RE: long distance relocation

RE: long distance relocation (Full Version)

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CalifChick -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 8:43:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar tigress when I talk about or think about girls my eyes go up and down. What does it mean when they stop on certain areas? Eye Movement for right handed people: Eyes Up and Left: Non-dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., remembered imagery (Vr). Eyes Up and Right: Dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., constructed imagery and visual fantasy (Vc). Eyes Lateral Left: Non-dominant hemisphere auditory processing - i.e., remembered sounds, words, and "tape loops" (Ar) and tonal discrimination. Eyes Lateral Right: Dominant hemisphere auditory processing - i.e., remembered sounds and words (Ac) and "tape loops" (such as nursery rhymes), as well as tonal discrimination. Eyes Down and Left: Internal dialogue, or inner self-talk (Ad). Eyes Down and Right: Feelings, both tactile and visceral (K). Eyes Straight Ahead, but Defocused or Dilated: Quick access of almost any sensory information; but usually visual. Left-handed people are often, but always, in reverse, and ambidextrous people can go either way (no pun intended). Cali

SailingBum -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 8:48:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick So after only 12 days and only one phone call, he's already discussing relocating? If your best friend came to you and said, "I've been talking to a guy on the internet for 12 days, and we've talked on the phone once, and he wants me to move across the country to be with him"... what would you say? As concerned as I am about YOUR judgment (thinking one visit is sufficient before relocating), I'm even MORE concerned about his judgment. Cali He has nothing to lose in this scenerio. He has some girl traveling to stay a week he is going to prolly bang her eyeballs out and send her home. She live far enuff away that he will never hear from her again. Their is no investment on his part other than dropping her ass off back at the airport. She seems to think he is the be all end all. However I doubt he see it this way. BadOne

SailingBum -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 8:51:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar tigress when I talk about or think about girls my eyes go up and down. What does it mean when they stop on certain areas? Seriously it means she has great tits. The rest is voodoo babble according to all the studies I've read on the subject. Ya know just like the lie meter. There are two reason your atty doesn't want you to take it. It does not work. More importantly the cops get to grill you about the supposed crime and will use it against you. BadOne

lateralist1 -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 9:51:54 AM)
The fact that he would have let you relocate to him without even meeting him said it all for me. You had to suggest that you meet for a week first. A week is far too short a time. I've talked to people on the internet for years. I'd meet half way in an area that you would both like to visit in seperate hotel rooms and keep it as friends.Do that as often as you can both afford to. Have some great holidays and build the relationship slowly. Talk on the phone as often as possible. Talk to his friends on the phone. Let him talk to your friends. Submissive does not mean stupid. I've met a lot of people in the lifestyle and not one of them looked anywhere near as good as their photographs. But looks are nothing. Meeting someone in real time shows all those personality traits that drive people nuts after a while. Either in a good way or in a bad way. Is he a wolf in sheep's clothing? You don't know because you don't know him.

kyraofMists -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 11:22:16 AM)
I have relocated about 3,700 miles and to another country to live with him and Alandra. This was a decision that was made after many months interacting with each other and spending time together as often as we could. We first started talking over three years ago. Neither of us were actively looking for a relationship and we started chatting and exchanging emails as friends. As time went on, our feelings for each other grew based on what we shared. However, we were both realistic that we needed to get to know each other better and that we needed to meet face to face to determine if we were who we appeared to be. We did not express our feelings to each other until we met face to face. It was about 6 months after we first started interacting that I flew to meet him and Alandra. I spent about 10 days there and we verified that our perceptions of each other were real. Only after then did we start to discuss relocation and what I would have to do to immigrate to his country. The entire process took about 2 years and during that time we visited with each other as often as we could. I moved here about 2 months ago and it was the best decision for us both. The three of us are very happy and our enjoying our life together. I know from experience that long distance relocation can work, but we didn't rush into this. We took our time and made sure that this was the right decision for everyone. Knight's Kyra

