Redoubt
Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline
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You have experience, and you have wisdom. You can define experience as tripping over a loose paving stone and gashing your head, thinking "I'll watch out for that stone in future" and wisdom as the person seeing someone fall over that same stone and saying "I'll watch out for that stone in future". How we learn is less important than what we learn.
Personally I don't, and will never count "Years I've been sexually active" as experience in BDSM. So the age at which one's virginity is lost really doesn't have much bearing on how able that individual is to bring value to a D/s relationship.
However don't be too quick to dismiss claims of experience that go back to early years. For example, 29 years ago (I'm 38 this march) - my "girlfriend" and I were playing games with ropes and some other activities I won't go into because of the TOS. Guess who was always the one who was the Tie-er, not the Tie-ee. 3 years later, myself and my two older cousins would take turns helping me torture them with tickles and pinches while they were tied to a chair. (No, this was not in Arkansas *grin*)
I do not, however, state I have 29 years of experience because of the above activities, I got an early taste of something that excited me, and it helped me find out a great deal about who I am, but in the five years that followed, I didn't have a chance to experience it again - so how much use was it when I found my first submissive partner? (Thats not to say I didn't THINK about it a lot). So... (and again, personally).. I count my "experience" from the time I was in a first real life D/s relationship - that's really the only experience that I believe should count, because then you deal with the dynamics, the complications and the emotions that come up. Someone who's practiced swinging a belt at a pillow daily from their early years may call that experience, and it is - but you can't use it as a gauge to say anything other than "He's a good pillow beater".
Experience can be a good thing, but Risk-aware enthusiasm and patience can do wonders too, regardless of whether you're a 20 year old or a 50 year old. I do understand that there are many submissives out there who shy away from novices, either because they don't want to be put in a position where they're topping from the bottom, or because they don't have the patience to let a novice Top/Dom find his/her feet. It's totally their choice, and needs to be respected as such. But there are also many out there who are happy to find an honest, caring and respectful, Dominant partner - and they are often happy to let them find their way with some gentle guidance.
If you're not worried about a potential partner's seeming lack of experience... then don't feel you should be worried based on what other people are looking for. It's your life, and it's your ass on the line... so just proceed with caution, good sense and patience - whether your partner is fresh out of the box, or whether they claim to be a 30 year veteran who's past lives include Charlemagne, Alexander, and Genghis Khan.
If you feel that you want or deserve to have an experienced partner, then again - great! Just don't let someone's apparent experience blind you to any warning signs or instincts. I will say that you may potentially be excluding a mate who would be perfect for you, but it is your, repeat YOUR choice.
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RE: What counts as experience - 
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