Have you ever been "collected"?

Have you ever been "collected"? (Full Version)

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batshalom -> Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 10:54:38 AM)
I was talking with a girlfriend today, a submissive I've known for a few years, who told me something that really made me think. Her Dom, with whom she has a long-term RT relationship, someone she's known for about six years, had a little secret. He let this secret slip the other day and she was left not knowing how to feel. As she and I were talking about it, I found that I wouldn’t know how to feel about either it if I were in her place. A little background info. They live a little over an hour away from each other, are both busy professionals with not a whole lot of spare time to get together (although they do see each other at least every other week, if not more often) and they have a lot of phone time, some of which is, of course, intimate. They’d been intimate on the phone earlier in the week. Last night he called her near bedtime, which is unusual – they’re both pretty duddy like that, early-to-bed sorts (I am too, so maybe it’s an old person thing – we’re all in our mid-40’s), and he said he’d replayed the sounds of her moaning and begging and he was feeling extremely amorous because of it. He records her when they are having phone sex. She didn’t know it until yesterday. This is a D/s relationship, not an M/s, not that it makes that much difference. She’s not particularly bothered by this although she finds it interesting. She thinks it’s kind of endearing, that he enjoys her that much; but she also finds it a little curious that she’s just now finding out about it. For the record, he said he keeps the ones that are the most arousing to him so that he can replay them when he’s stressed, missing her, or wants to study what makes her tick / respond well. So … it’s pretty much wank material, although it is endearing (it would be to me, anyway) that he studies her, even after all this time. He keeps about six hours’ worth of recordings, so it’s not like he has a library full, and changes them out as he finds new ones he’s especially fond of. She said she asked him if he videos their play and he said that the only time he does is with her knowledge (they watch them together, study each other, and learn from them, sometimes using the videos as props for subsequent play). What are your thoughts? Would it bother you (keeping in mind that this is a trusted, close, loving, and by all accounts healthy D/s dynamic that’s been going on for a little over five years) or would you not think too much of it? Would it make you look at your D-type in a different light? Would you think it was kinda funny? Would it make you react differently with him on the phone? (I do have her permission to post this topic as long as she and he remain anonymous.)

NakedGirlScout -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 10:57:54 AM)
That would rattle me, even though it sounds harmless. I don't like strange surprises like that and it would mess with my head as I'd start wondering "what else" he hadn't (yet) let slip. I would be asking him why he hadn't been upfront about recording our phone calls, and why was it a secret in the first place?

CalifChick -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 10:59:41 AM)
I think I would be a little self-conscious at subsequent phone play. And I would think it kind of odd that he hadn't told me before. Like you, I'm not entirely sure how I would feel about it. Cali

sweetwenchie -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:02:06 AM)
It would not bother me, i would find it endearing in a freaky sort of way. i might find it odd that it took so long for me to find out, but i would not be offended. Doubtful i would react differently, when in an aroused state the last think i am concentrating on is what sort of vocalizations i am making.

mhawk -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:02:20 AM)
i have to say as well that would really bother me. the way i look at it is this, if someone wants to record another either by phone or video it needs to be talked about and agreed upon before hand.and in addition it would bring up serious trust issues for me as well if i was to find out after the fact.

kittinSol -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:02:47 AM)
My very first impression was that it's really quite sweet. You say she isn't too bothered by this, but that she is surprised he kept his recordings of her a secret until now. Perhaps he could tell her why it became a secret in the first place, just for 'closure'?

OmegaG -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:04:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: batshalom I was talking with a girlfriend today, a submissive I've known for a few years, who told me something that really made me think. Her Dom, with whom she has a long-term RT relationship, someone she's known for about six years, had a little secret. He let this secret slip the other day and she was left not knowing how to feel. As she and I were talking about it, I found that I wouldn’t know how to feel about either it if I were in her place. A little background info. They live a little over an hour away from each other, are both busy professionals with not a whole lot of spare time to get together (although they do see each other at least every other week, if not more often) and they have a lot of phone time, some of which is, of course, intimate. They’d been intimate on the phone earlier in the week. Last night he called her near bedtime, which is unusual – they’re both pretty duddy like that, early-to-bed sorts (I am too, so maybe it’s an old person thing – we’re all in our mid-40’s), and he said he’d replayed the sounds of her moaning and begging and he was feeling extremely amorous because of it. He records her when they are having phone sex. She didn’t know it until yesterday. This is a D/s relationship, not an M/s, not that it makes that much difference. She’s not particularly bothered by this although she finds it interesting. She thinks it’s kind of endearing, that he enjoys her that much; but she also finds it a little curious that she’s just now finding out about it. For the record, he said he keeps the ones that are the most arousing to him so that he can replay them when he’s stressed, missing her, or wants to study what makes her tick / respond well. So … it’s pretty much wank material, although it is endearing (it would be to me, anyway) that he studies her, even after all this time. He keeps about six hours’ worth of recordings, so it’s not like he has a library full, and changes them out as he finds new ones he’s especially fond of. She said she asked him if he videos their play and he said that the only time he does is with her knowledge (they watch them together, study each other, and learn from them, sometimes using the videos as props for subsequent play). What are your thoughts? Would it bother you (keeping in mind that this is a trusted, close, loving, and by all accounts healthy D/s dynamic that’s been going on for a little over five years) or would you not think too much of it? Would it make you look at your D-type in a different light? Would you think it was kinda funny? Would it make you react differently with him on the phone? (I do have her permission to post this topic as long as she and he remain anonymous.) m'Lord doesn't like the phone, he'd rather communicate via the internet when we are apart, therefore I don't get to hear him as much as I'd like. I keep old voice messages so I can get my fix. Though he knew he was being recorded at the time, he doesn't know I still have them.... now you make me think, hmmmm. the other thought, while he doesn't record me, he's mentioned after play that he particularly liked some of the noises I made-- for a while after that I'm more self conscious about the noises I'm emitting and if he likes them. Knowing that I was being recorded would make me too aware to produce quality and natural sounds. If I'm having sex with him, I've already decided I can trust him. I'd not be concerned if he was keeping momentos between meetings.