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 11:36:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VelvetMaam Only spending 1 week with a person seems to me to be a very short period of time to base making a major life change like relocating. That was my first thought, too. As someone once said, for the first six months of a relationship, it's basically his PR people talking to your PR people. I was fortunate that the submissive I went to visit for a weekend turned out to be the exact person she was online...even more wonderful, really. But we'll have to have more face-to-face time -- how much, I can't speculate -- before I'd pull the handle and relocate to be with her. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

LadyLolly -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 11:58:55 AM)
OK, my 2 cents and prepared to get my butt jumped for it. Call me a nut job, I'm not interested in jumping through the LD relationship/courtship hoops. My life is here, any that would entertain thoughts of becoming a personal part of my life would also need to be here or at least a reasonable distance. Period. Yes, 12 days is only a very short time to know someone. Yes, the other side of the country is a long distance Yes, relocation is no small task Yes, there are risks However: We live in a mobile society, not everyone is rooted in one place. Obviously if you have many close ties established where you are or have heavily invested in a career position these are things to weigh. For some relocation/moving different places is done many times. Not everyone cares to deal with long distance. So, go meet, get that first face to face read. In it self this is a major hurdle that there is no substitute for. By all means, put your safe calls in place - the more the better, and use them. Have him provide copy of drivers license and a current utility bill. Stay in a hotel or if there is a third party there to stay with rather than stay at thier house if you are more comfortable with that. Having a rental car of your own is also not a bad idea especially if taxis or public transport are not readily available. Keep a clear head, eyes open and listen to your gut. Beside the risk factor and not imposing pressures on either party, not getting all swoony is the primary reason to insist on a no play rule first visit for me. Plenty of time for that later if you both choose to continue. Do get acquainted with thier friends and associates. Insist on meeting his "people". Do spend time looking at the job market and getting a feel for the city/town itself. Is it someplace you could enjoy living and making a new life on your own if need be? If and when you are comfortable with the decision to make a move then why not? Do you need to secure other employment prior to the move? Multiple visits/stays prior to moving are a good idea if it's feasible. Nothing says you have to move in with them immediately, perhaps roomate some where or get your own place first. If you have a lot of "stuff" perhaps better to place the majority in storage until later. For many, making a move is a major life changing deal. For some, it's not that big of a deal. I've moved my whole life first as a military brat and later professionally. I've gone some where for a visit, fell in love with it and moved the following weekend (before I had more than a u-haul's worth to contend with). People do meet, become instantly inseparatable and live happily ever after - rare but it happens. Sometimes we follow our heart and regret it. That's life. Yes, there are preditors and nut cases lurking out there. Yes, not everything that seems "perfect" will pan out that way. Do your due diligence checking them out. If you decide this feels like something you want to give a shot, try to keep a clear head and CYA. Don't cocoon if you move either - make a concerted effort to make new friends and build a new support network so you are not isolated and overly dependant. I undertand why so many have counseled you to slow down and take months if not years before uprooting your life for someone you've only "met" online for a very short time after a very short time on CM. Those are certainly risk factors to weigh heavily. The concerns and advice is valid for the majorty of situations where people are deeply rooted to the community they currently live in. You may not be. It is extremely difficult to connect with a good prospect. Even after spending years doing the long distance thing there is still never a guarentee that once close things will work out and all the advice above would still apply. If you want to, feel it's the thing to do and are in a position in this time of your life where moving closer to find out how things will pan out makes sense to you, then do it.

