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RE: A question - 9/17/2005 12:38:32 AM   
firesign


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline 		Ooh! Not a bad idea! I'm new in a club, and I honestly find that the more I play, the more attention I get. I think by publicly demonstrating what I enjoy, the Doms are assured that I'm "for real" and that I do have spunk! :)

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A question - 9/17/2005 6:31:11 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat

Thank you all for your responses. I think that the course that I am on is working for me...with maybe a few directional fine tunings. As I am attracted to public play, polyamorous relationships, and just plain fun, I agree that a potentional Dom would also be interested in the same things. I knew this all already; I guess I needed a reassurance.


[laugh] Then what you are doing is classic advertising... go for it!


My thought too...... If you were active in an area where I frequented and IF we clicked, I'd be having serious thoughts about you and I having some lengthy indepth conversations.. There are those who will be turned away by your activities and others who will be attracted. just make sure your signals are accurate for the type you want to hook up with.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A question - 9/19/2005 10:46:57 AM   
firefighteremt


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/5/2005
From: Buffalo NY (AREA)
Status: offline 		I agree 100% with Ironbear. There will be some who are attracted and some who wont like it at all. I think you just need to do what makes you happy and you will find someone who fits into what you need. I am in idealist though so blah....

_____________________________

It's your life...You live it

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A question - 9/19/2005 12:17:48 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		For me, the bottom line would have to be: Does the dominant in question accept you for you? If playing with your freinds is something you enjoy while you're single, then the Dom that is right for you would accept this. It might be a whole 'nother story once you have a relationship and that's a conversation you'd have with him.

Fire


_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A question - 9/19/2005 3:13:29 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firefighteremt

I agree 100% with Ironbear. There will be some who are attracted and some who wont like it at all. I think you just need to do what makes you happy and you will find someone who fits into what you need. I am in idealist though so blah....


firefighter, I'm going totally off the subject for a moment but... my Wife/Free Companion, was looking at the comp as I was reading your responce and now she has a glazed look and is drooling at your pic... Brava mate 'twas good to see her react at this ungodly hour of 08.17..... RWL....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to firefighteremt)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A question - 9/23/2005 10:27:51 PM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		Hi krazysubbiekat,

In the hopes of helping you understand the reasoning behind your dilemma, i am probably going to sound a bit rude. Rudeness is never my intent - being honest is. Here goes:

Having grown up being raised by my father only and by having a majority of male friends, i think i might know what is going on - at the very least i can explain how most men are seeing this scenario you present.

I've been the only girl in the room when male friends are speaking honestly and openly and what they say about other woman isnt pretty - especially those woman they have been intimate with. Their words tend to become more harsh and get progressively worse when other men have had her to. Any girl who thinks that being with many men makes her popular is completely wrong. This in no way is saying this is you, but hopefully the point is coming across clearly - i am trying to convey a point.

The ONLY thing a woman has that is hers and hers to give to her Master/Dom is her body, soul and time. No man wants a woman seen in the company of many other men, scening or not. Men want something that is theirs and theirs alone. They do not like to share - especially property in most cases. Certainly not all cases but most.

In a BDSM club, hanging out with or being escorted by males (without other females right there) implies that maybe you are more than just friends. Being seen in this way with several men over the course of weeks or months (wrong or not is completely beside the point in the mind-set of a man) implies that maybe you are more than just friends with many men. In a BDSM club, the only man i would allow to walk beside me would be my Master - convenient or not. If you are seen walking with many men, regardless of your relationship to them, it implies that your body is not sacred to you, why should it be to a potential mate? If i was walking with a group of people, only females would be by my side, if Master was not there. Appearing unobtainable is the best course of action for finding attainment.

Bottom line - men will normally fuck anything that moves and the last thing they want is a girl like them! Sad but true. They want to know that no other man has had what is theirs - normally.

