Aftercare...is it necessary?

Aftercare...is it necessary? (Full Version)

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windsorslave4one -> Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:23:11 PM)
In some rather intense correspondence, and not it was not about phone sex, a dominant counterpart and myself discussed aftercare. I had told him of my real time experience with rather at times violent Top. The aftercare seemed to soothe the fury that he unleashed. It would calm me down as often i would hyperventilate from the experience. He had a way, this top making me cool to just level of where i felt my wits return and then he would start again. It felt like a rollercoaster at times. He would bring me down from the high, the fear, and the pain. Anyway, as I discussed this to him how much that aftercare was important to me. He said: You might get it if i feel like it, but do not depend on it. Don't think it will be a given. I must just use you as i need and return to work, or what i was doing or keep on with what i am doing until I am spent, not you. Now, he was not an insane type, he was more apt to engage in RACK type of interaction. I rather liked that edge about him. He appeared so conservative in his expensive suits, white hair, thick glasses. Almost harmless. Laughs. So, how important is aftercare to you?

Lashra -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:27:23 PM)
For my sub it is a must because he sometimes has dizziness while in subspace. With all those chemicals rushing through the body I deem it a necessity when I play. So after our scenes we always snuggle until we both come down, then usually we fall asleep in each others arms. It helps to cement our relationship even more I think, although I know our way doesn't work for everyone we like it. [:)] ~Lashra

FRSguy -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:28:02 PM)
When I get into really intense play I kind of think of it as a must. I have seen the effect of it and all when a sub is cooling down and what it is that they can go through. I cant imagine not providing it as I would think the subs mind would turn to much if they went through it solo to many times. Its not like it just goes away... the attitudes, thoughts and feelings linger for a very long time and its so important to make sure that those are nice attitudes, nice thoughts. I feel that aftercare has a lot to do with defining things as play or abuse.

breatheasone -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:29:30 PM)
VERY important......I would never consent to being with someone that doesn't provide aftercare....BTW, I'm all for giving aftercare to Master as well. I don't think that should be a one way street...[:)]

Phin -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:30:49 PM)
If the bottom in the scene needs it, it is a must. If the bottom would like it, it is a maybe. If the bottom doesnt need it, again a maybe. I personally would not force the issue one way or the other.

Nineveh -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:32:00 PM)
It depends on the scene. If it is a mild, fun, play type scene, it may not need any after care, the fact that the sub gets used and then shoved right back into regular life could be a fun thing to do. However if it is a serious, intense scene, with a heavy emotional content and the sub really being pushed into subspace, then I think aftercare is vital.

sweetwenchie -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:34:06 PM)
For me it would all depend on the scene, the intensity level, how i reacted, etc. There have been times when i have walked away from a scene cheerful and bouncy, and other times i have collapsed on the spot. i would not call it a requirement, though if i am at the collapse stage, i would hope He would care enough to provide aftercare, whether it be cuddling, petting, soft comforting words, water... especially if it was someone i was was intimate with. The shared intimacy both during and after a scene can be quite intense. insert standard disclaimer here

windsorslave4one -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:34:31 PM)
Lashra, As i read that, i felt how loving and caring that is. Thank you for reply. warmly,

windsorslave4one -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:36:12 PM)
I think so as well. warmly,

toservez -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:36:38 PM)
Depends on the situation and what was done. On most things none or not much more then maybe a hug and a kiss is needed. Although that does not mean I do not want or enjoy more in those situations. ;) There are other times when maybe it was more difficult or my mood/emotional state was never in a good place that aftercare is very much needed and I most certainly would not expect my Master to just blow me off because he felt like it. For me this is often done with more intense pain play. Now I may not get exactly what I want or for the length of what I want but my Master does need to do something or it is going to affect me and us in a negative way and I do not mean by me being disobedient or me using emotional blackmail. There are also things done that we have discussed well ahead of time or through experience that any type of aftercare would make the whole aspect of what was done to be lesser then he or we would want so I might really want the aftercare but knowing ahead of time it is not going to happen I can deal with it much easier.

clover0320 -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:43:28 PM)
I have a much more severe drop if I do not get aftercare so I would not play with someone that wouldn't provide it. I agree that it solidifies the relationship as well. If I am being snuggled while I am coming back from subspace then it is a much more smooth transition. I think that it helps the M-type come back from topspace comfortably as well.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:48:10 PM)
If it was emotionally stressful and left me shakey, I would need some form of emotional stabalization. If it's physical, I only need physical aftercare if the resulting product required it for health and safety. If I'm fine, no need for aftercare, but I usually like to discuss once I've processed what happened. Anyone who said aftercare is on a whim basis and not a need basis, would be off my list of potentials. I won't put my self into the hands of an edge player who isn't concerned about my well being.

TotalState -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:51:56 PM)
I like aftercare. Even if my sub didn't need it, I'd give it. As it is, we both love that part of the scene, where we relax and talk about things we enjoyed, want to try, or would rather like to have happened differently. It's the perfect ending for a long, satisfying scene.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 2:52:15 PM)
It's necessary for some. I personally have not yet needed aftercare. I usually prefer to be left alone to come back to my normal headspace.

domiguy -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 3:01:37 PM)
What is this "aftercare" you all speak of? Is this where she gets up and makes me a sandwich or orders me a pizza or gives a two hour back rub? If it is to tend to her needs isn't this why they invented emergency rooms? Soooooo confused.

Phin -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 3:03:52 PM)
domiguy is off moderation? holy shit, I thought you were permanately gagged... sorry for the hijack

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 3:09:39 PM)
It depends on the person and the scene. How's that for vague? LOL I make an effort to give it if my partners needs it. I expect my partner to make an effort to give it if I need it. Master Fire

nwcutie102 -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 3:11:17 PM)
aftercare... it is important to me. i am lacking in experience, but the times i did experience D/s with the Dom i was with, they were intense. he did give aftercare and i needed and appreciated every bit

StormsSlave -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 3:15:28 PM)
Aftercare? I thought that was called cuddling while we go to sleep...lol. We are an incredibly intimate couple, which is the only reason I can trust him to dominate me. After lovemaking, we spoon together and talk, kiss, cuddle. Most of the time I'm so spent afterwards that I crash before the blankets are back on the bed. [:D]

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? (2/12/2008 3:20:46 PM)
Aftercare is absolutely necessary. With subspace I usually am very sensitive, might get cold, have goose bumps. I can be flying high from endorphins or adrenaline. I need help winding down and like it when I am told that I was a good girl if I worked particularly hard. It can be very difficult to fall asleep after with pins and needles in my extremities. So yes, I believe it is vital and a time to connect in the afterglow. even vanilla women want that.

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