Hobby and/or Professional (Full Version)

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BlackGoddessNY -> Hobby and/or Professional (2/14/2008 11:01:16 AM)

I enjoy the time I spend with My boy toys,sissies and slaves BUT... I feel I wont enjoy Myself with a toy that is selfish and not totally submissive to and for Me.

I would expect the response I got from "so called slaves" bitching about the money part because I feel they are just in it for themselves and not to please Mistress.

Not here to say what and how I conduct Myself with My toys but it works for Me, and Im not looking for just anyone to be apart of My life...If that was the case I'd have a house full of headaches. I just want the right ones.


Who would want to pay for something they can get for free... Im not knocking anyone who does this as a hobby or without money. Just dont understand why....

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )



MsIncontrol -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/14/2008 4:14:26 PM)

I get unconditional love, devotion and his heart.  He belongs to me, body, mind and soul...under legal contract too (we are married).  I have the joy of his friendship, the service from his submission and the comfort of knowing my needs will always be met.  For me, this is my lifestyle...who I am..not what I do for a living.  My husband and submissives do things for me for my pleasure, whatever it is I ask.  I am a Dominant in sweat pants, at the beach, and in the dungeon wearing leather in heels.  I do this for my pleasure, not for profit.   I LOVE to do the things I do and I am rewarded handsomely for it...with great pride and joy of the service I recieve.

For what its worth, I have no problems with Pro's at all and in fact refer A LOT of men to them.   BUT, I don't understand how women could do this for money and continue to enjoy it. I would find it monotous and always wonder if the submissive is really devoted to me or the services I am performing for him.  I would feel like service provider and not a conqueror of men.  I find that in the Pro's that I know..they are often "acting" like a Domme to the do-me types and just waiting for the time to be over to get that "tribute".  I am not speaking for all Pro's..just the few I know in person.



Lashra -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/14/2008 7:24:28 PM)

I experience a feeling of contentment, happiness, fulfillment and I recieve love, adoration , service and great sex. He makes me laugh and helps me threw the good and the bad. I do the same for him. If I'm sick he is there for me and vice versa. He is my hot date, my snuggle partner, the one who gets up in the middle of the night to get me a drink of water so I don't have to get out of bed. Those are things money cannot buy.
I don't have anything against Pro's, I say if that makes you happy then go for it. But for me I would find the experience rather empty.

~Lashra



LadyPact -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/14/2008 9:04:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY



Who would want to pay for something they can get for free... Im not knocking anyone who does this as a hobby or without money. Just dont understand why....

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )

If you don't understand , there is probably no way I could explain it to you.





DominaJayde -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/14/2008 9:32:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY

Who would want to pay for something they can get for free... Im not knocking anyone who does this as a hobby or without money. Just dont understand why....

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


Pleasure, enjoyment, company, my Boys make me smile, give me a great amount of pleasure, and brighten up my day, thats something money wouldn't add to in my case.

DJ




AAkasha -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/14/2008 9:36:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY


So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


I get an erotic, emotional, sensual rush from seeing a man surrender and suffer for my pleasure.  I have for as long as I could remember. As soon as I was old enough to kiss a boy on the lips, I was experimenting with what his whimpers would feel like against my mouth by pulling his hair and causing him pain while giving him pleasure.  I was playfully pinning boyfriends to the floor and telling them to "pretend" they could not move.  The hunger to see a man endure pain or humiliation in order to please me, to make me wet, or to entertain me is as strong, if not stronger, than my sex drive.  I haven't done much drug experimentation, but I can tell you it's better than any high I have ever felt. 


Akasha



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/15/2008 2:31:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY

Who would want to pay for something they can get for free... Im not knocking anyone who does this as a hobby or without money. Just dont understand why....

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time, talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


 I am not sure I have understood, but welcome to Ask a Mistress, BlackGoddessNY

Who would pay for something they can get for free?

Hmmm...I guess a man who wants Domination without the hassle of attracting a Domme and building a relationship with her would be prepared to pay-to-play instead of finding a Mistress who wants him without payment.

I see nothing wrong with dominating for money if it is a fair exchange of quality services for cash.  If you can get genuine love and money out of your relationships, good for you.  Beautiful young women have been able to do that since the beginning of time.  Courtesans are loved dearly and kept.  So are trophy wives in modern day.

Why don't I charge (even though maybe I could?) 

Because luckily I don't need the money.   Submissives have to be able to offer me something that matters much more to me than cash.

And being busted for prostitution would jeopardise my real job (Note: not saying pro-dommes are prostitutes.  Only  that my style of domination is sexual.)

And because I like charming, handsome, successful men.  Those kinds of men do not consider permanent relationships (and children) with the kinds of girls who charge them per hour.   That only happens in romantic comedies like Pretty Woman

What does a Mistress get out of D/s if not money?  His time, talent and love is returned to her.  A happy life together.



