What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship?

What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (Full Version)

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atursvcMaam -> What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 7:17:37 AM)
If O/one looks at it in a certain way, approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death. i recently ended a relationship where we were together for about a year. (by together, we had seen each other's faces, Talked, hugged, and stuff like that there) i was rather surprised to find out that, for Her, the year together was one of Her longest relationships (including 2 marriages). As for me, it was just a beginning. i had been married for 11 years, had a brief Poly BDSM relationship (18 months) after being divorced. and then an 8 year serious relationship. By serious i mean that the relationship was exclusive, Marriage was discussed, a ring was purchased, or at least sized, and future plans were made. i have read comments on this site that express an undying devotion among people who have not met outside of the internet. Some of these "relationships" have apparently lasted for years this way. So i figured i would ask for Y/your views. What is Y/your thought of a "serious" or successful relationship? i will appreciate Y/your input.

camille65 -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 7:22:01 AM)
I cannot define what a serious or successful relationship would be for other people. For myself, a serious or successful relationship is one in which both of us connect at a particular level and put in a certain amount of effort. I also don't have a time limit on it.

toservez -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 7:26:23 AM)
To be a successful relationship it just takes being in one at least one year two months five days three hours ten minutes and forty-five seconds. ;) In all seriousness to me a serious relationship is when both people gave all of themselves to the other regardless of how long it lasted. A successful relationship is any relationship dynamic that benefits the two people involved. Time has no bearing and is only something to artificially boasts one’ self. We are all human beings and subject to the whims of fate and situations that are often not in our control. One person’s flake is another’s married thirty years.

Justme696 -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 7:26:45 AM)
when you are happy together

LadyPact -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 8:01:58 AM)
I agree with the above. It's not like there is a certain time frame set in stone that is the deciding factor on whether a relationship is successful or not. Just like your analogy of all marriages end somewhere (either divorce or death), they also all start somewhere, too. Who's to say how long they will last or which fate will be had? Either way, I think you are really asking two questions, rather than just the one. I see a successful relationship as where the people involved are happy. I see a serious relationship as one that impacts a person's life.

CMRTyson -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 8:33:39 AM)
I don't know that I can define what is a serious or successful relationship, but I know I am in one. We, my galilah and I, have been together for over 10 years. In that time we have overcome hardships with each other's support and love. We have explored possibilities and forgiven mistakes. We have been together and because of personal reasons we maintained our relationship even when life requirements demanded that it be long distance for a period of years. The relationship is part of our lives and affects us every hour or every day. While we have never lived in the same house, yet I believe this relationship is as 24/7 as you can get and as permanent as the fates will allow. This relationship helps define us and it has been that way since our first weeks together. That is how I would define serious and I know it is successful. CMR Tyson

akisha -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 8:39:05 AM)
I had a 7 month relationship that was deeper and more meaningful then my 5 years together with my now ex-husband. To me the 7 month relationship was more successful. I have had 3 important and meaningful relationships in my life. One was for 6 years, one was for 5 years and one for 7 months. I learned more and felt more in the 7 month one then in the previous 2. I guess it all depends on what you classify as serious. My desire is that the next one, is also the final one, but you never know what the future holds.

TracyTaken -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 8:43:15 AM)
quote: What is Y/your thought of a "serious" or successful relationship? i will appreciate Y/your input. I would consider it serious when both parties are committed to being with each other real time for the long haul. I would consider it successful if they managed to do that and were happy that they did.

AtlantaMistress -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 9:17:36 AM)
I don't think time has any bearing on if a relationship is serious - it is more what part it plays in your life. You bring the end of all relatioships break up or death - so as an example: a couple, maybe love at first site - or quick into a relatioship - spending more time together than not, obviously having an impact on each others lives - and one dies in a tragic accident after only a few months. You wouldn't say the relationship wasn't serious simply because it was short - would you? Just trying to prove the point - I don't think time determines whether a relationship is serious, or for that matter successful. I was with my ex-husband for 17 years - we got divorced, but the greatest success of my life is the two children that came from that marriage! I do understand, however, this need that everyone seems to want to label things, and how it effects our own decision making - as I have recently gotten into a "serious" relationship that is moving quickly, and have enough trouble with my own trust issues, it certainly doesn't help to have everyone else - trying to just be protective (on both sides) warning us of going to fast. Other peoples opinions can get in the way, and sometimes I wish we didn't have to talk about and analyze it, but then again, the open communication is wonderful and helps with building trust. The amazing thing is to see through the eyes of my children, who really have been through so much - to say they like him, because they see ME happy.

denika -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 9:25:24 AM)
Can you see them as part of your life in the future? Do you make each other(s) happy? That is the start of a serious relationship, the biggest building block also being, do you love each other? Time can be what you make it. I've been with my husband for 18 years, and at times it feels like no time has passed, it just flows and can even catch us off guard "We are 'HOW old now??' lol when did that happen??? I've been with Dale for five months (I've known him over a year) and this is as serious as it can get in a poly relationship, I love him deeply, our relationship is based on more than just D/s it's encorperated into it but it's not the only part of it. I also love his wife very much as well, the more I get to know her the more I learn what an incredible person she is. It got serious for me the moment I realised I was in love, for both Rob and Dale. I'm not much of a pre-planner in life aside from the basics that have to be, but I do know that I see us a part of our lives even when we are old and chasing each other down the hall of the nursing home in our walkers[:D] Wolf's denika

