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Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/19/2005 9:01:23 PM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Someone I have chatted with off and on for a few months has asked me a question I am unsure how to answer. He writes, “I need help introducing my open-minded girl friend to chastity. She is open-minded but she is not experienced in power exchange at all and I have wanted to do this for a while.”

I am unsure how to answer this question; perhaps you all can help him. He would like to initiate his girlfriend who is new to the lifestyle to ask him for his chastity keys. They have already talked about him owning device. She is open to the concept but did not express the interest he was hoping for. She has seen it, but has not asked him for the keys. He does not want to hand feed her by topping from the bottom all the time. So how can he nudge her in the direction of asking for the keys?

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"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/19/2005 9:16:54 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		These situations are always too dramatic. He should just tell her: "Here, please take my chastity keys."

If she doesn't want them, she's probably not the girl for him anyway.

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/19/2005 9:41:45 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

These situations are always too dramatic. He should just tell her: "Here, please take my chastity keys."



I like the direct approach, too. He would be saying, "Please" after all. lol I don't think it's fair to the girlfriend (though understandable) that he probably had a fantasy scenario as to how she would/should respond to his introduction of the device. She showed interest. She didn't run away screaming. While she may end up being interested in power exchange, there's no guarantee that a chastity device is how she would manage it anyway.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/19/2005 10:38:06 PM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

These situations are always too dramatic. He should just tell her: "Here, please take my chastity keys."

If she doesn't want them, she's probably not the girl for him anyway.




I suggested a few weeks back he give her the keys on a long necklace (made of a nice chain, lace, silk, satin) so the key would lay between her breast. Seemed like a great idea to me but he feels like he is forcing it on her if he does that. So much for my sexy idea.

Perhaps you are right, she may not be the girl for him if she does not accept. Or perhaps he should back off the subject and bring it up later.

I've known this guy for a little over 5 years and would like to help him out if I can with various approaches. The direct my be the best one after everyone has gave their thoughts on the subject. I'm still holding out for some ideas that are a little more complex than "here are the keys".







_____________________________

"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",

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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 5:45:14 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PetTeacher
He would like to initiate his girlfriend who is new to the lifestyle to ask him for his chastity keys. They have already talked about him owning device. She is open to the concept but did not express the interest he was hoping for. She has seen it, but has not asked him for the keys. He does not want to hand feed her by topping from the bottom all the time. So how can he nudge her in the direction of asking for the keys?


Sometimes being "new" to the lifestyle, means that people have to take it REAL slow. Chastity is just not for everyone, and if he didn't explain his desire to be held by her, or controlled by her...she may not understand that completely. She may also not be ready for such a level of commitment.

My one thought, on the chastity device, is that this man purchsed the device and keys, prior to ever discussing it with this woman....before he made any commitment to her. He might've had the thought to utilize it, for "any" woman he met, versus, that one special one. He may have been using it on himself anyway...just for pleasure.

I could see her viewing it...perhaps...like having him offer his old girlfriends engagement ring. Had he "told" her about his interest in it, and that he wanted to share that with her, she may have been more open to it. He might have been able to entice her interest by having open dialogues about it, and how it effected him, and her both. He might've asked her if she "wanted" the keys, before just expecting, or thinking that she'd want them.

I know it's all in retrospect, and doesn't help "now"...but it may be a portion of her thinking.

It's sometimes hard to enjoy something, when you have a hint that somone "was" or had planned to share it someone else.

K

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 7:24:06 AM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PetTeacher
They have already talked about him owning device. She is open to the concept but did not express the interest he was hoping for. She has seen it, but has not asked him for the keys.

They discussed him owning a device. She's seen the device. And.....?

You haven't said a word about her gut reaction when they discussed it. What did she say about it? What did she say about her feelings toward chastity devices? What did she say about how she'd feel if she took control of the keys?

~ Ti ~

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 8:17:58 AM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan



I could see her viewing it...perhaps...like having him offer his old girlfriends engagement ring.

It's sometimes hard to enjoy something, when you have a hint that somone "was" or had planned to share it someone else.

