RE: Dommes and the taken man

RE: Dommes and the taken man (Full Version)

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 6:46:33 PM)
A man who is claimed is off the list for me, but it doesn't diminish his appeal! IF he has appeal to begin with [:D] I can't see why being owned or married would make someone MORE appealing.... unless you are the kind of person who wants what other folks have, and live with a permanent case of "grass is greener" syndrome.

LadyPact -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 7:44:30 PM)
After reading the replies, I'm looking at it two different ways. To go along with where some were giving opinions in the beginning, I have to state My own situations. My current sub is married. Did that make him more appealing? Frankly, I'd have to say no. It created something of an obstacle for Me. I, literally, am one of the types who talked to the wife before I ever laid a flogger on him. It does add some complications, some of which I've talked about at length on the boards. As to the wife herself, I happen to like her. The question that always comes along with this is, would I want to steal him from her? The answer is an emphatic no. A lot of people are curious about that when I tell them. The simple truth is that I wouldn't want to take him away from his wife, because he is happy in that marriage. She loves him, He loves her. Case closed. Now, in My backward way, on to the original intent (I think) of the OP. I don't base attractiveness on whether or not that person is involved with someone else. If I think they are good looking, it's because, in My eyes, they are good looking. If they have decent character traits, even better. Somebody I can connect with and talk to, the best. They make wonderful friends the same way their unattached counterparts do. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, but if the people in question can be honest enough to say, sure, the attraction exists, but it neither rules nor rules out the friendship, it's no longer an issue. If it becomes an issue, it's a lost friendship.

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 9:40:13 PM)
Maybe I am going out on a limb here but I am gonna say it has nothing to do with you being taken, and more to do with that you have a mind and use it.

rubberpet -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 9:50:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMyles yes, I suppose to some extent the fact that a submissive is taken does increase his attractiveness at a base level. he's owned, therefore he must be one of the good guys, and not just a wanker. he's obviously got some redeeming qualities, because he's passed whatever tests his dominant has. it's basically the same gut-level reaction as in the vanilla world. if he's attached, there is a reason, and if it's long-term, it's probably a good reason. I have to agree with LadyMyles here. It seems like some people want what's already taken, both male and female. When I was single and available, I couldn't hardly find anyone to really communicate with, much less find a domme that was interested in me. After I became Mistress's property, it seemed like my stock went up and I've had quite a few letters of interest sent my way because of the way I declare and my love and devotion to Mistress (at least that is what I believe). Passing Her tests was not easy in the least because She has been duped by a few assholes in Her life, so She was extra-guarded. So, if someone is attached for long-term, chances are that person is one of the very good ones. I think that is true in my case. [;)]

Gwynvyd -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 10:26:03 PM)
I think it also has to do with confidance.. have you ever noticed that even if you dont know they are taken ( as I have looked for friends of mine.. cuz I am all full up here... ) the confidant, seemingly happy ones are always taken. They arent running around like a chicken with it's head cut off desperate for female attention.. they are just relaxed and easy to talk to. They usualy end up being either Gay, or Taken. smirks darn hard to help my friends that way. Gwyn

Aswad -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 10:41:16 PM)
Just throwing out an idea here... feel free to shoot it down, I'm not the least bit attached to it. Could it be the case that the women who are dominant simply have a different angle when it comes to mating? At the risk of sounding like the aforementioned Ed Gein, I've seen a lot of regular women fighting over men by competing with each other for his attentions, sort of like (pardon the crude analogy) trying to make the best "prey" for his hunt. Almost a form of objectification of oneself, in the more extreme examples. By contrast, one might be tempted to assume that femdoms are not content to be the "tasty morsel" that has to outdo the others, but rather prefer to be the hunter themselves. For that matter, given the number of male subs and bottoms out there, it might not feel as if there is any actual competition, due to supply and demand. I won't go so far as to even call it a theory, but if it does hold, that would imply that tops and subs would be more likely to experience this attraction than actual dominants. Health, al-Aswad.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/12/2008 11:14:31 PM)
I used to get hit on all of the time when I was owned and they knew I was owned. The fact that I was loyal and up front about how I was unavailable seemed to actually make such attempts increase in frequency. I really felt it was something along the lines of "She must see something in him, so I wonder what it is" that fuels flirting that doesn't go anywhere. And when the flirting doesn't go anywhere, and she sees the submissive is actually loyal, the submissive becomes even more attractive. I always suspected that if I had ever proved to be disloyal, the attracted women would have dropped me in a heartbeat after "winning" me. It would be somewhat of a weird Catch 22 in that the attractiveness existed as long as I was unavailable, but if I ever did anything to make myself available, it would have made me less attractive. The world is strange that way sometimes.

Gwynvyd -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 12:19:57 AM)
Hmm if that theory worked we would have had an all male sub caged death match by now. You can't swing a dead cat in well just about any half way populated town with out hitting a male sub. Go to any munch and there are flocks of them. It is why I do not go to a munch with out a date on my arm. I actualy had a "sub" male cop a feel of my ass when I went by myself once. ick. I do think females tend to be more aggressive and competitive with each other.. I remember the girls in High School rolls her eyes ripping out each other hair, and clawing out each others eyes over guys. Guys just tend to get discouraged by who ever is more Alpha in the pack.. and runs along to who ever is second in line of available women. shrugs Gwyn

Chaze -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 4:21:35 AM)
I enjoy reading the comments you dommes type but recognize as dommes you have dismissed the ability to touch emotion both in yourself and in others...if you ever had that ability and that as dommes you are totally incapable of truth but need to stroke you egos so lie is acceptaqble.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 4:44:34 AM)
Aswad, I have also found that when people, regardless of gender, behave in this way it is b/c there is a form of encouragment from the object of their desire. Simply telling a person 'I am taken' holds little weight when the one taken is giving mixed signals. I tend to find if innuendo and verbal foreplay is removed from conversation people's demeanour alters considerably and in accordance with their 'taken' status.