VelvetMaam -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/15/2008 4:46:49 AM)

If one isn't professional, they're referred to as "lifestyle" rather than hobbyist.   A not-so-subtle difference, because lifestyle does not mean in any way less talented than professional in the case of Dommes.

As to why I'm lifestyle instead of pro?   Because I'd rather a sub love me (and I him) with all of his heart and soul than just his wallet - it requires so much more of him than getting the AmEx out.  

If that's not clear enough....think of it as a similar difference between making love with someone you love and adore....versus someone who is paying you to have sex with them.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/15/2008 7:05:13 AM)

I believe there is a place for both.
While many male Doms would probably LOVE to have someone pay for their services, and while there are male Doms. There really isn't the demand there is for Dommes.
As to why some are lifestylers, rather than pro, I believe the ladies who have answered already have stated it eloquently. Might I also add, being a slave to HoneyMaster myself, that I have a committment to Him that I would never have for someone I was paying for a service. When we play, it is a true power exchange. I'm not sure a 'true' power exchange is possible when one is being paid to do wiitwd. After all, aren't you performing a service for which you are being paid?
Otoh, there are many reasons why someone may want to go to a pro, rather than a lifestyler. Easy in, easy out, you know what is expected, you can have whatever it is you want done on your terms, no pesky feelings getting in the way,...etc.
I can also see some of the attraction of  domming professionally. Lots of nice perks. Hell, I get offers from subs/slaves quite often, and I AM a slave. Sometimes I fantasize about taking one of them up on their offer, and 'allowing them' the pleasure of doing my yard and house work. (a goil can dream can't she?...)

~Christina



chezzy52 -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/15/2008 8:54:14 PM)

I am a professional submissive..so now how do you work that one out????Of course i jest but you do see the lunacy of it all.Don't claim to be a lifestyler or even a hobbyist when the P word is more appropriate.Almost all the Ladies that posted here are real lifestylers and do it for love and love returned,and that is how it should be.



MistressFaye1 -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/15/2008 11:26:45 PM)

Ditto for all that has been said so far.  Money... why pay for something when one can get if for free?  Love has no price tag...having someone there for you through thick and thin has no price tag.  Eventually, money has no value when the realization that there's something missing in the relationships.  It will happen eventually.  It did for me, although I didn't take money.

When I was younger, though a lifestyler, I wasn't that selective and it was a "damn look what I have" type attitude.  There was little if any attachment to the submissives and it became empty and I no longer felt the same rush, in fact, it became hard work because my heart wasn't in it.

Now... I will not even play with a potenial if there isn't some type of attraction.    If this is what you want and you're getting what you need from it then by all means continue but don't be too surprised if the money stops having value for you at some point.

Faye



chezzy52 -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 2:18:51 AM)

My reply was to NY Black Goddess..not to blushes..needed to clarify.



Madame4a -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 4:56:01 AM)

Doing things for money means its a business; customer pays and should get what they pay for.

In that case, I'm not in control -- I would be doing what someone else wants, which might not be what I want. I would not be dominating or being the Top.  I would be providing a service for money.  That would not be fulfilling to me.

There are all the other reasons that have been stated above and most of them I agree with.

I believe someone else commented, but this isn't a hobby for me -- and I don't even care for the term "lifestyler" -- its as if being a lesbian were a lifestyle... I consider both orientation, and therefore being a leather person and a lesbian are both about my LIFE.. not a lifestyle.. my lifestyle is being a biker chick.. *LOL*

good luck -- I think its GREAT to take money for something that makes one happy.. .but if its not making you happy, perhaps finding some other job is in order?



LadyHathor -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 5:10:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


a relationship.

(edited to remove most of the quote as I found it too self serving)



undergroundsea -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 10:51:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY
Not here to say what and how I conduct Myself with My toys but it works for Me, and Im not looking for just anyone to be apart of My life...If that was the case I'd have a house full of headaches. I just want the right ones.

Who would want to pay for something they can get for free... Im not knocking anyone who does this as a hobby or without money. Just dont understand why....


I expect you don't charge your friends or guys you romantically date. The same reason to not charge applies to BDSM relationships. For some people D/s is not a business transaction but a part of or the major component of their relationship, sexual, or romantic expression. Most people engage in a relationship to express these modes without thinking of it as a business transaction. The return that people get in such relationships is the same return people get in friendship and other relationships: mutual social gratification.

quote:

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


Subs also are able to give time, talent, love, and various other things that make a social relationship satisfying.

If you want the right headaches, using a fee as a filtering criteria does not assure that you will find them. Having to pay a fee to have someone's attention conflicts with my social philosophy and sense of self worth. Another reason I do not engage in relationships that require me to pay is that I have fared reasonably well without having to do so based on what I can give towards general social gratification. The filtering criteria may turn away some wankers but it also has potential to turn away some subs who can adequately give to a relationship to make it socially satisfying.