Quit scening and walk only with woman. I guarentee this will help your cause. If finding a relationship is important to you, respect your significant other in advance . . . even if you havent met him yet. The last thing he will want to hear is how you acted with this top and that top.

No offense intended.

auralise

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A question - 9/24/2005 7:50:55 PM   
krazysubbiekat


Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline 		Ouch!

_____________________________

"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini


(in reply to Auralise)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A question - 9/24/2005 8:28:00 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I agree completely with Auralise, and admire her polite bluntness. Good advice is often not the easiest to give.

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A question - 9/24/2005 9:46:02 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		1. Scening is not the functional equivalent to sex.

2. Not many of us men think that our girls are virgins (either sexually, or to scenes).

3. I have been offered (and gratefully accepted) much more than a girl's body, soul and time. That is a romantic (?) thought to some (makes for a great passage in a lifestyle novel), but (many) real people are multi-faceted, and considerably deeper.

4. Some (many?) lifestylers enjoy sharing their property. Perhaps you need to get around a bit more.

5. All the single girls on one side, and single males on the other at BDSM clubs? Are you sure that's not a junior high dance?

6. A female walking with males "implies that their body is not sacred"? Which convent are you referring to?

7. "Men will fuck anything that moves and the last thing they want is a girl like them"..... well, for the most part I agree (though there are exceptions to every rule). Still, I thought she was scening, not fucking. Was I mistaken? Or is it the same thing? (NOT)

No offense intended, but what color is the sky in your world?

John

(in reply to Auralise)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A question - 9/24/2005 10:28:32 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Just remember krazysubbiekat, that you live in OKC and Rover doesn't. I'm in Houston, which is not that different from OKC. You and I know what most guys are like down here ... very territorial.

I don't know you, so don't have any motivation to see you hurt ... but I'm completely with Auralisa in this one. What sense does it make to scratch the majority off the list of potential candidates?

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A question - 9/24/2005 10:57:00 PM   
buffiyum


Posts: 119
Status: offline 		good question krazysubbiekat and thank you for posting it!
i use to wonder the same thing sometimes .....because i do play and i had been told by a few Ones that Masters wish the girls They choose to know little so that they can be trained by Them as They wish the girl to be trained in various types of bdsm play.
For a short time, i followed that idea and did not 'play' (well ok, also i was scared stiff at what i was seeing on the dungeon floor and thinking everyone was nucking futz to do that stuff). i just watched and wondered.
In time however, i did try some things and i loved it all. i have not ever looked back.
There is not any collar which adorn this girls neck which is a usual way to know a girl is 'taken' or 'not available'. i take that to mean that i can play if i wanna as long as i keep safe this person which is buffy for the One who will eventualely own her.
To ensure this, i usually play in places where buffy is known and cared about.... that way when Men ask about buffy, They are told who i am and i also know that Those Men come to understand that i am cared for and about, by the Community here. i feel very safe and i know i am one lucky person. When Men come directly to buffy, They come to a girl surrounded by F/friends. There is a good reason for that beyond the
'socializing' aspect. Yes, there is a need to keep this body, mind and soul safe for the One to eventualely own it, however i have a great difficulty to say 'no' to Men, such as at play parties. Saying that word is not how this girl was raised. buffy's F/friends know this. buffy's F/friends however do not have that same difficulty. Ergo sum, buffy stays with her F/friends at play parties. This i learned to do through experience (well one learns but slowly at times eh).
i love to play, especially in public because of the 'energy' there ... to try new things (just tried needleplay recentely and it was greatttttt), with various People that i have watch and feel comfortable with or Who will 'play' under the Watchful Eye of Someone Who i do know well and trust to keep buffy safe (especially if i am playing in a place which is not one of my usual places).
To go to a play party and only sit and watch is not what buffy wish to do. How can one know what one likes, unless one get out there and try it?
If the One for buffy come and is disgusted that she bdsm play with Others, instead of thinking of how nice it would be to have buffy all to Himself upon that cross, then He is probably not the Right One for buffy.
The Right One will be One who watches, listens, questions and learns that He and this one share the same values, beliefs, and kinds of bdsm play.
That Man will not be deterred by the ball of energy that is buffy and will be proud of her ability to embrace so many kinds of 'bdsm play'. That Man will take her and make her His Alone.
yahoo!
respectfully and hoping that helps,
buffy


