I have heard it said that

I have heard it said that (Full Version)

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whateverhewants -> I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 6:43:43 AM)
"there are no doms only subs and switches " thoughts?

MistressOfGa -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 6:52:45 AM)
Whateverhewants, If there are no dominants, then I do not exist. Being a dominant doesn't mean you put on leather pants and yield a whip,. it does not mean that I have a dark room in my house where I keep my submissive hidden in a cage. (Although that does sound nice!) Nor does it mean that I walk around my house in a garter belt and 6 inch stilettos. Being dominant is who I am. I have a dominant personality, I could never call myself a submissive, for I could never submit to anyone. I could not call myself a switch, for the exact same reasons. I identify as a dominant so that others on this site, will know what predilection I am. I call myself a dominant because to not do so, would mean that I am not true to myself and to who I am. To paraphrase my dear good friend, Mistress Hathor Of Orleans; I am, who I am.

whateverhewants -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 7:04:51 AM)
well supposedly the assertion is that even the hardest of doms sometimes get tired of being in control and need to sub from time to time.

SweetDommes -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 7:14:28 AM)
I think it's crap. Just because they don't want to be actively dominant all the time doesn't mean that they want or need to switch or sub.

Mustardseed -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 7:25:50 AM)
I think that there are people who don't see that there's a line between a dominant who wants to relax, enjoy and be catered to by a service bottom who knows their preferences, and someone who actually wants to release control of even the decision making and have their boundaries pushed by a dominant. I think that it's a distinction between whose whims actually win out.

ShaktiSama -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 8:27:50 AM)
shrug Unless you're the Emperor Augustus, everyone has to submit to another person's authority on occasion--there's always a higher power in day-to-day life. In BDSM, dominance is really just a role being played. That role suits some people better than others, and makes them happier than other roles. That's about the size of it. This doesn't mean that a dominant is incapable of assuming other roles, in vanilla life or in their personal lives. The problem with these terms we use is that they don't capture much in the way of nuance. A woman who is dominant in the bedroom will probably have the sense to drop the dominant bitch 'tude when she's facing a judge in the courtroom. A woman who is submissive in the bedroom will probably have the sense to drop the submissive doormat 'tude if she finds that one of the teachers at school has verbally or physically abused her child. And even speaking in strictly BDSM terms, I have met a number of women over the years who were defined as "switch", when they really did NOT switch. They were as steady as the northern star: they were ALWAYS submissive to people of one gender, and ALWAYS dominant toward people of another gender. The only "switching" they ever did was the role they adopted with lovers of different sexes. This is a very different thing from the type of "switch" who will snatch the whip out of a dominant's hand or otherwise try to reverse the dynamic in mid-scene, or who expects to trade topping/bottoming on a regular basis with their long-term partner. Regardless, saying "there are no dominants" is untrue and offensive in the same way as saying "there are no submissives" or "there are no switches" is untrue and offensive. People pick their roles and the words that define them for a reason. They have the right to assert the role that suits them best. If they're dominant and they still want to switch or sub on some occasional basis, groovy--drinking one cup of tea doesn't mean you're not basically a coffee-holic, going to one basketball game doesn't invalidate your season tickets to watch hockey, and subbing once a year doesn't make you a switch.

Lashra -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 8:32:01 AM)
It depends on what type of relationship you are speaking of. I think everyone can say that they have been submissive to their Mother at some point in their lives. So from that view yes I would agree. However in my intimate relationships I have always had to be in charge, the decision maker. It is something that comes very natural to me and I have no need/want/desire to submit to my partner. However every Dominant does take the time to relax and that is natural for everyone. I can't imagine someone barking orders 24/7 without a let up, I would think they'd get fried from the experience. But does that mean they have suddenly become submissive? No it doesn't at all. Besides if there are no Doms, only subs and switches, how do all the decisions get made?[;)] I know with my sub it can take him 30 minutes looking at a menu in a restaurant just to decide what to eat. Now I give him 10 minutes and if he hasn't decided then I order for him. ~Lashra

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 8:41:41 AM)
i've heard it said, that we're better off dead, if you want to believe that, then go right ahead. sometimes acts of submission are seen in everyone. sometimes kindness is misinterpreted. sometimes people tell others stupid things. sometimes people take those things to heart. sometimes i compare dominanting to being similar of a baby-sitter. sometimes i wonder how people can switch. sometimes i wonder why people assume a mistress must be dominant, you need not be submissive to serve. sometimes i figure it's best not to doubt. sometimes i doubt myself too. oh and sometimes sometimes i post on the right forum. a person with the will to dominate doesn't have to be actually dominating all the time. and that time not spent dominating most assuredly doesn't have to be spent in the fashion of being dominated themselves. switches though, i may never figure their merit out... but i don't consider it switching unless it's with the same person~ but if i had to put my personal little personal thing on here i would say, dominance and submissiveness is in nature. dominating, submitting, and switching is the act. it seems pretty hard to me to be naturally switchy (fickle?), but makes sense to hold multiple views.

Shawn1066 -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 8:43:32 AM)
Yeah, that's one of the more untrue things I've read. That's just like saying, "There are no switches, only confused dominants or confused submissives." They're both untrue...and offensive. DV's Fox

whateverhewants -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 10:41:15 AM)
I don't know why you are attacking me . I did not attack you. I made a mistake I wanted to get the viewpoing of both genders . should I have posted in general bdsm .yes I should have . but my actions were not mean spirited. so please don't be mean spirited to me.

whateverhewants -> wasn't tryin' to offend anyone (2/21/2008 10:53:56 AM)
just makin convo.

