'hard limits?'

'hard limits?' (Full Version)

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ruthiexxxx -> 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 12:56:19 AM)
from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?! some just seem to see them as a challenge! would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?! why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left

adoracat -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 1:01:58 AM)
until/unless they are YOUR dominant.... you're always free to tell them to go piss up a rope., you know? one person's hard limit might not make sense to another. example: tickling. some people might think its not big deal. to me, it is, because it brings back childhood memories of being tickled till i peed myself, till i was about to throw up, and being told to stop being a baby about it. so that isnt pleasurable to me at all, its torture. kitten

BitaTruble -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 1:05:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?! some just seem to see them as a challenge! would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?! why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left Feel free to ignore, block, delete anyone with whom you are not compatible and just move on. Also, feel free not to feel bad. :) Celeste

Usako -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 1:43:51 AM)
Some people are just too used to being in control and expect any and everyone to bow before them. I think everyone, submissive or not or even in this sort of "lifestyle" or not has a limit and as human beings those limits deserve to be respected.

eyesopened -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 1:52:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?! some just seem to see them as a challenge! would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?! why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left i know its hard to imagine, but once upon a time there was no such thing as a personal computer and cell phones were science-fiction. Back in those days, some people (99.9% male) would dial random telephone numbers and 'talk dirty' to any female they happened upon. These were called 'obscene phone calls'. The caller would often describe what he was going to do to the random female who just happened to answer the telephone, while he masturbated, or used the encounter as masturbation material later. The caller did not know the person he had called, probably didn't even know what number he'd dialed, and the talk was pure fantasy regardless of how upsetting it may have been to the victim. Now, do you see any parallels to the above senario when conversing with 'Doms' through electronic communications?

Justme696 -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 2:15:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?! some just seem to see them as a challenge! would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?! why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left you let YOURSELF feel bad. Ignore them.

crouchingtigress -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 2:18:18 AM)
be greatful....these are folks that you want to have nothing to do with, and you would rather find out as soon as possible....

Dnomyar -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 4:19:22 AM)
eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get? Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them. Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway.

Taboo4Two -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 4:34:30 AM)
Limits don't apply until both sides have agreed to them. What you're seeing is just plain old horny net geekness at its finest. Ignore them, plain and simple. Once you are in a relationship I think you'll find that some of your "hard" limits become a little softer over time. To your comment "why do I have to feel bad...." take these words from Eleanor Roosevelt to heart...."no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Domino

ruthiexxxx -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 4:41:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get? Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them. Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway. why does it bother me!!!!! a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it.. of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger. fuckin common sense i call it but thank most of you for your support. maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt! and its lovely to see Crowley quoted

AtlantaMistress -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 5:07:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get? Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them. Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway. why does it bother me!!!!! a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it.. of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger. fuckin common sense i call it but thank most of you for your support. maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt! and its lovely to see Crowley quoted It shouldn't bother you though...that is just negative energy - simply let it go and move on. If you are not in some kind of real relationship with the Dom - you owe him nothing, and do not put your reputation in danger. If you have "hard limits" that are not being respected, simply walk away without a second thought - the other person is just not right for you. Be secure and confident with who you are and what you have to offer, and know that it is their loss. It would only bother you if you let it - somehow feeling that by having the integrity you do to stick to your guns makes you not as worthy. I have had someone scream in my face I was a fucking bitch once. I calmy told him I am happy with who I am, and know I am the only person I can truly make happy and truly control (I only have control over someone when they give it to me, and you cannot expect others to make you happy if you can't make yourself happy). I told if it made him happy to call me that, ok...please move out of my way so I can leave. He was FURIOUS that I didn't let it effect me one bit. Once you are in a real D/s relationship, your limits (on both sides) should be discussed, agreed upon, and respected. Until then, just see this kind of behavior from someone as a sign to move on, that they are Dominating from insecurity typically, not confidence, and be happy that you saw the signs early on.

ruthiexxxx -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 5:49:07 AM)
i couldnt agree more Mistress Sandy. i'm here to do what I want. if i find a Dom who will respect my boundaries then i will be the subbie from heaven.......and if not then heaven help Him!

Skully7000 -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 5:49:47 AM)
Personally i do see hard limits as a challenge...but not in the scummy asshole way of forcing past them. in the "wow I have a lot of work to do to get my sub/slave to trust me, trust him/herself to work past those limits" something that takes time, trust, respect and all those other positive relationship things.... but to the OP: I agree with some of the other people here...it sounds like you need to take those Shreds of Sanity and sew them together a bit. you are the one in control of the situation. you choose to give up control whenever you want to and then can take it back just as easily... hopefully you use that wisely. don't get flustered by internet assholes and wanksters. someone who does not RESPECT you or your limits could not be your dom... goodluck ~Skully

Justme696 -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 5:50:23 AM)
quote: and if not then heaven help Him! no no!!!! IF NOT..then you are to late

beargonewild -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 6:22:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ruthiexxx why does it bother me!!!!! a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it.. of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger. fuckin common sense i call it but thank most of you for your support. maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt! and its lovely to see Crowley quoted Just like to remind you that no matter how often someone asks/demands you send them x-rated pctures, it is still your choice to do so or not. No matter what, you still have the control on who you send pics to, irregardless if one is a sub or a dom or a switch. It all bloils down to how you determine if the risk is valid or inconsequential!

ThunderRoad -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 6:36:46 AM)
As a Dom, I always respect "hard limits". However, I do think it's very warranted to discuss WHY it's a hard limit, and not necessarily accept "cuz I don't like it" as an answer. It's been my experience that many hard limits are things that are actually a mask for a deeper issue (for example: "I won't do age-play" when discussed I find out that the person was molested as a child). This is partially the psychologist and counselor in me (former professional life) and partially because sometimes people project one thing they don't want to deal with on to something only tangentally related.

Jeffff -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 6:40:57 AM)
Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:) Jeff

DesFIP -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 6:42:12 AM)
So you've never met a guy in a bar who can't understand the word no? No different than real life, alas. Lots of fools everywhere.

sublizzie -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 6:43:23 AM)
There comes a time when you learn to laugh at the idiotic stuff that gets demanded of you. Frankly I find the stuff really amusing these days. That kind of junk is part of the early weed-out period and those weeds get tossed very quickly. If you wait, the Dom-of-your-dreams will come. It just takes a long time and a huge compost pile.

ThunderRoad -> RE: 'hard limits?' (2/26/2008 6:43:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:) That's generally been my experience. :) You just need to understand the background of why something is a hard limit; what is that fear.

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