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Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:18:45 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		So Ive run into a slight problem. I dont have any shyness about me what-so-ever, but yeah I cant seem to be able to start covnersation. The main reason: I have no clue what to talk about. I can use the casual mindless banter, about jobs, hobbies, direction in life, etc.

What I want is something else, I hate mindless seemingly "scripted" conversation. My scope is narrow cause I tend to lead a simple, drama free life, and I know religion and politics are stupid to talk about. So my question to all of you is: What do you talk about when first meeting someone, of romantic interest and just friends?

posting this somewhere else, and adding a question about drawing out the life style in conversation


< Message edited by thickerdenwater -- 2/18/2008 9:23:19 PM >
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:29:31 PM   
carlie310


Posts: 256
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline 		Poke through some of these OT threads.  Not the politics ones, but the ones about books for instance.  What interests you?  Don't beat someone over the head with it, but talking about your interests is a start.

Politics can get boring fast on a national level.  Really, after you've agreed that (select one: Dick Cheney Al Gore) is Evil Incarnate, and that (select one: W, Hillary) is an idiot, where do you go?  And that's the best case.  But local politics. . .what's going on near you that people are talking about? 

What are you doing non-kink related?  Are you working on the Great American Novel?  Ready to record your first CD? What drives you?

Have two or three fall back 'prompts'--not scripts--to jump-start conversation.  Read news of the weird or USA Today for some ideas. 

Hope that helps. 


_____________________________

I may not have much real life experience, but I have lots of experience in real life.

(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:31:05 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		A large part of holding a great conversation is listening.  When just meeting a person, I tend to ask the banalities also - but usually something will stand out.  She grew up somewhere different from me, and I ask questions about her background, or I get him/her talking about what movies she loves and *why* - why does she love rom/com's, is she a romantic at heart who swoons for the lead actor, or does she love action flicks because they get her adrenalin pumping?  Does she enjoy a certain sports team, and why?  You have to give them an opening to start rambling on about something.  Same as when you read advice on the boards about doing introductory emails - you have to give the person something to respond to, otherwise you're at a standstill.

Sometimes I'll have a conversation with someone who just doesn't know how to chat, and that will be the time I'm glancing around, looking for my 'out'.  I wind up feeling like I'm peppering him/her with questions and he/she is just giving me yes or no answers.  Then you're basically screwed and it's time to beat a hasty retreat.  lol 

One last thought - be interesting and friendly yourself.  Have varied interests that you can converse about, without lecturing.  Drama-free doesn't mean boring - it means you have time for the more important things in life. 

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/18/2008 9:33:24 PM >

(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:31:06 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Something scene-appropriate normally works.  Like if you're in a class, something about the work.  If you're in the mall, something about the store she has a bag from.  If you're in a restraunt, something about the food.

Failing all else, "Hey, what's up?" work just fine for me.

I know a lot of people open up with a compliment, such as, "Nice shoes."  Still, if you're going to pick a compliment, try to pick one she'll actually want; if you're not sure what kind of compliment she might like, best to avoid this route.

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:33:44 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		Well right now Im doing nothing, I just got out of the Marines and still searching for a job/getting ready to go to college. Which, both would be great topics, but people talk to me constantly about both so its tiring repeating myself 20 times a day.

As far as what I do, I go to the gym, play airsoft (think milsim paintball, only with plastic bbs) and thats about it at the moment. I need to find some more hobbies, lol. The rest of life is all family drama, which equates into bordem and whiney bitch fest that Im not going to kill someone with boredom.

But the main thing, is, besides, "hi how are you doing, im tom" whats next for many of you?

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:39:51 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		bound2one: listening is one of the biggest parts of a conversation. you see, its not that i have a problem holding a conversation, its starting one. Getting them to talk. especially when you meet them randomly at some store or something like that (since bars are notorious for one night stands they are worthless to me).

