RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (Full Version)

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MadRabbit -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 6:52:30 PM)

It always drives me nuts when I see this scenario.

A new dominant isn't doing it the way the submissive wants him to it so the new submissive tries to find ways to get him to be the dominant that she wants.

Amazingly enough, it usually ends with the dominant feeling even more insecure about himself and his dominance when he comes to realize that the submissive is the one running the show from the bottom.

I'm sure "Look, your not quite the dominant I want you to be, so I am gonna slap you to help you get there" will do wonders for him....

In my honest opinion, she should try chilling out, being supportive, giving him some actual room to come into his own and be himself as opposed to the self she wants him to be, and focus on being submissive as opposed to him being dominant.



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 6:53:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Hell no.  Slapping anyone's face regardless of role should only be done if it's something they've agreed upon.  Doing it to make the Dom push harder...well...that's just silly.  Has your friend tried the old-fashioned approach of you know...talking to the Dom?


I could see it being done as part of a resistance/rape scene, but it ought to be discussed beforehand, even it's as simple as, "Do whatever you want to resist." If my submissive slaps me as part of the scene, she can expect the same in return.
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)


It is my understanding she gets what she gives and more and that it has been agreed upon, though I wouldn't go so far as to say he wants her to slap him.

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 6:55:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Go for it SirJohn. If she is a blonde there is no chance of you slapping her silly.


Taking exception on behalf of blondes everywhere....

lovingpet



laurell3 -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 6:56:52 PM)

Ok well....one last try...I would not be in a position personally where the person was so uncomfortable with their dominance that I had to physically ilicit a response from them in order to get them to do it.  For me, that would really defeat the purpose of being submissive which is doing as he choses.  However, if that works for them...it does.  I have a hard time understanding HOW it would...but....I'm not them.



girlygurl -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 6:57:02 PM)

I'm trying to think if I've ever slapped anyone in the face, and I don't think I have. Jeesh, I'm getting old, but I do believe I was slapped in the face once and only once. Needless to say, that fool didn't touch me again. Would I ever slap my Sir? You couldn't pay me to do it.

If this is something that a D-type wants and desires from an s-type that's a different story, and one I can't wrap my brain around. Dang this place is great! Every day I learn something new about people.... A D-type wanting to get slapped in the face? WOW!

girly



LadyAyla7053 -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 6:59:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I know that there will be an instinctive gutteral reaction to this thread, but allow me to explain a bit.  The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant.  The submissive knows the dominant is capable of taking her in hand as she desires because she has seen it before in matters outside of the bedroom and it had her blood boiling by the time they were ready for some intimate time.  The dominant treads lightly and will not push the submissive's limits and expand on what they already do.  Direct challenge of his authority seems to work well, but she hesitates to slap him.

I am not in a position to advise as I often consider such drastic measures in my primary relationship as well (only about half kidding LOL).  I tend to think that it may work in the beginning until they can both get their bearings.  I also think there will come a time where she will find that she will pay dearly for doing so and, at that point, it will not only be unnecessary, but very ill advised.  I am just wondering if, in this early part of the relationship with both of the parties' lack of experience, this would still be a complete breech of decorum.  I know opinions will vary and I am just interested to see the different perspectives.  Keep in mind the newbie status of each; they are not seasoned like many on this forum.  Please also understand that they have an awesome relationship otherwise with fabulous communication.  It is just difficult for him to get to the correct initial headspace on his own at this point.  Are there better things she could do?  Are there suggestions for him?

Eager for Courteous Responses,
lovingpet

<edited for typos> 


One suggestion that might work for both of them is to find a dominant in the area that has experience and know who he or she is and seeing if that dominant would mentor the newly discovered dominant...  It's not a sign of weakness but of strength in my opinion and will help the new dominant with self esteem and insights into his own dominance. Thus strengthen their relationship in the long run...



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:00:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

It always drives me nuts when I see this scenario.

