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Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 4:49:47 PM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Just as a point of curiosity, however is an "INVITATION" rude? Invitations can be accepted, or declined; no harm, no foul. A so-called submissive responded to such an overture in a huff, and I'm curious how the rest of you feel.

Elucidate, pray!

Delilah Deb


[edited for typo]

< Message edited by DelilahDeb -- 2/25/2008 4:50:25 PM >
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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 4:55:39 PM   
probablyknowme


Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I find an invite to be friends as another way to make a connection with the other people here. Admittedly, most of my friends are people with whom I have a r/t connection with, but not all of them.  The ones who are on my friends list are people with whom I either have some common interests with, or admire for their thoughts and words.

Hope this helps,
kat

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 4:56:20 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Just so I'm clear...you invited a submissive to your friends list?  Did you know the submissive i.e. you had emails back and forth before the invite?

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 4:58:40 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		If it is someone i have either talked to, or seen on the forums and enjoyed  i have no problem accepting their friend invite or extending one of my own. 

The only invites i decline are those from complete strangers who have never said so much as hello to me.  Not quite sure why they would want someone they do not know on their friend's list anyway. 



_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 4:59:10 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I consider invitations flattering.  I don't accept them, because I think it's easy to be interpreted as clique-y.  My friends who also happen to be on this site know who they are.  Unless you sent a rudely phrased email, it seems likely the sub overreacted.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 5:01:51 PM   
needsOwner


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/14/2004
Status: offline 		i dont think its rude just doesnt make sense-i get invites all the time from people who have never even emailed me--i dont reject it or accept-i just delete the email i mean i assume that is why it looks diff in your inbox you know?   i dont understand why youd want someone to appear to be your 'friend' when people look at your profile, if you have never even chatted with them, let alone met?.... but its online so in the midst of everything else that goes on here its certainly not a big deal    :)

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 5:03:39 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		i'm all fine and dandy with messages and admirers (yay flattery), but i dislike getting friend requests especially when they're random or i'm like "we're friends?"...  surely its not rude, but it's plenty out of place, and personally i never saw the reason for adding 50 people to my "friends" list, it just clutters up profiles.  i only use the friends feature for being handy if i'm looking at profiles often or someone needs to look at mine often, if the admirer/favorites features was better we wouldn't need it.  but i don't need to advertise to the rest of the site how many friends i have.  i've never accepted friend invites or declined them, and i've never been inclined to tell anyone why unless they ask, but i wouldn't call them rude for sending it, or call them rude if they asked why it's still pending.

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 6:37:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Was this a friends list thing? Because the only way I can see an invitation being rude is if the host is inviting the prospective guest to something he/she already knows they find repellant. Such as a vegan to a barbecue. A vehement nonsmoker to a cigar tasting. A recovering alcoholic to a wine tasting. A monogamous type to a swingers party. Those type things are rude if you already know full well they don't eat meat, smoke, drink, swing. But a friends list? Not unless their profile says not to invite them or write them unless you've already vetted your invite with his/her M/D type.

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 6:56:10 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		"Rude" basically means to deliberately cause someone else to be uncomfortable. Unless it is your sworn enemy that you are extending an invitation to, you can truthfully tell them they are ignorant if you really want to.  Of course, if they don't know the definition of "rude", they probably don't know the definition of "ignorant" either.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 6:58:52 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb

A so-called submissive responded to such an overture in a huff, and I'm curious how the rest of you feel.



You seem to imply that they are "so-called" simply because they didn't accept your invite and thought it was a rude gesture...  I don't think that really puts their D/s orientation into question, personally.

That being said...  If a person invites me to be their friend, without so much as a hello, then I do find it to be very rude.  That's my view of things.  It's the same thing with people who do the whole admiring thing without so much as a hello...

Call me crazy, but you can't be my friend if you never say anything to me.  I won't like go ballistic or anything, but the answer will be a very easy "no".

I wish there was a way to take that off...but I can certainly live with it.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 2/25/2008 7:03:00 PM >

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 8:30:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		What exactly was the overture?  "I'm creating a room for all you weasel subs to come worship me, so get your asses in here"?

An invitation can be rude.  Of course, that doesn't excuse a rude response.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 8:39:30 PM   
BBWnNC72


Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline 		i do think it would be nice to at least get a message from someone who wants to add me to their friends page.  i won't just accept just because i was requested, no matter how many times they send the request.


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a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
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i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.


