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Coaxing - 2/16/2008 5:53:56 AM

andrewmac

Posts: 51
Joined: 2/12/2008
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This is addressed to female submissives:

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?

Post #: 1

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 6:07:28 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andrewmac

This is addressed to female submissives:

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?

More than I can count. That is what time and growth will do.

quote:

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?

There have been a number of things that a partner has discussed with me for some time before actually trying it out. Forced? I don't get forced. That would be in direct opposition of the entire basis of my relationships which is consent.

quote:

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?

At this point I have pretty much tried everything that has been suggested...except for those things to which I am morally opposed. Some things have become favorite activities....some things have fallen more under the "ok, did that, doesn't do anything for me, would prefer not to do it again".

quote:

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?

I don't generally say that I dislike something if I have no experience with it to back up that kind of declaration. Usually if I say that I am not into something that I have no experience with it is because I am morally or ethically opposed to it. In that case it is not something that I have any desire to HAVE any experience with.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 2

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 7:41:57 AM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?

There have been a couple.

quote:

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?

Coaxed, in the sense that my Master truly wished to try them, possibly. Forced? No, I don't believe in force.

quote:

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?

This is a confusing way to put it. I don't know if I enjoy something until I try it. If we're speaking of hard limits - then the answer is none, they are hard limits for a reason. If we are speaking of my soft limits, I'm open to trying them at some point, but they are limits because I'm not sure if I'd enjoy them or get anything out of them. But if my Master wishes to try them, then we shall.

quote:

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?

Again, speaking of my limits the hard limits are there because I find them morally unacceptable. The soft limits are there because I'm either afraid of how they will feel or just simply don't find them appealing physically. I wouldn't say it's due to prejudices that they are limits. A few are due to fear - not knowing how it will feel, whether I can handle the level of pain it will likely induce, etc.

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/16/2008 7:43:43 AM >

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 3

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 7:52:17 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

read this thread ,... it will be very informative
it is a thread titled "Most of what I enjoy, I enjoy, because I do not enjoy it"

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1599834

< Message edited by softness -- 2/16/2008 8:11:32 AM >

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 4

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 7:56:22 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

Sexually I'm pretty open, always have been. I had to be forced to do knife / cutting play, which wasn't nearly as bad as I feared it would be, and I got off on the intensity of it. I probably wouldn't ask for it but it was a positive experience overall.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 5

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 8:17:15 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

This is a delicate topic because there is a difference between allowing yourself to be forced as a sub into doing something or simply having something abusively forced upon you which the Master knows goes against your hard limits. I believe that the intent of the question was a valid one, and I know that I have enjoyed things that I wouldn't have guesses at (and I enjoy trying new things) but I have also been in situations where it went from healthy play to unhealthy in seconds. At that point, no, I definitely did not enjoy it and would never want to do it again.

_____________________________

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 6

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 8:30:54 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andrewmac

This is addressed to female submissives:

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?

None too all of them.Well okay. The first time I had sex I had to be coaxed.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 7

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 8:42:17 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andrewmac

This is addressed to female submissives: Male submissives may also post, just a heads up

For the purpose of this assume "enjoy" means "get sexually arroused by"

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?
If they have to do with pain, almost all of them. Play that focuses on things other than pain have a degree of curiousity about. I still do not "enjoy" pain to any degree. What I enjoy is demonstrating love and devotion, I enjoy feeling weak and subjected, pain gets me there, but the pain gives me no pleasure.

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?
Coaxing is not something I have been involved with, pushed yes. The coaxing phrase "you can do this" is not something I can say I have heard "you will do this" or "i want you to do this" is what I have always heard. Becuase I have in the past been in heavier Power Exchange dynamics. This being the case I have often been forced (or not willing gone on my own) into things. There are some things that have been forced on me, that I enjoy now and will always be grateful I was forced to them. Abuse is a differnt kind of force, abuse is a force with a negative consequence(for me this is how i define it for myself)

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?
I have tried whatever my partners have wanted me too. I dont keep a checklist.

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?
Prejudice is not the word I would choose, it has connotations of "unreasonable" .. I think it is perfectly reasonable not to wish ti be choked into unconsciousness or to be whipped until I bleed. I dont need to have experienced them to know I dont want them. I have a very open mind for trying things, I dont have a long list of limits. I have never not done something because I hve thought I might not like it. Those are not my choice to make. I knew I didn't want to be choked or whipped, that didn't stop them happening. And now after they have been done, I can make a decision about them using my experience. The dynamics i choose to participate in however ... do not tend to focus around my thoughts on the matter. Once I am in, I am in and only leaving will make it stop.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 8

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 11:32:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andrewmac
This is addressed to female submissives:

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?

I'm a weirdo, I'm much MORE inclined to try something if I have a bias against it or its new to me.

I can only think of once or twice where it was actually something I ended up liking when I thought it wouldn't.

But that's pretty rare. Most people need to overcome their issues before they can try it and are pleasantly surprised.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 9

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 1:22:48 PM

shysub0951

Posts: 132
Joined: 1/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andrewmac

This is addressed to female submissives:

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them? There were quite a few i had on my hard limits list.

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try? Wax play is definetly was not sure about and was afraid to try it

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried? i've tried a few for now and maybe more later on

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon? i had one in particular, wax play, but now my perception of it is different.

