For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (Full Version)

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meticulousgirl -> For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 11:40:58 AM)

On two occasions M.S. has laid out the blanket and the pillow with warning that i would be sleeping on the floor that night not because i've done anything wrong but, just because that's where He wants me that night for whatever reason.  Both times my reaction has been the same, i freeze up and dont want Him to see it so i go to the bathroom, and when i come out i change into my pj's, grab the stuffed penguin He bought me, and go back into the bedroom. 

The other night when it happened, He spanked me,  and then told me to lay down and cover up, i was fine for a minuet or two but then the emotions, fears etc...started to come around, and there were the tears.  The feelings of being alone were suddenly there, the feeling of somehow not being safe came into play, the knowledge that at some point that night He wouldn't be there with His arm around me (safety net) was all that i kept thinking about.

Eventually i fall asleep but, it's not before i've spent quite a bit of time crying, and just because i fall asleep by no means does that mean that i wont wake up durring the night and in the morning to more crying....for me it's just this huge traumatic issue that left me angry with Him the first time but somewhat humbled this time...and then there is the issue of physically being in absolute pain after it's done and over iwth even today every bone and muscle hurts because that room is so damp and cold (basement, and underneath the carpet is a concrete floor.)

To me because of what i go through sleeping on the floor is punnishment, so i associate it with doing something wrong because that was part of the last punnishment, so when i was laying there crying the other night i asked Him what i did wrong, and He said nothing and went on to explain the why for that particular night but, even though the choice was not made in punnishment standing didn't really make any difference, emotionally it was still exceptionally hard to deal with.

I know that i cant be the only one who ever goes through this:

So my question is:  How do those who sleep on the floor either periodicly or on a regular basis emotionally / mentally handle it? 


Thanks all,

~meticulous~



sweetwenchie -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 11:51:54 AM)

Sounds to me like you really need to sit down and talk to him about your reaction to sleeping on the floor. He might not realize exactly how you take it emotionally and mentally when he wishes you to sleep there. 

Everyone reacts differently to such situations that my experiences in sleeping on the floor have no bearing on the distress it causes you.



Statepalace -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 11:53:30 AM)

It is a hard limit for me, and one that was discussed very early, so I can't tell you how I handle it. I can only say that I absolutely couldn't handle it.



softness -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:14:38 PM)

This may sound a little harsh, but I generally favour the tough love for myself, so apologies if this sounds like I am being a bitch, I am not, honestly.

If He says it is not a punishment then it is not, and YOU have to change YOUR mindset about it. He has not abandonned you, he does not love you any less, he just wants you on the floor. You have slept alone before, you will sleep alone again. It only becomes a trauma if you allow it to.  Its about what he WANTS not what you NEED.

That said, if he is going to make his property sleep on a cold damp floor, then he should expect the next day for you to be aching and cold.  Have you ever considered however that seeing you suffer for him pleases him hugely? Are your aches and pains too high a price to pay for his pleasure?

I have been, and hope to be again, made to sleep on the floor. Sometimes with a blanket and pillow, sometimes not ... frequently naked and with nothing (in what is a very cold and damp flat lol .. honest today its warmer outside! and thats saying something) ... personally I found the shame of not having earned the right to a bed ... crushing ... and pleasing (in the "Much of what I enjoy, I enjoy, because I dont enjoy it" kind of way) Sometimes I felt hurt by being excluded from the warmth and affection of the bed, but I worked on not focussing on myself. I was there to be pleasing and what was pleasing at that moment was that I slept on the floor.

Just as with all things that I am and have been asked to do that are hard or upsetting for me (and the success to which I manage this is certainly not always huge) .. I try not to think of myself, but focus instead on what it results in for him.

the best piece of advice I ever got given was by a woman who had lived as a slave for many years, was happily married with children to her Master and who he adored completly (so she must have been a pretty good slave for him) was this

Don't look always to be happy in the moment, focus on being pleasing, ensure His happiness with your moment to moment actions, and then you will be happy in the whole.

and really ... I feel for you, feel free to hate my guts if you think I am being cold.



toservez -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:20:31 PM)

Doing something like this should serve a purpose. If all it will basically do is cause you problems mentally handling it and physically not being as good as you can be the next day then clearly you are not getting anything out of it. Then what needs to be asked is what does he really get out of it and is it worth it to him for you not to be your best the next day and for both of you to take the time to work on the mental issues you are having?

I think with repetition and a better thought process the mental aspects should be able to overcome as this is just on occasion and not something that will become a routine. I would talk to him and just ask him if this is something he truly enjoys and why. I am a firm believer that “just because I say so” is a valid reason more times then not. I am not sure that is a valid reason with this.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:23:15 PM)

Wow well this is obviously a big issue if you flat out disobey.  Has he ever told you that you need to SLEEP on the floor?  It sounds like he'd be fine if you just laid there all night and didn't actually sleep at all.  Sure you'd feel like crap the next day, but you'd be where he told you and quiet.  Enough days of that and I'd bet you'd sleep on the floor for a few hours.

That breaking through the wall MIGHT be just what you need to tell your mind to shut up and stop being stupid.