kyraofMists -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 9:48:30 AM)
To me serious and successful are not the same thing. I don't even think that serious is the best word to use to describe relationships in general. I prefer the term committed; I think that is what most people mean when they use serious. I think it is a mistake to judge relationships based on the idea of "until death do us part". To be committed to a relationship does not mean that you have to be in the relationship for the rest of your/their life. To be committed to the relationship means that you uphold what has been agreed to within the relationship. In my relationship, the three of us are committed to spending the rest of our lives together. We are committed to enriching each others lives and to the family that we have built. Other people make commitments for different things, so it would not be prudent for me to judge them based on longevity. To me, a successful relationship is one that enriches my life in some way. I think people come into our lives to give us what we need at a particular time. Some people are meant to be in our lives for a long time. Other people are only meant to be in our lives for a short time. There was one man that was only in my life for a few weeks and yet his presence spurred me to change the direction of my life and as a result it has been enriched beyond belief. That brief relationship was highly successful for me. Many people would look at that relationship and underestimate its value. We met 3 or 4 times to have sex, no dates or conversations in between the times we saw each other. However, the last time that we parted he said one sentence to me and that made me take a step back and reevaluate what I was doing in other parts of my life and I made a huge change as a result. My life was enriched, so it was a very successful relationship even though I have not seen him again. Knight's Kyra

OmegaG -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 9:51:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: atursvcMaam If O/one looks at it in a certain way, approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death. i recently ended a relationship where we were together for about a year. (by together, we had seen each other's faces, Talked, hugged, and stuff like that there) i was rather surprised to find out that, for Her, the year together was one of Her longest relationships (including 2 marriages). As for me, it was just a beginning. i had been married for 11 years, had a brief Poly BDSM relationship (18 months) after being divorced. and then an 8 year serious relationship. By serious i mean that the relationship was exclusive, Marriage was discussed, a ring was purchased, or at least sized, and future plans were made. i have read comments on this site that express an undying devotion among people who have not met outside of the internet. Some of these "relationships" have apparently lasted for years this way. So i figured i would ask for Y/your views. What is Y/your thought of a "serious" or successful relationship? i will appreciate Y/your input. A successful relationship has nothing to do with time-- I know of long term relationships that are far from successful and the reasons they continue are unhealthy. A successful relationship is one where to good out weighs the bad, where it is concluded when it's time has passed rather then fighting for all the wrong reasons and staying just to say you stayed while being miserable. In a successful relationship you grow, the other people grow, love and compassion are shared. It may be a building block for other successful relationships, it may help define for one what they need to create successful relationships. If one was to percieve any past relationships that did not last a life time as failures, then we would all be failures as none of us stay with the first relationship we encountered.

KatyLied -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 9:59:09 AM)
I'll probably have all sorts of people disagreeing with me, but I also don't think that seriousness (however you define it) makes a successful relationship. I've seen people in miserable marriages for many years, they are serious, but not successful, at least not by the measurement I would use. One of the best relationships I've had was one that was successful, yet it was never started with the intention of being serious, at least in the sense of long-term monogamy. I was enriched by it, I still am, more than two years later. Not everything has to last forever or be serious in nature to be deemed successful.

atursvcMaam -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 3:24:16 PM)
Thank Y/you all for Y/your answers. my apologies if the time limit caused any concern, i do realize that it is possible for a relationship to be deeply felt and involved within an unspecified amount of time, and that staying in a relationship only for the sake of saying, "well, i stuck it out." is probably not the best foundation to work on.

Faeorie -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 3:42:48 PM)
When you make each other happy with life.

Evility -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 4:14:22 PM)
I do not view relationships on a success/failure scale. Never have and never will. I think that things in nature sometimes run their course and that not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime despite your intentions. I was with my ex for over 10 years. We were married for 7 of those years. the first nine years were pretty enjoyable for the most part. The last year was hell. Should I judge the relationship based on the first nine years or the last year? Some people measure a relationship's success simply by whether the parties are still together... and any relationship that ends is a failure. I don't look at my life that way.

sublibrarian -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 4:40:35 PM)
I'm a bit cynical about the whole "happily ever after" thing. But I do love when I'm in a relationship that at that time is successful and enhances my life. I hope that each one of those could last forever, but not everything does. Sometimes people grow together, sometimes they grow apart. I feel good about a past relationship when I can look back and see how I grew out of it, and see that that person was right for me, at that time. I only have regret when being with someone was bad for my well-being and personal growth. Right now I have two wonderful men in my life. Do I hope they'll be around and making me happy forever? Yes. Do I think that's going to happen? Who knows. But I'd judge both as successful because right now I grow and thrive within those relationships.

bliss1 -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 4:46:18 PM)
One thing I all must remember with a divorce. IT ISN'T A FAILURE. If you can look at yourself and see where there was growth for you as a person. If someone has loved you after the ending of the pervious relationship (afte all that partner helped create the person they love now). How can that possibily be called a failure? That relationship was successful for as long as it was ment to be. just my two cents

DesFIP -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 7:03:07 PM)
It's successful if afterwards you both feel better about yourself, not worse.

atursvcMaam -> RE: What do Y/you see as serious or successful relationship? (2/11/2008 7:17:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bliss1 One thing I all must remember with a divorce. IT ISN'T A FAILURE. If you can look at yourself and see where there was growth for you as a person. If someone has loved you after the ending of the pervious relationship (afte all that partner helped create the person they love now). How can that possibily be called a failure? That relationship was successful for as long as it was ment to be. just my two cents Thank you very much, i forget about that part from time to time. each relationship helps to build you into who you are.

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