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The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/13/2004 1:27:30 PM

PassionateNights

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Now i relaize that people take on submissives and slaves for a variety of reasons. i am on a quest to find my "one". Until i find her, i will continue to prepare for her. i take care of my body, because that is her future property. i develop as a person; spirtually, intellectually i am a whole person, fairly well read, creative and artistic. But beyond those things i have picked up skills in cooking (through classes), massage, dance.......i'm interested in hearing from you Mistress' out there...what would blow you away if your submissive/slave had skills in a specific area.

thank you

Post #: 1

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/13/2004 5:46:57 PM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

~gets my cynical face out for the day~ one who is actually what he says he is.. man that would blow me out of the water.. and if he was truly comfortable in his submission, liked fat chicks, read chaucer, like the ballet, and gretchen williams, could grill the prefect steak, laughed at all my jokes, drove like he was carrying the most precious items, knew what a paddle at christies cost, spoke french, made a great marguirtia, balance my checkbook, and iron a shirt.. dang I would be Domme heaven..

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to PassionateNights)

Post #: 2

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 2:24:15 AM

MistressZanthia

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline

Damn, Sylverdawn, you about summed it up.

Well done. That's pretty much what I'd say if I didn't have a prime example of my own pet peeve with boys.

Personal integrity. From something as simple as a phone call. Boy says "I'll call you this evening" and he doesn't. I call the next day and ask why, and he says, "Oh, I got called "into work last minute and work is important"... well gee, guess I'm not important enough for a one fucking minute phone call to say, "I'll call you tomorrow, gotta work. Bye"

Yes, that's it... I say, "buh bye, don't bother yourself boy. You don't need a Mistress". And hang up.

So if you're looking for a possible area to improve, how about those communication skills? The art of "checking in" just like in your teenage years, that's an area boys most assuredly need help in. If one can't take the time to show her how important she is to you, one doesn't deserve to have her. I wouldn't call it a skill, just actual integrity. It's critical with most Dommes.

Sorry, rant for the day over now.

I'll probably give a another answer in the morning... these things light upon my life in an almost daily manner. But they usually aren't so bitchy. LOL.

< Message edited by MistressZanthia -- 7/14/2004 2:29:29 AM >

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 3

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 5:50:54 AM

UtahGoddess

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Utah
Status: offline

I agree wholeheartedly with Sylverdawn and Zanthia, but I will also add the male sub characteristics and skills that most impress me.

Self confidence: A boy who knows he has value....to me and to others. He is comfortable with himself, his submission and his life. One who submits from a position of strength and not from weakness or irresponsibility.

Manners: A boy that opens doors, says "thank you", walks on the side of me closest to traffic, etc. He can conduct himself in social situations, events (as well as personally) in such a way I am proud to be with him. These are small details that speak loudly.

Sense of humor: I like to laugh and I enjoy someone that can laugh with me.....sometimes at me. I enjoy a boy with a fast mind and quick wit who doesn't take himself or life too seriously.

Initiative: Boys that take initiative in finding ways to please me .... without direct orders .....score big points with me. I love boys who act like "elves in the background" somehow making things run better .... my life easier.

Partnership: Boys that are overly interested in what they want to get from me.....or are too focussed on me (expressing no needs of their own), are equally undesireable. I enjoy a boy that desires to be a partner in life....not just the Dungeon or bedroom.

Now....if you are also attractive, financially sound, emotionally stable, non-addicted, SINGLE.......and you can cook, give a pedicure and share sexual chemistry....woooohoooo! I am in heaven!

Ms Sandi
PS Posted from Heaven....cuz I found mine!

_____________________________

"The Masochist desires to experience stronger sensations, but desires that it should be inflicted with Love. The Sadist desires to inflict stronger sensations, but desires that it should be felt as Love" Havelock Ellis The Project Gutenberg

(in reply to MistressZanthia)

Post #: 4

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 11:05:54 AM

PassionateNights

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Certainly there is no substitute for a man having the relationship skills...punctuality, manner, communication, similar sense of humor, one could probably add in similar tastes...in art, music, politics....i'm not saying they need to mirror you, but at least enough in common that you share experiences....
But if you HAVE those things....what else can a guy learn to make his Mistress smile....the ability to mix her favorite drinks perfectly?.....grill a perfect steak or make her top 10 favorite dishes perfectly....every guy shold have at least a half dozen dishes he does to perfection.....and if one can't learn french....hey at least a few perfect phrases ...lol
But hey none of this is going to mean squat if he shows up for a date 40 minutes late, forgets to call when he says he will....or never asks how her day went.....