There are other options- like a toddler getting used to sleeping in a crib, perhaps you could nudge him awake, he could look at you, stroke your head, tell you it's ok and then put you back to bed on the floor.  Might mean a few restless nights for you both, but, like a toddler, in a few days you should be trained to be put to bed and both of you should sleep well.

It all depends on the mix of your personalities, training styles, and just how deeply this fear of yours is.  Either way- disobeying is NOT the right option.



meticulousgirl -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:26:27 PM)

softness,

i think that was a bit harsh yes because i wasn't going on a whole it's all about me me me thing

i'm not looking for a pitty party, infact that's exactly what i dont want.  i want suggestions on how to make this easier on myself so that i dont have to get Him involved with trying to "fix my issues" this is something i want, it's just something i'm emotionally having a really hard time with.

~meticulous~




DiurnalVampire -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:28:58 PM)

I think the majority of the problem you had was your own mankinga mountain out of a molehill. You were told to sleep on the floor. Would you have reacted better if you had been sent to sleep on the couch? Is your issue with being sent to sleep somewhere other than next to him, or was it physically with the floor?
If there is a physical reason you should not sleep on a floor, I can understand you wanting to object and discuss it with him. If he truly wishes for you to be on the floor, other steps t make the temperature more bareable can be made. Yoga mats make far better insulation than, say a thin blanket.
If your problem is that you were not sleeping next to him, that might have been exactly why you were sent there. Consider that he wants to take your safety net away, so that you get used to being on your own. He doesnt want to be locked into sleeping next to you out of necessity and not desire, and so he might be trying to break you of the extreme emotional response to his not being there. If he needs to be alone in the bed for a night, he shouldnt have to worry about you having this sort of reaction. I know with my back problems, I cannot always share a bed. I have not yet had to send Fox to the couch, but he knows it might happen. He is prepared and though he woulnt like it he would never react as you did.  He said it wasnt a punishement, but did he say what it was?

DV



AquaticSub -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:30:02 PM)

Have you asked him why he wants you to sleep on the floor? Is it simply a whim or is there a reason? Is he willing to work with you to make this easier on you?



crouchingtigress -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:35:54 PM)

any time you are faced with a challenge you can define that challenge and if you dont you can be assured it will (and has) defined you.

make this into a test for yourself, be proud of your ability to obey, to move through a whole bunch of conditioning crapola, and to grow in your submission...

what ever does not kill you makes you stronger.

you asked how i handle it.... i repeat over and over again:

there is no try only do or not do.   ~yoda
 
 



softness -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:39:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

softness,

i think that was a bit harsh yes because i wasn't going on a whole it's all about me me me thing

i'm not looking for a pitty party, infact that's exactly what i dont want.  i want suggestions on how to make this easier on myself so that i dont have to get Him involved with trying to "fix my issues" this is something i want, it's just something i'm emotionally having a really hard time with.

~meticulous~




I did not want to be a bitch or sound like I was being negative. I find, with myself ,when I get into such a negative head space about something, it can begin to spiral out of all control. So stop myself hard, and make myself coldly and objectively look at the reality .. and often find that I am in much stronger shape than I thought I was.

I did honestly mean to offer you an approach you could take if it worked for you, I wasn't having a go, and I look forward to hearing that you come to a resolution that works for both of you.

be well, and best of luck



GabrielleSlave -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:41:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

To me because of what i go through sleeping on the floor is punnishment, so i associate it with doing something wrong because that was part of the last punnishment,


i am seeing that maybe it is not really the sleeping on the floor that is the problem.  Correct me if i am barking up the wrong tree here, but the fact that you associate this with being punished is the real reason that it is so abhorrent to you.  i believe that you should talk to your Master about the deep emotions associated with sleeping on the floor as something He enjoys should not be seen as correction surely?  When a similar thing happened to me and my Master, He was grateful to me for not hiding my feelings from Him and He has changed the way He chooses to correct or punish me.

Hugs

Gabrielle x



meticulousgirl -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:43:32 PM)

LA,

Your 100% right, disobeying is not an option, it's been months since i was punnished the last time, the last one ended the weekend after my birthday, and it's not something i ever want to go through again.

He has told me to SLEEP but, laying awake wouldn't help, as i tried that the first time and that ordeal was much worse, as was His response, He had absolutely no tollerence for me whatsoever that night, and that just made the emotions all the more worse....Sat. night overall was much easier, yes it was hard, it wasn't easy by any means but, i think the fact that He was there in the room (3 feet away)  had something to do with it but, that didn't mean i wasn't going to break down over the experience in general. 

The other thing lacking both times was the collar....believe it or not the last thing i remember thinking about before i fell asleep was that.  His arms and the collar are my security blankets so to speak...i cant take shit for pain w.o it but, with it, it's like i'm a complete masochist...it's really messed up.

grrr confusion at it's best, yet again.  i'll be so happy when i've experienced "everything" so this doesn't happen anymore....

