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finances - 2/26/2008 11:08:29 AM   
aviinterra


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline 		Speaking with a few friends lately brought up the topic of money when she mentioned a potential sub asking for mortgage papers. Someone who posted in the tampons thread calculated how much one needs to make in order to *responsibly* become pregnant. There are numerous instances of credit checking ( and scoring! ) of potential partners for a relationship. You can not get some jobs without your credit report being pulled up. Nor car insurance. Nor a mountain of other things, including some library cards. How did all of this come about? Are we all too trusting of a person's finances to be an indicator of how they will perform while driving or fucking? Are we all so materialistic that we have to suck the fun out of a date by questioning a perspective partner on an overdue loan, or banning ourselves from doing certain things in life because we have not accumulated enough of an increasingly worthless currency? I guess I am rambling, but this appears to be a sad state of affairs going into a recession. 
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:31:22 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Many relationship fail because of financial pressure.  I personally would be very cautious whom I blend my money with.  That's just me, I don't have a high tolerance for financial risk because I work hard and my assets are pretty important to me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to aviinterra)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:35:17 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		I would answer but I don't know your "net" worth...

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:36:44 AM   
aviinterra


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline 		But who says anything about blending money? Are you really considering marriage, or something like it, on a first or second date? How is paying your bills on time going to mean you are a safer driver? What does a potential sub, who has never met their potential mistress, care about her mortagage rate? I think everyone is taking money too much into consideration and is loosing sight of what actually matters. If you relationship falls apart because financial pressure, perhaps you were not as stable together as you might have assumed, ie. I would rather sleep under a bridge than be without you. 

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:37:02 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Well, speaking as one that paid, and paid dearly, for assuming someone was responsible financially........I can understand why someone would do a little investigating before making any sort of commitment.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to aviinterra)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:41:14 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If you are uncomfortable discussing finances with someone then don't do it.  Someone who is financially stable is often stable in other parts of his/her life as well.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:47:34 AM   
lauren0221


Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Someone who is financially stable is often stable in other parts of his/her life as well.


It can certainly be an indicator. Not always the whole story, of course, but also not something to sweep under the rug without properly investigating.

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:52:19 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Someone who is financially stable is often stable in other parts of his/her life as well.


It can certainly be an indicator. Not always the whole story, of course, but also not something to sweep under the rug without properly investigating.


This is where communication plays a big role.  I'm honest about my credit when it's warrented and it seems to work well for me.

OP, I checked with my employer about the credit checks for hire, no one has ever been turned away from employment because of their credit here (a major university that hires thousands).  He said that they are more interested in criminal background and verifying residency.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to lauren0221)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:53:35 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Ok, I can see discussing finances if things get serious and committed but until that point, I tend to think that my finances are mine and my financial planner's business and no one elses. I don't even discuss finances with my ex except when he whines that he can't make the support payment - again. It's nothing new at this late stage anyway.   I wouldn't base an initial contact on a credit score or report. Though I have declined further contact after being repeatedly asked to pay for everything. Just because I'm older and may be the more "established" was how it was put to me, person, doesn't mean I have to pay for everything.

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"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:54:08 AM   
BeatingYouDown


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		My mother met my stepfather and believed that he was being 100% honest about his financials.
 
Fast-forward 4 years into the relationship, when my mother finally moved into his home. He was in deep deep debt, about to file bankruptcy and still legally married. My idiot mother decided that she would stay with him and marry him after his divorce was final (why I don’t know). The end result, SHE ended up paying for the majority of his and his ex-wife’s financial fuck ups and it lowered her credit score considerably.
 Why is it necessary to ask for financial information when you're just dating? How about because people tend to lie, especially when they're getting what they want from you.

(in reply to aviinterra)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:54:44 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Come back and talk to me some more when you have had someone take financial advantage only to then leave.
How somone handles their money speaks about how well they handle other responsibilities to ignore that general fact is silly.
BTW in some cases the financial questions are asked so that the parties both know what they are getting into. If I know your credit is lousy and your employment opportunities are limited then I can give INFORMED consent. If I don't know those two little things then I cannot give INFORMED consent to a relationship because I am not informed about a major issue in relationships.