Cheers,

Sea



MistressFaye1 -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 11:19:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY
Not here to say what and how I conduct Myself with My toys but it works for Me, and Im not looking for just anyone to be apart of My life...If that was the case I'd have a house full of headaches. I just want the right ones.

Who would want to pay for something they can get for free... Im not knocking anyone who does this as a hobby or without money. Just dont understand why....


I expect you don't charge your friends or guys you romantically date. The same reason to not charge applies to BDSM relationships. For some people D/s is not a business transaction but a part of or the major component of their relationship, sexual, or romantic expression. Most people engage in a relationship to express these modes without thinking of it as a business transaction. The return that people get in such relationships is the same return people get in friendship and other relationships: mutual social gratification.

quote:

So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


Subs also are able to give time, talent, love, and various other things that make a social relationship satisfying.

If you want the right headaches, using a fee as a filtering criteria does not assure that you will find them. Having to pay a fee to have someone's attention conflicts with my social philosophy and sense of self worth. Another reason I do not engage in relationships that require me to pay is that I have fared reasonably well without having to do so based on what I can give towards general social gratification. The filtering criteria may turn away some wankers but it also has potential to turn away some subs who can adequately give to a relationship to make it socially satisfying.

Cheers,

Sea


Beautiful response!!!!!!!  Your posts always have such depth!

Faye



undergroundsea -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 11:25:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1
Beautiful response!!!!!!!  Your posts always have such depth!


Thank you for the compliment :)

Cheers,

Sea



Parataxis -> RE: Hobby and/or Professional (2/16/2008 11:52:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackGoddessNY
So I would like to know what does a Mistress get out of spending her time,talent and love with a slave ? (if not money too )


Simple: It's fun.And it's a mutual exchange of time, talent, and love.  



Parataxis -> At the risk of hijacking this thread... (2/16/2008 12:01:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
And being busted for prostitution would jeopardise my real job (Note: not saying pro-dommes are prostitutes.  Only  that my style of domination is sexual.)


Why does it seem that too many people in the BDSM world, and especially the professionals, seem to denigrate prostitutes (NB: I'm not saying that you are or that you do, only that it seems a common occurence, so much so that the need to say 'not saying pro-dommes are prostitutes' is always there).

What exactly is wrong with being a prostitute?  Like pro-domming (or plumbing) it's exchanging a valued service for money.  Like pro-domming (although rarely plumbing) there is a definite, but not exclusive, sexual side to the service.  Is it really that bad to be compared to (or to be) a prostitute?

Growing up, I was always taught that we shouldn't judge people unfavourably based on their professions.  So why do so many pro-dommes (not all though) seem to have such a hate-on for whores?



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: At the risk of hijacking this thread... (2/16/2008 12:10:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Parataxis

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
And being busted for prostitution would jeopardise my real job (Note: not saying pro-dommes are prostitutes.  Only  that my style of domination is sexual.)


Why does it seem that too many people in the BDSM world, and especially the professionals, seem to denigrate prostitutes (NB: I'm not saying that you are or that you do, only that it seems a common occurence, so much so that the need to say 'not saying pro-dommes are prostitutes' is always there).

What exactly is wrong with being a prostitute?  Like pro-domming (or plumbing) it's exchanging a valued service for money.  Like pro-domming (although rarely plumbing) there is a definite, but not exclusive, sexual side to the service.  Is it really that bad to be compared to (or to be) a prostitute?

Growing up, I was always taught that we shouldn't judge people unfavourably based on their professions.  So why do so many pro-dommes (not all though) seem to have such a hate-on for whores?



I wondered the same thing in a  different thread.  In Australia, registered sex workers are law abiding, tax paying citizens doing a pretty thankless job for less money than you might imagine.  Most pro-dommes have a PCA (Prostitution Control Act) number and its no big deal.

Prostitution is legal in almost all western countries except the United States (excluding parts of Nevada)

Therefore, to call a US pro-domme a prostitute or sex worker would be accusing her of illegal activity (except in parts of Nevada...this Nevada sounds like a fun place to live!)

Hence the sensitivity I believe.  No-one likes being called a criminal but more damaging, society is encouraged by US law and religion to despise and ostracise prostitutes as "sinful" and "bad" people.  Legalisation in the US could go a long way to alleviating this prejudice, but it will probably never go away.

Of course whether the pro-domme actually is or is not a prostitute requires careful analysis of her services and the law in her State and city.  No-one can make sweeping conclusions that they all are or that they all are not.

BTW I  don;t agree pro-dommes dislike prostitutes.  Many will point out they have friends who are whores.  Some just don't like being called whores themselves when they go to so much trouble to avoid breaching their local prostitution laws.



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