MistressOfGa -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 12:11:32 PM)
subtranny, I am only going to assume that he is aware of your wish to alter yourself to become a woman. He lists on his profile that he is bisexual. I am extremely worried about you. His profile sounds really demanding, as he talks about not wanting to meet you after "one" chat. He also says that "I am not buying anything." So you are putting up your own money to re-locate and if things do not work out, you will have to find your own way back. I have a strong feeling about all of this. Please please do be careful. I found nothing in his profile that even came close to charming or friendly. I can almost guess that you came here looking for validation for moving so fast, but you didn't get what you came here for, and chances are you are going to do what you want to anyway. Someone hit it right on, when they said that this man has nothing to lose by you going there. He is paying for nothing while you are there, he is not going to do anything other than stay inside and fuck you if he can get away with it. Someone mentioned that you go out with him, to movies, dinner ect..I don't see this happening. I keep getting snagged on that one line "I am not buying anything". Did you ask him what the week was going to involve? Did you ask him about a local hotel? See..He will just tell you that you are a "player" and a "wanna be" if you do not stay with him. Don't let him guilt you into doing something that you don't want to do. "The slave I seek will be intense and ready to serve." Here is another red flag to me. He is basically saying, if you go to him you better be ready to set aside any notions of "dating" or getting to know him. You must be ready to serve. <shakes head> Only you can decide what you would like to do. We can only give you advice based on our own experience. I truly hope that you heed the warnings you have been given and don't allow your need to serve outweigh your need to be safe. I wish you well, MoGa Edited for clarification

MistressNoName -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 12:37:32 PM)
subtranny, I'm just going to end up echoing what everyone else has said here. It's just not enough time. While I agree with Sailingbum...go and have a great time...but don't go with the expectation of immediately becoming his collared slave. I know a Master in real time who collared a boy after getting to know him for maybe three months. And it ended disastrously. The major problem having been, they did know know each other well enough before becoming Master and slave. They did not have enough time to negotiate how things were going to be before the collar went around the boy's neck. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have face-to-face talk time before either offering or accepting a collar. And the rub is that once a collar is offered, it's often too enticing an offer for a submissive to refuse...even if you have valid doubts. So, go, have a groovy time with him, take all the necessary precautions to keep yourself safe, brush up on your scene negotiating skills so that the thrill of any given moment doesn't lead you to forget important things like SSC, RACK and safe-wording, remember your limits and most important, don't let that week turn into the opening scene from "Mr Benson." (A hot novel, indeed, but it is still fiction.) Best, MNN

LadyLolly -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 12:46:33 PM)
There were some additional posts referring to the Dom's profile - haven't seen it but would read it if you'd like to PM me with it. Would also like to add a few items that weren't in the other (really long -sorry) previous post. You could try locating others from the area and making inquiries about him yourself. Also, you have the right to have hard limits and insist on limiting what transpires as a free person. If he is anything other than concerned for your comfort and safety precautions take heed.

subtranny -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 1:17:20 PM)
he is covering all expensies and paying for the round trip ticket for the first week then if i deside to come back the next ticket also. he acually is the one that gave me the idea for the saftey net, told me to find a friend and contact them thru the week he wants to do anything he can to build trust, he persoanly said that trust is the most important thing to a D/ and without trust he is nothing. thanks for all the great advice

SailingBum -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 1:42:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtranny he is covering all expensies and paying for the round trip ticket for the first week then if i deside to come back the next ticket also. he acually is the one that gave me the idea for the saftey net, told me to find a friend and contact them thru the week he wants to do anything he can to build trust, he persoanly said that trust is the most important thing to a D/ and without trust he is nothing. thanks for all the great advice You were givin some great advice. I hope you heed it. Have a great trip, when you come back give us a update. I do wish you well. BadOne

subtranny -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 2:04:18 PM)
we both had talked about limits at some point, his limits where identical to mine though he had a few i did not have (not that it is a bad thing i just was not even thinking about that) like animals lol.. would never have even thought to put that as a hard limit did not know people still do stuff like that one (no offense to anyone btw) sorry just responding to some posts randomly