< Message edited by buffiyum -- 9/24/2005 11:06:16 PM >

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 10:29:08 AM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		John,

My reply was written in order to help shed some light on how all the men i know would view this. Yes, it is out-dated and sad that many men can't handle this outgoing attitude from woman whom men would like to date. Normally outgoing in good but in intimate ways, normally not.

The truth of the matter is this is how MANY VIEW IT LIKE IT OR NOT. This is the direct mindset of the ever-long issue of, if we have sex were whores and if men do they are popular - sound familiar (from highschool days)? The truth is never pretty. I am not saying that ALL MEN look at it this way - as a matter of fact, I may have stated more than once that not all men do. My reply was not for you or any man - it was to a woman trying to find a serious relationship.

The male population need not worry over all woman taking this advice. There will always be girls to play with that dont want, need or expect the commitment. No worries.

My advice stands 100%. Being a woman in our world has always been different than being a man. Have you ever lost your reputation, Sir, for getting laid or taking out too many woman? Many woman, acting that way, have. Different worlds between woman and men - i am trying to help a girlfriend out by letting her know what most men think - obviously not you.

Further - i don't know that i would even want a man that thought it was alright, but that is another issue all together. AGAIN my intent was not to offend. It was to simply shed a different light on the subject. If all men liked this as you do, then don't you think she would have a certain someone in her life by now . . . or atleast the possibility of?

auralise

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 10:34:24 AM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		Very interesting point - i am from the South to! Maybe the mindset of southern men are different than those elsewhere. Southern men are extremely territorial!! Good point - maybe I should make a note that my views are expressed from the Southern mindset. Thanks.

auralise

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 2:56:36 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		My comments aren’t scene based or club based or even lifestyle based. Why? Because I don’t go to parties or scene and once in a blue moon I may go to a club or munch. (Yeah well there has only been one blue moon this year).. But I do know that guys at events like bucks parties etc are pretty much the same as the yobbos in pubs.. Get an attractive girl near them with a couple of different guys and they all figure she’s “a sure thing”, “the town bike” if you get my drift. Get a near naked female near them who may be dancing or stripping, and they all scream for her to do sex acts. If she doesn't, she is a slag and useless in bed and none will go near her. If she does do some form of sex act, she’s a slut and whilst they all want her they don’t want to be seen in public with her…. So ok part of this booze and part of the macho bull shit that most of us were brought up on… may be a cultural thing but I’ve seen the same in the US (North and South). Seems like typical male crap if you ask me. One of the reasons I party or drink with very few mates is that I know how ugly they can turn when they’ve hoisted a few and I detest drunks. However there is hope yet! My second wife, amongst other things, was a top stripper. Mates used to wonder how I felt watching guys drooling over her naked…. My response was – “You are paying big bucks to look at what’s mine to have any time I want.” Maybe you’ll find a Master who takes a similar line.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Auralise)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 4:18:36 PM   
Auralise


Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Denver by way of Florida
Status: offline 		Hi Iron Bear,

Like many of Your responses, I completely agreed with and enjoyed reading this one as well. It is a male thing. I used to be an exotic dancer as well - there is a Time and Place for everything under the sun. Sometimes we have to chose what the best times and places are because of INFANTILISM known as the human condition!

Again, very nice reading you as always.

