RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

chamberqueen -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 5:04:43 AM)

Argh, I got here late and didn't get to read your profile.  There is only one sentence there.

I have helped both subs and Doms with their profiles.  Sometimes just a little bit of polish makes a huge amount of difference.  If you want to email me with your ideas I can edit it for you.  (Among other things I am a professional editor.)

I know that I take any writer more seriously if they have a photo.  Honestly, I prefer the main profile photo to be a nice smile.  If you want more lifestyle type then have those as your secondary photos.

I found a wonderful Daddy here on CM.  (I am mainly a Mistress but chose to have a Daddy to fill my more personal needs.)  We have since met in person, but we started building a friendship online here first.  I met all but one of my past subs here.  I have found it very worthwhile.

I'll tell you what has drawn a lot of them to me.  I write in my journal at least a couple of times a week.  I write my views on the lifestyle, often taking topics from what a sub has brought up to me as something that confuses them or a topic that I have seen on the boards.  If people feel like you really know what you are doing they will come to you faster than if you don't.

You mention that you think that you are handsome, but I wouldn't put that in your profile.  To me that's a turn off - even from a Dom.  I prefer to judge for myself.  The profiles that touch me are those where the person writes his reasons for enjoying the lifestyle (fulfillment, can't see themselves and other way, wanting to share some special).  I don't like seeing profiles asking for 24/7 and slavery only, though I don't mind if it is a long term goal.  I like if the Dom says up front whether he is more of a sadist or a daddy type, mentioning if he ever goes the other way.  I also like it if someone will say if they are open to general questions and friendship - that makes them much more approachable.

My advice, for what it's worth, is rebuild your profile, let me edit it, add some photos, then just relax and see what happens.  If you are so good in person then any contact from here should just be a bonus.  Depending on who you want to attract you might even change your screen name, because I know that personally I don't ever want to be spanked severely.  If that's the only type of sub you want to contact you that's great, but you might be scaring some good ones away if your interests are much more broad.



DesFIP -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 5:19:34 AM)

You claim to be handsome, successful etc but that's bragging. Put up a pic so others can decide if you are attractive to them. Tell about what you have done so others see if your idea of success and theirs match. Fix the typo. And saying what you aren't isn't attractive. Neither is asking someone else to define you. What dominants have is confidence, a quiet self assuredness, and I don't sense that in your profile. And cut way back on the sex fantasy wanker stuff, and put a lot more about who you are. Do you have dogs? Cross country ski? Play scrabble with intent to win?



justdavid -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 5:30:45 AM)

I read your profile and it read to me I am only really interested in having kinky sex. First, there is nothing wrong with that but understand most women on any personal site are looking for more then that. Two, if you are looking for more then that then remember a lot of men are on for just that and you are guilty by association.

If mainly looking for casual fun of course you are going to have an easier time in real world. There are way more people in the regular world for casual sex and will seek out more in real world venues then going online. Most women can get sex anytime they want if they so desire. They go online to seek out something more.

Even the women just looking for casual on a site like this are still often hoping something serious could develop with the right person and will not be drawn by the all about kinky sex profile.



TracyTaken -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 6:30:18 AM)

quote:

If you do better in real life situations, have you tried attending munches and events in your area?


I second this.  If you are in an area that has such events, they would be worth checking out.



OmegaG -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 7:13:42 AM)

FR

The conundrum for me is when you say you are progressive with gender roles but are attracted to women who need protection, my first thought is that you prefer women who need fixing.  I guess I'm in the camp that doesn't quite understand what you are looking for exactly.

It is possible to have a relationship with a strong, assertive woman who will be comfortable with leaning on you for support, if that's what you want.  But if you prefer women who'd rather bat their eyelashes and wring their hands helplessly then that is possible too.



toservez -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 7:28:53 AM)

I agree with what everyone has pretty much written. I will just throw out another thing that I see that many of us women tend to have a thin skin about. Your profile appears to be written in the moment like you signed up to post a profile and came upon the essay and thought I guess I have to put something here. It is better then most that leave that feeling but still has I typed something now bring on the women feel to it.