A new dominant isn't doing it the way the submissive wants him to it so the new submissive tries to find ways to get him to be the dominant that she wants.

Amazingly enough, it usually ends with the dominant feeling even more insecure about himself and his dominance when he comes to realize that the submissive is the one running the show from the bottom.

I'm sure "Look, your not quite the dominant I want you to be, so I am gonna slap you to help you get there" will do wonders for him....

In my honest opinion, she should try chilling out, being supportive, giving him some actual room to come into his own and be himself as opposed to the self she wants him to be, and focus on being submissive as opposed to him being dominant.


Viciously true and I absolutely agree.  That is my reluctance along with what will happen if thing get out of hand and he hurts her.  He will never forgive himself and she can look forward to never having another scene again.

On the other hand, from both of their mouths has come the confession that it is just so ever loving HOT........

What, oh what to do????

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:03:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Ok well....one last try...I would not be in a position personally where the person was so uncomfortable with their dominance that I had to physically ilicit a response from them in order to get them to do it.  For me, that would really defeat the purpose of being submissive which is doing as he choses.  However, if that works for them...it does.  I have a hard time understanding HOW it would...but....I'm not them.


It is unfulfilling to her especially.  That is why I recommended to them to mentor with another dominant or couple.  I will have to wait and see what happens.

Thanks for your help,
lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:04:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

I'm trying to think if I've ever slapped anyone in the face, and I don't think I have. Jeesh, I'm getting old, but I do believe I was slapped in the face once and only once. Needless to say, that fool didn't touch me again. Would I ever slap my Sir? You couldn't pay me to do it.

If this is something that a D-type wants and desires from an s-type that's a different story, and one I can't wrap my brain around. Dang this place is great! Every day I learn something new about people.... A D-type wanting to get slapped in the face? WOW!

girly


Keep reading!  I'm sure this will get very interesting before it is all over.

lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:06:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAyla7053

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I know that there will be an instinctive gutteral reaction to this thread, but allow me to explain a bit.  The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant.  The submissive knows the dominant is capable of taking her in hand as she desires because she has seen it before in matters outside of the bedroom and it had her blood boiling by the time they were ready for some intimate time.  The dominant treads lightly and will not push the submissive's limits and expand on what they already do.  Direct challenge of his authority seems to work well, but she hesitates to slap him.

I am not in a position to advise as I often consider such drastic measures in my primary relationship as well (only about half kidding LOL).  I tend to think that it may work in the beginning until they can both get their bearings.  I also think there will come a time where she will find that she will pay dearly for doing so and, at that point, it will not only be unnecessary, but very ill advised.  I am just wondering if, in this early part of the relationship with both of the parties' lack of experience, this would still be a complete breech of decorum.  I know opinions will vary and I am just interested to see the different perspectives.  Keep in mind the newbie status of each; they are not seasoned like many on this forum.  Please also understand that they have an awesome relationship otherwise with fabulous communication.  It is just difficult for him to get to the correct initial headspace on his own at this point.  Are there better things she could do?  Are there suggestions for him?

Eager for Courteous Responses,
lovingpet

<edited for typos> 


One suggestion that might work for both of them is to find a dominant in the area that has experience and know who he or she is and seeing if that dominant would mentor the newly discovered dominant...  It's not a sign of weakness but of strength in my opinion and will help the new dominant with self esteem and insights into his own dominance. Thus strengthen their relationship in the long run...


My instinctive advise and what my husband and I are trying to do ourselves.  They are a bit more independent and stubborn, but I am usually the voice of reason they will listen to. 

Thanks,
lovingpet 



BitaTruble -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:28:21 PM)

~FR~

I have several brothers and cousins who were in to various contact sports (football, wrestling) and the stuff they used to do before games and matches was very much along those lines. They'd smack each other upside the head, headbutt each other, yell, punch one another etc. This reminds me of that and I don't see anything wrong with getting a little physical in order to get a little head space going. It's gets the blood pumping and the adrenaline flowing, so why not? While I don't actually slap Himself, there are a lot of times where I'm in a very aggressive mood and will attack him physically just for the sheer joy of launching into primal play. If he's not in the mood for it, he's quite capable of knocking me on my ass and telling me to knock it off.

