RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (Full Version)

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ShiftedJewel -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/11/2005 5:11:00 PM)

quote:

so far for ME 30 days or less

wolf


I agree wolf, the sooner the better as far as I'm concerned. Granted there are circumstances occasionally that prevent a meeting within a month, but those are few and far between, at least in my experience. Meeting real time takes a lot of the "fantasy" and imagined expectations out of the picture, it seems to make talking easier as well since we know exactly who we are talking too. I've noticed that, at least in my personal experience, that those that want to put off meeting or talking on the phone are hiding something... But that's coming from someone that is beginning to see submissives in the same light as the elusive unicorn.... beautiful in stories and pictures....

the "Jaded" Jewel



MsIncognito -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/11/2005 7:09:20 PM)

If someone captures my interest online I prefer to meet fairly quickly. Not because I or they are 'do me' types but because it's far, far too easy to pretend you're someone you're not through email and IM's. I prefer to continue getting to know the person in person rather than online so i can see for myself if they really are the way they portray themselves. While I would never push someone to meet before they are comfortable I'd see continually putting off meeting as a red flag.



ragdoll -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/11/2005 7:44:47 PM)

Because i am "newish" ... i probably hesitate in meeting people really fast... but.. that doesn't mean i don't want to meet! .. i don't have any interest in online relationships, and wouldn't even really feel i was in a "relationship" with someone (at least in any kind of genuine way) until we'd met face to face. i'd consider us "friends" certainly.... prior to meeting face to face... but.. not oodles more (even if there were an online attraction).

Talking on the phone i'm willing to do pretty fast (though i am terribly shy).... and would talk to someone on the phone after a couple days of message exchanging online... 'cause i think phone allows one to get a better "feel" for how a person is in real life better than "typed" out stuff...

umm! i probably wouldn't meet someone face to face unless we'd been talkin' on the phone for a least a month (and that's us talking on the phone several times a week). ~~ i hate ta' say that.... 'cause it seems a lot of people perfer things happening a lot faster than that.......

i'd also never ever ever play with someone the first time i met them. Which isn't to say i think it's wrong for people to do that... just... i know it's not for me.

...........!



OscarHargraves -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/11/2005 7:52:58 PM)

I too prefer to meet in person as soon as the Sub feels she is comfortable enough to meet me. I want to meet in a public place, buy her a drink (or dinner) and spend some time talking to her. I can learn an awful lot more by watching her expressions and the way she carries herself than I ever can on e-mail. I'm sure this is true for her too. If we hit it off then I'll ask for another meeting. Again in public and again to talk. If that works out and we want to communicate more then I'll give her my personal e-mail address and maybe my phone number if she will do the same.

Meeting to play however is different. I want to meet several times and talk and be sure that she knows exactly what I expect. I also need to have a pretty good idea of what her expectations are and where she wants to go with this.

I try to handle these meetings just like I would a Vanilla one. Make her comfortable, get her to talk and LISTEN to what she has to say. If it feels wrong or I think there's something kind of out of place then I ask more questions and I try to find out what it is. If I can't then I thank her for a nice evening but tell her that I don't think this is going to work out for the two of us and go my own way.



Faramir -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/11/2005 9:01:34 PM)

SMS and I met in RL one week after she emailed me.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 1:20:00 AM)

I would expect to meet with in the first month or sooner of talking. I've done the spend months on line tip toe about meeting ext ec and I won't fool around with someone who's not as serious as I am about seeing if we would potentially enjoy hanging out possibly more.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 4:30:21 AM)

quote:

umm! i probably wouldn't meet someone face to face unless we'd been talkin' on the phone for a least a month (and that's us talking on the phone several times a week). ~~ i hate ta' say that.... 'cause it seems a lot of people perfer things happening a lot faster than that.......



I think you have to be careful to not confuse "meeting quickly" with "not spending time getting to know each other".

To me, the purpose of meeting within a time frame is because you can get to know each other far better face to face than online or on the phone. I also would not play on the first meet; that's generally several "dates" on down the line. If you are interested in having a relationship with someone, it behooves you to spend time with one another to see if the compatability is there.

I've also referenced before what I call the "dance of indecision" that novices engage in. They'll come across as extremely gung ho and swear their intent is real and want to be taken seriously and given a chance (we've all heard it before)....but will bolt at the drop of a hat when things progress to doing something REAL like meeting over coffee. I'd rather NOT spend a great deal of time talking to someone online/on the phone who just isn't going to have the balls to get out there and meet.



LadyAngelika -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 4:57:03 AM)

quote:

I think you have to be careful to not confuse "meeting quickly" with "not spending time getting to know each other".

