Removing your own collar? (Full Version)

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MKssqueaker -> Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:11:38 PM)

Hi all,

I'm looking for some opinions.  I don't think there's a "right" answer out there, but I'm curious what other peoples take on this is.

A friend of mine was at a party this weekend with her Dom (whom she has been collared by for about a year) and she was being/acting sad and ungrateful.  It was enough that another Dom noticed it and asked her Dom if everything was ok.  Not a huge infraction, but she sees it as dishonoring him since it was enough for the other Dom to notice.  Other things played in and they ended up not speaking for the rest of the weekend.  In the end, she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of her actions (both on her and on him) and she removed her collar, leaving it on the nightstand for him.  When he questioned her about it, she told him that she wanted him to know that she understood the severity of the issue, that she didn't deserve to wear it, and when that he was ready she would accept it back.

My question is this:  I would have come to him with keys in hand and said what I had to say first, then offering for it to be removed if he felt it was that serious.  Would you?  Or would you have removed it yourself and then had whatever conversation there was to have with him?

squeaker
Sir MK's brat



MKssqueaker -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:17:22 PM)

btw...  Can someone tell me how to change the little vanilla ice cream cone under my name to something else?  Vanilla is definately not something that describes me!  LOL



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:17:58 PM)

I think everyone's making it a bigger deal- if we're really talking about just this incident.  Why was she sad and ungrateful?  Was it a bad idea to go out at all?  When there was a problem, why not go to a private room or leave the party for the night?

Making a decision on how you should have acted and how you should deal with it not only completely removes submission from the table, it completely removes the other person from the problem solving process- this is disrespectful and huge not only in Ds relationships, but in vanilla ones as well.  So if you do it, the person must think that the damage caused by that choice must be what's necessary to start the healing process or certainly no worse than the problem itself.

Honestly I wonder if the sub is a bit of a drama whore who isn't mature enough for this relationship.  But the dom is feeding into it also by allowing things to go to the "I'm not speaking to you" phase.  Perhaps there were LOTS of problems going on and this was just the straw that broke the relationship.

Removing the collar to me would effectively mean they no long feel our relationship was fulfilling.  It would be a long time with a lot of major changes in major areas of both our lives before I'd even considering making that commitment with that person again.



darkclouds -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:22:05 PM)

Post more and it will make the cone change to something else.



alwaysuna -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:22:20 PM)

No no no no no no.

Removing your own collar is a horrible idea! I think that the consequence would be NEVER getting it back. 

It is HIS choice to decide if you should have the collar removed, not yours.



LadyRainfire -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:22:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MKssqueaker

btw...  Can someone tell me how to change the little vanilla ice cream cone under my name to something else?  Vanilla is definately not something that describes me!  LOL


Nope, can't change that. That is updated based on the number of posts you make. You can change your avatar on your collarchat.com profile but the vanilla cone will stay there until you post at least 25 times. [:)] We've all been there, nilla or not. And nope, most of us here are definitely NOT nilla.



SirMIkeSD -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:24:31 PM)

It's not her collar it's her Masters, it is his choice.

Mike




tigerseye -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:30:55 PM)

if i was the one to remove my collar he would never trust me enough to consider putting it back on.  my training by my Master has begun again after a year of us not speaking to each other...this time around is a second chance for the both of us, and i would never attempt to go for a third chance...



MadRabbit -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:33:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MKssqueaker

btw...  Can someone tell me how to change the little vanilla ice cream cone under my name to something else?  Vanilla is definately not something that describes me!  LOL


You will have to remove your collar to make it go away



hopelessfool -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:33:25 PM)

The question is, was there a full out reason she removed it. Was the party they went to, against her limits, was he breaking her contract in some way. If he was volating her trust, contract, or limits, then depending on how bad it was, I would say she did the right thing in removing the collar. If he made it clear that if she did particular thing then she would no longer be collared to him, and she did such things, she might have removed it respect in of his orders. Seeing as we do not know the entire situation, one can really not be sure if it was the right thing to do, or not to do. I personally think if she removed it, there is a very good reason it was done. As for always and Mike, I have a question for you. Is it fair to remove a collar if the owner of the collar is abusing you, has broken your contract, repeatedly stepped over/ignored your limits?  A collar is a show of ownership, that you both agree to certian things much like a lease. If either party is not fulfilling or going against those needs its a break of the lease, its like the collar really means nothing. So why keep something that is meaningless?



