RE: Do you ever....

RE: Do you ever.... (Full Version)

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gaggedredhead -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 12:14:00 PM)
The problem is that most people fail to discern intent in either their own messages or the messages they receive. You cannot control the response of someone when you write them, nor can you control how you feel when you receive an email. It is what it is, and it is, the internet. Additionally, people only see what they want to see. Sometimes, someone could just be checking out a profile for any number of reasons, least of which is interest in that person. It may be something said on a forum post, etc. So there is no reason really, then to even comment to that person on why they viewed you. I have been on sites where I got tons of emails and views and never once felt the need to ask why someone viewed my posts or profile. If someone wanted to get in touch with me, they did.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 12:27:38 PM)
I write little notes to people all the time. Sometimes just to talk to them more or compliment them on something they have said on the boards. Now today I got a message from someone written in all caps that says YOU F-----ing B-----! And nothing else. Weird. I should have sent him a note telling him we were not compatible. lol But I was so curious as to how this was provoked that I; a. turned the letter in b. told him I did, and, c. asked him what I did to anger him to such an extent. Normally I just block and delete, but, this was so out of left field, that I just had to ask.

toservez -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 12:38:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gaggedredhead The problem is that most people fail to discern intent in either their own messages or the messages they receive. You cannot control the response of someone when you write them, nor can you control how you feel when you receive an email. It is what it is, and it is, the internet. Additionally, people only see what they want to see. Sometimes, someone could just be checking out a profile for any number of reasons, least of which is interest in that person. It may be something said on a forum post, etc. So there is no reason really, then to even comment to that person on why they viewed you. I have been on sites where I got tons of emails and views and never once felt the need to ask why someone viewed my posts or profile. If someone wanted to get in touch with me, they did. I think that is just a brilliantly worded post that sums up this whole issue. I use to have a quote on my signature line, “We judge others based on their behavior and judge ourselves based on our intentions”. There is a natural hypocrisy that what we do personally in this area is ok and want to judge people who do something we do not care for as being rude. The fact is no matter what a person does on sites like this they will get people that find what they did to be wrong. For example, I must have had ten plus people write me back after I replied in a simple “I am sorry I am not interested” that I was very rude to reply if all I was going to do is turn them down. I think for many people, especially women, there is just a threshold of the messages and replies we get back that it becomes clear there is no way that pleases all.

CarrieO -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 4:43:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 Yes it happens. Soem people react to a compliment with .."you live to far away" Lol so?? the message arrived..not? A compliment doesn't mean....marry me...and move in. It means...I liked what you did with your profile... IF you don't want people to respond...don't have a profile on the internet. Yes.....I've had this happen but I'll still continue. I love to read the journals....so few do. I feel they're a window into another part of the person posting. Compliments are given by me for no other reason than to say...hey, what you said resonates with me. Peace.

Feric -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 8:08:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CliarSiofra Feel that sometimes when you send a message to someone, just out of friendship. That they take it as more. There for not respond to the message? Or Sometimes want to send a message to someone but fear it isn't worth the time to see they have read it and won't replay? Just wondering if anyone else gets these thoughts from time to time. Sadly, some people take idle curiosity or a desire to chat about a subject of mutual interest as a come-on. This has happened to me several times, and not just on this site. There's not really anything you can do about it, except try to make yourself and your comments sound as sincere as possible. Even so, many people will make the wrong assumption about your overtures, and blow you off. C'est la vie.

Bound2One -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 9:04:10 PM)
I've sent little notes out to people I recognize from the boards when something strikes me - usually it's a compliment of some sort. I learned a lesson early on in life. There was a girl who was my age on my block growing up. I never liked her. We were just really different, yk? One Sunday when we were both seniors I was going in to mass I saw Mary sitting in the back row by herself. Something made me slide in next to her and say 'hi'. No biggie. Her mom later told mine how much that little act of kindness meant to Mary b/c she was having a very rough time of it and how much I helped her by simply acknowledging her that day. I'm not tootin' my own horn here, just illustrating why I send send the occasional note. Now I sound like a sappy Hallmark card, but I do enjoy brightening someone's day, and in general, people do respond positively. So yeah, sue me ... I'm little Miss Sunshine. lol

HerLord -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 9:56:12 PM)
I have just fine "thick skin", so it wasn't a matter of me being offended, it was just such an extreme reaction for what I thought was a courtesy, that I thought perhaps I had violated some code that I hadn't been informed of... LOL. Any way glad to know every one has seen their share of psychos and nutjobs from both sides of the sending/recieving mails... I will continue to drop little notes in on people, about their profiles and or comments I view, so in advance if this will offend you... SORRY. It has been said now so I can go and say anything I want to any body and that little apology will cover it all for me. In the mean time. I really like my profile... but I think I should do something about how lame I am... LOL. Peace

sunshinemiss -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 10:12:52 PM)
This thread reminds of a book I read years ago (and wholeheartedly recommend). It's not long, but it's good. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz... 1. Be Impeccable With Your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 2. Don't Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. 3. Don't Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. 4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. peace

PanthersMom -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/18/2008 10:21:31 PM)
i'll say hi to someone local, just to say hello. i'll say hi to people who made amusing or interesting comments on the boards. whether or not they respond is their choice, it doesn't stop me from being friendly. PM

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Do you ever.... (2/19/2008 1:57:17 AM)
I send out messages to lotsa folks, be it because of their profiles or the threads. Its stated clearly in my profile that I'm not looking for anyone.. just because I send a message doesnt mean I'm trying to lure someone into a trap. I sent a message the other day to a fella reguarding the interests in his profile, simply because what he does is of interest of me and I wanted to know if he might be willing to discuss it with me, he is a CD and this is a HUGE area of interest to me. Why, because I know several fellas that this is a preferred activity for and I'd love to learn as much as I can about it from their perspective and others, as its highly different than forced fem. Unfortunately for whatever reason he didnt reply to the message. Thats his choice, I cant say I wasnt a bit disappointed because I was. Rarely is it that if I send someone a note that they dont respond so it sucks when I get the ocassional few who dont, eh you chalk it up to they just didnt feel like responding and ya move on. Thats all you can do.

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