i want to get started, is there such a thing a a sister Domme?

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i want to get started, is there such a thing a a sister... - 9/18/2005 12:15:05 AM

rubymyside

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/17/2005
Status: offline

Ive lurked here for ages, and feel i wish to get started.
Im beginning to understand the dynamic for me, and how i wish to explore that with another, but lack the courage to play for the first time.

At what point, (currently learning technique on pillows, knots and the practical side of things, but its the dynamic of control that i need, and inaminate objects just dont cut it)
But id feel like a fake, to offer to play as a top or domme with no experience.

Id thought of asking another Domme if i could watch a couple of her sessions, is this acceptable, how would you feel if a newbie wished to learn from watching you?
But to have a mentor where i could ask the questions i have of a scene, would surely be a way of learning?

There are no shortage of offers, being a female (dom) im in the minority it seems. But many subs wish to play at a level that id not be comfortable at, how do i learn and grow, starting from the softer side and building up to more edgy play as my confidence grows.

How did some of you get started?

I want to take this slowly, moving along the continuum until i find where i am at.

any advice would be welcome

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/18/2005 12:44:39 AM

MsIce

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

It is a very good idea
There are also some very good clubs in your area. Why dont you attend one and see how it goes in real life, at a play party. You gain a lot by watching and most people dont mind that

(in reply to rubymyside)

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/18/2005 5:32:43 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

When I seriously began to explore real life D/s relationships, I joined a local Domme group that meets once a month. Most of the Dommes in the group live with their slaves/subs and were happy to mentor me with the things I needed help with, mainly SM techniques for flogging and caning. Practicing on pillows, etc. is fairly common and can come in handy for flogging and caning when practicing aim. I also learned a lot of safety information online.

Once I was able to try some of the things on a sub under the supervision of his Domme, my confidence grew by leaps and bounds. I wish you luck with finding a mentor.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to rubymyside)

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Post #: 3

RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/18/2005 8:37:56 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

I didn't go the one mentor route as I like to get different ideas and views .... I went to munches, made some really good friends who are there if I need them and who showed me some techniques and I went to events and watched and learned.
I also had a couple of sub friends who were happy to be demo bunnies!

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/18/2005 10:38:44 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubymyside

Ive lurked here for ages, and feel i wish to get started.
Im beginning to understand the dynamic for me, and how i wish to explore that with another, but lack the courage to play for the first time.

At what point, (currently learning technique on pillows, knots and the practical side of things, but its the dynamic of control that i need, and inaminate objects just dont cut it)
But id feel like a fake, to offer to play as a top or domme with no experience.

Id thought of asking another Domme if i could watch a couple of her sessions, is this acceptable, how would you feel if a newbie wished to learn from watching you?
But to have a mentor where i could ask the questions i have of a scene, would surely be a way of learning?

There are no shortage of offers, being a female (dom) im in the minority it seems. But many subs wish to play at a level that id not be comfortable at, how do i learn and grow, starting from the softer side and building up to more edgy play as my confidence grows.

How did some of you get started?

I want to take this slowly, moving along the continuum until i find where i am at.

any advice would be welcome

You don't have to go from 0 to 60 in fifteen seconds. I can't speak for all femdoms, but I would imagine most of us that started "exploring" our urges as soon as we noticed them were flirtaciously bullying/teasing (in a good way), playfully binding and roleplaying with partners in our very early dating years. The heavy duty toys and gear came into play later on.

My opinion is that you should first learn to be comfortable with and enjoy dominance on a sensual level. This is something you can explore with a boyfriend or guy you date -- and nothing hardcore or fancy. No costumes, no props, no elaborate code words. Just wrestle him to the ground, playfully pin him, make him pretend to resist your kisses, hold his wrists behind his back, make him kneel and tell him to beg, spoon feed him ice cream, put him over your knee and give a playful spanking, pull his hair and watch him wince, put your hand over his nose and mouth until he tries to shake it free, etc.

Learn what turns *you* on. For a lot of us, its the sensual energy and reactions we get. What reactions turn you on? The resistance, or the complete surrender? The helplessness, or the more strong-stoic response? Watching him perform tasks, or making him feel a little pain?