HisWill -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:40:15 PM)

In reality, if I HAD to, i might be able to figure out where the keys to my collar are. But, in a more realistic, day to day sense, I would usually just say that I don't even know where the keys are.
I can not IMAGINE wanting His collar removed, much less removing it myself. When he put it on me, he said a lot of things like ' don't get excited, I'm going to ask you to look in the mirror at it and tell me if you think you can get away with it at work, if it is too much, we will take it off when you are not here' ect, My hand went around it and before he led me to the mirror I told him, 'No way it is coming off. I don't care what it looks like, work will have to deal with it. Let them fire me.'
It has been removed once. I was arrested for a minor traffic violation. The ENTIRE time I was in jail ( the couple of hours it took them to do the paper work), Master was pacing the lobby with bail money in hand. The WORST thing about the entire ordeal was that they took His collar off of me. Master gave them the key - otherwise they would have cut it off - and they put it with my other 'possesions' in their lockup. When they returned my things, my hand instantly went around my collar on the counter. I handed it to him as soon as I was with him, in the waiting room, even before I hugged him or took his hand. He led me to the car, directly outside, and immediately put it back on me. all weekend I kept saying to him, 'You gave me back my collar.' To which he only said, "I never took it away, and I never will." (And, yes, I was beaten soundly for my actions and irresponsibility which led to the arrest)
I am not always with Master. I currently live with him half of every week. The other half there is a couple of hours between us. We have discussed medical necessity with the collar. I told him, my attitude is, if they WANT my collar off, forget it. If they NEED it off ( the ER docs, I mean) they aren't actually going to ask me. although, if I were to be in the hospital, Master would be breaking highway speed laws to get there (He has had one opportunity to demonstrate that already), and he could give them the key when he got there. And, if they called him and said something like, 'Unfortunately, she is awake, or we could just cut it, but she won't give us permission to take it off and if we don't take it off right this instant her head shall fall off her neck.' Master would doubtless give them the permission they needed and instruct me to co-operate.
There is no situation in which I can imagine voluntarily removing my Masters collar.



tigerseye -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:42:15 PM)

hopeless i completely agree with you, however there was no suggestion of that slave being in an abusive relationship.  it just seems she was embarssed that another Dom went to hers and asked if she was ok.  true even if it had been something her Dom told her he didn't want happening, she still should have gone to him and told him she disobeyed him, and she knew what was to happen, hold her hair to one side and allow him to remove his collar from her neck.



hopelessfool -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 5:55:19 PM)

Well, there might have been reasons before the party it was simply a sugesstion as to why. If my "owner" said that no matter what If I did such and it would result in my collar being removed, wait to have it removed by him. But if I knew he wouldnt grant me release, and things were not working on my end, that I would removed it and explain what was going.
Things just might not have been working, and maybe her owner wouldnt grant her release, but its something she needed for her sanity or mental health, like I stated before we dont have the entire story so we can only speculate. But knowing how it feels to have to leave because its whats better for both parties, is very painful, maybe this was the case.



OsideGirl -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:14:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

It is HIS choice to decide if you should have the collar removed, not yours.
Incorrect. There are a million situations that would provide a submissive with enough reason to remove their own collar.

In this particular case I suspect it was just a need for drama. The more adult thing would have have sitting down and having a discussion.



Alexantraining -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:22:58 PM)

I am REALLY new and am reading the message boards for some of my input, so please forgive my inexperience here.  But with that said, is the submissive in question actually controlling the situation by behaving the way she did?  Telling her Dom that if he wants to, he can put it back on her???  I cannot imagine that sort of behavior being acceptable at all.  Did I miss something?



alwaysuna -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:23:12 PM)

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

It is HIS choice to decide if you should have the collar removed, not yours.

quote:

Incorrect. There are a million situations that would provide a submissive with enough reason to remove their own collar.

In this particular case I suspect it was just a need for drama. The more adult thing would have have sitting down and having a discussion.


Of course there are.  In this particular case, (as you yourself suspect) it was probably a need for drama.  Now I don't know about ya'll but I know that shit wouldn't fly in MY world.

Had the question been "is there EVER a good reason to remove your own collar", I would have given an entirely different answer.  So I stick by my response, as it is totally applicable in this instance.



SirMIkeSD -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:27:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: alwaysuna

It is HIS choice to decide if you should have the collar removed, not yours.

quote:

Incorrect. There are a million situations that would provide a submissive with enough reason to remove their own collar.

In this particular case I suspect it was just a need for drama. The more adult thing would have have sitting down and having a discussion.


Of course there are.  In this particular case, (as you yourself suspect) it was probably a need for drama.  Now I don't know about ya'll but I know that shit wouldn't fly in MY world.

Had the question been "is there EVER a good reason to remove your own collar", I would have given an entirely different answer.  So I stick by my response, as it is totally applicable in this instance.



You are right there is a reson to remove your Masters collar and that is to end the relationship. 

Mike




Missokyst -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:34:35 PM)

It sounded like a DQ moment to me.  "I am not worthy!"  Remove a collar because you no longer feel it, not because you need to be assured he still feels it.
Kyst



kyraofMists -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:45:00 PM)

He does not have Alandra and I wear his collars that often.  It is mostly reserved for events.  However, we wear a necklace that is a symbol of his ownership.  If we remove our necklace without his permission then we have removed our consent to be his slave.  Essentially, we end our relationship with him.

So, unless I wanted to end the relationship with him permanently, then I would not remove it.  It is up to him to decide if I have done something to dishonour him or not and what to do about it. 

Knight's Kyra



mbes -> RE: Removing your own collar? (2/24/2008 6:50:04 PM)

If I removed his symbol of ownership, I wouldn't expect to get it back.



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