(in reply to UtahGoddess)

Post #: 5

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 11:45:40 AM

Tigresss

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline

Hello Everyone,

I am new to collarme.com (just signed up a day or two ago in fact) so I am still wondering the boards and various areas getting familiar with everything but I had to stop here and throw in my two cents on this subject....

From my perspective you and your future owner would be best served by you spending less time learning new skills that may or may not be a priority to your new owner and instead investing more time and energy investing in your own internal personal growth by engaging in:

Self-analysis to identify your personality strengths and weaknesses. How strong is your sense of self, self-esteem, self-love and self-worth? Are you completely comfortable in your own skin? Are you completely comfortable and confident in your submissive nature? Do you have any fears or emotional scars that you should be addressing instead of bringing into a new relationship? Are you comfortable and confident in your ability to openly and honestly discuss your thoughts and feelings even at the risk of rejection? Do you find yourself taking a defensive stance and lashing out when faced with another persons ignorance implying that male submissives are weak or less than or do you simply take it for the ignorance it is and simply calmly attempt to educate without allowing it to hurt you on an emotional level? Are you able to balance your submissive need to please with not allowing yourself to over extend yourself to the point that you have nothing left to give and become filled with frustration and anger? Do you take full personal responsibility for all the decisions you currently make in your life regardless of if the outcome is positive or negative? Do you have any family or friendship issues that you need to address?

There is a lot more I could list, however, I am sure you get the point there. To me the best thing that you can do for yourself and for your new owner is to identify and address the aspects of yourself that only you can truly overcome and improve. She can easily guide you and teach any new skills that she need or desires but most importantly she needs you to be as emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually balanced as you possibly can be going in to the relationship.

Just my two cents tossed in for food for thought.

Tigress

P.s. I look forward to getting to know everyone an being an active meber here at collarme.com

(in reply to PassionateNights)

Post #: 6

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 12:10:58 PM

sarbonn

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline

I've spent a number of years recently just bettering myself in being a better person. There are many branches to this tree, but I realized at one point, even though I was attracting women who were dominant, I never felt comfortable with what I was bringing to the relationship.

So, my response has been to just move myself away from the scene and work on myself. I'm still in the process of continuing this methodology, but the weird thing that has happened is that I don't find myself all that concerned with actually finding anyone anymore. I know I am a lifestyle submissive, and I have lived years in slave relationships, but as I came to know myself more and more, I've found I really like myself, and it makes it somewhat interesting because where I would have jumped at any chance to become someone's slave, I don't even look that hard anymore. It actually took a breath of air in the local scene for me to realize that I have changed.

The funny thing is: I know I make a great submissive, and I understand a lot of the complications that I need to face to smooth out such a relationship. But now that I have worked on myself, I find myself looking for someone who probably doesn't exist (no, this isn't a complaint, but a realization), so I pretty much have to focus on me alone.

Duane Gundrum
[email protected]
http://www.sarbonn.com/fetish.htm
for information about duane, the submissive

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to Tigresss)

Post #: 7

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 12:33:26 PM

PassionateNights

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Tigress,

i'm not looking for a substitute for personal growth, i'm looking for something additional and fun to do...i certainly think that there is no substitute for personal growth, and the normal things that go with growing as a person.
my own personal philosphies include "balance" in all things.....i don't think it is appropriate to spend all of my non working time in self introspection and analysis, one needs to enjoy life to.
i have time and energy and goals dedicated to these areas of my life. i'm just wondering what Dominant Women wish their submissives would learn and put effort into it has been a fascinating thread

thank you all

(in reply to sarbonn)

Post #: 8

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 2:46:06 PM

Tigresss

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline

Passionate,

I totally agree with your last post and I enjoyed reading your perspectives. Something that I know would blow my mind and make me smile would be if a submissive was skilled and enjoyed leatherworking. Walking around in a corset that was hand made by my boy would be awesome!!! I also think that since I love leather that I would enjoy learning from him and sharing the hobby with him, which would just add one more thing that would be fun to do together.

Tigress

(in reply to PassionateNights)

Post #: 9

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 5:17:04 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Silver Dawn,

quote:

gretchen williams,

Who is that?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 10

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/14/2004 8:09:03 PM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

gretchen wilson.. my typo ..sings redneck woman.. insert, stevie ray vaughan, eric clapton, the corrs, tonic, blue rodeo, the fabulous thunderbirds, chairlie sexton, muddy waters, lena horn, pasty cline and so forth and so on.. ie not classical music..

and I rather suspect you knew that.. and couldnt resist taking the shot..

further I am going to assume you ment me..SylverDawn... rather than some other person known as Silver Dawn.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 7/14/2004 8:23:54 PM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 11

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/15/2004 12:39:52 AM

PassionateNights

Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

as i contemplated this question i had a bizzare flash of Bill Murray in Ground Hog Day..trying to make himself more attractive to (was it Andy McDowell?) he learned to play the piano, carve ice sculptures, save lives, etc......and n the end it was being a better person that won the day.....am i foolish to learn how to perform pedicures, massage? sigh....i guess we just do our best and hope it is enough....the test will come when she comes before me....will she walk by....will she see who i am....and if she does....will it be enough?