Basically, I can drone on with basic banter, what im looking for is more or less, something unique, different, thats going to make the person remember who I am and think about it later


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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:40:57 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		It really depends.  I agree with CuriousLord - something related to where you are is certainly appropriate.  If you're at a party, ask how she knows the host.  I don't know if you've traveled with the military, but if you have, and you're out for coffee with a first date, think of the most 'exotic' place you've had a cup of coffee and mention it.  Go to Barnes & Noble and get a few top 10 books and read current fiction.  Chances are she will be a reader and you can discuss the newest novel you've read.  Same with movies and music - stay current and you'll have something to chat about.

I know, it sounds boring and trite, but everyone has to start somewhere, yk?  Being 42, I'm a bit older than you (smile) and when I meet someone we almost *always* wind up saying "and how old are your kids?" and talking about them for awhile until we find common ground.  Do I really care that her little Mary was first in piano solos at the competition in Red Bank this past weekend?  lol  Nope - but in talking about little Mary perhaps she reveals a sense of humor that I enjoy and some other interests come to light that we can talk about. 

After reading your 2nd post I see that it's more when you're out and about and meeting people casually.  I talk to people all the time, casually chit-chatting, but I'm not out to make an impression.  Usually I remember people who are direct, who look into my eyes as they speak, and who smile.  It's not as much about what he says, but his demeanor, if that makes sense.  If someone makes me laugh, I always remember them.  Sorry, I'm of no help at all.  lol 

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/18/2008 9:45:53 PM >

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:45:01 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Well, welcome home Marine.
If you go to college do not major in Psychology, Sociology, Political Science or anything like that unless you want a "career" as a waiter or at Starbucks.
Anything in the healthcare field is great, you'll make a good week's pay!
As for breaking the ice with the ladies I've always found that, "Hi, I'm Tom, wanna fuck?" always elicits a strong response.

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:47:00 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline 		sheds a new light on things. i think what im going to do for a few weeks is just talk to random women with no actual intent on knowing them past the converstation (as in ill never talk to themn again). I tried that for a while once before and it worked pretty well. 

(in reply to Bound2One)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:49:31 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, welcome home Marine.
If you go to college do not major in Psychology, Sociology, Political Science or anything like that unless you want a "career" as a waiter or at Starbucks.
Anything in the healthcare field is great, you'll make a good week's pay!
As for breaking the ice with the ladies I've always found that, "Hi, I'm Tom, wanna fuck?" always elicits a strong response.


LMAO! yeah im sure that will go over well with your average woman. And thanks for the welcome, it was 5 long years. And in a funny coinsidence, Im going for Radiological Sciences (with any luck).

and add Engineering & Computer sciences to that list (at least in this country)

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:52:09 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thickerdenwater

sheds a new light on things. i think what im going to do for a few weeks is just talk to random women with no actual intent on knowing them past the converstation (as in ill never talk to themn again). I tried that for a while once before and it worked pretty well. 


Sometimes the greatest things come along when you're not looking.  I'm just sayin'...   

And I know... you're bored with the topic ... lol ...  but thank you for your service and good luck with your schooling! 

< Message edited by Bound2One -- 2/18/2008 9:53:12 PM >

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:52:50 PM   
snappykappy


Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		just b urself is all u have to be and that will come across as honest as u can get

and kudos for serving the country a lot of weenies around have no idea what it is to sacrifice their life for the freedoms we have if they did then they would at least do some public service in place of the military

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 9:55:12 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: snappykappy

just b urself is all u have to be and that will come across as honest as u can get

and kudos for serving the country a lot of weenies around have no idea what it is to sacrifice their life for the freedoms we have if they did then they would at least do some public service in place of the military


If I had my way everyone would be required to do something, be it military, peace corps, american red corss, something to give them insight into the world around them instead of letting them live in their own little bubble :P

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 10:39:27 PM   
Owner59


Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thickerdenwater



If I had my way everyone would be required to do something, be it military, peace corps, american red corss, something to give them insight into the world around them instead of letting them live in their own little bubble :P




Great Idea.A public service corpse with say two years minimum,with an option to do just a single year in the military.

