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Reflection - 2/17/2008 7:31:39 AM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I always try to reflect on myself and the type person I am in private and public. Sometimes I am all to disappointed in how this community judges others subs or Doms or Dommes. I include myself in this as well. Sometimes I wonder, how can anyone truly evolve if they don't make mistakes in this lifestyle. Everyone says or does something that is not quite up to par with the D/s lifestyle and not everyone follows the same rules as everyone else. I often wonder how is it...that we judge others based on a lifestyle that tells us to take parts of the lifestyle and make it own but not make mistakes while doing so? Are we simply putting potential Dom/mes and subs in a catch 22?

Since being at collarme,  and some serious reflections- I have grown a lot. I have watched myself change from the rustic Domme to someone who is more confidents in what I want for myself as a person, as a dominant, and in a partner.  I came from a very rough marriage and an emotional divorce. I was and still can be from time to time very vulnerable in that regard. D/s has truly helped give me back my assertive voice again. 

My point is does that make me less of a Domme because I have made mistakes? Or have not been the perfect person for a potential someone? And does it give anyone a right to make judgments based on what they believe they see and not on what they know?

Who knows...

MK

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Reflection - 2/17/2008 9:05:53 AM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Kaiynasha

It makes you human.  There is no such thing as "perfect".  When we make mistakes, there are lessons.  Without mistakes there can be no growth.  If we were to try to put ourselves in a certain mold because of someone's opinion, we would all end up confused as hell because we are trying to live up to "others" expectations.  There is no way to do that. 

Discovering who you are is what matters most and doing what you feel is  important to you defines who you are.  When you can be true to yourself and who you are; with acceptance, it brings a peace within and the strength to not conform to someone else's standards or what they feel D/s relationships are all about.

Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Reflection - 2/17/2008 9:35:04 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

My point is does that make me less of a Domme because I have made mistakes? Or have not been the perfect person for a potential someone? And does it give anyone a right to make judgments based on what they believe they see and not on what they know?


Are you less of a woman because you made mistakes?
 
No one has the right to judge, we all make mistakes and most of us learn from them--they aren't mistakes after all but lessons we didn't do as well at--aren't they?
 
Revel in the glory of who you are and what you will become.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Reflection - 2/17/2008 1:13:36 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

My point is does that make me less of a Domme because I have made mistakes? Or have not been the perfect person for a potential someone? And does it give anyone a right to make judgments based on what they believe they see and not on what they know?


Awwww geesh!!  We all make mistakes and none of us are purrrrrrrrrfect.  But never tell anyone that or it will ruin your reputation..*chuckle*
And, if someone is judging you, instead of providing constructive suggestions, write them off.  They are judgeing you to avoid having to look at their own inadequacies.
All your experiences, mistakes, bad matches, self-discoveries.....these are what make a GOOD Dominant, over time!!  So, relish it.  (It's also why many say they prefer and older Domme)
We used to have this saying (an observation of ironic reality, actually)...and I'm sure most on here have heard it....."What is the least favorite word you want to hear from your Dominant?......"Oooooooops!!!
Why is that funny?  Because everyone of us has said that word in the middle of a scene, and probably more than once, OR twice.
*chuckle*
Just enjoy the journey.


< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 2/17/2008 1:15:17 PM >

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Reflection - 2/17/2008 5:19:35 PM   
DominaJayde


Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline 		Show me someone who claims to have NEVER made a mistake and I'll show you a self delusional liar, we all make mistakes that makes us human, it doesn't make us less of anything, it's all part of growing and learning and learning to know and love who we are.

I have made plenty of mistakes, I like to think the ones I learned from made me a better person, and therfore a better Domme.. I never have unrealistic expectations about myself, or anyone else.

DJ



_____________________________

letting go is a freedom in itself
http://fetishfandango.blogspot.com/

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Reflection - 2/17/2008 5:36:43 PM   
PhoenixRed


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		We all learn from experience.  Most of the experience we learn from are the instances in which mistakes happen or things didn't go as planned (no matter how carefully we tried to design things beforehand).  When we figure out why things went wrong and then learn how to correct, we grow.  After all, if everything is working just fine, we tend to go with what does work.  Just my 2 cents.

_____________________________

Everyone deserves a break from the person everyone else expects them to be.
In the great experiment known as evolution, evidently there are some people who's ancestors were in the control group.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Reflection - 2/18/2008 3:07:25 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		People who do not make mistakes do not make much at all.

Are you "less of a Domme" for making mistakes?  No - the opposite.

My own philosophy is that a woman only really comes into her own style of dominance when she readily admits she is not perfect and neither is anyone else.   And that is OK.

And she is gracious enough to share the lessons learned from her own bad experiences with humilility and humour.

I believe that a Domme who can admit past mistakes is a Domme with rock solid confidence and insight, not a "failure".  Will she be judged?  Probably, but so what?  The opinions of strangers holds no power over her (any more).

I think all of us can look back at the early days when we were new and laugh at our own naivity.  We all found our way by trial and error.  We still are!  It's a BDSM cliche that a good Dominant has never finished learning, but its true.

But those who desparately try to conform to some imagined "ideal" faultless Domme are doomed to fail. 

As for those who judge others?  People who point out the mistakes of others, but never cite their own less than stellar experiences, are the phoniest Dommes of all (in my judgemental opinion!).  So ignore them.  

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/18/2008 3:08:06 AM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to PhoenixRed)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Reflection - 2/18/2008 9:27:51 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Judge not lest you be judged. Nothing more to say.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Reflection - 2/19/2008 12:00:19 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your feedback I appreciate them. It makes me feel a whole heck of alot better. MK

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 2/19/2008 12:02:19 PM >

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Reflection - 2/19/2008 2:58:56 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Absolutely not.  You're human.  I think many have to grow away from believing that dogmatic roles fit human beings.  The "lifestyle" isn't all that special that we become perfect or flawless to experience it.  Reality is that we don't become superhereos because we are kinky and making mistakes, learning from them and moving forward past them is a huge part of learning for almost everyone.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 10
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