The benefit of starting slow like this is that you can really identify what you are feeling and what pushes your buttons. If you are dealing with new toys, props, uncertainty how to use a toy, worrying that your sub has more experience than you do, etc. -- you will be struggling out of the gate because the number one ingredient is: That you *enjoy* yourself and are comfortable in your role. That's what subs respond to.

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/18/2005 11:45:21 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I am mentoring someone in My area, at this time. The profile is as a couple, but the "submissive" is, or has been, pretty much running the show.
I can help this Lady to embrace Her power, and to be more comfortable and confident using various equipment. But I agree that getting out, meeting people, and exposing yourself to as many different views as possible, will faciliate you in finding what makes you the happiest and the most comfortable
This is another reason I am trying to get several Dominas, both new and experienced, together. No matter which way you slice it, unless there is a Femme oriented group for support, most of the public exposure We find is Male dominated.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/18/2005 11:54:31 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

What abute finding a sub that is inexperienced to and you can learn the ropes (pun intended.) tugether. That way you need not be embareshed if you do somthing worng for he be just as green as you, i am a newbie and that is what i am do whit my Dom.

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/19/2005 6:16:29 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

AAkasha

GoddessDustyGold
===================

yeah. what They said.

wolfie

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"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/21/2005 5:35:42 PM

MistressGrace07

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/29/2005
From: Chicago
Status: offline

I had one "main" Lady who is still a mentor.. but I get training and advice from a lot of people..... it's possible and most people I meet in the scene LOVE to teach and help new people! :)

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"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible" - Captain Amelia in "Treasure Planet"

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/24/2005 5:15:24 PM

MsPurrmeow

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubymyside
Id thought of asking another Domme if i could watch a couple of her sessions, is this acceptable, how would you feel if a newbie wished to learn from watching you?

I've done it and I loved it. I love co-topping as well as helping other people find their kinks and their comfort zones. When I run across a person with little experience, I always offer to have them co-top with me. It's always a blast. Sometimes she ends up being very active in the scene, other times she watches and learns. I think it is an honor to be asked to help teach.

quote:

But to have a mentor where i could ask the questions i have of a scene, would surely be a way of learning?

It would be great. As many have said, get busy online and find your groups and clubs. Most people with experience in the lifestyle love it so much that they are honored to share and help you grow. Just be honest with people, and they will often be tickled to help. Be prepared for a bit of adjustment, though. If you are new to a real-time community, you will find that they will check you out a bit to make sure of your intentions. This is a good thing for you.

Keep in touch with the Forums. There's always someone around with good ideas.

Purr

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Post #: 10

RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/25/2005 10:56:48 AM

MistressKay

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline

The best place to start is your local bdsm community. There are usually many femDommes in any given city and in some cities there are femDomme groups (we have one in Ottawa, Ontario). Within those communities you can learn a great deal about toys, techniques, and a million different views on how you "should" dominate your partner.

My recommendation, listen, observe/watch, learn then apply only what works for you. You don't have to agree with everything you hear (and certainly you should take it all with a grain of salt). Do your homework (some advice isn't good and checking out reference materials before attempting new activities is always a wise thing to do). Start slow and enjoy the journey - you don't have to know how to use 20 toys to be a good domme - in fact the only toy you need is your imagination. With only your imagination you can create an incredible experience for a submissive leaving them hungry for more and more of what only you bring out in them.

You already have many skills - just remember this is suppose to be fun! If you are not having fun then move on because this isn't for you. Unless you are going to become a pro-domme you don't need to know everything - learn what interests you, enjoy playing with it - add new things as they strike your fancy. Just that simple.

I hope you are able to find a local group where you can learn safely from others. Trust your instinct however - it is there to keep you safe.

Lady Kay
Ottawa, ON Canada

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RE: i want to get started, is there such a thing a a si... - 9/25/2005 11:09:26 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

If you don't find what you're looking for at local clubs, try
http://www.mystressworld.com

This website, and some similar sites, offer the mentoring and training program you seek. They also offer referrals and it's a good way to meet someone close to you who has a sincere interest in learning, and would be willing to learn along with you.

I am acquainted with several married couples who engaged Mystress' assistance in 'teaching a new Domme' and I think the porgram has some merit.

Good luck.

Texas Maam

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Post #: 12