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Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:02:15 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		I'm a little blown away tonight.  I was at a friends house tonight when her husband tried to grab my boobs.  Out of the blue.  I thought he was going to give me a hug then he put his hands out like he was going to grab them.  I grabbed his wrist and stopped him.  I want to say he was joking around and messing with his wife.  The advice i need is how do i go about telling my Master this.  I don't keep secrets as we both have issues with our past and trusting people in our lives.  So what would be the best way to tell him this and sort of down play what happened?  Any advice would be great. 
Thanks,
Storm

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying
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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:05:41 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Just as you told us would be fine, and tell your friend. 
Next time pretend to knee the hubbie or twist his pinkie finger back and say  you're 'just messing with him, ha ha ha.' 

(in reply to decstorm37)
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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:06:07 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Why downplay it?



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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:11:53 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Why downplay it?




I want to downplay it b/c my Master got some really bad news about faimly today.  But i feel the need to tell him about this

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:17:47 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Do not downplay it.  Be calm and lighthearted.  You may be angry as a wet hen, but he does not need your drama and that will bring out his fire.  If he sees you have handled it, are not upset, and it is over, I should hope it would be no big deal.  Regardless, he should be settling the matter with the idiot who groped you, not you for being honest enough to own up to the event.  The full truth will come to light whether from you now or from others who witnessed it or hear about it later.  It is better for it to come from you.

Best Wishes,
lovingpet 

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:18:06 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Is there any reason in particular you feel the need to tell Him today? i mean could it wait a day or two until things have improved with his family?

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~~Sweedish Proverb


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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:20:07 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you lovingpet for the kind advice.  I wish he could have taken care of it, but my Master and i live in diff states so for now i have to handle it.  Thank you all for the advice. 

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:21:36 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Is there any reason in particular you feel the need to tell Him today? i mean could it wait a day or two until things have improved with his family?


I guess that depends on how much of a gossip mill the circle of friends are and how much contact there is with her Master.  I don't let the sun go down on a problem.  We may talk more deeply later, but I do not let others handle my issue before I do.

Regards,
lovingpet

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 2/16/2008 7:22:45 PM >

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:23:34 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Anytime love...

Goodnight
lp

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:25:07 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

Is there any reason in particular you feel the need to tell Him today? i mean could it wait a day or two until things have improved with his family?


The reason i feel that i have to tell him is that we don't keep secrets at all.  The things in his faimly will not get any better anytime soon ( i wish they would but they won't be getting better) To me this is a big deal. I think i'm more shocked that her husband even did this.  I look at this man as a little brother. I never saw anything like this happening.

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:30:00 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		If he knows you well, he will know something is wrong.  If he asked you what is wrong, or gives you nonverbal cues to talk, and you say (or act as though) everything is fine, he will feel cut off from you, and more isolated in his own pain.  If you were living together, he could spank you until you both achieved catharsis.  Not an option here.

How about: "I know what you are dealing with is more important, and I am not bringing this up to diss that.  I do want you to know that John Doe tried to grope me tonight.  I was shocked, and I still feel betrayed.  I don't want to make a big deal of this now, but you have a right to know."

Simple, honest, no drama.  Then he can decide how much he wants to invest in it.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:30:57 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		*sigh* Well, i wish there was an easy answer to this one for You....But if there was, more than likely you would not have posted it on here...My advice or suggestion would be to perhaps somewhat downplay it...Maybe just mention it slightly? i'd definitley try to vent and stuff before you tell Him...But, remember that no matter how He reacts those are all His choices.
Kali

*Edited to add i agree with Red*


< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 2/16/2008 7:31:38 PM >

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“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 7:34:20 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

If he knows you well, he will know something is wrong.  If he asked you what is wrong, or gives you nonverbal cues to talk, and you say (or act as though) everything is fine, he will feel cut off from you, and more isolated in his own pain.  If you were living together, he could spank you until you both achieved catharsis.  Not an option here.

