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unsure - 2/18/2008 11:56:20 PM

WhiteZabre

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/14/2008
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I'm really unsure of what I would consider myself, and I'd like to explain myself and would like an honest opinion.

I'm polite and courteous to everyone, but more so to women, and raised with southern manors. I've also felt uncomfortable and uneasy when I was forced into a position of power of any type and found it hard to force or order women to do things. I also find its easyer for me to me asked or ordered to do some thing for a woman, or to even do something for a women I don't even know just because of the way I was raised. I always try to please my female coworker and customers, and just females in general before I even try to be nice to men. I also feal better if the people I'm in charge off are men, I have no problem in bossing them around.
I also enjoying being asked to do things or being told to do thing by women I know and even total strangers, I don't really know why either. It could be any thing really, and I would actually prefer just to have a woman tell me I did a good job at something or even just to give me a smile, for some reason it just seems to make me feel elated.

I apologize if my post is a little confusing; I’m just trying to get answers to questing that have racked my brain for years. Thank You for any and all feed back.

< Message edited by WhiteZabre -- 2/19/2008 12:07:21 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 2:09:54 AM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

If it feels good... feels right... why question it? Ultimately it's up to you to decide what makes you happy. What trips your trigger. What does it for you.

If you've discovered that having a Lady take the lead is what makes you feel all warm and toasty inside... I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that you'd be content... happy even in a relationship where your girlfriend/Mistress/significant other is the one leading the show.

Whether or not you're kinky is another matter. And again, it'll take some exploration to know whether or not you're into whips, chains and other deviant delights.

But at the end of the day... as long as you and yours are happy... I'd say go for it. Don't second guess it. Don't try to quantify or pick it apart. Just let it flow.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 2

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 4:48:05 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

It sounds like your into heavy "servitude".
It is a fetish in and of itself.
Like Dahlia says, the rest you can explore as you go along.
If you watch movies like "Mrs. Harris"
Or the new one on HBO about the tobacco heiress with Susan Sarandon...I can't remeber the exact name
(D___ and Doris)???

These are "examples" of intense positions of servitude (and devotion).

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 3

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 4:53:37 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

You don't mention anything visceral: what gets you off, makes you hard. Absent that it sounds like you're a good candidate for Walmart's. Maybe the apparel section.Or seeing as you were raised on southern "manors" maybe caretaker for a woman owned plantation.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 4

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 6:26:53 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

If you've been trying to get answers to these questions for years, it's a bit much to expect to find the answer by posting a brief message here in order to find it. I'd strongly suggest you sit down and start writing on the various aspects you've brought up and explore each of them further to determine for yourself more of what they mean to you and perhaps whether they were learned behavior traits from your past or a result of your responses to past experiences.

That kind of self exploration is what it tends to take in order to discover whether what you describe is a good or bad thing for you. One question to ask yourself is are you responding negatively to male authority figures in response to triggers from the past or are you responding positively to female authority figures for the opposite reason?

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 5

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 7:51:59 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

WhiteZabre,

It's not complicated to me. I see you as a man that would thrive in a female lead relationship. What's interesting about this way of living is, though it would appear to be BDSM because of "female" lead... there is not much reference to the kink/fetishes of BDSM. Simply put... men that love to be in a place of what society considers a "typical household" where the man is the head of the household. In a FLR the woman is.

Here is the link to get more information on Female Lead Relationships: http://www.venus-on-top.com/for-first-time-visitors.html

There is also a great Yahoo group. You can get a lot of insight there without the BDSM mix. This way you will have two lifestyles to look at and maybe get a better sense of where you are. No one fits into any slot but at least you can have a side by side comparison.

As someone pointed out here... there was no mention of kinks, etc. and because of that I feel looking at the site and possilbly joining the group will give you other ways to look at it.

You're right... it can be confusing! Enjoy it...embrace it! But learn!

Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 6

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 7:59:30 AM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

You don't mention anything visceral: what gets you off, makes you hard. Absent that it sounds like you're a good candidate for Walmart's. Maybe the apparel section.Or seeing as you were raised on southern "manors" maybe caretaker for a woman owned plantation.

I'm really trying hard not to comment on this insensitivity!

Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 7

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 8:06:44 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Well, if I can maybe get your head cleared a bit--

Bossy and Dominant are not synonymous--Bossy and Domineering are.

Being Dominant or submisssive does not have to rule out being nice to people, women or men--it is all in the way you carry your self and elicit your expectations.

Now, to the quandry you seem to have, you need not try to fit into any preconceived definitions or roles--too many people try to set themselves against some imagined standard.

I'd start with examining who you are, how you want a relationship to be within the D/s dynamic, then go from there--

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 8

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 8:36:04 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

White..i was raised in new york state amongst mostly those of Italian descent.My folks were real old school types with the number one rule being respect your elders.Rule number two??My dad used to say a child can have any number of fathers but only one mother.That wasn't demeaning the position of a father and a father role model,but only one can give birth and bear the pain to bring you into the world.It is because of this lesson that i alwys seemed to get along better with the Ladies in any walk of life.Don't get me wrong,i am as masculine as they get and have many male friends but none compares to the rlationships i have had with women over the years.I think being raised in a proper environment has a lot to do with that and i don't think you can compare being raised in the south with anywhere else.You either are raised with respect or your not.That said,i think what you are feeling will go a long way in wanting to be whomever you wish.Always follow your heart.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 9

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 9:45:17 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

You don't mention anything visceral: what gets you off, makes you hard. Absent that it sounds like you're a good candidate for Walmart's. Maybe the apparel section.Or seeing as you were raised on southern "manors" maybe caretaker for a woman owned plantation.