Of course, that usually gets me hot as well.. but, there's a price to be paid for everything. [8D] It sounds like they enjoy it so I see no problem at all with having at it.

Celeste



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:44:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

~FR~

I have several brothers and cousins who were in to various contact sports (football, wrestling) and the stuff they used to do before games and matches was very much along those lines. They'd smack each other upside the head, headbutt each other, yell, punch one another etc. This reminds me of that and I don't see anything wrong with getting a little physical in order to get a little head space going. It's gets the blood pumping and the adrenaline flowing, so why not? While I don't actually slap Himself, there are a lot of times where I'm in a very aggressive mood and will attack him physically just for the sheer joy of launching into primal play. If he's not in the mood for it, he's quite capable of knocking me on my ass and telling me to knock it off.

Of course, that usually gets me hot as well.. but, there's a price to be paid for everything. [8D] It sounds like they enjoy it so I see no problem at all with having at it.

Celeste


Agreed as well.  I just want them to be careful.  Since they are new, I can see things going so wrong so quickly.  Then they may not be able to get back a broken trust.  It is hot though, if it is done right and all are consenting.

Thanks for Your Thoughts,
lovingpet



ShaktiSama -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:48:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
The parties involved are a new, but somewhat more studied and self-aware submissive and a new, less than certain dominant. 


Three answers to the basic question.

They would be

No,
No,
and
HELL no.

I cannot answer for the male dominants present--I know they may be wired somewhat differently where violence against their person is concerned.  But a person who strikes me physically does not rouse in me an urge to "dominate" them.  They rouse in me an urge to kill them.  No matter who it is, no matter what our relationship has been before that moment, after a person has struck me I will never, ever be able to love them as much as I did before.

And if I lash out in genuine rage at anyone, submissive dominant or vanilla, it is not fun.  Or sexy.  In the goddamn least.

Getting your needs met and your buttons pushed as a submissive is all very well and good.  But do not even dream of this kind of unsafe, non-consensual, relationship-destroying, intimacy-annihlating nonsense.  If a dominant is hesitant or having difficulty overcoming inhibition, it is generally because he or she has been taught since childhood (semi-successfully) that we do not hurt people we care about.

The solution to that problem is to show them that sometimes the people we care about want and genuinely need to be hurt.  The solution is NOT to do things that will destroy or undermine the caring.

If all you want is a hateful, abusive creep who will beat you without love or concern--he shouldn't be hard to find.  Our prisons, drug rehabilitation centers and anger-management programs are full of them.  But there is no reason in the world to ruin a good dom for some other submissive who is actually able to sanely negotiate with him and bring him along into his full glory at his own pace.

It is far easier to help a good man overcome his inhibitions over time than it is to repair the damage on someone who spent his first D/S relationship with someone who thought she could make him be "properly dominant" through abuse.  Just FYI--there is such a thing as a nightmare sub, and behavior like this would be very high on the list of common attributes.



Kana -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:54:30 PM)

One persons kink is anothers limits.
If he likes it, and it sounds like he does, who am I to judge.
But it sounds to me like she is controlling the situation which would make me wonder about who is dominating who.
Not that thats any of my business either.
It takes all sorts of folks to make the world go round.
But if it was me, I have a bad reaction to things like that, when I get slapped I tend to hit back, hard.
I would be a lousy submissive.
But then again if it was me she wouldn't be in that situation .



kitttty -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 7:54:55 PM)

Although I wish I knew the answer, I will not even ask what would happen if I slapped Master's face.

And it wouldn't be fair since I don't think he's ever hit my face outside of when he's fucking me.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 8:01:46 PM)

Some doms need/desire their sub to act up and misbehave in orer to enforce rules and engage in punishment.  So some doms also need/desire their sub to actively assault them in order to assault in return and enjoy it.