drawntothedark -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:17:40 AM)
I'm a bit torn how I feel about this and here is why. My first reaction would be that I could not trust this person anymore. I mean if he was recording me without my knowledge could I ever really trust him? Then on the other hand knowing me I would find that kinda hot. Plus if it was my relationship with the person I was with right now it would not be a big deal. I trust him not to use the recordings in bad ways (AKA - publishing them or letting his guy friends hear them) and I would be sort of honored that I was the subject of his wank material and not Jenna Jameson.

Constrictor1 -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:41:48 AM)
I don't see what the problem is. Alittle undisclosed recording never hurt anyone. Dick Nixon, Linda Tripp et al...

mnottertail -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:43:35 AM)
Thats why the italian mafia will never take over from us irish. they talk into microphones. Dion O'Bannion

AquaticSub -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:46:37 AM)
I wouldn't be able to trust him. Recording that sort of thing, be it through photos, video or over the phone, is a huge deal for me because it could be used against me later. I am very open to it, but I want to know what is going on.

toservez -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:55:00 AM)
It would depend on the point of the relationship. If he had done it from the start without my knowledge and it was fairly early on I am guessing it would really hurt my trust of him to the point of the possibility of destroying the relationship. If it was after we had been together in terms maybe of years and did that I would be upset about the lie of omission but I do not think it would be that huge to overcome nor would I have an issue of him doing it. The lie would be far more troubling then the events. I might think differently if I was videotpaed without my knowledge though.

FRSguy -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 11:56:22 AM)
Sounds kind of hot,scary and cute all at the same time... kind of like S&M..... Maybe its just a subs life....lol It sounds kind of creepy in a way because he has something to hold over her if he wanted but if its a loving trusting relationship than why worry. He cant really out her without outing himself. Its kind of cool that he is so into her after so many years. I guess you will have to tell her to start practicing those moans and to orgasm a little louder and longer. If hes into her that much she should embrace it even though its a little bit creepy. He probably just didnt want her to act and wanted to hear the real her. Sounds like hes actually playing the Dom roll pretty damn well if you think about it because he is not setteling into a rut... hes looking for changes to pick up on and the relationship would be more fluidic and stronger because of the attitudes of the people involved.... Like I said it is a little bit creepy / odd. but it also sounds like shes a lucky girl for it. If he is that much into the way she sounds then he has to work to produce that sound which in turn she probably gets a lot of enjoyment out of it. If they lived under the same roof it probably wouldnt come to question at all.

batshalom -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:06:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FRSguy Sounds kind of hot,scary and cute all at the same time... kind of like S&M..... Maybe its just a subs life....lol It sounds kind of creepy in a way because he has something to hold over her if he wanted but if its a loving trusting relationship than why worry. He cant really out her without outing himself. Its kind of cool that he is so into her after so many years. I guess you will have to tell her to start practicing those moans and to orgasm a little louder and longer. If hes into her that much she should embrace it even though its a little bit creepy. He probably just didnt want her to act and wanted to hear the real her. Sounds like hes actually playing the Dom roll pretty damn well if you think about it because he is not setteling into a rut... hes looking for changes to pick up on and the relationship would be more fluidic and stronger because of the attitudes of the people involved.... Like I said it is a little bit creepy / odd. but it also sounds like shes a lucky girl for it. If he is that much into the way she sounds then he has to work to produce that sound which in turn she probably gets a lot of enjoyment out of it. If they lived under the same roof it probably wouldnt come to question at all. Terrific post - gave me some points I hadn't considered, like not settling into a rut after all these years, and not being able to out her without outing himself, and his tremendous effort into getting her to produce those sounds that turn him on so much. I wholeheartedly agree with this post. Like kittinsol, toservez, and sweetwenchie, I think it's kind of endearing ... although I can understand why others would be freaked out about it in this current full-disclosure type society. I guess my reasoning is that it's a long-term relationship that isn't in danger, he isn't the sort to let anyone else listen to the recordings (I've known him almost as long as I've known her), and they're both ~really~ into each other. I would love to be in the sort of relationship that he'd want to collect me in that way after so many years, that he'd still get that heart-quickening private thrill out of something I was doing.

