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Growing and Learning - 2/16/2008 9:03:51 PM

Araven

Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline

I'm was wondering how other submissives found themselves growing and exploring new things?

I am but a baby to the lifestyle but am learning and growing so much sometimes I feel like im going leaps and bounds in certain things.

Was there ever something you disliked from your Master/Mistress and then grew to love?

Was there something that you liked but then after a while of doing it disliked?

For me.. I remember when my Mistress first bit me, it was painful, not very fun and hurt me alot, but it was my place to try my best to take it for Her. But now it is an entire erotic experiance that sends me to the most wonderful places.. as far as disliking something, well.. it was mostly just stuff I thought i had wanted in my mind but didnt like at all, such as paddling.. The first time i got spanked with an oversized paddle I detested it!

Would anybody else be kind to share their stories? :)

< Message edited by Araven -- 2/16/2008 9:04:45 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Growing and Learning - 2/16/2008 10:37:27 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

Interesting question, Aravan.

I find myself growing in ways I never expected. It's not just about the bdsm activities, it's how our relationship has expanded and grown under his direction that allows for the foundation for all the 'fun' activities to take place in an atmosphere of trust. I have no idea that he's even doing so, but often he will start off a discussion or a task and I come to realize later that it solidified yet another building block in our relationship. Pretty cool stuff.

In terms of the physical ... I am rather new to BDSM play, having less than a year's experience. There were a couple of things I've disliked thus far. Figging comes to mind. I'm not sure I'll ever grow to love that. lol But in general I've been very receptive to what Master has taken me through thus far. He believes in taking baby steps rather than broad strokes, so to speak. He leaves me craving more and more ... more spankings, floggings, bondage... just more everything. lol

I haven't disliked anything yet after trying it a few times and initially enjoying it. That may come with time, perhaps, as we try new things. Stuff that I had in mind, like spankings, flogging, paddling ... I was pleased to find that I so enjoy these activities. The reality stood up to the fantasy in those cases. lol We'll see what comes next. I'm sure a certain sense of 'gee, is that it?' goes with the territory at times.

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 2

RE: Growing and Learning - 2/17/2008 10:42:57 AM

suzie28

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

im new to this and seekign ways to be a good submissive and finding the right Dom/Domme

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 3

RE: Growing and Learning - 2/17/2008 12:41:05 PM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

I'm was wondering how other submissives found themselves growing and exploring new things?
No matter how long you are involved in this life, there are always new thing to learn and explore. It's all about evolution and keeping an open mind. There were some things I didn't enjoy the least, but when I looked at it from a different perspective, I am much more open and responsive to exploring them with Mistress.

I am but a baby to the lifestyle but am learning and growing so much sometimes I feel like im going leaps and bounds in certain things.

Was there ever something you disliked from your Master/Mistress and then grew to love?
I've never been the type that likes pain. If I was ever whipped, spanked, flogged, paddled, or caned, I always had the uncontrolable urge to reciprocate the pain...LOL. That's not a good attitude for a subby to have, but it was the way I was. It's not that I couldn't endure the pain (I have a high threshold of pain), I looked at pain as abuse. I've evolved in my thinking and now look at it as doing something for Mistress that makes Her happy. Flogging is something She really enjoys and She explained to me that She doesn't have to wail on my ass and back to enjoy Herself. It's about the act itself and not the pain. To me, it's all about making sure She is pleased and happy.

Was there something that you liked but then after a while of doing it disliked?
Hmmmm, there was a time I did some crossdressing, but I was much more passable back then than I am now. I was 5'1" and maybe 110 pounds...now I'm 5'5" and about 160. I've filled out much more and am much more comfortable in my role as a male slave instead of a crossdresser. I have a wonderful owner who loves my submission to Her, but still encourages me to still be a man. I get to be who I am and who I was meant to be.

For me.. I remember when my Mistress first bit me, it was painful, not very fun and hurt me alot, but it was my place to try my best to take it for Her. But now it is an entire erotic experiance that sends me to the most wonderful places.. as far as disliking something, well.. it was mostly just stuff I thought i had wanted in my mind but didnt like at all, such as paddling.. The first time i got spanked with an oversized paddle I detested it!
As for biting, my ex-girlfriend used to do that a lot and I surprisingly enjoyed it. I guess it got me prepared for when Mistress gets to sink Her teeth in me. Mistress loves to bite and She has the goal of breaking Her personal best by seeing how many bite marks She can leave on my helpless body. She says I'm going to be many things for Her, so that includes being Her chew toy, too. LOL

Would anybody else be kind to share their stories? :)

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 4

RE: Growing and Learning - 2/17/2008 1:19:24 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

If I ever stop growing and learning, then I'm not living life to the fullest.

