Learning from Experience

Learning from Experience (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

JakkthePirate -> Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 5:35:49 PM)
I have only been doing this for about 4 months. I have done quite a bit of research but, you cant research everything. I have a bit of a conundrum. As much as I am suppose to be the Dom i will concede that i do not know everthing. I have read and studied but experience is what I lack. Now this is My question... How do I ask for help from my submissive on how to better Dominate her? I have read and studied but experience is what I lack. If I cant ask her who do I ask? Being new to the scene I dont know anyone in it and where I am from I have not seen it. thank you for your input.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 5:39:49 PM)
Give her a strap on and a flogger, and tell her to 'teach you the ropes'. Oh, and a gag might be a good idea if this is your first time...[:-] I'm actually just kidding though. Get out in your community to bdsm events and meet and talk to experienced players. Start off slow, and work your way up. ~Christina

DesFIP -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 5:44:50 PM)
Ask her how she feels about things, what she dreams about, have her write erotic stories. Pay attention to her reactions when you interact.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:04:03 PM)
Almost everything I know I learned from female subs. Just ask her. It's not unDomly or unmanly to learn and improve.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:22:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JakkthePirate I have only been doing this for about 4 months. I have done quite a bit of research but, you cant research everything. I have a bit of a conundrum. As much as I am suppose to be the Dom i will concede that i do not know everthing. I have read and studied but experience is what I lack. Now this is My question... How do I ask for help from my submissive on how to better Dominate her? I have read and studied but experience is what I lack. If I cant ask her who do I ask? Being new to the scene I dont know anyone in it and where I am from I have not seen it. thank you for your input. Take her face in your hands Look her square in the eye (put a bit of a leer in it) Say in a rich baritone voice "What is your desire?" Or you could just ask her straight out what she identifies as her needs, desires, limits, etc. She's a woman, not a cocker spaniel. The only way to figure her out is to talk to her.

JakkthePirate -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:25:28 PM)
SUB (Not submisive :P ) question... What do I do with and answer like "You are the Dom that is Your desision." when it comes to questions of boundries. It would appear that she has none. when i am positive everyone has them

celticlord2112 -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:29:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JakkthePirate SUB (Not submisive :P ) question... What do I do with and answer like "You are the Dom that is Your desision." when it comes to questions of boundries. It would appear that she has none. when i am positive everyone has them You're the captain. Set a course and give the command. If she's saying "You're the Dom"...she's telling you she wants you to choose the scene, the toys, the kink, the rules...in other words...decide what you want and tell her "this is how it will be." Don't worry about her limits. They're there, and when you bump into one you'll know it straight away. Massive doses of learning will occur in the seconds immediately following that encounter.

breatheasone -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:32:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: ORIGINAL: JakkthePirate I have only been doing this for about 4 months. I have done quite a bit of research but, you cant research everything. I have a bit of a conundrum. As much as I am suppose to be the Dom i will concede that i do not know everthing. I have read and studied but experience is what I lack. Now this is My question... How do I ask for help from my submissive on how to better Dominate her? I have read and studied but experience is what I lack. If I cant ask her who do I ask? Being new to the scene I dont know anyone in it and where I am from I have not seen it. thank you for your input. Take her face in your hands Look her square in the eye (put a bit of a leer in it) Say in a rich baritone voice "What is your desire?" Or you could just ask her straight out what she identifies as her needs, desires, limits, etc. She's a woman, not a cocker spaniel. The only way to figure her out is to talk to her. Ok I was liking the 1st scenario [;)]

MissMagnolia -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:34:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: ORIGINAL: JakkthePirate SUB (Not submisive :P ) question... What do I do with and answer like "You are the Dom that is Your desision." when it comes to questions of boundries. It would appear that she has none. when i am positive everyone has them You're the captain. Set a course and give the command. If she's saying "You're the Dom"...she's telling you she wants you to choose the scene, the toys, the kink, the rules...in other words...decide what you want and tell her "this is how it will be." Don't worry about her limits. They're there, and when you bump into one you'll know it straight away. Massive doses of learning will occur in the seconds immediately following that encounter. So true. When she slaps you in the face or screams so loud the police arrive, you'll know you pushed a boundary. Unless she IS a cocker spaniel, cuz I know bugger all about dogs.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:36:02 PM)
If she has a history of childhood physical or sexual abuse, she may have very few limits, or be unaware how to set them. Regardless, to emphasize CelticLord's point, if it's up to you to explain the scene, you tell her, among other things: "These are the limits during this particular scene." Then, you don't exceed them, period. She learns to trust that you enforce and follow your own structure. She may have no idea what her limits are. You are taking her on a voyage of self-discovery. Have fun!