I am totally guessing that from how you write on the message board and what is written in your profile that your messages to women probably have a lightness in the moment quality. Probably does not communicate well that you read and thought about the woman’s profile you are writing to.

Many men confuse contacting a woman online to be similar to going up to a woman in a bar. The hey I liked [pick one thing in the profile or the picture] lets chat approach I do not think goes over too well here. I do not know if that is what you do of course but in my search I found this common with these types of profiles.



domahpet -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 8:47:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

If you do better in real life situations, have you tried attending munches and events in your area?


I second this.  If you are in an area that has such events, they would be worth checking out.



well if he is any further north than i am, i can tell you theres slim pickings up thatta way for sure!!!!



shysub0951 -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 12:22:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spankuvrymuch

the other thing is...

i guess part of me just wonders if it is the pics.  i mean, i think i am very attractive.  but maybe online i look like a troll?  ha ha


i actually did not see any pics on your profile



piscescouple -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 4:09:18 PM)

I have had good encounters on CM and finally found my Dom.  I think it is important to explain what you want in your profile very clearly and be very honest.  That way your personility comes out and people will be more interested :-)



KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 4:12:13 PM)

Patience.  Thats all its a matter of.  The right one isnt just gonna fall outta the sky...I mean unless shes sky diving...



Sundowner -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 4:41:16 PM)

I'm with Spankuvrymuch in feeling deep despair at times. One writes courteous personal emails, clearly having read the person's profile, in cases where that profile suggests strongly a mutual interest and where the profile invites chat. And the clever collarme techy stuff shows the recipient has read your mail. But they don't reply.

So either one's self esteem takes a hit or one thinks "tosser" and gets on with life (but maybe emailing now with a little less enthusiasm).

But then you find all the ppl who've taken time to respond to your thread - doesn't that lift you Spankuvrymuch? And what a delight to find people like ChainedExistence and chamberqueen - the one with a thoughtful and detailed response, the other with an offer of help. So a public thank you to you guys.

But a pox upon the idle non-repliers.




CalifChick -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 4:51:47 PM)

I had to go check to see if I was an idle non-replier to anybody above (ahem), and I can say I'm safe.  I reply to just about everything except one-liner messages.

By the time I got to the profile, it was all gone, and I'm guessing your pics are still waiting to be approved.  The only other change I would suggest you think about is taking all the "expert" designations off your interest list.  Pick one or two that you feel very strongly about and just leave the others without the qualifier.  After all, you may believe you are an expert in spanking, but you aren't an expert in spanking ME.  So just leave it up in your "loves" or "lives for" section, and people will know it's important to you.

Cali
(nope, no hidden come-ons in that message, LOL!)



Sundowner -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 4:54:53 PM)

<swats the wicked CalifChick for mild cheekiness. But hugs her for not being an idle non-replier>



RedMagic1 -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 5:27:04 PM)

Seems kinda off to swat someone else's slave for any reason, and especially after she offered you good advice.



CalifChick -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 5:29:07 PM)

Awwwww Red, how sweet. 

Cali
(nope, that wasn't me volunteering to be a demo model for swatting, uh huh, no way, nope, not me, there's no pictures to prove it)



RedMagic1 -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 5:35:10 PM)

I see this again and again.  Guys don't know how to read street signs, and then complain that no woman wants to get in the car and ride with them.  Kinky woman = kinky WOMAN.  It's not as though all decorum goes out the window.



Akinta -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 8:37:03 PM)

