Being submissive or being me? (Full Version)

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SubmissiveAK -> Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 4:18:31 PM)

Hello everyone,

I want to raise the question of how you feel a submissive should approach you. I know there's a lot of advice of this kind out there and stuff, and I dont mean to ask the same old question... but there seems to be a trend I dont understand. I agree that one should be respectful and polite, even charming when approaching someone. I think that stands for any form of relationship, and I also feel its important to be honest about yourself.

Still it seems sometimes that submissives, and even some Mistresses think that its important to approach someone from, for lack of a better term, a position of submission. As if to say we need to impress with our submissiveness, or prove our willingness to submit. This really confuses me since, IMO, submission is something that develops after getting to know that person. Being deferential, using honorifics like Madame or Miss... these are just common curtesy to me (though terms like Mistress or Goddess I think are best reserved for later). Groveling at your feet, begging you to consider talking to me, etc... I dont understand that. I dont understand why someone would want that. To me, those kinds of things have no meaning until the submissive knows you, your dominant flair. If I were to submit without having some experience of who you are, then I am submitting not for your sake but for mine. Still I see many subs and some Mistresses who desire and even expect this kind of reaction. Could anybody perhaps explain this to me, it leaves me terribly confused sometimes. ???

~submissiveAK~



BitaTruble -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 4:23:39 PM)

Some believe that being fungible is a good thing. Personally, I like to get to know a person, not a title. That said, there have been occasions where the first time I met someone, falling to my knees seemed the most natural thing in the world.

Of course, there are other times I meet someone and I'd just like to beat the crap out of them. So it's all relative. ::grins::

Celeste



Politesub53 -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 4:26:05 PM)

i approach a woman as just that. if someone wants you to call them Miss or Mistress straight away, they will soon tell you. Just being yourself and being polite is a good start, approaching in too submissive a mode is probably very off putting. There are ways of acting submissive without being too conspicuous, such as lowering your eyes for instance.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 5:05:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

I want to raise the question of how you feel a submissive should approach you. ...... I agree that one should be respectful and polite, even charming when approaching someone.
Still it seems sometimes that submissives, and even some Mistresses think that its important to approach someone from, for lack of a better term, a position of submission. ......


Tricky!

Like politesub, I would like to be approached like a normal person.  A sub should talk to me like a real woman who might become his real partner, not a cartoon character from a BDSM porn movie or his last visit to a pro-domme.  Submission is a privilege eventually earned if we can click as a D/s couple. 

But some people love to jump straight into M/s role play.  They want all the showy boot kissing and kneeling from absolute strangers.  Its a giggle and makes them feel special.  You don't meet the authentic person until some time later.

Its confusing, right?  All I can suggest is just watch carefully and follow her lead.  If she wants to role play with strangers and her style is not creeping you out, just play along.  It might be what she believes "Twue Dommes" have to do. 

Refusing to play along could be quite hurtful, so I would watch and respond accordingly if it doesn't feel too stupid.



DominaJayde -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 10:24:20 PM)

Personally I prefer it when someone just approaches me as they would in the 'normal' world, saying hello, being courteous, establishing a frame a reference and a rapport, and then only after that would the 'other' stuff come into it, thats not to say I don't automatically ignore someone who calls me Mistress from the start, not if the rest of their message is polite and factual.

It's the 'humbly and serviley throw myself at your dommely feet and worship you' ones that set my teeth on edge.

Along with the ones who offer 'unearthly sexual pleasures and/or glowing reccomendations about their oral prowess' that REALLY tick me off.

DJ




Shawn1066 -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 10:31:09 PM)

When I visited my Owner, I wasn't looking to be owned.  I was looking for a fun day in the park taking pictures.  I treated her like I would anybody else and we had a damn good time.  We didn't force ourselves into our dynamic, because we didn't plan on it...  We both literally fell face first into our dynamic.  Being submissive to her is as natural to me as breathing.  That's just how our dynamic works.  Sure, we didn't plan on it...  But the best things in life are the ones you never plan for.

DV's Fox



DominaJayde -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/21/2008 10:36:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

Being submissive to her is as natural to me as breathing.  That's just how our dynamic works.  Sure, we didn't plan on it...  But the best things in life are the ones you never plan for.


*smile* I love reading yours and your Mistresses' replies in the forums, they are always entertaining, and I love the interaction you have, it brings back many pleasant memories.

DJ




Mustardseed -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/22/2008 8:47:38 PM)

I'd be a little weirded out if someone immediately starting acting in a submissive manner towards me upon meeting me: it'd make me think that they'd assumed I'd consented to play a role for them without having seen the script first. I've met people who've tended to take that tone with me in person and found that most of our interaction involves trying to figure out who I'm really dealing with. In the circles I run in, the general rule is to treat people at events the same way that you'd treat someone you were asking the time from while waiting for the bus -- be polite, but not showy upon the first meeting. Don't assume a title or a preferred mode of protocol. Just ... be you. If there's more past that, it will come later.



pixelslave -> RE: Being submissive or being me? (2/22/2008 9:25:28 PM)

Remember, that you may be a submissive male, but you're not her submissive until you agree to become hers (and you know she wants you as hers).  As such, I suggest you treat any Domme as just another woman as you would at anyplace else you're at. 
 
Be aware, there are some clubs however that have certain protocols which submissives are expected to follow.  If you're in that kind of situation, you'll want to be aware of them and act accordingly.  Otherwise, just be yourself.  After all, don't you want to know the woman and have her know you as a man who's a unique individual before you enter into a power exchange with her?? [&:]
 
 - pixel



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