How do i ask?

How do i ask? (Full Version)

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Hallittlelolita -> How do i ask? (9/17/2005 3:40:07 PM)
i have a question i am a slave and when i do my daily chores or somthing good, i don't get that much positive reinforcement how do i ask? How do i ask without topping from the bottom i don't want to do that because a slave that is good to her Master would not do that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated[;)] Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

Lordandmaster -> RE: How do i ask? (9/17/2005 4:15:34 PM)
You know those customer-feedback cards you find in a hotel or restaurant? Write one up, and the next time you clean house or whatever, leave it discreetly in a corner for him to fill out.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: How do i ask? (9/17/2005 4:34:52 PM)
That's such a cute idea!!!!! I'd also just have a talk with him and say "This is how I feel" and then see what he does. It's not TFTB to give information and allow him to choose where to go from there, it's TFTB to NOT give him information and try and twist him into doing what you want.

fastlane -> RE: How do i ask? (9/17/2005 6:29:46 PM)
Positive reinforcement? This is not Psychology or behavior modification, and you are not Pavlov's Dog. Continue to do what you are doing...to please. If he's happy you will know it, if he's not...negative reinforcement will follow.....Now, quit drooling and continue to please....The Bone will follow!

OscarHargraves -> RE: How do i ask? (9/17/2005 9:43:48 PM)
The card is a really good idea. Remember that even slaves and Masters have to communicate. Let him know that you would like some feedback on the things that you are doing for him. Wanting to improve and serve him better is not TFTB.

CanisMajor -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 5:09:45 AM)
I'll post another vote for just talking to him about it. I completely fail to understand peoples' reluctance to talk about how they feel or what they want. Things go so much easier if you do. While I don't have one of Pavlov's dogs, we do recognise the recreational advantages of handing out Rewards for jobs well done, in addition to the more conventionally issued punishments for That Which Was Botched.

Sunshine119 -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 8:10:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane Positive reinforcement? This is not Psychology or behavior modification, and you are not Pavlov's Dog. Continue to do what you are doing...to please. If he's happy you will know it, if he's not...negative reinforcement will follow.....Now, quit drooling and continue to please....The Bone will follow! Positive reinforcement is more likely to keep a sub doing all the wonderful things most Doms don't usually notice....like preparing a delicious meal, keeping the house clean, ironing clothes to perfection. Just like anyone else, a simple "this is good" or "I like how you care for my house", etc. can go a long, long way. For me, without those little words, uttered occassionally, the food becomes less creative and the house gets messier. Forget about the laundry! 10 times of negative reinforcement don't accomplish as much as one "thank you".

WickedKev -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 8:59:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane Positive reinforcement? This is not Psychology or behavior modification, and you are not Pavlov's Dog. Continue to do what you are doing...to please. If he's happy you will know it, if he's not...negative reinforcement will follow.....Now, quit drooling and continue to please....The Bone will follow! What he said.

MstrHellsFury -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 9:13:44 AM)
I guess I'm gonna be the one to catch it for this but...I don't reward through a pat on the head...doing the things I expect done...if something is of exceptional quality then I'll respond... I work..every day...as hard as I can...I do more than I should...and I teach others how to do their job as well.....I don't expect nor do I ever think about my supervisor telling me...good job...why?..because he expects this from me... my reward and satisfaction come from me knowing that whoever passes through me...will be as good as he can be...and when it's time for a performance review...I see it expressed in advancement and or pay increases... I don't work for admiration of others...I work for my own self-gratifaction...I'm happy doing what I do..and I enjoy doing it every day...do I sometimes get tired and wonder why I continue...of course...but I know I will ...until that day comes I find no enjoyment in doing it any more... I structure my jobs to control the things around me...and I structure my home in the same way...I control the things there as well... your reward and satifaction will come in me expressing how well you serve me in the things I do to show my pleasure in all you do...it may be a day..or several weeks before I acknowledge what you've done...but when I do...in that single moment would you not understand my feelings toward you and all you do... I'll say this for the bilizillionth time...we all have a different way of living this life...some show it all the time..some less...and some not at all...but if you're with us...don't you know us as we are..and know how we express ourselves to you... Fury

sweetpettjenny -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 10:01:57 AM)
if he thought you didn't do a good job im sure he would tell you

