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Noah -> RE: A theory I have... (2/19/2008 7:07:11 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: HerLord
This is what I was trying to leave vague enough to illicit peoples own interpretation of it meant to them... But I suck at it. So I tried to fix... Now just hanging head in own confusion.
I think it is about both. Depending on which you think of... You could consider your own dedication to ____, or in turn reference in thought how much does yours spend putting you before them... (even in the Dom, The Dom must know that those who serve, serve best when served best.)(LOL)
Screw it... I am too tired to fix this tonight... Maybe if there shows to be interest I may try to resurect it from the dead tommorrow.
I think I see what you're getting at.
I've learned that it is important to discover what sort of expressions of value resonate for oneself and for people you care about.
If you work a lot of overtime with the thought that this is an unmistakable way to provide security for and show devotion to a partner, and she happens to be a "quality time" person, she is going to have to be pretty insightful not to take your efforts in exactly the wrong way, and feel abandoned due the precise thing you're doing to show her how much you care.
Maybe you affirm your partner frequently with compliments and I-love-yous, and feel weird that she hardly ever reciprocates. She seems to try to "get away with" just giving you presents (large or small.)
But the giving of gifts can be a powerful emotional language for some people in a way that has nothing to do with materialism. The gift-giving, overtime worker may be thinking "actions speak louder than words. I DO all these things for you and you want to do is spend time together and TELL me how you feel.
But that may happen to be because quality time and affirmation are what she was raised/wired to feel as love and care.
For some people physical touch, including sex and kink, are important emotional expressions. For other people they may be enjoyable activities, even very enjoyable ones, but not count one bit as expressions of love or care. If these two types hook up, once again they had better be pretty sensitive and insightful so as to understand and appreciate the emotional "language" of the other.
I once read a nice little book on this subject. Write me if you'd like me to go find you the title and author.
Even if you're both in clear agreement about how you want the power dynamics to work, it is gonna be a very hard go if you can't decode one another's emotional, non-verbal language.
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