(in reply to rubberpet)

Post #: 5

RE: Growing and Learning - 2/17/2008 4:20:14 PM

probablyknowme

Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

Raven, when I first came into this lifestyle, I absolutely hated kneeling. It seemed so belittling to me to be on my knees before ANY man. (Societal standards and all that...) Now, I find it a wonderful way to express my submission, and am often on my knees without being told. This turn around in my thinking was a result of my kneeling bringing such sweet words of praise and some yummy yummy rewards from the Domly one.

So, yeah, I have had things I hated and now love. I think we all have. But knowing your Mistress, I can well imagine her helping you through anything that she wants of you that you are not crazy about.

kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 6

RE: Growing and Learning - 2/17/2008 6:37:02 PM

ChainedExistence

Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

Being the "good girl" , I almost never had to be disciplined as a child, but even on the rare moments when I was in trouble ,one thing I never encountered was being slapped. I'd slapped a boy in high school once who got a little too overly friendly, but the sound of my fingers against his cheek shocked me even more than him and made me ill to even think about it. So years later when Master talked about a former slave who lifted up her cheek to be slapped, I thought then, this will never be anything you do with me. Its funny how time and devotion can change your opinions on things. Once during a scene, I had let myself get a bit out of sorts, and he reached over and gave me a swift , but not so hard slap on the face. Well, it did the trick...stopped me in my tracks, but I wasn't sure then what I thought about it. When we talked about it later, I remembered saying that I was surprised at how it centered me, and returned my focus back to listening to him. It didn't make me feel angry or scared or feeling like I wanted to retaliate. It just made me feel...well, submissive. Now, it is a part of our play and will quickly get me in the submissive frame of mind, as well as making me feel a little giddy with anticipation. There are certainly other things I've come to crave that I never thought I would, but that is part of the appeal...it's never boring being a slave, and exploring new territory- even if occasionally it's a little scary, or painful, or humiliating. I trust Master to take care of me through it all, and that's the main reason why I feel safe in moving forward.

(in reply to probablyknowme)

Post #: 7

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/1/2008 8:23:21 AM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

Interesting question, Aravan.

I find myself growing in ways I never expected. It's not just about the bdsm activities, it's how our relationship has expanded and grown under his direction that allows for the foundation for all the 'fun' activities to take place in an atmosphere of trust. I have no idea that he's even doing so, but often he will start off a discussion or a task and I come to realize later that it solidified yet another building block in our relationship. Pretty cool stuff.

In terms of the physical ... I am rather new to BDSM play, having less than a year's experience. There were a couple of things I've disliked thus far. Figging comes to mind. I'm not sure I'll ever grow to love that. lol But in general I've been very receptive to what Master has taken me through thus far. He believes in taking baby steps rather than broad strokes, so to speak. He leaves me craving more and more ... more spankings, floggings, bondage... just more everything. lol

I haven't disliked anything yet after trying it a few times and initially enjoying it. That may come with time, perhaps, as we try new things. Stuff that I had in mind, like spankings, flogging, paddling ... I was pleased to find that I so enjoy these activities. The reality stood up to the fantasy in those cases. lol We'll see what comes next. I'm sure a certain sense of 'gee, is that it?' goes with the territory at times.

Very good point - so many things to learn and grow from, and it seems most of them are not related to a scene or pain. I never thought I'd enjoy owning a handgun and shooting it (indoor range target practice.) And yet, now I do. Master has a love and passion for guns of any description, and in order to be part of His life, I learned to share in that as well. i never knew I would enjoy it as well!

So yes, we grow and change in all ways - keep on learning and enjoy the ride Araven!

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 8

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/1/2008 8:37:52 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I was talking about it recently things i hate turning to things i love, One of my first D/s experiances was not good, the Dom choked me and I had a panic attack I hated it and it became a hard limit, now i love the feeling of hands around my neck its an odd thing. Its not just the physical, simply discovering I was submissive went against everything that I believed that I was, In regular life I hate being patronised (that means being talked down to :p) I hate giving in I am stubborn and argumentative and yet as a sub all those things reverse. Every day I learn something new about myself, not just as a sub but as a human being. Sir has a way of thinking that is so differant to mine, he has challanged me in my thoughts and ideas and helped me find new parts of myself and accept things that before i wouldnt have dared. The one thing that all of it has taught me is to not feel shame in my desires and emotions to feel them, not fantisise and believe that they will be salvation look for the negatives and positives and see things for what they are. Not everything we feel should be acted on and the realities are not always the same as the desires.

