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Disobedient? - 2/23/2008 6:04:45 PM

curts

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

I need guidance from a Domme. My main problem is when given a command or request, how do i ask the Domme for clarification without sounding like i'm being disobedient? So many Domme's complain about subs that don't instantly respond to commands. But what if the sub isn't clear what to do? How do you convey that uncertainty to a Domme?

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RE: Disobedient? - 2/23/2008 7:14:24 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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Everyone is likekly to view this differently but I have a couple of approaches.

1) I will actually ask you to repeat what it is I've said. When you repeat it back, I'll know if you've understood, or what part of what I said you got
2) I've found most brains handle three things no matter how intelligent, not overly complicated, at a time -- so I try to keep to that, some do better, but three is my rule of thumb (e.g., please get me a glass of wine, run the bath, and take care of my boots)
3) a polite question about something I've directed one to do is never going to be met with anger or impatience from me (for the most part)

My example: excuse me ma'am, could I clarify something?

To my mind, I'm happy to make sure you understand, then it gets done the way I want it done.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 2/23/2008 7:16:33 PM >

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RE: Disobedient? - 2/23/2008 7:14:53 PM

DominaJayde

Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
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I think most Dommes would prefer it if you DID ask for clarification on an order if you are confused rather than just hoping you get it right, saying something like 'Please Ma'am, I am a little unsure of what it is you want me do, do I have it right (insert what YOU think she was asking of you) ' and then wait for her clarification.

A reasonable request for clarification should be no problem at all, if however she snaps or gets angry, then I would seriously rethink about whether she is the right one for you.

DJ

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RE: Disobedient? - 2/23/2008 9:34:28 PM

MzStripes

Posts: 52
Joined: 12/25/2007
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Good point made by DominaJayde - if you can't ask for clarification from your Domme if it is asked with sincerity and a desire to do well - perhaps she isn't the one for you. A male that wishes to clarify what I'm instructing them to do tells me they are listening but want to not waste my time. In the most perfect situation, I may be thinking one thing but the sub may see it totally differently.

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RE: Disobedient? - 2/24/2008 6:42:19 AM

Maynard

Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curts

I need guidance from a Domme. My main problem is when given a command or request, how do i ask the Domme for clarification without sounding like i'm being disobedient? So many Domme's complain about subs that don't instantly respond to commands. But what if the sub isn't clear what to do? How do you convey that uncertainty to a Domme?

Tone of voice. How you say something tends to carry more weight than what you say.

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RE: Disobedient? - 2/24/2008 6:45:49 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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That's really a question, curts, that you need to bring up during negotiation.

Some of us ask for a paraphrase of what we've just told you to do so we can check on understanding.

Some of us give really detailed instructions.

Some of us give general orders and expect our sub to know us well enough to figure it out.

Some of us frankly like to be so vague that it can be used as an excuse to get pissed.

You should think about what type of person you find most acceptable to you and then look for that type of dominant woman.

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RE: Disobedient? - 2/24/2008 9:16:02 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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I take the responsibility to say: do you understand, that leaves the door open for clarification.

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Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

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