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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 9:14:05 PM   
MadameTakhisis


Posts: 55
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Depends, personally I want as many "friends" as possible! I think many take for granted their real community and it transcends here. Why join a community (Come you and I tie) to be by yourself ? I hold events and sell products so "location, location, location" is now friends groups and community sites. I have some amazing friends found only through the search through many. Hell, my so called real life over 15 year friends are not even friends. We are many! Better face it or be trampled. Many is protection,  many is fast, many has the greater capacity to achieve knowing only a few are capable. You first have to reach the few through the many. Feel free to add us, I try to respond to every message of reasonable interest. I am sure if you read you have heard "one dollar from a million makes you a millionaire"? Ask Tom what that means? I know if my world is small it is suppose to mean it is easily manageable but on the real planet Earth, which is tiny, you are not in control of anything other than the courage to reach out and share the experience of another. I mean  that is what a book is right, a movie, script, or scene, the  experience of another? A book represents a mind, a person. Is one book enough? Five? Would you be content reading only fifty books in your lifetime? What could fifty books bring you in experience? A thousand? Each profile is a miniature living book to me, a personal invitation to get to know you personally or as much as you see fit. I am an open book read me then add me, judge me if you feel the need, maybe we can share those who have the most interesting books to share and get to know who is in our community! Can I read your book as well?  I would like to add people from all over the planet as friends so that I can catch the N.E.W.S from the North, East, West and South from the source instead of accepting the force!

Add me and lets get to know one another!

If your a sub/slave/bottom get permission from your perspective other!

Thank you for reading us and looking forward to having you as a friend!

Madame Takhisis


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 10:42:57 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb

Just as a point of curiosity, however is an "INVITATION" rude? Invitations can be accepted, or declined; no harm, no foul. A so-called submissive responded to such an overture in a huff, and I'm curious how the rest of you feel.

Elucidate, pray!

Delilah Deb


[edited for typo]


I don't why she responded in a huff but I also don't why you call her "so-called" simply because of it.

As another has said, there are times when inviting someone can be rude, but we aren't given the specifics. If you simply invited her over for a polite afternoon tea, I don't see any reason for a huff. However, if she's explained to you a hundred times that's she keeps strict kosher and you've invited her over for BBQ and cheeseburgers/is Quaker and you've invited her to Vegas (no gambling)/is made completely uncomfortable by sexuality and you've asked her to come to a strip club/etc....

Well, then the response is still rude. But also understandable. Just depends on what the circumstances are.

Edited because I misread the post at first

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/25/2008 10:48:13 PM >

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Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 10:46:37 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Aqua.. you ARE my twin, arent you? *grin*

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/25/2008 11:03:21 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		depends on who it is.

I might refuse an invite from "pedrotheneedledickbugfucker"....if I didn't know who he even was.

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/26/2008 1:02:30 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the viewpoints. The only reason I said "so-called" was based on the individual's profile ("a dom exploring his submissive side", with a photo only waist down visible, cross-dressed, who happens to be in my local community, at least so profile says). I should have said self-identified or, better, just left it out. As an inexperienced domme, and one not particularly about role play, the protocol occasionally exceeds the most stringent demands of Miss Manners or Emily Post.

Delilah Deb

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/26/2008 5:15:08 AM   
Cradyn


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/16/2008
From: The belly of the beast(bitch persay)
Status: offline 		...Normally i'd leave a thread like this alone. But just this morning I got a request from someone I didn't know at all.

Generally If you sent the message without atleast one email saying Hi or stating you were sending the request. Then yes...I would state it's rude. But then again...

Just to offer my own little two cents, I generally won't accept an invitation unless I  know the person and like the person. But that doesn't mean I will automatically delete a request or ignore it. Any requests I get, such as the one this morning. Are ignored for a bit while i send an email to the requester asking for the reason. If i see that they read the email but havn't responded within 48 hours. I'll just delete the request and forget about the person till i've recieved an actual message from them. :)

I figure thats the safest way to not push away someone who although may not have common sense enough to send an email first..but might in the end turn out to be a great person. ^_^

*steals his two cents back* o.o I save coins, Sorry :P

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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/26/2008 5:54:48 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i have only accepted invites from those i know/cmailed and/or chatted offline.

i have received invites from dominants that have a friends "harem" of female submissives. i wouldn't want to be associated with someone i don't know


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RE: Invite to friends..rude? - 2/26/2008 9:14:41 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		There is a difference between "lacking social graces" and "rude."

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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