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Being dumped - 2/17/2008 6:51:49 PM

Twistodistic

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/19/2008
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I am not sure if this belongs in this forum or elswhere, but I'm going to try here and see what happens.

Recently I have been chatting/meeting with some subs/slaves. I have gotten kind of close to a few. We have just chatted online and gone out, and some were from out of state but willing to travel.

After a few emails, a couple of days of IM's, and or a meeting or two, they all find a reason to dump me. I am not sure why.

Some say its because there have been busy days where I m not onlin at all, some say its becasue I have a dominant man who I am commited to, and some just say they can't commit to a relationship with a dominant/switch woman.

I can't help feeling like it's me.

What I want to know is for those of you out there searching, how do you get past the feelings surrounding being dumped, when it happens so often? How do you know if it's something you are doing or something to do with them? How do you keep going on when it seems that there are so many people out there that just don't fit into what you want/need?

I appreciate any and all responses.

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 6:58:40 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

try viewing it not as being dumped, but as being more than what they expected (in a GOOD way!). Sometimes, people just don't fit.. and better to find it out earlier, IMO, than after much time, effort and emotion has been invested.

*hugs*

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 6:58:42 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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Have trusted friends / associates answer this for you. There is no way for a group of online strangers to give you such an assessment.

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 6:59:50 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Being dumped implies you entered into a relationship. If you are jumping that fast, slow down and wait and see how it goes before you start investing yourself emotionally. This is internet dating, the reality is the person you find that will work for you may literally be a needle in a haystack. Be patient and be realistic that most people won't be a good fit.

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 7:08:43 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twistodistic

Some say its because there have been busy days where I m not onlin at all, some say its becasue I have a dominant man who I am commited to, and some just say they can't commit to a relationship with a dominant/switch woman.

I can't help feeling like it's me.

At least you are getting some feedback from them as to why they check out/pass. Are these things not disclosed and dicussed before? Chemistry is a strange thing, no accounting for it, pretty much is or isn't there. That step over to face to face is a biggie. I never get too invested before that hurdle is passed.

While you can, through a process of trial and error, fine tune your criteria, it is to a large extent a numbers game and luck. There are a lot of people out there looking for and offering many different things. The haystack keeps getting bigger...there are billions of people out there after all.

It helps to keep things in perspective and balance to the rest of your life.

.

(in reply to Twistodistic)

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 7:19:10 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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fr to op.

Good lord. Being dumped actually implies either party made some sort of commitment-get real.

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 7:19:19 PM

sailorthor

Posts: 53
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Think statistics. And, as already mentioned, investing oneself too fully too soon. While I've had meetings that led to playtime that very night, most situations require a nice lengthy "getting to know you" phase. I've learned the hard way to keep myself detached for a fair amount of time, until the nature of the relationship becomes clear. Sometimes I am considered too nice, other times too dark. There is no accounting for the chemistry of the moment - also mentioned previously. Cheers,
SailorThor

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 7:19:59 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Being dumped implies you entered into a relationship. If you are jumping that fast, slow down and wait and see how it goes before you start investing yourself emotionally. This is internet dating, the reality is the person you find that will work for you may literally be a needle in a haystack. Be patient and be realistic that most people won't be a good fit.

Yea I was thinking either slowdown or be a little more carefull about who play with.

BadOne

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 7:28:04 PM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
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i have gotten dumped for being a switch. a guy I had really liked did that over the summer. he said that he didn't realize that I had liked bottoming so much, (even though i had told him that I was a switch and was looking for a Dom. grrrrr.) I was alittle upset for a few days but I got over it. I am sure you will find someone who can accept you for who are. Just have patience:)

"Pick yourself up,dust yourself off, and start all over again"

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 8:06:49 PM

SubmissiveAK

Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline

Hello Twistodistic,

Its hard to know anyone else's mind or why they might not be compatable. We sometimes forget in SM relationships that, yes a submissive and a Dominant are to match, but it still has to work out like any other relationship. If the experiences you've had with guys have been tough, dont give up! There are (likely) a lot more guys in your area who are willing to try. If you really want a boy to torture and squeeze, then go for it :P

~submissiveAK~

P.S> Going by your photo you are rather beautiful, I imagine you could draw in crowds of subbie men ^_^ Just how did you go about meeting guys in the past?

< Message edited by SubmissiveAK -- 2/17/2008 8:08:44 PM >

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 8:24:30 PM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
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You're kind of asking for a lot: not just that they accept you as a switch but that the sub submit to your Dom as well (of whom there is no information). You indicate you've recently switched from boys to girls. You are demanding in what they must be like. None of this is bad, it just narrows your field. Unfortunately a lot of people will contct you or talk or write looking at the things they like about your profile but hoping that the other things mentioned won't be important or can be whittled away. After talking to you they probably realize that you are serious and so fall away. As someone else said, you should be glad you are eliminating those time and emotion wasters before investing time and effort of your own.

(in reply to Twistodistic)

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 8:41:46 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
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this sounds more like things just didn't fit. fantasy is often better than reality because fantasy is perfect and goes just how they want it to. better it's over and done quickly than alot of time wasted on something that's just not going to work.

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 8:50:44 PM

Kana

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Never ever take it personally.
Thats the key for me.

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RE: Being dumped - 2/17/2008 9:51:00 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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If you're already commited to one person, it might not be quite the same as if you were alone. Not saying you shouldn't feel down, but I mean it's a little hard to maintain several relationships.

Honestly, it sounds like you were spread so thin that no one really felt legitimately connected to you. (Just a vague guess from the short couple of lines you said. May be compeletely wrong.) If that's the case, I'd suggest just taking it easy and focusing on a relationship next time instead.

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