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:18:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie It would not bother me, i would find it endearing in a freaky sort of way. i might find it odd that it took so long for me to find out, but i would not be offended. I agree. After all, this is a relationship that has gone on for five years. In addition, the sub in question has consented to video recordings. If there were a fear of blackmail or "outing", I'd be a great deal more concerned about those videos than an audio recording. And yes, I think I'd find it "endearing" as well. The thought that my voice and random whimpers and groans were a turn-on for my Domina, especially after half a decade together, would be rather flattering. Of course, there is danger [there always is]. Should the Dominant suddenly suffer a fatal accident or illness, can I trust relatives and executors to be equally discrete?

DesFIP -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:31:09 PM)
I would feel about that the way I do about pictures. I want to know about them, about what kind of security he's got them under. Quite frankly I wouldn't want him carrying a pic of me bound and naked around in his wallet where it might fall out. I wouldn't want him to keep pics on his laptop either because frequently he leaves it open and the rest of us might play a game on it. I would want to be up on how he was keeping it private.

littleone35 -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:32:42 PM)
I see my Master every day we don't do phone sex. I know that i tend to get kinda loud, and if Master and i did have phone sex it would not bother me that he was recording it. That being said if i knew he was recording it from the start NP. If i found out after the fact i think i would be more reserverd on the phone. We have been together 2 years this month. Matt's littleone

drawntothedark -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:38:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb [more concerned about those videos than an audio recording. Of course, there is danger [there always is]. Should the Dominant suddenly suffer a fatal accident or illness, can I trust relatives and executors to be equally discrete? Who can you really trust.......completely. I have heard from people who make small camera's and other Techy stuff for PI work that you never know who is watching. They say that you should never do anything unless you are prepared for everyone to know about it later on down the line. Kinda makes you all warm and fuzy huh But seriously if he is just recording your moans and whimpers I don't see that as a big deal. You can always deny deny deny.

FRSguy -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:40:58 PM)
A key to his place (if possible) and knowing where the "Private" stuff is located can solve that. Maybe he could make out a list of instructions and a letter like a good little soldier for just such an emergency... it would also be chance to write one of those letters saying all the things he didnt have the guts to say to her so that he can be sure that she fully understands how he felt about her durring the time they shared. They could also use a safty deposit box to keep those oh so old first timer videos to keep them from being viewed to often that way when an aniversary comes up they can break out the videos for a day and spend the evening sharing there thoughts and feelings about what occured. All comments in such a situation are good because even the bad roads lead to the present and part of the journey of any long term relationship is overcomming fears both real and imaginary. Another thing that can work out great is if they purchase a cedar chest and place two locks on it. Now that she knows what is going on and if she comes to terms with it dont forget to mention that if they have phone sex again that it would be very, very, very bad for her to ask if its being recorded. She most likely is a live walking fantasy for him when she is not around and he probably thinks a lot about her and he is obviously paying attention to every breath so its something that would be really bad for her to ruin. Her tough part now is to get it out of her head and keep it real for him.

FRSguy -> RE: Have you ever been "collected"? (2/14/2008 12:56:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: drawntothedark quote: ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb [more concerned about those videos than an audio recording. Of course, there is danger [there always is]. Should the Dominant suddenly suffer a fatal accident or illness, can I trust relatives and executors to be equally discrete? Who can you really trust.......completely. I have heard from people who make small camera's and other Techy stuff for PI work that you never know who is watching. They say that you should never do anything unless you are prepared for everyone to know about it later on down the line. Kinda makes you all warm and fuzy huh But seriously if he is just recording your moans and whimpers I don't see that as a big deal. You can always deny deny deny. Thats a lot of food for thought. You cant trust anyone because they are not you but if you cant give yourself compleatly to your Dom then you will never find what you are looking for (dosnt apply to everyone of course.) As a Dom I want all of my sub... and I mean all of it heart, body and soul. I dont want to do anything to betray the trust of course, but I really cant make it work without it. Its kind of like you have to risk being a prisoner in order to risk being free. Its kind of a hard thing for me to explain and put into words. If the world found out that you are you .... nothing would change except the friends and family that are not true friends and family would go away and shit... you would still be loved by the only one who truly loves you for who you truly are because they are the only ones that see you for what you really are and love you for it. On the other hand if you never show it you can never be loved for who you really are and you are really no different from a porno pic on the screen. You get to choose the outfit they see, the attitude they see... all oz... As Dom I want a woman to take it so she can give it .... kind of like yeah my dick is up your ass by my hand is in your soul kind of thing. Hope some of this makes sense like I said .... its hard to put into words.

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