 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I tend to think that if people are financially strapped and know they will never be able to fly over to England to meet their online partner, then they picked someone that far away to chat with for a reason. Because the truth is, if you live in any urban center, you will have more than enough possible partners to meet that you could get together for coffee every day for six months before you began to repeat yourself.

In that case, why would you pick someone that far away knowing you won't ever meet? Simple, you don't want to take the risk of meeting. You don't want to take the risk of it not working out, of being rejected, of the other not living up to your fantasy. You're afraid and manage the fear by never facing it.

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 4:55:40 AM

adoracat

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that's where Daddy and i are right now. he lives a little over an hour and a half from me, and the gas adds up fast. that's nearly a full tank for him, and it DOES add up.

a year ago when we met (a little less than a year i guess) his promise of seeing me twice a month was quite doable. now....sometimes it goes a month or more. oh, we email and IM and talk on the phone, but its not the same as seeing his face, or being in his arms.

i dont know which one of us is more frustrated about it...but as i say, "not going anywhere!" and we go on.

kitten

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 3

RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 5:02:11 AM

servantforuse

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If you live 100 miles apart and your car gets 25 mpg, thats only about 4 gallons of fuel in the U.S. or about 12 dollars each way. That is not breaking the bank. Anyone can cut a few corners in there everyday life to save 12 bucks a week...If you really want to..

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 4

RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 5:06:38 AM

MistressVnus

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From: Central Florida
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If they can't afford the travel, then they shouldn't be engaging in a long distance "get to know you" on line without the ability to follow-up at some point. Why would you? It would only frustrate me and I would think the other person as well. My profile clearly states that for the "oh so many" who choose to petition from afar and are not local.
And, if the are not local, I ask right off if they have the means and time to travel frequently for extended visits and what it would take to relocate. In addition, if they keep my interest, I will request the meeting within a few weeks just to make sure they CAN travel at thier leisure. I'm not gonna waste my time for naught.

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 5:07:14 AM

Lashra

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My sub lived in another state when I met him online. We kept in contact via the internet and the telephone during the first year, and then I went to meet him. The reason I went to him was because I could afford to travel and he could not.

I have two ways of looking at it, first I knew he was getting divorced as we had esablished that and he had lived up here before moving. So he was coming back to the area regardless if we had worked out or not. Secondly if I hadn't known for certain that he was planning to move up here anyway (and I cannot move)then I would have told him from the get go that it was an online relationship only and to feel free to date others in real life.

I agree traveling and relocating is very tough these days and if I were still looking I do not think I would consider someone who couldn't live closer to me. Long distance relationships are tough, I know I've been involved in them and to even consider being involved with someone that I'd never meet face to face is just not worth it to me.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyHathor)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 6:39:22 AM

toservez

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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There is getting in a long distant relationship where neither has the ability to meet even once and being in a long distance relationship where due to finances people cannot meet as often as they would like.

To me not ever being able to meet is just a red flag that waves strongly. People seem to always afford gas in their cars, caffeine and nicotine supplies and fast food but not being able to save by both people when pretty much a real time relationship is the biggest thing in our life, one just has to wonder.

Who knows the reasons but do not down play the safety of it for the two people involved. But if people are seriously wanting to find that real time relationship that there either should be a way to meet in real time or one should look where that is more realistic. Not that we never hear of these types of relationships working out but we also know they are a long shot.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LadyHathor)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 6:51:03 AM

LadyPact

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I'm in the "where there's a will, there's a way" camp. It really does come down to what's important to you. Even if it does take some time to save up, cut back expenses, or some other means, most trips within the same continent can be worked out. The greater the distance, of course, might take longer, or the trips might not be as frequent, but I don't see them as impossible, if the people involved are willing to do what is necessary to make them happen. Sometimes, it comes down to a matter of what is the real priority.

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:00:00 AM

OmegaG

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FR

There was a time when I could not afford one more pack of ramen noodles a week. Of course at that time my priorities were not trying to find something on the internet but making sure that there was food in the house for the ums and working on plans to change our situation.

When I first started talking to m'Lord we did discuss the distance, how interaction would take place and how transient I was because he is not. If we couldn't have figured out how to make it work, we wouldn't have continued to interact.

I know people who have grand ideals that are beyond their means and no matter how much they want them to work, they just aren't going to. There has to be a bit of practicality to go along with the will.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:08:56 AM

Justme696

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there can be so many reason besides money, it is hard to judge others......but yes in 2 years...one would think there would be a way to meet. You always can meet half way too

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:20:22 AM

softness

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From: Leeds, UK
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Fast Reply

If we want someone enough, we make sure we get over obstacles like distance and finance, if we choose to continue in the face of insurmountable obstacles ... then it begs the question if we really want it to survive?

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OmegaG)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:52:23 AM

atursvcMaam

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in my humble opinion, and in my fairly limited experience, if people want to meet then it will happen. However, distance, time, and finances are a wonderful way to say "i'm not convinced" or "i'm not that into Y/you" without making it a personal assault.
i don't believe that i would want to take someone's alcohol problem, divorce woes, depression or other difficulties on face to face unless i was fully commited to that P/person's well being and future. That could be chicken, practical or just selfish, but, i also believe that it is more fair than taking them on, and then dropping them. just a thoght.