Blessings, auralise

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 4:22:02 PM   
NYMaster101


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		It's just me, but I'm looking for someone to be mine alone. I'm sure there are plenty of DOM's who are looking for just what you have to offer. You have to be yourself or you will wind up in an unhappy relationship,

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 6:11:34 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		What sort of lifestyle clubs and/or dungeons do you people frequent? Drunks boozing it up while they chant to some floozy that's stripping to encourage her to engage in a sex act?

I'm not naive enough to think that sort of thing doesn't happen out there. But I've been all across the country to lifestyle events, clubs and dungeons and have not once seen ANYTHING that remotely resembles what you described.

Either I've been leading a sheltered life (NOT) or you're hanging out in some seedy places and (perhaps) could consider a change of venue.

John

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 7:06:59 PM   
krazysubbiekat


Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline 		I took special care to reply to my OP so that no one takes what I have to say personally. I was once told when asking for opinions, to take from it what you need and leave the rest. Now, does that mean to ignore what the ones who disagree with? I don't think so. Thank you all for your opinions, and please know that they have all impacted my thoughts on my public role in wiitwd.

_____________________________

"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini


(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 8:40:24 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

What sort of lifestyle clubs and/or dungeons do you people frequent? Drunks boozing it up while they chant to some floozy that's stripping to encourage her to engage in a sex act?

I'm not naive enough to think that sort of thing doesn't happen out there. But I've been all across the country to lifestyle events, clubs and dungeons and have not once seen ANYTHING that remotely resembles what you described.

Either I've been leading a sheltered life (NOT) or you're hanging out in some seedy places and (perhaps) could consider a change of venue.

John



G'day John,

better lay off the turps mate it'll rot your brain cells (JK). If you read my post fully you will see that my opening statement stated that I dont attend BDSM Functions...

quote:

My comments aren’t scene based or club based or even lifestyle based. Why? Because I don’t go to parties or scene and once in a blue moon I may go to a club or munch. (Yeah well there has only been one blue moon this year).. But I do know that guys at events like bucks parties etc are pretty much the same as the yobbos in pubs..


I can inderstand the mistake mate, I know that sometimes you guys dont undersand Australianese just as we don't always understand Americianese.. I have heaps of laughs with my US mates over our language differences (OK so I wont comment and you guys driving on the wrong side of the road), but we usually get along without too many screwups. I learned not to surgest that a US Marine mate "shout" the bar... silly bugger stood on a table, filled his lungs and shouted.. stone the crows, it was like a foghorn trying to shatter the iceburgs in front of the Titanic... Got us both banned from that pub too.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/26/2005 8:44:01 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: A question - 9/26/2005 9:10:17 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: krazysubbiekat

Okay, I have a question. Let me preface this by saying that when people ask me why I belong to a local BDSM club as a single submissive, I often reply by stating "If you want a pilot, go to the airport." I am not ashamed to say that I am actively looking for a Dom, Master, Owner, etc. As such, I scene quite frequently at the club's parties with some of my Domly friends.

Saying that, my question is this. I was wondering if my scening in a public setting with my friends is harming my chances of finding the One for me. I mean, do some look at scening with more than one partner equivalent to being promiscuous? And in a BDSM context, is that a bad thing? I, personally, do not equate non-sexual scenes with being promiscuous. More of a need being fulfilled.

I guess this is stemming from my own personal frustrations; but I would still like some opinions on this.


Depends on the type of partner you want to find. If you want to find one who is cool with you being your own person and getting experience then you are more likely to find them at these venues. If you want someone who would limit your away from him/her time then playing at these public events might send the wrong signals.

For me, personally, I'm much more likely to be interested in someone I meet at a munch or a workshop. I'm not big into play parties so someone who is becomes more neutral in my mind -- I mean, would they expect me to go to these things with them? If so, we might not be a good match.

The fact is that it can take years to find a good partner, vanilla or kinky. Being frustrated seems like a normal thing to feel. You do what feels good for you and that will increase your chances of finding a more compatible partner in my opinion.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to krazysubbiekat)
Profile   Post #: 40
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