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Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 4:54:13 AM

bimoul

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2005
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Ok, heres the deal, Ive dabbled privately with most aspects of bdsm play ( rope, wax, shaving, plugs, enemas, etc ) , all safe,sane and with only 2 partners who shared my likings for all things pervy. However these relationships ended and now I have met a new girl who as far as I know was vanilla minded, but I like her upto now but would miss bdsm play if ever I began a relationship with her. One night after we had been out and had a few too many vino's I let slip what I like to do and she called me a number of names. none of which were favourable ( must admit I got off on her calling me.. ) however.......
How do I 'persuade' or introduce her into playing privately... Any suggestions ?

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 5:18:04 AM

GADomCpl

Posts: 62
Joined: 8/7/2005
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When I first introduced Liz into BDSM, I had a very much similar reaction from her. People who are not familiar with it automaticly assume (especially if yo say you are a Dom) that all you want to do is tie chicks up, and beat the hell out of them. What I ended up doing was telling her about the things I actually liked doing (softer stuff). How I liked to tie a girl up to the bed not so that I could hurt them, but so that I could make sex even better. How when she was tied up, it let me touch in ways and places that we might not ordinarily, and in the end make it a great night.
I would suggest that assuming you two end up getting back together, don't bring it up for a little while. Give her some time of seeing you just be you. Eventually once you are both comfortable in bed with each other, try giving her a tap on the ass (I know it gets everything you know if your a sub, but its a lot easier and less dramatic if you do that then stopping and saying "ok I want you to spank me"). Let her see that a little spanking in the heat of the moment can be hot. Eventually she will start doing the same, and just slowly over time ad some of the lighter stuff to your sex life. Once she is comfortable be more and more open.

Troy and Liz

(in reply to bimoul)

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 5:22:45 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bimoul

Ok, heres the deal, Ive dabbled privately with most aspects of bdsm play ( rope, wax, shaving, plugs, enemas, etc ) , all safe,sane and with only 2 partners who shared my likings for all things pervy. However these relationships ended and now I have met a new girl who as far as I know was vanilla minded, but I like her upto now but would miss bdsm play if ever I began a relationship with her. One night after we had been out and had a few too many vino's I let slip what I like to do and she called me a number of names. none of which were favourable ( must admit I got off on her calling me.. ) however.......
How do I 'persuade' or introduce her into playing privately... Any suggestions ?

First off, you made things a lot harder by talking about it. People have very specific images from most of the words we use to describe ourselves and those are pretty ugly.

The best way, I've found, is to begin to do things, slowly and carefully.

You didn't say if you were dominant or submissive, but let's say you are dominant. What I used to do is hold a woman's hands behind her while I was kissing her or give her a bit of a bite during sex. How she reacted then gave me a guide to whether things could progress.

If you're submissive, I'd suspect the similar things would be to kneel at her feet and massage them or she how she reacts to "woman above" sex while you held on to the bed posts.

Sadly, once a person drags out the little card with "masochist" or "slave" or some other kink word on it and has that image in front of her, it's damned hard to get her to see anything else

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 5:26:36 AM

bimoul

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2005
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Thanks for advice,, I have played both the Dom role as well as submissive, but am more at ease being submissive. Im going round hers for drinks later so perhaps see what happens.. Thanks once again.. keep you all posted

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 5:50:33 AM

fastlane

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Joined: 5/26/2005
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Yes, good luck, but I doubt if you will find what you seek in her, from what you tell us.

I might suggest a ....Hmmmmm.....Pro for your play, with a scoop of vanilla on the side.

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 8:18:52 AM

bimoul

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Yes, good luck, but I doubt if you will find what you seek in her, from what you tell us.

I might suggest a ....Hmmmmm.....Pro for your play, with a scoop of vanilla on the side.

I hope your comments isnt the case if honest, she seems quite open to discuss the whole me being submissive to her, however she lacks actual experience. We have talked earlier and she is warming to idea of me wearing the cb3000 i have ( but alas have never used for its desired purpose ) for a duration yet to be decided by her, after she has used hair removal cream on me that is.

so things are looking up........ pity it will be the only thing up :)

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/17/2005 10:30:31 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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In spite of John's dire words about talking openly, I have to say that actual words DO help, when used in the right context. Also, how about testing the waters with a film with a d/s type theme? (there are MANY, with seemingly vanilla scripts) Tying in real life with what you like can defuse the potential weirdness and make it seem like something regular folks do.

Good luck----and remember NOW that you would miss the play if you gave it up. Too many think they can gloss that bit over, and then they turn into the furtive married guys that infest these sites.

:)Ms Francine

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/21/2005 10:31:38 AM

Janon

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/1/2005
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I fell in love vanilla, though my own feelings were quite Domme in nature. I shared this early on with my love, got a "I don't think so" reaction. Now, three years later, we're exploring. For us, I think, trust had to come first. Especially since he had no experience at all with, well much of anything let alone kink.

Of course, I love this man more than anything, even D/s (a close second

). I don't have as much advice for someone you're just starting out with, except if she is WORTH it, be patient, kind, considerate and bring it on slowly rather than "tie me up and spank me and whip me and pour hot wax on me right now". If she isn't, forget it.

Did that help?? lol

Janon

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RE: Nilla conversion - 9/21/2005 10:39:52 AM

bimoul

Posts: 19
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thanks for that, of course it helped, well reading it did,

TBH its all going remarkably well, I have just added a few kinks which are part of the experience i enjoy into our regular meets ( mainly shaving, latex gloves and a CB3000 which she adores but cannot understand why id want to be made to wear it, ) but hey ho

all of which im guessing would send a str8 nilla girl flying out the door but she seems to be openly talking about stuff with me in our regular phone calls and text messages.. pity we only meet once a week,, up to now....

keep you all posted............. or if anybody has any light playing techniques / games or ideas i could perhaps explain to her,, all be greatly appreciated..

(in reply to Janon)

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