I'm not saying I need all the details and paperwork right off the bat, but there is a time when I would say it's a needed information item. Assignments also can have financial considerations. I want you to go to the store on your way here and get me a widget (average cost $50) I'll reimburse you for it when you arrive. might be a reasonable request for someone stable financially and in a decent job. Yet for someone waiting tables at Chili's and raising two kids I would not think it would be somethingI would expect them to be able to comply with anytime.

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 11:55:01 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aviinterra

But who says anything about blending money? Are you really considering marriage, or something like it, on a first or second date? How is paying your bills on time going to mean you are a safer driver? What does a potential sub, who has never met their potential mistress, care about her mortagage rate? I think everyone is taking money too much into consideration and is loosing sight of what actually matters. If you relationship falls apart because financial pressure, perhaps you were not as stable together as you might have assumed, ie. I would rather sleep under a bridge than be without you. 
 Well I wouldn't want to be the only person paying for everything, when I can I love to travel. Would I have to leave the other person behind? That was just the first thing that came to mind.There is a different style of living from $20,000 a year to $200,000 a year, my comfort level is not at the first one. At my age it is indictive of what sort of person they are if they are broke or have very little money. Typically that would mean that their education level is lower than mine, their standard of living is lower and so on. If they pay their bills on time it shows that in least one (and an important one) area of their live they are solid. Aware of their responsibilities. A bad driver could be just that, someone who doesn't drive well not necessarily something to do with character. Maybe more like depth perception  Shallow? I do not think so. I simply have lived a certain type of lifestyle for 40+ years and it is really unlikely that I would be interested in someone who considered McDonalds once a month to be a splurge.

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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 12:12:54 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		hiring a male whore is way cheaper then most my old boyfriends.   [now hiring!!!!]

(in reply to camille65)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 1:39:37 PM   
KenDckey


Posts: 4121
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		When one of my subs work, I require her to open a savings account which I have no access to aand place a percentage of her earnings into.   This is hers and is not considered comunal for emergency money.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 2:02:40 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I have been ripped off by ex girlfriends before, and I won't go down that road again.  I don't go as far as requiring a credit check, but I do take notice of things.  If someone is my age and doesn't have a checking and savings account, that is a big red flag.  If they have to buy cars from those fly by night used car dealers that charge outrageous interest on a clunker, than that is a red flag.  If they are on any kind of government assistance, than that is a red flag.  If they have several UM's by different fathers, than that is a huge red flag.   

That is experience talking, not snobbery.  I don't look down on people that wait tables, clean offices, etc, etc.  You can live responsibly with a low income.  I make pretty decent money, but I don't live extravagantly.  I was brought up to be frugal, and I do get accused of being cheap and a tightwad.  But there are many reasons for my caution when it comes to money.  If I lose my job tomorrow; I will be fine.  I have a savings that is my safety net.  I pay my bills on time, and I don't buy things I don't need or can't afford.  Be prepared, that's my motto when it comes to finances.  So, making lots of money is not important to me.  However, what a person does with their money is important.  It is a big window into how they handle all of life's responsibilities.  I can not be with someone that is always one bill away from living on the streets or having their power shut off.  

On a side note, there is a reason why you can't get many jobs with bad credit.  Employers don't want to hire someone that is a risk.  People with bad credit problems are exactly that.  If they can't handle their own finances, than why would you trust them to handle your business?  Also, I don't think any employer wants to deal with wage garnishments or process servers showing up at their place of business.   

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 2/26/2008 2:05:25 PM >

(in reply to aviinterra)
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RE: finances - 2/26/2008 3:24:47 PM   
Rushemery


Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		I would have to say you have to get to know the person in question and see how they are or are not improving their lives, I used to not understand how someone could get in over their head but I have learned it can be reallly easy, say -- your husband left you took half the income you have 3 um's and you have to work daycare is about 180 a week, house payment ,ele, gas, food, car, car ins., plus any outstanding bills you had, ok child support is great but it could be drug out for 2 years before you get any, but first you also have to establish custody, first temp. and then primary physical, you need a good lawyer about $2000.  to just start that may take another year or so you could lump all these things together but things get left out and your lawyers say not too you have Dr bills school cloths the list could go on. I think people shouldnt be gauged on  what has happened but what they are doing to overcome the situation they are in, on top of all these things you have emotional stress, financial stress, work stress it all takes its toll. I would personally much rather befriend someone who is bettering themselves than someone who doesnt understand how you can get into that position and never learned from that experence but thats just me

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