joy2u -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 2:11:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtranny I want to trust him completly but i of course still have that itch in the back of my head (the what ifs can pile up) any advice? I do feel i can trust him just cant get past 99% if that makes sense You've gotten a lot of advice already and you may get a lot more but, the bottom line is you are the only one who can decide what's best for you. No one on here knows you or your relationship history and none of us knows the person you are thinking about meeting. If there is some little voice in your head telling you to wait or be careful or don't do it, even if the other 99% is saying, "Oh yeah, go ahead, it'll be fine", the little voice shouldn't be ignored. It's better to err on the side of caution when there is that nagging little voice inside telling you to watch out. We all make our own relationship rules about how we get into a relationship, how we stay in a relationship and how we get out of a relationship, if and when it stops being what we want or need. And, my rules are not going to be the same as someone else's rules. In fact, if i had followed most of the advice given to you on this forum, i wouldn't have met my Master and i wouldn't be in the best relationship of my life. But, i didn't have a little voice inside me telling me to be careful and reconsided my decision to meet Him. Luckily for me, my instincts were correct and He is everything that i had hope and wanted and expected Him to be. And, i did almost everything that most people have been telling you not to do. But, then again, i've never been afraid of taking some risks in order to find a satisfying relationship. i have gone on numerous "blind dates" with men who i only knew their first name. i have gone out with men i met at concerts and didn't know anything about them, other than what they told me over the music. i have never gone out with someone who i felt i needed to do a background check on first. i relied on my gut instincts and, even though most of them didn't work out in the end, at least i had a good time. Even if the guy just wanted to ball me, i enjoyed it, too. Then again, i love sex. But, like i said, you are the only one who can really know what you are comfortable with and what you feel is the right thing to do. joy Owned servant of Master David

stella41b -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 3:49:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtranny so i know the topic instantly makes just about anyone go nooo, I have been looking for a while now for that someone to call master/mistress and after alot of fakes I think I may have finally found the one. After lots of chatting with the person on a daily basis and getting to know them more i feel I can trust them. the conversations are very detailed and he seems to really know what a D is in all meaning of the word. he is willing to give out all personal information for me to even share with a friend as a safety net. He wants me to come for a visit for one week (was my idea before total relocation) to come and see what i would be getting myself into that way if i have cold feet or i realise that it is not for me (though i highly doubt it) i can still turn back. At what point can you trust someone thru the internet, enough to travel across the states too see them and serve them. I want to trust him completly but i of course still have that itch in the back of my head (the what ifs can pile up) any advice? I do feel i can trust him just cant get past 99% if that makes sense Take it from me, 12 days is nothing. I'm in a similar situation, only my situation is international and crosses the Atlantic. But then again it's different because I'm not just relocating for a relationship, but also for family reasons. I'm not going to pass comment on your relationship. Starting a relationship is a crap shoot anyway, it doesn't matter how you met someone, how you got to know each other or how often or in what circumstances you meet you cannot possibly know that this is the person for you until a couple of years have gone by. You getting to know that other person, and them getting to know you, well that IS the relationship. You can feel that this is the person for you, you can believe that this is the person for you, and you for them, but feelings and faith aren't the same as knowledge. I'd like to ask you something different. What are your present circumstances? Is your present life and what you are doing now not influencing your thinking? Why do you suddenly want to uproot and move across the States to be with someone? Is there something you're running away from? Trying to escape? Maybe this is influencing your feelings and desire to uproot after such a short space of time? I am transgendered, I don't know, maybe you want to go through stages of the transition or live as yourself with someone else and this is something I can relate to probably better than most of the people here. Yes, it isn't easy being transgendered and embarking on that transition, and yes, you do need support, more so emotional support, you need acceptance and understanding, and quite often the moment the word 'trans' is part of you not everybody understands, and finding that acceptance, understanding and support is so much harder than it is for people who are not transgendered. I know through my own experiences that seeking such acceptance and support can cause me to walk on the wild side, often too often for my own comfort and safety, because there are those that come into your life for not quite the right reasons, but also - and this is very important - they may claim to understand over the distance but when it comes down to face to face they don't, and it all falls apart. All but one of my relationships have been long distance, and the majority of them have been long distance and international. Therefore I speak from experience. It doesn't always work out the way you expect or anticipate. I write of relationships which have both worked out and those that haven't. Some people see a difference between online and offline - I don't. Every word you express carries the same meaning whether it's written in an IM program or e-mail or spoken to someone's face - it doesn't matter. Being with someone is wonderful, but there's such a thing called life and no matter where you relocate to if it's over a distance it means a complete fresh start. You need to ask yourself if you are prepared to completely take apart your life and reduce it to nothing for this person. Consider also that I spent 10 months in contact with someone on a daily basis and it came to nothing. Trust me, 12 days is nothing. Please don't let me discourage you, dreams can be very beautiful and if this person really is the person for you they will be there for you in the end. Feel free to chase your dreams across the States or even across the world, but please make sure that the dreams are realistic first. I wish you both the best of luck.

sunshinemiss -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 4:13:36 PM)
ummm, Have you made sure that the info he has given you is true? or is it the phone number for the weather channel?