celticlord2112 -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 6:37:20 PM)
quote: So true. When she slaps you in the face or screams so loud the police arrive, you'll know you pushed a boundary. Unless she IS a cocker spaniel, cuz I know bugger all about dogs. Aftercare is usually the first lesson that gets learned....probably to cut down on the 911 calls [;)]

MadRabbit -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 7:15:17 PM)
It's really no different then anything else in life that requires you to move out of your comfort zone and do things that you have never done before. The only difference is there is this expectation floating around that you are supposed to be the super Dominant who knows everything, makes all the right decisions, never makes mistakes, and has shit that smells like roses. Avoiding submissives with lofty expectations disconnected from reality helps tremendously.

Noah -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 9:15:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia ... cuz I know bugger all about dogs. See now, for a lot of people, that's a hard limit.

MasterBlueTiger -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 9:58:20 PM)
Thanks for posting this one. I went to my first munch around May/June last year, so I am fairly new myself. Lots of good advice. By the way, if you have not already you should find a munch group. Its a nice low prssure way to learn things. Somone there even pointed this site out to me. You should have lots of fun.[8D]

CalifChick -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 10:04:01 PM)
Look for classes. There are a number of groups that put on different classes for all levels of experience, including rank beginners. Cali

MasterBlueTiger -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/16/2008 10:36:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Look for classes. There are a number of groups that put on different classes for all levels of experience, including rank beginners. Cali Classes would be nice. Any good site referals or anything. I am stuck in a work "slow season" [:@]right now so discount would be nice.[8D]

HerLord -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/17/2008 12:12:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: ORIGINAL: JakkthePirate SUB (Not submisive :P ) question... What do I do with and answer like "You are the Dom that is Your desision." when it comes to questions of boundries. It would appear that she has none. when i am positive everyone has them You're the captain. Set a course and give the command. If she's saying "You're the Dom"...she's telling you she wants you to choose the scene, the toys, the kink, the rules...in other words...decide what you want and tell her "this is how it will be." Don't worry about her limits. They're there, and when you bump into one you'll know it straight away. Massive doses of learning will occur in the seconds immediately following that encounter. Brilliantly said!

SailingBum -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/17/2008 1:35:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JakkthePirate SUB (Not submisive :P ) question... What do I do with and answer like "You are the Dom that is Your desision." when it comes to questions of boundries. It would appear that she has none. when i am positive everyone has them Great question. Since she has given you enuff rope to hang yourself from the yardarm. Determine what you enjoi bondage, spanking whatever... and move slowly and enjoi the ride. BadOne

RavenMuse -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/17/2008 4:08:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Ask her how she feels about things, what she dreams about, have her write erotic stories. Pay attention to her reactions when you interact. Yep, in short... learn the girl, what drives and motivates her. That holds true wether You have 'been doing this for 4 months' or for 27 years because each girl, each slave, sub and/or playmate is an individual. Whilst some of the responces will be familiar others won't be and you are dealing with an individual not a cookie-cutter sub with 'made in stepford' stamped on her ass. That you have the confidence to admit "I don't know everything" is a good thing.... Hell I've been doing this 27 years and I sure as hell don't know everything. There are always new things to learn, new skills to Master, new experiences to explore... each one teaches You more about Yourself.... and also, as said, with each new person there is so much to learn about them as a person too.

Bound2One -> RE: Learning from Experience (2/17/2008 7:08:08 AM)
How much experience does the submissive you're playing with have? She may need you to help her discover her limits, and not even realize that she does have them. Everyone has limits, or as someone said above, she's not grounded in reality but is totally lost in fantasyland. Perhaps you could discuss a scene ahead of time if you are trying something new so that she can consent to it. Then you can toss in a few things she doesn't know are coming and you know she enjoys (or at least are within her limits) to keep her on her toes. A thought - have her complete a 'BDSM checklist' that you can google - all sorts of activities are listed there, including the intensity of the activity. You may find this to be helpful in having a conversation about where you both want to go with play. You are probably also learning what you enjoy, so try and look at this as a process. In some ways, discussion of a scene in advance could take some of the thrill away for a submissive, but if both of you are learning I think this is the safest way to continue. It won't be long before you're both learning a lot about one another if your communication is open.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875