~meticulous~



canupleaseme -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 12:46:36 PM)

Personally I would make a list of each thing that bothers me about it and work through it. Each night you have to spend on the floor spend it thinking about each thing and how you can make it feel better and over come it. You have reacted very strongly to something and you need to work out whether or not you can continue to deal with it. 
My boy has spent almost all week on the floor and not out of punishment just because we both have a deep desire to make him feel beneath me at the minute :) and right now sleeping on the floor while I get the nice comfy bed is part of it.  It makes him horny lol.  I would want to talk it through with him though if he felt like you did.  I have attatchment issues of my own and make him sleep on the floor at my side of the bed that way I can pet him and see him if I want to, he is also close by to tend to me if I need him.  Making him sleep in another room would feel like I was punishing him.  Maybe thats why it felty so bad? Being seperated would of made you feel bad and cause anxieties to rear up and then everything starts to seem really bad.  You really have to try and make yourself get on with it and talk yourself through each step and rationlize it all. 
I hope you manage to work through it all.[:)]



ThundersCry -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 1:14:24 PM)

The times I was made to<chained to the bottom of the bed>...I can`t say I liked it...however it was not about...me.
 
I was just grateful to be there....at that time.
 
Thats how I delt with it...
 
Good luck.
 
Daniel



laurell3 -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 1:18:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

softness,

i think that was a bit harsh yes because i wasn't going on a whole it's all about me me me thing

i'm not looking for a pitty party, infact that's exactly what i dont want.  i want suggestions on how to make this easier on myself so that i dont have to get Him involved with trying to "fix my issues" this is something i want, it's just something i'm emotionally having a really hard time with.

~meticulous~




He is involved, it's his relationship too.  Talk to him, it sounds like you need more reassurance that what he is doing isn't negative.  Communication about things you are having a hard time with shouldn't be viewed as "fixing your issues."



Wildfleurs -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 1:24:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

I know that i cant be the only one who ever goes through this:

So my question is:  How do those who sleep on the floor either periodicly or on a regular basis emotionally / mentally handle it? 


Thanks all,

~meticulous~


Its been a while since I've slept on the floor but when I did it wasn't a big deal to me and it didn't occur to me that it would be a punishment (that just wasn't the way I've ever interpreted it).  It was worth it to be somewhat close to him and was fine with me and even now wouldn't be a big deal to me. 

So I'm not sure what to suggest to you except to trust him when he says its not a punishment to you for you to sleep on the floor - unless you are saying that he is lying?

C~



meticulousgirl -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 1:51:32 PM)

i think it's a combination of everything that makes me not want to go through with it, to not be able to enjoy it...

when he called me and told me to come over sat night but then told me to prepare myself to sleep on the floor i seriously contemplated on going....that in itself was a test, i'm almost sure of it.  I took a shower, wrapped myself in a towel and just went and layed down on my bed, and cried then not wanting to go through it, i layed there for an hour just dreading it and dreading His reaction I didn't see it as fair considering He knew what i went through the last time that it had happened.

If he would have told me to go sleep on the couch, or in the spare room, I would have been fine with it (both are actually more comfortable to me, than His bed) lol. 

Emotionally:  I'm just looking for a way to curb it, sure it would be easy for me to say M.S. will you come pet my head, or hold me, or hell even read me story, or just talk to me......until i fall asleep but, it's will He.  It's not an issue of getting me to sleep alone, I sleep alone every night of the week except for maybe one or two nights a month when i'm with Him....It's not an issue of me being alone, i think it's more about me needing that one or two nights a month because those are the only one or two nights that i actually sleep, and sleep well. 

The reasoning behind saturdays sleeping on the floor was because when i was there two weeks ago...a week later he got sick and is now blaming it on me even though i am not sick, nor have i been.  It wasn't about Him not wanting me to catch whatever He flat out blamed me for Him getting sick....(so why have me come over?) and i asked Him that, I asked Him what I did wrong when I was laying on the floor, crying and trying to figure it out, and that was His response, He was nice about it but, what was the point in me coming over if He thought that I was going to make Him sick again....

Still not sure how to really "fix the issue" still not sure where it mainly comes from, as someone previously said it could be that up until sat night, the floor always meant punnishment or the bitch that's no longer around in His bed with Him but then, at least i got an air mattress and didn't feel the physical aspects the first few times but that was three years ago and now all of a sudden it's starting again only directly on the floor.  i really dont know what to make of it.

~meticulous~






LuckyAlbatross -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 1:53:05 PM)

It's easy to say that this is a challenge to force you to find the strength within you and not rely on external physical symbols which have only the meaning you place upon them.

But that still might be the only thing anyone else can do for you- point out that in many ways this isn't an issue except that you create it to be one. 

So rather than thinking of this as "I have to learn how to deal with a whole night alone, cold, achy, scared, without anything."  Think of it as "I have to make it through a night without making any noise or waking him up" 

Give yourself permission to be scared and pissed off- just don't do anything about it but wait.   Work your way up to the full deal.



meticulousgirl -> RE: For those of you who have had to sleep on the floor (2/18/2008 1:54:52 PM)

the floor is and always has been a hard limit and He knows it.....as i've said before, being in bed with Him at the end of the night is the only form of comfort He has ever allowed me...it's a big deal to me but, i'm not sure that He realizes just how big of a deal.

but then again....i have no limits anymore grrrrrrr.
~meticulous~



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