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ORIGINAL: JulieorSarah

I have one son, he is now 21.  I'm not showing him ANY of this.

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ORIGINAL: jesiul

As the mother of three boys’ I can say life has never been dull. So I thought I would share a few of the hi-lights/trauma’s.

Never assume when you have a 3yr old son and the police knock on your door early in the morning and asks, “Do you know where your car is?” That it is still in the drive way.

The patio hose will reach all the way into your son’s room so he can make his own pool.

A six year old boy can catch a mouse and keep it in a coffee can as a present for Mommy.

Having a 5ft fence will not keep a son from climbing over and falling (twice) breaking first one arm then the other.

Never leave your 3 young boys at home alone with your husband Saturday afternoon, he will fall asleep, and your middle son who is 4 will go into the bathroom find all of your very expensive perfume pouring them into one container as a potion for mommy.

This will also make him smell very pretty. For a week.

Jumping on mom and dads bed at 9yrs old, while the ceiling fan is going will give you stitches.

Showing your younger brother how it happened when you get home will give you another set of stitches. As well as your brother.

Tying your youngest brother to a Radio Flyer wagon (because he can’t swim and you don’t want him to fall out) and then pushing him into a canal, only proves that a wagon will sink and roll along the bottom holding him in. (He was fine and wanted to do it again)

Just because your 2yr old brother will fit in the washer doesn’t mean you should put him in. Then turn it on until he screams and pukes. This also goes for the dryer.

A ping pong ball can not be swallowed. How it will fit into a 9 month olds mouth, but can not be removed with out medical assistance.

A two pound tea cup Chihuahua is not only a pet it can also be used by your 2yr old to wipe his nose on.

Playing hide and go seek at Sears, (shutting them down for an hour, and have the police show up) is not a fun game for mom and dad.

Repeating “Fucking cops” that your father said as he got pulled over at the top of your lunges will not amuse the police or mom and dad.

When 4yrs old and in crowded a restaurant, while your mom has your 3yr and 1yr old brother in tow, asking her “ Do you and daddy have sex?” is not funny to your mommy.

When you go to work with mommy at the bank, telling her co-workers that daddy steals is not amusing. (Daddy took mommies keys out of her purse and forgot to put them back.)

Putting marbles in the garbage disposal will cause damage. Everytime!!

The gum stuck under the table at a restaurant is not a hidden treasure.

Nor is the gum you find in the men’s urinal.

As of father of a 4yr old and sharing your lunch with him, you should not skip his turn if he is between your legs. He will draw blood.

Playing with fire is always a bad idea. Adding hairspray/deodorant or other propellant (as seen on TV) will only make the trip to the ER happen faster.

It will also remove arm hair and eyebrows and fur from the Chihuahua.

If you leave the camera out, your twelve year old will finish the roll taking photos of his and all his brothers’ butts and other parts normally not viewed.

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ORIGINAL: Saratov

A friend says not to leave a screw driver in the car with a 4yo boy!  When they returned 8min later all the screws were gone.

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ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Coming back from dinner with parents, feeling proud as my father compliments me on how well behaved my kids were in the restaurant... at a cross section waiting for a wailing firetruck to go thru the lights, my eldest boy was four and shouted out, "look at that fucker go" 

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ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

I thought teaching mydaughter how to cook cookies was a good idea, its not a good idea to let her two year old brother watch from his high chair,  in under three minutes he had found the flour, cocoa and sugar, dog food and dishwasher detergent and was making mommy  his own ....sweet gawd what a mess, even found small mounds of the concoction in drawers.
Then my eldest boy came in to the bedroom and told me that my youngest boy was drowning all my mice...I had hamsters....I go into the bathroom and youngest was liberating a box of 40 tampons, he did say he was setting them free....which explained why all the wrappers weere  on the floor .....the plumber literally had tears running down his face, as he handed me a bill...he also found two matchbox cars, a pair of pantyhose, what looked like a pound of mushy peas.
coke bottles and mentos belong outside, have you tried to clean that shit off ceilings?
Coming back from dinner with parents, feeling proud as my father compliments me on how well behaved my kids were in the restaurant... at a cross section waiting for a wailing firetruck to go thru the lights, my eldest boy was four and shouted out, "look at that fucker go" 
Oh so many many things, im laughing myself into a hernia  here, thankyou, lmao
Lucy

ROTFLMAO

Kudos to You for maintaining Your sanity after it all!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic


Coming back from dinner with parents, feeling proud as my father compliments me on how well behaved my kids were in the restaurant... at a cross section waiting for a wailing firetruck to go thru the lights, my eldest boy was four and shouted out, "look at that fucker go" 
Oh so many many things, im laughing myself into a hernia  here, thankyou, lmao
Lucy

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Coming back from dinner with parents, feeling proud as my father compliments me on how well behaved my kids were in the restaurant... at a cross section waiting for a wailing firetruck to go thru the lights, my eldest boy was four and shouted out, "look at that fucker go"

LMAO!!!!!!!!

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ORIGINAL: Saratov

At least you didn't tell him to keep his pants on.

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ORIGINAL: Saratov

I knew there was a good reason I never had any kids.