I'm really trying hard not to comment on this insensitivity!

Yep, I bit My acid tongue on this one too.

Faye

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 10

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 9:46:31 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

Nicely said chezz!

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to chezzy52)

Post #: 11

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 9:56:06 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

You don't mention anything visceral: what gets you off, makes you hard. Absent that it sounds like you're a good candidate for Walmart's. Maybe the apparel section.Or seeing as you were raised on southern "manors" maybe caretaker for a woman owned plantation.

I'm really trying hard not to comment on this insensitivity!

Faye

Go ahead and feel free to comment. In the first place if I really am insensitive, it wouldn't effect or hurt my feelings anyway. Frankly I think the OP does have visceral, sexual desires and will be a lot less unsure and confused about the problems which have "racked" his brain for years once he recognizes, confronts and states them. At least he'll know where and what to look for.

If you mean I was insensitive pointing out his word usage: manor, racked etc, at least I overlooked his numerous spelling and gramatical errors (in his post and profile). God knows if he wants to find a FLR, most of the the women here profess to notice such things and take points off for those males who don't. So he ought to get used to spell checking, using a dictionary and organizing his thoughts before setting them out in pixels. I'd think the woman he seeks at Venus on Top would want an intelligent, organized detail oriented man to lead.

Or are you of the school that the lack of such qualities is why a poor dumb male sub needs a FLR?

< Message edited by WalterRego -- 2/19/2008 10:08:04 AM >

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 12

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 2:50:59 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFaye1

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

You don't mention anything visceral: what gets you off, makes you hard. Absent that it sounds like you're a good candidate for Walmart's. Maybe the apparel section.Or seeing as you were raised on southern "manors" maybe caretaker for a woman owned plantation.

I'm really trying hard not to comment on this insensitivity!

Faye

Actually the comment was insulting, but it was kind of my question as well. OP you may have just described a man that has very good manners or a man that is a bit sexist but who is vanilla. You may have described a man that would really enjoy a service kink only type of relationship with a Domme. There may be more that isn't included in your OP that would relate whether you seek more than that. We can't tell you. Only you can. Read here and on other sites and see what interests you. If you are truly interested in exploring the lifestyle my recommendation is to look around for someone you think is sane and has some experience and shoot some questions off on them, there are many here I'm sure that would do that.

By the way welcome to the forums. As with any internet site, take what is said here with a grain of salt if it doesn't fit for you, including those that go out of their way to be insulting and "subblier".

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 2/19/2008 2:52:46 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MistressFaye1)

Post #: 13

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 5:18:54 PM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

Having returned from mandatory sensitivity training, which for the moment and perhaps next few days, will preclude my being able to sit down long enough to write a long message, I would like to say, “Welcome to collarme and the forums.”

I honestly think that you probably really do know what it is you are and want. Your difficulty is, for some reason, admitting what you already know, putting a name to it and seeking it. Now just think about what kinds of ways you’d like that to manifest itself in your life. There are quite a few lovely women here and where you live whose interests will match yours if only you can articulate them. However, the great majority of them are also intelligent and discriminating. They tend to appreciate someone who stands up proudly and forthrightly to offer them his skills and submission. Especially when its a strapping young man such as yourself.

Most of them also appreciate well thought out, well written, properly spelled letters of introduction which show that you’ve read what they’ve had to say about what they want and can explain to them why you might be the one to offer it.

Oh, and they don’t like rudeness.

Good luck.

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 14

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 6:30:01 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

I'm addressing this to the "unreformed" WalterRego pre-sensitivity training, and all.

It is, i beleive, in part a Southern thing. Addressing a topic directly will not do. Everything must be approached obliquely. The point of discussion is approached by slowly spiraling in toward the center. The answer to every question begins with "That reminds me of a story my daddy used to tell."

Some people, particularly women, find this manner of discourse engaging and intriguing and make very good clients. Others, mostly men and Northerners, are too impatient to deal. I've learned to recognize that first haze as eye's begin to glaze over and then spring to the elevator pitch.

It's the same when you call a woman Maam. They either like it or look at you funny. Southern women like it and expect it. The Yankee women that like it, really like it. Young women are mostly confused.

TnC

Edited to note that I have no idea why I posted this. And very nice follow up post WalterRego!

< Message edited by TermsConditions -- 2/19/2008 6:37:35 PM >

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 15

RE: unsure - 2/19/2008 6:42:03 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

Welcome WZ to CM! I think you've made a good choice to post your questions here. You will find no more accepting, helpful, open, insightful folks anywhere! I wish I knew enough to be more helpful but I'm just starting out myself.

I do know that understanding takes time and effort. Good luck!

TnC

(in reply to WhiteZabre)

Post #: 16

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