Aswad -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 5:29:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan Aswad, I have also found that when people, regardless of gender, behave in this way it is b/c there is a form of encouragment from the object of their desire. Simply telling a person 'I am taken' holds little weight when the one taken is giving mixed signals. I tend to find if innuendo and verbal foreplay is removed from conversation people's demeanour alters considerably and in accordance with their 'taken' status. I suspect body language has as much as anything to do with that. Not so much conscious encouragement as simply a matter of being subconsciously open to the idea, and thus projecting it through body language and so forth. I can't answer for the women here, but for me, it remains a component of my attraction whether the woman I'm looking at, or interacting with, has a sense of being taken about her. Some women have the feel of being taken about them, while others simply have a partner. With the latter, my instincts are telling me they are still up for grabs. That is not to say that I act on it, just that the instinctive perception may differ from the intellectual one. Health, al-Aswad.

DominaJayde -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 5:44:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chaze I enjoy reading the comments you dommes type but recognize as dommes you have dismissed the ability to touch emotion both in yourself and in others...if you ever had that ability and that as dommes you are totally incapable of truth but need to stroke you egos so lie is acceptaqble. And just how have we 'dismissed the ability to touch emotion" I think if you asked our Boys/subs/slaves/pets they would tell you differently. Also it's not a very good idea to broadly dismiss all Dommes as liars, particularly in a forum for Mistresses/Dommes. DJ

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 5:46:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chaze I enjoy reading the comments you dommes type but recognize as dommes you have dismissed the ability to touch emotion both in yourself and in others...if you ever had that ability and that as dommes you are totally incapable of truth but need to stroke you egos so lie is acceptaqble. What are you talking about?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 8:22:44 AM)
This Chaze guy is some kind of domme hating troll, just click the HIDE key.

DesFIP -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 10:05:50 AM)
Anybody in a good relationship is appealing because they've proven they know how to have relationships and more importantly, because of the desperation factor. People focused on seeking a partner seem desperate and that isn't attractive. Someone who isn't seeking isn't desperate at all and becomes attractive because they can talk as friends, flirt just for fun, and just makes you feel good to be around. Unfortunately most people don't realize that what makes the person so attractive is the lack of desperation and the aura of happiness. If they did and could learn that for themselves, they wouldn't have to be anxious about meeting someone. They'd be driving the hordes away with a stick. Although in those of us who do what we do, admittedly that stick might not drive them away but attract them more. [:D]

ShaktiSama -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 10:46:37 AM)
Cool, another troll to ignore. Just as an aside--the traditional dynamics among vanilla women or slaves-to-patriarchy types are not necessarily something we can address. I agree wholeheartedly that a lot of stupid vanilla women are willing to claw each others' eyes out over a man or men in general; they do this in much the same way that ethnic groups in the former Soviet Union claw out each other's throats while their overlords sat back and laughed their guts out. Women are pitted against each other as competitors or enemies to weaken them. This system hands out limited resources (it produces very small numbers of emotionally healthy males) and limited access to the economy (most women need male participation to raise a child), and then makes the disadvantaged gender battle for what little there is of any worth. Personally, I refuse to play. 'Cause it's dumb. No woman really benefits by impoverishing other women, and the last thing I need is a man who'll turn on the woman who trusts him at the drop of a pair of panties. Maybe the commonality here is that most dommes just aren't idiots? Just another suggestion.

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 11:49:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus This Chaze guy is some kind of domme hating troll, just click the HIDE key. Hide key? Is there something I dont know about? LOL

darchChylde -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 12:02:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus This Chaze guy is some kind of domme hating troll, just click the HIDE key. Hide key? Is there something I dont know about? LOL At the bottom of each post, there are three buttons in the lower left: Hide, Profile and PM. http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/DarchChylde/hidekey.jpg

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 12:17:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darchChylde quote: ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus This Chaze guy is some kind of domme hating troll, just click the HIDE key. Hide key? Is there something I dont know about? LOL At the bottom of each post, there are three buttons in the lower left: Hide, Profile and PM. http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y151/DarchChylde/hidekey.jpg Well thank you, I never saw that before, just no need I guess, nice to know its there tho Learn something new everyday eh? Edited cuz for some reason, it posted BEFORE I hit post,,,the nerve!

darchChylde -> RE: Dommes and the taken man (2/13/2008 12:22:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress Well thank you, I never saw that before, just no need I guess, nice to know its there tho Learn something new everyday eh? Edited cuz for some reason, it posted BEFORE I hit post,,,the nerve! Honestly, i never actually noticed it until it was brought up in this thread. Now if somebody could help me find the "ANY" key on my keyboard, it's been something like 15 years that i've been looking. Edited to add: Am i hijacking my own thread?

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