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(in reply to softness)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 6:06:25 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Six months? Maybe. Two years? My gut says it ain't happ'nin'.

Master Fire

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(in reply to LadyHathor)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 6:15:09 PM

AAkasha

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My longest online relationship was about two years, a little more, before we met. When I was looking for "relationship partners" my goal was to meet someone in the first few weeks or less (chemistry had to be there). In his case, he was just an online (PHONE, I should say)boytoy, and I never intended to meet him anyway, unless it was for a "fling" -- and he wasn't looking for casual beating/sex/whatever with an older woman from another country. When I decided I was attracted to him enough to *want* that real life meeting (and fling), he did not. It actually caused us to stop talking for some period of time because I thought he was being an ass about it (after all, I was ready to fly out there and pay, it was no obligation for him), but his reasons were just that he wasn't the type to engage in anything like that for a "fling" Once we worked that out, it was maybe a year later that our mutual feelings shifted to romantic, and as soon as we came to terms with that we met in person shortly after, then got married a few months later. I'm not someone that pussyfoots around.

Akasha
PS: In hindsight, if he HAD given in a year earlier and we had the "fling", prior to the intimate emotional connection we had made in the year or so of conversations that followed, I am not sure the chemistry would have been the same; and emotionally, he is not sure if he would have felt that same after engaging in something so casual and physical which went against his nature. Timing is funny that way.

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(in reply to LadyHathor)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:01:44 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

that's where Daddy and i are right now. he lives a little over an hour and a half from me, and the gas adds up fast. that's nearly a full tank for him, and it DOES add up.

a year ago when we met (a little less than a year i guess) his promise of seeing me twice a month was quite doable. now....sometimes it goes a month or more. oh, we email and IM and talk on the phone, but its not the same as seeing his face, or being in his arms.

i dont know which one of us is more frustrated about it...but as i say, "not going anywhere!" and we go on.

kitten

We met five years ago and gas was half the price then it is now. Used to be $50 got him enough to come up and go back down. Now it barely covers one way when he goes back down to see his ums.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to adoracat)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:17:25 PM

sweetwenchie

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
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With the fears of a huge recession looming over everyone, i can see where it might be difficult to put money aside for traveling. That aside however, 2 years is far too long for me to wait. i do not make a fortune, and have little ones to support, but i would find a way to put money aside to see that person face to face. i have nothing against online, it is a good way to get to know a person, even for some feelings to develop, but if i start to think it will remain online indefinitely i have to wonder why. Finances are tight for a large number of people, and i accept that, but as has been said over and over, where there is a will there is a way. If one wishes to have a deeper relationship than online can provide, then compromises have to made financially. Overcoming obstacles shows comittment to the other person, and their willingness to become more.

just my own rambling thoughts.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to LadyHathor)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 7:31:12 PM

Missokyst

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I don't see the point of looking for a relationship that begins with a huge obstacle. Distance, moving, who moves to whom, leaving family friends and jobs behind, being far from the UMs, picking up to an area where you have no ties.. for what? Relationships are hard enough when you have lots of things going for you. Why add in distance when you can look more locally?
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 11:00:59 PM

kallisto

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I'm under the impression where there is a will there is a way. I'm not putting any kind of time length on a relationship. That has to be determined by the parties involved. But I do believe that if meeting is the goal, then you will find a way. I think people can set it up (unconsciously maybe) where finances are an easy excuse not to meet, (don't have the money for travel, too far to travel, etc).

(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/11/2008 11:42:07 PM

greyangelus

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Actually I can see this happening quite easily. Life changes around you, and sometimes it lets you go and have the oppurtunity for real change and with some advance warninng. You get told your getting laid off in 6 months and the only thing keeping you there was that job. Your graduating from college in 12 months and you have no job prospects. You get divorced and theonly tie keeping you there was the now ex-SO.

It doens't happen often, but when it does it sounds like a great time to start an LDR.

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 19

RE: Where there is a will, there is a way, or not - 2/12/2008 2:07:08 AM

heartcream

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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This makes sense to me from both sides. I can easily see how 99.9% of the time it is not going to happen.

I also feel aligned with the possibility that if I 'met' someone here, got a searing strong sense of their persona from their profile, was strongly swayed by their presence in the boards, if they moved me in a way nobody else would, that it was that exact specific person who would best turn my key -I sense within me, I believe it could happen, with a tidal wave of magic. Even if I was not happening financially.

A chance in a Life-time thing. A dream come true.

I could also deal with someone like that rejecting me in 'that' way. Really, to get face to face with someone like that, to actually be across the table meeting their eyes, for example, would totally trip me out. In the end if I wasnt rejected, then

.

Right place, right time is God in a connection like this. Sometimes the most mysterious things can happen.

< Message edited by heartcream -- 2/12/2008 2:08:56 AM >

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(in reply to greyangelus)

Post #: 20

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