Hallittlelolita -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 11:25:27 AM)
Thank you all the for the responses i really appreciate it[;)] i have talked with Master like you all suggested and He said that He should not have to give positive reinforcement all the time because it is expected of me like what Fury said in his post. Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

kuntbaby -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 8:59:16 PM)
As a submissive, I don't necessarily want to have that positive reinforcement all the time. But as I tell Master frequently...I'm not his maid. Considering my submission to him is, for the most part, not service based, it's nice to be appreciated for things that I do but that I don't have to do. One way that he shows appreciation to me is by offering to take care of laundry or dishes and let me relax...I'll never let him do it and I'm sure he knows this, but at least I don't feel like his maid when he offers.

petwolf22 -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 9:43:31 PM)
Regardless of the Master/slave dynamic and however one chooses to express it, we are all human and like to receive recognition for things we have done, especially in an effort to please someone else. i think that feeling appreciated is a basic human desire.

ManOwner -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 10:35:33 PM)
quote: MsterHellsFury: Your reward and satifaction will come in me expressing how well you serve me in the things I do to show my pleasure in all you do...it may be a day..or several weeks before I acknowledge what you've done...but when I do...in that single moment would you not understand my feelings toward you and all you do... Just my personal opinion, but I have had bosses and parents all my life that cannot be bothered to show a little appreciation for my efforts or bestow some recognition on me when I have done a good job. It's so easy to do, yet they refuse out of principle because they don't think they should have to do it. This is the kind of situation that makes me want to steal post-its.

Aquariansub -> RE: How do i ask? (9/18/2005 11:28:54 PM)
Why is it so easy to comment on the bad things and not the good....just as things are mentioned when displeased...pleasing results or actions should also not go without a mention.

wetsub000 -> RE: How do i ask? (9/19/2005 2:07:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrHellsFury I teach others how to do their job as well.....I don't expect nor do I ever think about my supervisor telling me...good job...why?..because he expects this from me... Fury As an ex-teacher I can see both sides of this argument. I certainly didn't expect my manager to tell me what a good job I was doing in the classroom, the progress of my students was more than enough feedback. HOWEVER, I know that one of the most powerful things I could do as a teacher was to build up the self-confidence of my students, to point out all the good things they were doing right especially when they were feeling a bit down. I don't see why this wouldn't work just as well in a D/s relationship and in both directions. I know I respond better to a bit of praise and I like to give the same feedback to my Dom. If I only communicated to raise concerns and never to thank him for all the things he does, how would he feel?

softysub -> RE: How do i ask? (9/19/2005 3:03:22 AM)
When i did something that was good and not getting any feedback, i would just discuss my feelings to Him in a polite manner. Communication is the best tool. softysub

KatyLied -> RE: How do i ask? (9/19/2005 4:34:10 AM)
From Fastlane quote: quit drooling Really? [;)]

worshipmoons -> RE: How do i ask? (9/19/2005 7:54:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fastlane Positive reinforcement? This is not Psychology or behavior modification, and you are not Pavlov's Dog. Continue to do what you are doing...to please. If he's happy you will know it, if he's not...negative reinforcement will follow.....Now, quit drooling and continue to please....The Bone will follow! I am a dog trainer and I havent heard that term used in a long time...LMAO thank you for the giggles so early in the day...:) pamela

ProtagonistLily -> RE: How do i ask? (9/19/2005 8:12:34 AM)
quote: Positive reinforcement? This is not Psychology or behavior modification, and you are not Pavlov's Dog. Continue to do what you are doing...to please. If he's happy you will know it, if he's not...negative reinforcement will follow.....Now, quit drooling and continue to please....The Bone will follow! This sounds like yet another "Instant Dom" you find on the internet. The "My way or the highway, bitch" guys who don't have a clue about what real dominance is all about, what owning someone who's submitted to you is really about. Why is it so often men confuse arrogance and abusive tendancies with Dominance? Actually, Fastlane, this is Psychology or behavior modification. Apparently you do not subscribe to the Power Exchange model of BDSM. If you did, you would realize that without some kind of feedback, without any incentive to continue to do a good job, this girl will finally come to her senses and realize that she's not getting what she needs out of this relationship. If she were a dog and had just done a trick at the master's command, she'd probably get a treat or a pet on the head. Why is it we don't gasp and become indignant when we hear of people treating their dogs with positive reinforcement but when it comes to a submissive or slave, some yutz out there decides that abuse is the way to go. You sound like someone who's never ventured away from your computer, and I thank the powers that be for that. Lily

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