RE: dealing with unrealistic fears

RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

BlackPhx -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/17/2008 11:44:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Treasure3 I don't know what the trigger is. How do I figure it out? He likes to dig into my past and find out all those things, but there are times that I have just forgotten and can't answer his questions because I honestly cannot remember. If this is tapping into that, is there any hope of making this scene a success? Postponing even for a couple of weeks can allow you and him time to work on finding out what the trigger is. I know you are eager to please him and do this for him, but it is better to postpone than to potentially have a meltdown that could damage the relationship you two have built up. It won't help if you find that you are afraid of him after this scene and that is a possibility , though so is having a wonderful time. If it is something like tonsils and/or a scary trip to the hospital (which for kids that can be if they are very young) a parent or close relative may have the clues you need. Sort of "Oh yes honey you were 3 years old when they had to take them out, I remember how scared you were and how you cried (or were so brave) when the Nurse came to get you for surgery." You may find clues in the dreams that are coming to you at night right now as you contemplate this. While dreams are largely symbolic and surreal, they can carry a large picture of what is sitting in the subconcious and stirring up a mess of unease. I wish you luck, and patience with yourself and from him both. When it happens and works it can be wonderful, don't rush it. poenkitten

LadyLolly -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/17/2008 1:26:29 PM)
You say this is something he has let you know he will be doing in the near future. Has he set a specific date yet? If not great. By talking about this as something to come he's allowing you time to accept the idea, come to terms with it, voice your concerns and reservations, deal with the issues that are indeed surfacing. He's giving you time to work everything out within yourself (and with him) so that you can, eventually, give him your consent. Before this occurs, you have not consented and I would very much hope that he would not consider proceding without receiving it. Once you are OK with it, do gift him with your consent, then and only then may he take ownership of it and use it within the guidlines provided, or not, as he chooses. If and when this scenerio is in play, as with any other, you still have (I hope) the protection of a safeword if it in reality is too much for you. You don't want to "fail" and you want to give this to him. Great, just don't consent until you feel you are comfortable enough with the issues and feelings that have surfaced to try to carry it through. Safe journey.

Treasure3 -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/17/2008 3:54:24 PM)
Master and I have talked about this even more today. It is indeed something he intends to do in the future... not the next visit, but soon. He is extremely open to hearing my concerns and fears and has assured me that he will handle it if anything comes up for me and if need be will adjust or stop the scene. I knew that, but it was nice to hear him actually say it. I have chosen not to have a safeword as I have always believed that ~for me~ simply communicating what is going on with me should there be a problem works better. I trust him implicitly to listen to me when in a scene and to trust me if I were to say there was a problem and I needed to either adjust the activity or end the session and act appropriately. This afternoon he told me part of the scene would be him using me just to cuddle and be affectionate because that is also a need he has... it will just be when HE wants. I can deal with that. Just knowing I will be given some of the tenderness I now crave has helped me put things into the right perspective in my mind. He says at some future time we might explore more of the cold and detached play, but not right now. [:D] We both think it would be best to take a little more time and explore where these feelings are coming from. He is the first man I have allowed myself to be this vulnerable with and just when I think everything is going smoothly, then bam! something pops up. I am truly thankful for how patient and understanding he is with me. Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes to think about how gentle he is with my heart. Thank you all for your comments and advice. You have been of tremendous help.

LadyLolly -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/17/2008 4:06:24 PM)
So it sounds like working through a case of the jitters. The important point is that open communication, and consideration is in place. It dosen't sound like your affection and confidence in Him are at all misplaced. Lucky you - enjoy!

HerLord -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/17/2008 4:11:31 PM)
Your entry has triggered some very heart felt deepened responses. this allowed. I urge remembering, "THIS IS ONLY SEX!" The relationship that is based solely on the sexual portion of itself will tear itself apart when the sex is overplayed in the relationship. contradictary even when just reading it. Understand that if this is not a good time, you do not have to do it again. It is all adventure. It is all novelty. It is all fun. For if not, it is not worth repeating. Don't put so much weight on the what ifs. What if a rock the size of...Texas hits the planet before I finish typing this entry? What if I poor chocolate sauce on my cock? Nothing happened. The wondering and perplexity of "What ifs" is not fun, it only allows our human brain to do the things it does best. Think. Take your self to and from the places you go with out the worries of the what ifs and you can only enjoy the "what is" P.S (i finished the entry and still no rock the size of Texas)

DesFIP -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/17/2008 7:44:24 PM)
It doesn't sound as though you're ready for this. If you're this sad now, think what it will be like to be dumped back at the station having to deal with these emotions in public. I strongly suggest you tell him how you're feeling, because if you do this without being okay about it, it almost guarantees a bad ending. Does he want this badly enough that he's fine if you decide to end the relationship afterwards? Can he come up and be with you for the next week if you crash that bad? I think that since this is so difficult for you, that you should have a safeword. And there should be no repercussions if you need to end it, even if it hasn't even started yet.

Purple2love -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/19/2008 3:31:59 AM)
im dealing with a new lifestyle and my wife cameout as a DOM and im just ??? about the love we can have. im a composer /rockstar type but im open any advice

DaddyAndCarina -> RE: dealing with unrealistic fears (2/19/2008 4:28:03 AM)
quoteI don't know what the trigger is. How do I figure it out? He likes to dig into my past and find out all those things, but there are times that I have just forgotten and can't answer his questions because I honestly cannot remember. If this is tapping into that, is there any hope of making this scene a success? I have many things that get in my way at times. Master has tapped into some of the things I have hidden deeply away from parental abuse to relationships abused. They come out at the oddest times and things make sense to me after..... But the one thing I would say above all else is go to him in a proper manner and let him know you are scared. fears are real no matter how silly they may be to someone else they are still valid fears. If they totally interfere with your life it is time for professional help. Master reminds me daily I am his to use when how and where he pleases. Before when he and I were together it would have scared me ... Now I just quiver with excittement.... Take it to your Master ..... he will know how to handle it

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125