K



I never thought of it that way. But now that you bring it up. That is how I would most likely feel if in her shoes, ....like I was getting someones sloppy seconds after the thought.

The more I ponder, the more I have sympathy for his girlfriend.



_____________________________

"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",

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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 1:06:07 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Chastity can be pretty exciting, but as K points out, it is a pretty serious commitment. If she doesn't understand the allure for the man, what's in it for her? If a person is reasonably vanilla, the logical outcome of a chastity device might be some guy who constantly begs for sex. Tiresome!

Some hand-in-hand exploration of the different kinds of devices, how they work, etc might bring her more over to the idea. Or she might end up like me, someone so disinterested that she forgets to let him out.....

:)F

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 1:31:19 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i would say tell him to talk whit her directly, ask her if she want this and if she would like the keys, then, if she says yes they can perhaps make some nice, romantic cermony where he gives her the keys, somthing deep and meaningful.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 2:10:46 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would suggest that this is one of those situations where he needs to decide which is more important this girl with which it appears excange may not be possible or someone TRUELY interested in the keys to his heart umm chastity?

In finding nilla companions this is a risk that we run. If you have known him for years why have you not introduced him to somone nice that is more interested in his keys?

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 3:15:50 PM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

I would suggest that this is one of those situations where he needs to decide which is more important this girl with which it appears excange may not be possible or someone TRUELY interested in the keys to his heart umm chastity?

In finding nilla companions this is a risk that we run. If you have known him for years why have you not introduced him to somone nice that is more interested in his keys?


By-the-way, he was the first slave I meet when I was introduced to the lifestyle by his Mistress Fall 1999. I find it cute he asks me questions at all. It is usually the other way around.

He has been dating this girl off and on for well over a year. She is no sweet nun/gentle flower by any stretch of the imagination and he did not just recently spring the lifestyle on her. Perhaps I should have said that when I wrote the first post.

Why don't I introduce him to someone? He lives in a different city than I do in Tennessee and happens to know more people in the lifestyle than I do. Most of the people I know are about 10 years out of his age group (late 30s to 50s) and about 4.5 hours in travel distance away from where he currently lives/works. But more important than that, he has trying to make the relationship work he has now. This explains why he is looking for various ways to approach this subject with her.


< Message edited by PetTeacher -- 9/20/2005 3:21:04 PM >

_____________________________

"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",

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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 3:18:40 PM   
butterflydame


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to agree about the "seconds" thing.

Personally if one of my subs came to me with a chastity device like that I wouldn't ask for them. It would have to be offered to me, in a sincere manner.

I like the long necklace idea given in a nice box. I think if he wants her to ask for them he might be waiting for a long time. I would think that while trying to turn a vanilla relationship into something else like that is going to be impossible without some sort of topping from the bottom.

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/20/2005 11:28:30 PM   
prettyfellowme


Posts: 110
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline 		If he doesn't want to seem like he's topping her, he may be able to set up a scenerio where he discusses his feelings, and attentiveness to her being around him, and the longer he is locked in it, the more he wants to be with her, and do things for her. This would have to be of course while she knows he is wearing it, and he could go to anopther room to get them a drink while the keys are out. Hopefully, she will pick up the idea, and the keys.

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/21/2005 6:32:35 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		If she is not experienced she may not get the nuances of her holding the key. I'd say more communication might be needed..... then again she might just be tormenting him and waiting for him to beg!

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/21/2005 4:06:01 PM   
PetTeacher


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		He has read all the post every one has sent. He went for the direct approach and gave her the keys during lunch. At dinner time, she gave them back. He reports he is just going to back away from the subject because he wants the relationship more than the play.



_____________________________

"The heart of another is a dark forest, always,.... no matter how close it has been to one's own.",

(in reply to Oumae)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/21/2005 6:18:47 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for the update. I always like to hear how the situation turns out.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to PetTeacher)
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RE: Chastity keys, how can he get her to ask for them? - 9/21/2005 8:12:19 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I'm glad he values the relationship more than the chastity device. After all, his BRAIN should be his chastity device, IMO.

(in reply to Misstoyou)
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