Club etiquette

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Club etiquette

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Club etiquette

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 2:42:26 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

This question is mainly aimed at male subs, but any and all input is most welcome...

I've generally always gone to fetish clubs with friends and playmates, but recently I've started thinking that I'd like to try getting out on my own a bit more. I'm generally quite a shy person, and I tend to clam up a bit when surrounded by strangers, but I'd really like to get over that and meet more people. When those of you who attend clubs on your own first took the plunge, what did you do about nerves? How nerve-wracking was that first solo event, and how did you overcome that? Do you have tips for how one should conduct oneself? I'd like to meet and talk to people, but I certainly don't want to appear pushy.

Thanks in advance for any help or advice. :)

-- Kye

< Message edited by sodsta -- 2/13/2008 3:02:33 PM >

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 3:06:52 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

A couple questions that should be considered:

Are you going looking for play?

Speak to the DM, often he/she will know what tops are willing to play with unattached subs.

Are you going looking for a Mistress?

Just talk, be friendly, and if you feel like she is trying to walk away, dont be a lost puppy and beg at her heels.

What is your sexual orentation?

Are you willing to be flogged my a Man? I am streight, but My best experince as a bottom was being beaten my a man. He was the only one to mark me that was not using a singletail.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 3:28:05 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

I'm mainly going in the hopes of meeting and talking to people. While I'd be open to play, I probably wouldn't be seeking it out as a primary goal.

I figured just being polite and friendly would be my best bet. The only issue I would have is, being shy, I find it quite hard to approach people. I'm a bit unsure whether it would serve me better to just bite the bullet and be the one to try and initiate conversation, or to just wait and see if anyone talks to me first? I know in most vanilla settings the former would be the best option, but I'm not sure how to approach in that sort of environment without seeming like I'm looking for something from them.

I'm bisexual. I've never actually subbed/bottomed for a man before, but I'm not adverse to the idea. :)

(in reply to Phin)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 4:18:01 PM

southerndiva1

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I suggest you attend a local munch. Many munch groups out there have a "greeter" program that pairs up a first-timer with a more experienced person. The feeling of walking into a dungeon space, no matter how small, not matter what your orientation (Dominant or submissive), is intimidating. Having at least one familiar face when you walk in the door is very reassuring.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Southern Diva
Ma'am to Diva's girl blue
www.mistressmusette.com

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 4:53:03 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

I don't have any experience with clubs. Broomhandles, belts, several items from the workshop or found in nature, yes. Any number of implements now that I get to thinking about it.

But, clubs, you say ... hmmm.

I'm not even sure where etiquette would enter in to it.

How about: "Brace yourself. This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me."?

(in reply to sodsta)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 5:01:30 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

If it's a nightclub-style club, I can't really help you.

On the other hand, if it's a smaller "support group" club, one that holds both munches and play parties, I have some expereince to draw on. Your first thing to do is to ask at the door for the rules. They will probably have them printed out for you. Next, ask if they could point out one of the board members to you. Part of being on the board of such a group is to act as the "host" for the party, and they will probably chat you up a bit, and introduce you around. (Always a nice ice breaker to have someone introduce you.)

At some of these clubs, it is traditional to start off with an informal meeting, and "go around the room" introducing yourself to the others.

No one expects you to remember everyone's names the first time out of the gate. Concentrate on making a few new friends at each party, and you'll be doing fine.

(in reply to Noah)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Club etiquette - 2/13/2008 5:34:59 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

another great idea is to see if they have a Yahoo group or something of the sort, there you can find the Dm's and you can kind of break the ice with other members before you go, so that while you may not know faces you'll not feel quite like a fish out of water.

First one I went too I was expecting it to be really uncomfortable because of being the "NooB" to the group, but I've found that the majority of the folks there are very warm and friendly, and they were definately willing to " pal" around with me.

Just be polite, standard rules apply to groups and first meetings of any kind, dont be rude and dont lead with your ass *winks* put your best foot forward and I'm sure you'll do just fine.

G'Luck
~RS~

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to bipolarber)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Club etiquette - 2/14/2008 5:02:24 PM

willingtocontrol

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/8/2008
Status: offline

All the above is great, useful information.

As a Dominant, I feel it is my duty in a club environment to establish that through dress. Look for someone with something hanging off of, or attached to, the left side of their bodies. For me, this is often a black leather armband, handcuffs, or a black bandanna in my left rear pocket. Never all three at the same time though. One is enough to send the signal to those who know what to look for. This is used primarily by gay men, but is not entirely unheard of at pansexual fetish soirees either. "Nice boots/heels/leggings/corset/tits/lipstick/gloves/outfit/etc.." followed immediately by, "Hi, my name is _______" is a virtually guaranteed way to start a conversation. It's scary, but suck it up and do it.

If you are a submissive who is not Collared, DO NOT wear a collar! Sounds simple enough, but newbies often make this mistake. I don't ever start conversations with people wearing collars.

You've taken the most important step, the one you used to get in the door. Don't waste the evening, or squander the chance at real connection!

Good luck to you.

Master Ben

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Club etiquette - 2/15/2008 2:58:50 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

your best bet, as another poster indicuated, would be to attend a munch or two first. Get to know some of the people in the area socialy before attending a club. At a munch people are usualy open to meeting new folks, at a club they are oft busy. Focused more on their Own play, their Own girl and/or playpartners (Personaly I am far more approachable at a munch that when at a club). If you have got to know a few beforehand then you will be much more comfortable in saying hi and joining any conversation when they are not busy. you may even find that someone would be willing to take you under their wing a little, agree to meet you going into the club and help you break the ice with some of the other notable scene folks.

Many clubs (at least here in the UK) have house Doms and Dominas who are open to playing with new folks and/or introducing them to other folks, but again this isn't as good as having gotten to know folks for yourself at a munch.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to willingtocontrol)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Club etiquette - 2/29/2008 4:41:29 PM

wideeyedgirl

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

thank you to the OP for the question in the first place and all the good feedback people gave. Ive been thinking about attending a club in Philly or Baltimore (since Im between both), but being painfully shy, unowned and nervous as heck the fear of going was discouraging. But alot of the good advice given..maybe I have a shot <smiles> thanks guys

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 10