That would solve our recruiting problems and would create a huge pool of labor for public work.

I would love this to be required in order to drive,vote,get a PEL grant or government assistance,etc.

Thanks for your service,thickerdenwater.

(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 10:45:25 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner59

Great Idea.A public service corpse with say two years minimum,with an option to do just a single year in the military.

That would solve our recruiting problems and would create a huge pool of labor for public work.

I would love this to be required in order to drive,vote,get a PEL grant or government assistance,etc.

Thanks for your service,thickerdenwater.



one year in the military wont do anything but cause problems. hell, 2 years wont dont anything, but you have the right idea. civilians should do *SOMETHING* to earn the privleges our country has afforded us, even if they want to take em all away anyway :P

And your quite welcome, thanks for your support


< Message edited by thickerdenwater -- 2/18/2008 10:46:18 PM >

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 11:06:23 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thickerdenwater

bound2one: listening is one of the biggest parts of a conversation. you see, its not that i have a problem holding a conversation, its starting one. Getting them to talk. especially when you meet them randomly at some store or something like that (since bars are notorious for one night stands they are worthless to me).

Basically, I can drone on with basic banter, what im looking for is more or less, something unique, different, thats going to make the person remember who I am and think about it later




 
Tom:
Have you considered saying:
Hi I am Tom...do you like to fuck on a first name basis?  With this ice breaker you are half way there.  If she responds with her first name your only problem is who pays for the motel room.
thompson






(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 11:08:59 PM   
thickerdenwater


Posts: 80
Joined: 4/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx

 
Tom:
Have you considered saying:
Hi I am Tom...do you like to fuck on a first name basis?  With this ice breaker you are half way there.  If she responds with her first name your only problem is who pays for the motel room.
thompson



and here i thought someone hacked your profile cause of all the pic posts you have been doing.... guess i was wrong. either way, im sure that will be an interesting situation.

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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 11:34:12 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thickerdenwater

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner59

Great Idea.A public service corpse with say two years minimum,with an option to do just a single year in the military.

That would solve our recruiting problems and would create a huge pool of labor for public work.

I would love this to be required in order to drive,vote,get a PEL grant or government assistance,etc.

Thanks for your service,thickerdenwater.



one year in the military wont do anything but cause problems. hell, 2 years wont dont anything, but you have the right idea. civilians should do *SOMETHING* to earn the privleges our country has afforded us, even if they want to take em all away anyway :P

And your quite welcome, thanks for your support


Tom:
I am an American citizen and I have rights not privileges.  Making my rights contingent on military service is fubar.
If I remember  correctly when you raised your right hand you swore to protect and defend the constitution...that document speaks directly to rights and not privileges.
thompson






(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 11:39:50 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thickerdenwater

and here i thought someone hacked your profile cause of all the pic posts you have been doing.... guess i was wrong. either way, im sure that will be an interesting situation.


Tom:
Will you tell me what a "pic post" is as I have no clue.
thompson






(in reply to thickerdenwater)
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RE: Casual Conversation - 2/18/2008 11:59:24 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

As for breaking the ice with the ladies I've always found that, "Hi, I'm Tom, wanna fuck?" always elicits a strong response.


This is Darcy

Many moons ago a freind of a friend used to use this line at the rock clubs that we'd go to, playing on the law of averages (though he didn't call himself Tom, that not being his name ).

Funny thing is, he used to almost always end up taking some girl home - I wouldn't recommend this method, though, unless you're extremely good at brushing off rejection and more than a llittle handsome (he was both).

Welcome back, soldier, and good luck.

(Actually, you shoud read The Game by Neil Strauss - it's a book about pick-up artists, but some of the ice-breaking techniques that they use equally valid for just starting normal conversations.) 

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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