There's also, as mentioned, primal or force play in which the entire point of the scene is for everyone to engage in highly physical assaulting of eachother in a takedown/effulsion of animalistic energy which can be highly satisfying.

If everyone's really enjoying the process, then please, partake.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 9:00:57 PM)

Personally, I enjoy getting slapped in the face every so often myself.  Actually, just having somebody attack me like a primal animal.

The girl I'm currently with is a bit of a switch, where she as a submissive side for me and a Dom side she asserts upon others.   It's hot as hell when a little of her Dom side attempts to assert control over my body, cause I just have to return the favor.   Animalistic and Hot, you betcha it is.   Can be very fluid and intense, even more when you feel her melting back into her submissive state.

I'm pretty secure in my Dom skin, so a slap in face really does not rock my self confidence nor effect my self esteem.   Just because somebody slaps me in my face does not magically make me any less Dom.   Hell, I often give a wicked devilish smile after being slapped in the face.  Basically, my motto is still stay in control, however pay back is gonna be fun.  Giving somebody a smart ass remark back after being slapped in a face can be fun as well.  "What is that all you got?", "A four year old can slap harder then you"..  "Now, you're gonna get it, and get it really really good".   Being slapped from time to time while playing can be fun.  However, if somebody did this all the time to me, well it would not be so fun.

This is if it was a playing or playful slap in the face.  If the slap in the face came in the middle of a disagreement then it would be a serious offense to be dealt with.

  




lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 9:14:31 PM)

I do not think she wants to destroy the relationship.  They just both find that he finds his space when she counters him early in a scene.  I do not think slapping him is a great solution and a scene involving struggle would be detrimental until he has been able to bring his dominance completely under his own control and no one else's.  He has consented to the slapping, but I still have my own misgivings about it and have told them as much.

Regards,
lovingpet



lovingpet -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 9:30:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Personally, I enjoy getting slapped in the face every so often myself.  Actually, just having somebody attack me like a primal animal.

The girl I'm currently with is a bit of a switch, where she as a submissive side for me and a Dom side she asserts upon others.   It's hot as hell when a little of her Dom side attempts to assert control over my body, cause I just have to return the favor.   Animalistic and Hot, you betcha it is.   Can be very fluid and intense, even more when you feel her melting back into her submissive state.

I'm pretty secure in my Dom skin, so a slap in face really does not rock my self confidence nor effect my self esteem.   Just because somebody slaps me in my face does not magically make me any less Dom.   Hell, I often give a wicked devilish smile after being slapped in the face. 


I can relate to the submissive switch waxing and waning within the body of her own submission and the heat that can rise from such moments.  It takes some mastery to bring the bubbling switchie back down to her proper space and that makes the space for both all the more intoxicating, provided a person can tolerate the play in the first place.

I have never seen him in scene when she misbehaves, but I imagine a similar reaction to what you described.  My concern is that he is not yet as comfortable and secure in his dominant role and could really get rocked by too much goading from her.  I have seen him take control of her in other context and I have seen her attempt resistance and he is amused and dismissive of it.  I imagine she pays later....I only imagine how she must pay.........

Drooling,
lovingpet 



Gwynvyd -> RE: Do You Dare Slap a Dominant's Face? (2/18/2008 9:41:17 PM)

I have not read the other replies yet.. but I for one even when I was a novice would not abide a brat. If you want something~ be a grown up enough a bloody well ask for it. What happened to communication? Lack of communication in any realationship.. esp. in one where a whip is involved is just a bad idea.. and soon to be the death of it.

If a sub, or hell any one had lost themself to the point of slapping me, or striking out in anger.. or to "get thier way" because they thought it would influeance me to anger... they would be sadly disapointed. They would find themselves dumped outside of my door, prob. still naked with thier shit dumped on top of them. Or sent away with very few words.

_Communication_ is key.

Gwyn




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