To me, the purpose of meeting within a time frame is because you can get to know each other far better face to face than online or on the phone. I also would not play on the first meet; that's generally several "dates" on down the line. If you are interested in having a relationship with someone, it behooves you to spend time with one another to see if the compatability is there.

I've also referenced before what I call the "dance of indecision" that novices engage in. They'll come across as extremely gung ho and swear their intent is real and want to be taken seriously and given a chance (we've all heard it before)....but will bolt at the drop of a hat when things progress to doing something REAL like meeting over coffee. I'd rather NOT spend a great deal of time talking to someone online/on the phone who just isn't going to have the balls to get out there and meet.


Sonnet, you hit the nail on the head on all points. I've always been an advocate of cutting to the chase. I refuse to spend months, even weeks corresponding with someone who I might turn out to have no spark with or who will run away when it comes time to meet. That is way too much time to invest into a not so sure thing.

If people are meeting in public places for a coffee, a drink and that they are safe about it, then the danger level is low. There is no reason to put it off so long. Now sometimes it is not possible to meet right away, like in the case of long distances, but even then, when starting to talk with someone who is not within arm's reach, you have to evaluate the likely hood that you will be able to hook up. It might take a bit longer but you have to find a way to meet within a reasonable time frame.

- LA



ShiftedJewel -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 4:58:22 AM)

quote:

I've also referenced before what I call the "dance of indecision" that novices engage in. They'll come across as extremely gung ho and swear their intent is real and want to be taken seriously and given a chance (we've all heard it before)....but will bolt at the drop of a hat when things progress to doing something REAL like meeting over coffee. I'd rather NOT spend a great deal of time talking to someone online/on the phone who just isn't going to have the balls to get out there and meet.


Amen!! I completely agree. It's even worse when it's their idea to meet up and then don't bother to show up, call, email, leave an offline message.... nothing.



ChereeAmoor -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 5:20:06 AM)

I met with one Netbuddy after a few months, just as a friend, and tried to meet with another, but that time nobody showed up. But a few months isn't too long to wait to meet someone, and there is so much to talk about when you DO meet - much more comfortable, in my opinion, to wait awhile but not more than 6 months.



ragdoll -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 5:28:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

I think you have to be careful to not confuse "meeting quickly" with "not spending time getting to know each other".

To me, the purpose of meeting within a time frame is because you can get to know each other far better face to face than online or on the phone. I also would not play on the first meet; that's generally several "dates" on down the line. If you are interested in having a relationship with someone, it behooves you to spend time with one another to see if the compatability is there.

I've also referenced before what I call the "dance of indecision" that novices engage in. They'll come across as extremely gung ho and swear their intent is real and want to be taken seriously and given a chance (we've all heard it before)....but will bolt at the drop of a hat when things progress to doing something REAL like meeting over coffee. I'd rather NOT spend a great deal of time talking to someone online/on the phone who just isn't going to have the balls to get out there and meet.


i think a lot of what you said makes sense. Though... i would dislike falling entirely in that catagory. For one thing.. i don't think i'm "gung ho" about anything, or... overly newbish enthusiastic.... i try to be really realistic and honest...

i was going to respond more.. but.... kind of chickened out 'cause i don't want to start a debate or anything. And besides.... i do truly see your point.



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 2:09:41 PM)

quote:

i think a lot of what you said makes sense. Though... i would dislike falling entirely in that catagory. For one thing.. i don't think i'm "gung ho" about anything, or... overly newbish enthusiastic.... i try to be really realistic and honest...

i was going to respond more.. but.... kind of chickened out 'cause i don't want to start a debate or anything. And besides.... i do truly see your point.


Debate is a good thing :-)

What I express is what works for me, what are my points of view.

Not *all* newbies are like that. However....I've been around the block a few times and I freely admit that my patience in coaxing someone out to meet who is uncertain of their wants is fairly nonexistent right now.



Nuke718 -> RE: What time frame do you generally set for meeting an online contact? (9/12/2005 2:37:27 PM)

Ya know, I have been many sidess of this topic. Was gonna say 2 sides, but there are at least double that.

I have wanted to meet quickly with somebody I was really impressed with who wanted to take it slow. We did/are taking it slow.

I have had people who wanted to meet quickly that I was unsure of and wanted to message more first. We took it slow and they disappeared.

I have had people I felt and immediate connection to, and they felt the same. We met for dinner/drinks/coffee within a week and either hit it off or not.

And finally there have been people who wanted to meet fast, but I was unsure. We met at a safe place and they set off more alarms, and I left.

So, it varies by relationship. I guess my rule is that I don't have a hard-n-fast rule. Generally speeking tho within my geographical area, which are the ONLY people I worry about meeting IRL, I wanna meet within a week to a month. OL people, I just talk to, since I don't cyber I figure it doesn't matter if I take them at their words.

Nuke }:-



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