Maya2001 -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 4:37:19 PM)
Consider this like a marriage....would you agree to marry somebody after just talking to them online for a week or would you want to go thru all the stages of dating getting to know them in person having a engagement period before the marriage to be absolutely sure. I spent 7months talking to one dom on and off as just friends most of the first 6 months on pretty much every topic other than D/s the last month about a potential relationship and then met and even then he was not quite what I expected in real life, we may meet again in late March, problem with a relationship that online is that you get fantasy filling in the blanks. Another thing I would be asking myself is if I was being asked to move in so quickly, is just how commited is this dom to long term relationships? Some doms think of subs more as toys, play with them for a while till they get tired of and replace them with a shiny new one Have you discussed with him how many past live in subs he has had and how long for and reasons why the relationships ended. Most people that want long term commited relationships take their time getting to know each other well to ensure they are compatible before choosing to live together If you decide to move in , have you got an income to support yourself and leave, place to go to should if he should prove not the Dom of your dreams, I can tell you from first hand experience nothing can feel worse than to trapped in a horrible relation because you have no way to leave.

Smoothicen -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 4:55:59 PM)
There is really no set point at which you can trust someone because there is always the chance that your trust is misplaced. At the end of the day, you have to possess the courage to follow your instincts. Take some good key precautions (for example, run a background check and make the first meeting be in a public place), then walk the path and do not look back. Best of luck....hope it works out.

liljoy -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 5:56:46 PM)
i love that this topic came up right now. Feb 1st 2007 i met a Dom in a chatroom here at cm. He impressed me enough for me to check out His profile which impressed me enough to contact Him. We chatted online and then by phone for hours everyday. This time last year i booked a flight to visit Him. We decided that i would stay with Him. i paid to get to Him and He took care of everything once i arrived. It was a wonderful visit and it was decided that i was going to move at some point soon. We had planned for Him to visit me once before i made my move but that didn't pan out. Oh and yes i had safe calls in place and an escape plan as well as His info left with a few people. By the end of June i had sold or given away most of my stuff, loaded my car up with as much as i could fit in it and moved from OK to FL. Which scared my friends to death. i'm sorry that i worried them but i knew without a doubt that i was doing the right thing. It's not been perfect. There have been some really tough times but we came through them stronger than ever. i haven't regretted for one second anything and wouldn't change a thing about the way we did things. i've never been so happy in my life

Lumus -> RE: long distance relocation (2/18/2008 7:34:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar tigress when I talk about or think about girls my eyes go up and down. What does it mean when they stop on certain areas? Eye Movement for right handed people: Eyes Up and Left: Non-dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., remembered imagery (Vr). Eyes Up and Right: Dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., constructed imagery and visual fantasy (Vc). Eyes Lateral Left: Non-dominant hemisphere auditory processing - i.e., remembered sounds, words, and "tape loops" (Ar) and tonal discrimination. Eyes Lateral Right: Dominant hemisphere auditory processing - i.e., remembered sounds and words (Ac) and "tape loops" (such as nursery rhymes), as well as tonal discrimination. Eyes Down and Left: Internal dialogue, or inner self-talk (Ad). Eyes Down and Right: Feelings, both tactile and visceral (K). Eyes Straight Ahead, but Defocused or Dilated: Quick access of almost any sensory information; but usually visual. Left-handed people are often, but always, in reverse, and ambidextrous people can go either way (no pun intended). Cali And that would be one of the many lovely ways I unintentionally fuck people up. [:D]

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