Sir likes most to get into peoples heads, he wont accept easy answers to things. The other day he asked me why i was submissive, and I gave him all the nice fluffy answers I thought he would want and he stared at me and told me why he was Dominant, some of the reasons were dark and not nice and things that could make people say he was involved for the wrong reasons, but at the same time he had the empowering reasons he then asked me again and I was far more honest. He has taught me to accept the nastier side of myself not to love it but to realise its there and that its part of me and that hiding it and locking it up just leads to self loathing. Before all this i used to try and justify all my feelings to myself, chastise myself if I didnt like them and certainly not allow myself to think them. If this had just been a friend who had asked me I dont think i would have told him but the fact that I have grown to respect him not simply as Sir but as an increadably interesting insightful human being who allows me to be me more than I have ever allowed myself before.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Tapestry)

Post #: 9

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/3/2008 10:52:54 AM

BabyKittyKat

Posts: 42
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline

At the beginning of my relationship I was a rookie, I was shy and couldn`t enjoy it. The first months were awful, I actually wondered many times why do I bother with this BDSM stuff, because it appeared at first that I hated everything. Only the love I felt towards him made me go through that period. After a few months our communications got better, I started to talk more openly about what bothers me. We both had rough times until we managed to graze to each other. And as time passes, I feel more open to express my feelings, I feel confident and relaxed.. And I started to get pleasure. Now, even when there are times when things just don`t work and I go into subdrop, I`ll never doubt again that BDSM is for me :)

_____________________________

Babygirl loves her Daddy!

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 10

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/3/2008 11:09:08 AM

michelleryder

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

Although we both had previous partners master and i grew with each other, Theres many things i didn't like initially but have grown to enjoy over our time together. you never know until you try do you.

(in reply to BabyKittyKat)

Post #: 11

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/3/2008 11:29:00 AM

jenf

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/26/2007
Status: offline

i HATE being shared, made to play with others, having to perform woman-on-woman for my Master's pleasure...i am not bi...i can't stand it! BUT...i just said it all...i do it FOR MY MASTER'S PLEASURE. i look up, and see His face, proud of me...enjoying Himself fully...and i realize i LOVE pleasing Him, and if this is what it takes to make Him happy, then i am happy to do it for Him.

(in reply to michelleryder)

Post #: 12

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/3/2008 3:39:43 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think if you stop learning you stop growing and you stagnate. There is something Master does that i did not want to do at first, because i had a bad experience. We worked through it he bought me to that place slowly. Now i really like t i wish we could do it more than we do.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to jenf)

Post #: 13

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/3/2008 3:43:10 PM

Sirandlil1

Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

A good sub would never tell a Master they disliked something .. goodness gracious!!

lil 1 {J} - tongue in cheek by the way and not my Sir's where i like it most.

_____________________________

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 14

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/5/2008 11:50:50 AM

branbran77

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Araven

I'm was wondering how other submissives found themselves growing and exploring new things?

I am but a baby to the lifestyle but am learning and growing so much sometimes I feel like im going leaps and bounds in certain things.

Was there ever something you disliked from your Master/Mistress and then grew to love?

Was there something that you liked but then after a while of doing it disliked?

For me.. I remember when my Mistress first bit me, it was painful, not very fun and hurt me alot, but it was my place to try my best to take it for Her. But now it is an entire erotic experiance that sends me to the most wonderful places.. as far as disliking something, well.. it was mostly just stuff I thought i had wanted in my mind but didnt like at all, such as paddling.. The first time i got spanked with an oversized paddle I detested it!

Would anybody else be kind to share their stories? :)

Im a newbie myself...i cant stand taking orders from people...iv been told i have problems with authority....but i love taking orders from my Daddy

....Id have not ever never thought that giving up controll to somone could be so satisfing...and its not just about controll...its about will.......i used to have a " I'll do what i want" attitude...now i do what he wants...*bliss*

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 15

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/5/2008 12:58:43 PM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kallisto

If I ever stop growing and learning, then I'm not living life to the fullest.

Amen

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 16

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/5/2008 1:23:18 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I have been a slave 12 years and am always growing and learning. The learning never stops on both sides. People must grow and learn together as needs and goals change. I never want to feel I have stopped learning and growing.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 17

RE: Growing and Learning - 3/5/2008 4:31:00 PM

wordstoponder

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

I have been interested in the Lifestyle for a few years, but am still relatively new and have only a few real life experiences. I remember I was afraid to have anal sex, but after a few months, I let that soft limit be pushed. Now I love it. There are some things that I've tried but have made me cry, made me feel hate - both at the Man who was making me hurt, but also at myself for not being able to endure the pain.

In my current relationship, I have grown a lot in the short time that I've been with Him. He's helped me realize that I wasn't taking care of myself before, and He told me that I should take better care, such as washing my hair, shaving more, making myself look pretty, not just for Him, but for myself. I've also listened carefully, so that He's only had to say things once. I also wasn't sure if I'd enjoy being spanked with a wooden spoon, but I enjoyed it, and even came just by being hit with it.

I think that growth depends on the Man/Woman you're with, the situation, the emotional/mental connection, etc.

(in reply to Araven)

Post #: 18

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