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 10

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 2:25:08 PM

awakenednj

Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

Tried something today i wasn't really interested in. Still not interested in the act itself- but he wanted me to and told me to in that lovely Domly way... so i did. (Nothing I have a REAL objection to mind you- just not interested)

I still don't like it. Wouldn't ask for it again... but to quote a song i like "I like the taste of my will caving in"...

(in reply to shysub0951)

Post #: 11

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 3:18:21 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If I have a visceral negative reaction to the idea of something then him forcing me through it isn't going to get me to change my mind. It's more likely to make me hard limit it. Having a strong negative emotional response is a good reason to not do something. Simply because I cannot yet articulate my problem with it, doesn't mean I don't have a problem.

Forcing me to do stuff that I am upset at the idea about is a good way to trigger my anxiety disorder, and that is never a good idea. Talking to me about it, and then dropping it until I can process it a little and bring it up myself is the better way to go about it. I don't like ham-fisted approaches to things. I appreciate a light touch.

Additionally, he isn't in this (and nor am I) to check off every possible activity. He and I are in this for the relationship.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 2/16/2008 3:19:42 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to awakenednj)

Post #: 12

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 4:15:20 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

[Additionally, he isn't in this (and nor am I) to check off every possible activity. He and I are in this for the relationship. ]

I really liked the way you put this!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 5:56:30 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Thank you

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 14

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 9:41:07 PM

kittykat86

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I've been watching this board all day, waiting to post until I figured out exactly what I thought. I need to be coaxed. And sometimes, downright pushed into something because it's what I want and it's the right thing to do, but I don't have the self-perception to know it at the time because I'm blinded by fear. Fear holds me back in a big way (still does, but I'm working on it) and I need someone to hold my hand through things (I have great friends) otherwise I'd still be that girl that was too scared to be who she is (totally still working on that one too). I recognized I was submissive a long time ago, but only in the last month or so have I actually admitted it to myself. I admitted finally that I'm submissive and nothing else will do. I always recognized that it was something I liked, but I denied it as something I needed. Something that I am. It's a process of accepting a part of yourself, not just the kinky things that get you off.

I think 'forced' is a too strong a word, but I've been coaxed back into submission by two people that mean a lot to me. I went from denying my submission (after only going through the motions for awhile before deciding that it wasn't me) to being more me than I have ever been. I wouldn't say I was forced, but there was definitely a level of being dragged kicking and screaming back to a place I wanted so desperately to be. Sometimes you don't recognize what you want and others have to show you the way.

I'm not saying someone should be forced into things they don't want to do, but sometimes they have to be forced into what they do want to do. I have friends that know me better than I do, and I'd be just as scared now they had let me retreat to my safe fantasy of the white picket fence and 2.5 children. I've also come to realize I can still have all those things, there will just be whips under the bed and choking before bedtime. :P

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: Coaxing - 2/16/2008 10:40:14 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andrewmac

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?

I had never tried anal before my Sir, and I had never wanted to try it until Him. Now, I love it!! I wasn't forced nor coaxed into trying anal, it was something I told Him I'd be willing to at least try.

As for other things we've tried, I've enjoyed them all.... some I had never considered and some were fantasies of mine. I suppose I'm fortunate in that we like the same things and I've yet to do something I didn't enjoy.

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 16

RE: Coaxing - 2/17/2008 12:19:59 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Well it wasn't in the bedroom, but it was wiitwd.... It was needles... oh god... blech.. but i tried it and my Mistress loved it so much that i did it over and over... But I worked in a hospital so I got the supplies there so that I knew they were completely sterile. That was really tough... i don't like puncture stuff... but I liked how much it made her happy....

But I don't need to do it again.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to girlygurl)

Post #: 17

RE: Coaxing - 2/17/2008 10:39:29 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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Just as an aside, in my years of subbing I have learned to not make too much of a fuss about something I find distasteful or downright scary since that's typically the reaction that repeatedly gets me into situations I don't care to be in. I try to present a calm demeanor, especially when it's something that completely throws me.

Topping from the bottom ... maybe, but I prefer to think of it as self-preservation and emotional peace. I might still have to do that particular activity but it sure won't be because the D-type knows it freaks me out (and either wants amusement or wants to "get me over myself").

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 18

RE: Coaxing - 2/17/2008 11:47:32 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Of the pleasures you enjoy in the bedroom, how many of them did you begin by thinking you would not enjoy them?
There are a few things i enjoy that i was certain i would not before i tried.

Of those pleasures, which ones did you have to be coaxed or even forced to try?
All of my relationships have been consentual i choose not to be with someone who will commit a battery.

Of those things you do NOT enjoy, how many of them have you actually tried?
All of them, that's how i know i don't enjoy them.

How many are "disliked" simply because you have an emotional or mental prejudice, and no experience to base that upon?
A difficult question. Some things make a certain amount of sense and no first-hand experience is necessary such as "if i drink poison it is apt to disagree with me". i dislike pain. i am not a masochist. i don't have any emotional or mental prejudice but i do have experience. Its one of those things i do anyway because it's not really about my enjoyment.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 19

RE: Coaxing - 2/17/2008 5:23:57 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

Interesting questions. I started a similar thread last June and thought you might want to check it out. I really enjoyed the answers I got..........luci

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1085241/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1085241

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to andrewmac)

Post #: 20

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