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Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Does vulnerability turn you on? Helplessness? Fear? Or is it obedience? (2/29/2008 5:59:26 PM)
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I don't know that vulnerability affects me so much on a primal level as much as it does emotionally.
I've always placed a lot of importance on knowing what my partner is thinking and feelings, and being able to understand those emotions and thoughts. It's just kind of my thing -- to me, it's a form of intimacy that not even the best, kinkiest sex in the world could match.
I hold vulnerability, and the ability to SHOW "authentic" vulnerability, to be synonymous with real love and affection. As much of a hardass as I can appear to be, beneath that surface is a woman who just wants to be able to lean back and say "Wow. He really loves me enough to show me this side of himself, which obviously is hard for him to do... but he trusts and loves me enough to do it anyway." It touches me to the very depths of my soul and reminds me every time it happens just how lucky I am to have the submissive that I do.
Perhaps this places higher on my list of priorities than it does for other people because of the underlying nature of my relationship with my submissive -- he is, regardless of kink, the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. That's not to say that those in purely kinky relationships are in the wrong, or not viable as emotional creatures... but I have to wonder if it has a specific effect on how important vulnerability is to me.
I've never been able to get off without some degree of love and devotion being involved. This is why I fail so miserably at one-night stands -- I crave a deep connection with the person I'm with, and even more so when pulling D/s into it, which in my opinion requires so much trust and respect to be successful. That vulnerability is pretty much the lynchpin in it all, an almost tangible representation of that emotional link between me and my darling pet.
Funny that this should be posted when it was. I've been kicking around thoughts like these in my head for the past few days in trying to effectively "map out" my dominance. Being able to respond has helped sort things out quite a bit for me... thank you.
xoxo
Pyrrsefanie
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