This thread has been interesting to me, and as it seems to be turning away from the original poster's -perhaps- lack of filling out of profile and more on to the general subject of no-reply, I feel the need to add in here. I've emailed quite a few people, never anything below a full paragraph of text, usually more. I pick and choose who to email, people who have connections based on their profiles, people with similar interests or even similar dislikes, all to spark conversation more than to find someone we connect with. But in doing so, I'd say a good 4/5ths of the emails go unreturned. Read, but not replied. It reminds me of the whole "nice guys finish last" sort of fable, where the guy who takes the time to read and create a thoughtful email for a first contact gets snubbed, despite that being what the main request is.
And maybe it is lack of physical attraction, lack of appreciation for what was said, or simple lack of desire since they've already got someone they're looking in to. Now, I can attest to having been emailed by people we have no interest in, primarily male slaves seeking a good home who live nearby. I always take the time to respond to them and let them know that they're simply not what we're looking for. To me, this doesn't seem like a very complicated thing, nor does it take up a ton of time. Admittedly, we don't get 4000 emails a day, but considering that we do take the time to think out emails and read over someone's profile prior to sending should merit some higher credibility and worth at least a momentary nod.
I've honestly bounced between 1. "do these people want a second email to prove we're serious", 2. "they must've found what they wanted and thus don't feel the need to respond", 3. "they're not interested", or 4. "they're just not nice." There's a couple other not-so-nice thoughts mixed in, but we'll set those aside as being irrational for now. My refute to these thoughts is that, 1. How would someone know and what do you even say when your first was seemingly ignored? 2. Why haven't they updated thier profile / journal to match this? 3. Again, a one line response of "not interested" for someone who does take the time to read and think out an email to you should seem basic respect. 4. I understand the dominant male population on here is riddled with fakes, but is it possible the submissive female population is, as well?
And, as a closing comment, this post should be somewhat indicative of the kinds of emails I write to people. Of course, if you guys have suggestions for our profile, as well, we'd be happy to have them. I've already taken into consideration a few of the things said here about discussing less of the kink and more of the norms, though haven't updated to reflect this yet. But I'd still like to hear specific opinions on things if anyone wishes to comment.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 8:40:08 PM)

Well since I came to late to this profile party, I will just wait until his new profile goes up..:0)....OP you had several well thought out responses,but still remember, the more criteria that you put out there for what you seek, the shallower the pond you fish in gets....best/Tempting



CalifChick -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 9:04:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Akinta

Of course, if you guys have suggestions for our profile, as well, we'd be happy to have them. I've already taken into consideration a few of the things said here about discussing less of the kink and more of the norms, though haven't updated to reflect this yet. But I'd still like to hear specific opinions on things if anyone wishes to comment.


At first glance, I don't really see much on your profile that I would change.  When I was looking, you would not be what I was looking for, but if I was local, I would have been interested in some possible play time and would have asked if that was something you were interested in (both of you - it wasn't clear which one of you posted).  And making friends and playmates is hardly ever a bad thing.

You might consider some journal entries, to say a bit more about you.  But don't fall into the trap that so many do, of whining about the lack of success in their search.  Keep things positive.

Cali
(who wonders if that was a PC-enough way of saying "I'd do ya")



Akinta -> RE: Am I wasting my time with CM? (2/13/2008 9:15:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You might consider some journal entries, to say a bit more about you.  But don't fall into the trap that so many do, of whining about the lack of success in their search.  Keep things positive.

Cali
(who wonders if that was a PC-enough way of saying "I'd do ya")


Thanks for the reply. I've actually revised our entry several times, since putting things in a box like that never works out well for me. But when i was done writing an essay, I had some leftover creative energy and popped that out, which i believe is the best entry to date, but I'm sure it could use some sprucing up somehow.
I don't get "upset" per se that people don't respond. More wondering if these people only put that stuff in their profile simply because everyone else was ;) We're not fast movers who expect someone to move in tomorrow, but it'd be nice if they people who seemed like they would click were to actually take the time and effort to do so. Can't whip em till you own em, though. Shame. When they make that electrical device that works over the internet... heh heh heh...

One thing I did note is that with couples, people seem to have a hard time telling who the email/profile is from. Is there some standard method of reporting this? I suppose a journal entry stating that I, the male dom side of things, do all the typing, in case anyone wonders. I have been amused by people not being able to tell, though. And it does seem a LOT of people are on here looking for a Domme, even if she's in a relationship with a Dom. I've never quite pinpointed if these people were truely interested in BOTH parties, or just the one, since we're obviously looking for someone for both of us.

As a side note: Were I to have emailed you,a nd you checked my profile, found us not to your liking.. would you have responded stating so? I'm starting to believe only the people who post here on the forums are actually "serious" about things. I don't usually make posts here, but I may have to make a greater effort in the future if this turns out true.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125