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 12

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 7/15/2004 12:48:52 AM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Personal integrity. From something as simple as a phone call. Boy says "I'll call you this evening" and he doesn't. I call the next day and ask why, and he says, "Oh, I got called "into work last minute and work is important"... well gee, guess I'm not important enough for a one fucking minute phone call to say, "I'll call you tomorrow, gotta work. Bye"

You know. I have to say that this goes both ways.

If I say I am going to call the person, I will call them if humanly possible. And having to work late is not an excuse.

But more importantly, one of the most serious character flaws (for me) in people are saying they will do X and then not doing it. I grew up in a household where my parents would say they would do X and Y and Z and then not do it. To add insult to injury, I would be forced to suffer through 30 minutes of my life I would never get back to hear why they did not come through with what they had promised.

This is just me, but I am somewhat of a stickler on this.

1) If you are not going to do something, dont offer to do it.

2) If you offer to do something and dont do it, I really could give a rat's rear end
why.

because

3) If you do this more than once (offering to do something, failing to come through) I will start to consider you somebody whose word I cannot trust. When that happens, expect the relationship to get very cordial, distant, and, in a word, ended.

I need somebody in my life (relationship-wise) that I know I can trust to watch my back, the way that I am watching hers.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to PassionateNights)

Post #: 13

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 1/19/2005 2:04:40 PM

garylee

Posts: 38
Joined: 12/15/2004
From: from? iowa.....
Status: offline

Sylverdawn?
well?.......i AM indeed comfy in my submission. i DO like bigger gals. ya got me on chaucer. ballet aint really bad. don't know the williams lady...i do a pretty mean steak. i am sure your jokes ARE funny. i DO drive careful...i am a licensed 'A' class driver for hire..coast to coast.
dont know about christies..i do german instead of fench. never did a margurita but i do a martini. i could do your checkbook. yes i iron.......
but one catch?
i HAVE a Ma'am......me sowwy........

reg.# 807385
slave to Ms Cindy
have a great day Ladies.
garylee

_____________________________

i see the world, i notice it is turning, as my guitar gently weeps.

(in reply to PassionateNights)

Post #: 14

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 2/5/2005 1:42:08 PM

garylee953

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline

changeup

no longer have a ma'am.........free agent and still willing to learn more than what my domestics service is........

and still able to relocate
garylee

_____________________________

i always try to please Mistress as much as i possibly humanly can.

(in reply to garylee)

Post #: 15

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 2/5/2005 2:29:24 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PassionateNights
.i'm interested in hearing from you Mistress' out there...what would blow you away if your submissive/slave had skills in a specific area.
thank you

His ability to communicate with me being honest/respectful, his consistency in words/deeds (to which Zanthia alluded), his humility (I hate superior tudes), his openness to new experiences while maintaining a sense of humor.

I definitely am partial to boys who enjoy cooking/cleaning (yah know the annoying things that keep me from going shopping, lol). M

(in reply to PassionateNights)

Post #: 16

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 2/5/2005 2:42:07 PM

wanda69willing

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

skills are measured by my understanding of what is desired of me. i understand basic respect to whom i serve. i am very quick to learn what is required of me, and i do do windows, cook and clean

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 17

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 2/5/2005 5:47:40 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

and i do do windows

You can come do my windows anytime, but i won't dominate you.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to wanda69willing)

Post #: 18

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 2/5/2005 9:11:04 PM

firefey

Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline

i have to agree with the ladies who have said integerty, honesty, and follow through. those can't be stressed enough. and i think it's great that you've taken stock of your life and are working on those areas you think need it. along the way, are you also learning more about who you are sexually? it's great that you don't want to get involved with the wrong woman, but while you're waigting for mistress right, are you also staying connected with your sexuality?

beyond that, i'm a sucker for a boy with class. and old fashioned aka victorian gennlemanly behavior helps. but i'm spoiled that way.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 19

RE: The skills of a male submissive/slave - 2/6/2005 12:38:37 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

i like the way you think!! HEY would it fall into Domination if ya made him do it all over again for missing a spot?

There used to be a local male submissie that used to beg to come clean my house een though i'm not a Domme.
Now
if i could find a boy that would clean house and gie me a much needed therapudic massage AND i didn't have to Dominate him. i'd be begging Master to let me do it lol

lil_joy

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

You can come do my windows anytime, but i won't dominate you.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 20

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