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 11:19:03 AM)
oh? i suppose if you take it out of context i can see you thinking i implied that, especially if you are being defensive. quote: and sometimes, sometimes i post on the right forum. put it back into context, i am speaking of myself, we are in "ask a mistress", but i am not a mistress, i don't think it would even be a good look for me. so for me to put my 2 cents in, to offer advice, or trying to answer any questions, in a place called "ask a mistress" i... not you... am posting in the wrong forum.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 11:20:58 AM)
i have heard it said that....im too sexy for my shirt....too sexy for my bra.... blah blah...[:D][:D]

canupleaseme -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 12:30:37 PM)
I heard if you masturbate you go blind [:)]

pupofMoGa -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 1:24:18 PM)
I would never presume to speak for my Mistress, but i feel rather defensive about this, with regards to the remark about Dominants playing roles. As a Dominant, Mistress always had Her own business, so She would be Her own boss and never had to submit to anyone else. And if She did not like what was going on, She would handle it the way She knew best. The way Mistress lives is not a role or something She puts on, this is how She lives. Even when doing regular, everyday activities, I know that Mistress is in control just by the way She acts. She is a Dominant in every breath She takes and every move She makes. Oh and as far as a Dominant "barking orders 24 hours a day" or bark orders, for that matter, the only one that barks between us, is me, my Mistress doesn't do that, I know my place 24 hours a day, I don't need Her to remind me. Excuse the intrusion on the Mistress forum by this sub pup <wags my tail as i leave the board>

ShaktiSama -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 2:49:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pupofMoGa She is a Dominant in every breath She takes and every move She makes. Yes, but is she a Dominant in every claim she stakes, every smile she fakes, every vow she breaks, and every cake she bakes? Because if not, and she isn't a completely one-dimensional human being, she is not a Twue Domme and someone is going to take away her whip and send her to Gor. [:'(] Sorry, pup. I realy should speak only for myself. Perhaps I am the only domme here who is not a paragon of dommely perfection. Personally, I have been known to speak respectfully to an elder, to yield to my hostess at a party, and to quickly obey a dungeon monitor when my bottom's fingers were turning blue. This to say nothing of the times I laugh at my own silliness! I would not feel that I was "in control" if I always had to be in "in control"--I'd feel like I was suffering from OCD, and I would probably seek psychiatric help. Taking me too seriously is a burden I try to place on others. Like the washing dishes and mopping floors--it's a chore I hate to do myself! [:D]

pupofMoGa -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 3:42:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: pupofMoGa She is a Dominant in every breath She takes and every move She makes. Yes, but is she a Dominant in every claim she stakes, every smile she fakes, every vow she breaks, and every cake she bakes? Because if not, and she isn't a completely one-dimensional human being, she is not a Twue Domme and someone is going to take away her whip and send her to Gor. [:'(] I cant believe You said that. I am so hurt and outraged. I believe that it is best at times to keep one's beliefs to themself and Your statement is one of them. With the respect that i have for my Mistress i will say no more and bite my tongue. <walks away shocked and in disbelief of what Sama said>

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 4:08:34 PM)
Welcome to the Board, whateverhewants I think yours is a fascinating question. What fascinates me is how strongly some people identify with the label they choose for themselves, be it "Dominant", "submissive" or "switch". Its almost as if they fear they would lose respect of others if they strayed outside their self imposed label, even for a small time. Some people really feel the need to project a one-dimensional persona (Big Bad Dom/me) online, so your question was very threatening. Hence the over-reaction. The opinion (or even your suggested opinion) of others holds no power over a Dom/me who is totally comfortable with his or her own identity. Personally I think Dominants who have subbed (and I mean really subbed) make better (and IME much crueler) Dominants and that is certainly the philosophy of those committed to Old Guard protocols who have been trained in the traditional way But I can see how that real life tradition would really confuse the chat room crowd where everyone must live their whole lives neatly in one of three boxes: Dominant, submissive or switch.

ShaktiSama -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/21/2008 5:48:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pupofMoGa quote: ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama quote: ORIGINAL: pupofMoGa She is a Dominant in every breath She takes and every move She makes. Yes, but is she a Dominant in every claim she stakes, every smile she fakes, every vow she breaks, and every cake she bakes? Because if not, and she isn't a completely one-dimensional human being, she is not a Twue Domme and someone is going to take away her whip and send her to Gor. [:'(] I cant believe You said that. I am so hurt and outraged. quote: ORIGINAL: the Police Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you Oh can't you see You belong to me How my poor heart aches with every step you take Every move you make Every vow you break Every smile you fake Every claim you stake I'll be watching you Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace I dream at night I can only see your face I look around but it's you I can't replace I feel so cold and I long for your embrace I keep crying baby, baby please Every move you make Every vow you break Every smile you fake Every claim you stake I'll be watching you "Every Breath You Take" is a song, hon. And you really, really need to switch to decaf. Your Mistress is not diminished by other women discussing dominance abstractly on a web forum. And if you honestly expect other dommes to "keep their opinions to themselves" so as not to cast aspersions on her perfect dommeliness, you are out of your mind.

MissLily -> RE: I have heard it said that (2/22/2008 4:26:52 AM)
Really? I would NEVER dream of switching [sm=hair.gif]!!! Miss Lily

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