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remembering to be kind - 2/14/2008 2:24:57 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
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this may be pulled, or may bore yall to tears.....but its an email i sent to my boss today, i have shared it with many friends, and decided to share it here.

i hope we can all remember to be kind(yes even you bad ass sadists too)

*************************************************************

i want to share something with you that happened today.

i went to take the special ed classes the little goodie bags we had put together for them. on the way back to the cafeteria, i stopped to look at some artwork and then saw some essays hanging outside the 5th grade room. typical stuff, my first bicycle ride, my first trip to disney land, etc etc.

the one title caught my eye. "the day my daddy died". and i thought how sad to not have a daddy when in the 5th grade. i started reading it, and the girl spoke of the day last year that she came home to find her mother crying, and learned that her daddy had been beaten unconscious by 4 men. she wrote about how much it hurt, seeing her mom so sad, how much it hurt her when her daddy died, how she felt so at home when they went to north carolina for the funeral and how she loved the family she got to see and be with up there. she talked about it quite matter of factly, which made it even sadder to me.

i think you know me well enough to know this ended with me standing in that hallway, tears running down my face, remembering when my aunt was murdered in 1998, and the utter sense of un-reality that came from it. the 2 that murdered my aunt were caught 5 days later and are now serving 2 life sentences, which gives us all as much a sense of closure as you cant get i guess.

the last sentence of her essay was "they are still looking for the men that killed my daddy". she doesnt have any closure, nor, i hope, any understanding of the mentality of a person who could take the life of another. she just has no daddy. she is a new kid at school, who i noticed something in her eyes from day 1, far from the family in north carolina for reasons i do not know.

i write all of this from home, tears flowing again cause i am a wimp, because it touched me so. i know i have to get better at the business aspect of management, and i am confident, in time, i will learn to do that. i figure out ways to do things almost daily that make me go duh! why didnt i think of that sooner. and i want to be a good manager.

but i hope all of us who work in the schools will realize the impact we can and do have on the lives of these children. i hope we never forget that we may be the only one who offers a kind word, a hug when they come in first thing in the am looking sad.

i hope we can remember it is just as easy to say sweetly the things we might want to just "snap" out to the students. whether it be becasue it is our nature to speak in that manner, or because it is the excellence of customer service that is demanded by our department.

i hope we can always remember that we do not know if that child that looks sad or distracted, or who forgot her fork or milk, may be just a dingbat kid who just doesnt care........or she may be clouded by grief on a bad day because she is missing her daddy really bad. i just hope we can always be kind, whether we think the child deserves it or not.

im not sure when the planning to back to school training begins, but if you see fit, i would love to see the humanity portion of our job get some type of mention.

sorry for the rambling rant, but this childs story touched me deeply.

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: remembering to be kind - 2/14/2008 2:35:23 PM

SubbieOnWheels

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What a lovely letter. And so appropriate today, and because Sunday is Random Acts of Kindness Day.

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Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
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RE: remembering to be kind - 2/15/2008 11:37:16 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
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all i can eally say is Wow!

you saw a part of someones life that is very difficult for them,especially at that age.

i still remember all to painfully the year i lost my only sister.right when i was going into 6th grade.no one showed the type of warm kindness that you have in this and i think that is wounderful.

your crying about her situation,in my eyes that does not make you a wimp in any way at all. it shows me you are human just like everyone else. there's no reason to hide how we feel,it's part of who and what we are.

some when they see kids like that think that there's something socially wrong with them when they don't stop and realise what really may be going on in their lives.

your kindness shows a great deal.in the school system,there need to be more like that,even my Mistress would say so and She's an educator Herself.