How about: "I know what you are dealing with is more important, and I am not bringing this up to diss that.  I do want you to know that John Doe tried to grope me tonight.  I was shocked, and I still feel betrayed.  I don't want to make a big deal of this now, but you have a right to know."

Simple, honest, no drama.  Then he can decide how much he wants to invest in it.



RedMagic1
Thank you so much that is what i was looking for but could not find the words right now.  I think that might be the best way to put it.  I diff don't want to take anything away from what he is going thru with his faimly at all.  Thank you for the words that i can't seem to come up with on my own tonight.
Storm

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 8:13:24 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know how bad the bad news was, but if it was really bad, I see nothing wrong with waiting a day or two and then telling him.  Be sure to say at the time "I wasn't trying to withhold, but I figured this was lower priority and you can let me know in the future what you think I should do."

And obviously, seriously distance yourself from the friend and friends husband.  Don't have to be rude or make a big deal, just distance.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 8:20:59 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		LA
I'm going to just sort of slowly pull away from them.  I agree with you 100% about that.  As of right now he has not called so i will just have to wait to tell him.  I don't want to add more stress to him then what he has going on right now. Thank you for the advice.
Storm

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 8:23:39 PM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Just as you told us would be fine, and tell your friend. 
Next time pretend to knee the hubbie or twist his pinkie finger back and say  you're 'just messing with him, ha ha ha.' 


While not wholly pratical this did make me burst out in joyful laughter


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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 8:38:37 PM   
WingedSnake


Posts: 61
Joined: 2/8/2007
From: Dawn Weyr
Status: offline 		First of all decstorm i hope that the family matter of your master will be getting better and i am sorry that something like that happened to you.

A year ago, at a sm party i met for the first time the new and still dom of at that time close friend. Actually my husband and i met them some streets away from the party location. As a non drinker myself and coming from a family of drinkers, i was not too happy to smell that her dom must have had more than a bit before we met, it was only 9 pm. We went to the party and she left to change clothes, for a short period of time i was alone with him in the kitchen and he tried to grope me several times, i am 42 and something like that had not happened to me for many years, because normally my attitude seems to hinder groping attempts.

I was irritated and told my husband later, he war furious. We talked about how to handle it with our freshly in love friend, we decided to not talk with her about it. 3 months later she had a fall out with him and turned to us for support, i told her about the incident and she *to my total amazement* told me, that she was well informed with his disrepectful groping ways (he seems to habitually grope women at sm events, if they are consent or not is of no concern for him) and that it was no problem for her.

This was the moment i distanced myself from her, she never had a good hand with men and 2 divorces under her belt, but i never knew that she is a collaborateur. Our friendship is no longer existent, we phone and meet from time to time, but the trust is gone.

On a tangent, but not off topic.

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 8:49:48 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

How about: "I know what you are dealing with is more important, and I am not bringing this up to diss that. I do want you to know that John Doe tried to grope me tonight. I was shocked, and I still feel betrayed. I don't want to make a big deal of this now, but you have a right to know."

Simple, honest, no drama. Then he can decide how much he wants to invest in it.


I have to say, Red - you always give the best advice....I concur 100%.

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 9:09:19 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I am guessing that you have no existing directive from him on how to handle this - meaning what he wants to know and when he wants to know it.  If you do, then of course you must follow it.

I had an incident come up where a friend crossed a line. I called the friend on it pretty much right away, and he apologized and said he knew he was wrong as soon as it happened. Later that night when I spoke to my Dom, I said, "XXXXX crossed a line today and I shut it down. Is this the type of thing you want me to handle on my own? Do you want me to keep you informed of this sort of thing?" At that point he gave me a directive on it, and that is what I follow now (the result was that I handled it correctly, to handle this sort of thing the same way if it comes up again, and to also keep him informed of it, and if it continues we can figure out a different way to handle it if necessary).

Cali


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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: Need some advice. - 2/16/2008 9:12:40 PM   
decstorm37


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/12/2007
Status: offline 		No Cal this has never come up in the talks with my Master and i.  But i'm sure after this it will be talked about. 

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You do not appreciate the value of something until you lose it!!!! MASAI saying

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