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RE: remembering to be kind - 2/15/2008 12:31:55 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
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thanks to both of you.....i made sure she won the grab bag in her class yesterday. its amazing how wonderful computers are-picking winners at random and stuff

i know a young man now that is 23 and in prison for some serious crimes. he was deprived of nutrition and and severely dehydrated for the first 3 years of his life by a mom who just couldnt cope i think. he was mean as hell in elementary school, and there were days i was very upset with him and chewed his ass out. but on the days he could behave, i made sure to hug him and ask him how his day was going.

i see threads on here where people talk about how awful public education is. and to some extent i agree. but the thing is, when you get a child that has never been taught, 5 years old and no clue what color is orange and cant count to 1.....it takes a while to learn to learn.

i start spanish class next wednesday, and im terrified i wont be able to retain the info. mthe principal at my school cracked up and said he hoped i did better than him, he had dropped out after the 4th class.

just be kind to folks, all ages. you never know what it will mean to them at some moment.

gawd im gettin all old and sappy and shit. someone slap me....on tha butt preferably-lol.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: remembering to be kind - 2/15/2008 12:43:35 PM

mhawk

Posts: 509
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From: Washington
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i hear you there. my Mistress just mentioned the other day that last year she had a student (3rdgrade) that always hid under his desk because of ebing such a wreck.they later found out from the Amin that he was taekn from his birth parents just a couple of weeks before he arrived at her school and was worse for wear so to speak. with patience on her part and on another teachers part they were finally able to help him come out of his shell,where other teachers had given up on him they succeeded.

it takes a wonderful person to be ale to help kids that really need it in todays schools and they are few and far between. it sounds like to me that you are ones of those people who does try to make it a little better for some of them and that's sometimes the greatest lesson a student can have.

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RE: remembering to be kind - 2/15/2008 12:50:34 PM

pahunkboy

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Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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How said. I wish I could help.

Im not sure this type of thing is remedy-able.

-When I served in Americore, [its like the peace core but located inside the US] Each team did a project. I was on the diversity team which adressed bullying and being different. We were VERY controlled as to what we could say during a presentation we put together. ANyhow- after our event all students were to fill out a survey. the results were staggering. We referred comments to the school psychiatrist.... and there were many.

My point is- as I have gotten older I learn to hold my tongue.

It is for the better. I myself during hard times have heard the snide comments- even in a hispital by staff. Walls can be thin, voices can bounce.

Compelling post. I had my dad to aged 21. I had thought my younger siblings were less fortunate. Todays medicine would have cured dad.

So -until you walk a mile in the shoes- one cant know -

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RE: remembering to be kind - 2/15/2008 1:15:40 PM

MissMorrigan

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I sometimes wonder how often we take the time to think about others. We tend to lead such busy lives, there's always a rush to fit everything in our everyday lives and invariably we have scrooged on a smile or simple 'Hello' to someone that we've walked past. We also tend not to treat children as individuals, as the quick, intelligent people that they are and along with that, comes such a vulnerability of emotions.

When my son was at secondary school, he was the only child in his classes whose mother was ever at home, and that's b/c while I wanted to pursue the career I started, he needed me to be at home for him so we compromised - I worked only during school hours. His friends would go home to empty houses after school, or not even bother at all until 7 or 8pm week days. I have no comprehension of how that much feel to a child. Our house was always warm, well-lit, food always in the fridge/cupboards and one day I found out that my son had been sharing his lunch with some of his friends EVERY day (he always went with a packed lunch). I couldn't afford to make sandwiches for all the kids, that would have been impossible, but I'd ensure his packed lunch was far bigger than he could possibly eat. After school my house was 'open' and became somewhere his friends could safely stay so that they could do their homework, and feel part of some kind of family life - something they yearned for. I would make dinner for my family, and our family of three became eight, then twelve (frequently). My son would envy the amount of pocket money his friends received on a weekly basis, sometimes as much as £60 (my son had to have a weekend job if he wanted pocket money). Pocket money to them had a whole different meaning and some time ago (out of the blue) my son thanked me for never seeing him as a £60 per week option child.

We spend an inordinate amount of time complaining about our lives, our minor inconveniences. Stories, such as the one you have written about, provide us with clarity and a kind word, accompanied by a smile often provides a tiny crack of hope for many.

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